[ 1 ]

They were all currently in the dressing room, preparing themselves for their comeback for good luck. It had been a while since they had been on stage; hyunseung couldn’t help but drift away to the past.

The moment where beast were finally going to be on stage for the first time.

he remembers his hands shaking as his fingers play with the bottom of his top, he remembers his heart frantically beating uncontrollably as if his heart was actually going to come out of his chest, he remembers that it was less than three minutes before he can actually go out on stage.

The anxiety and anticipation inside him were battling against the other, he felt like throwing up.
Its official he’s now actually going to debut, this was what he’s been waiting for and it’s actually going to happen, it feels almost surreal to him.

And then it hits him.

All the memories of training with bigbang comes back to slap him in the face. It all plays in his head like a broken film, all the times he had cried and laughed to his heart contents with them, everything he went through flashing rapidly in his head.

What hits him the most was that day, the elimination round.

 It was down to just him and seungri, he didn’t want to part ways with them, the ones who had witnessed all the sides of hyunseung, the pillars that had supported him throughout his journey. However at the same time he didn’t want seungri to go he didn’t want it this way but as the saying goes life isn’t fair.

He was the one who got cut off in the end.

He felt the whole world stop, he felt numb, and he couldn’t believe it. Within an instant his dream fell and crashed to the ground, he thought he was dreaming.

I mean it was all a joke, right?  He was just dreaming and all he needed to do was wake up and soon he’ll be back with the other’s playing around and having fun as usual, right?

He just needed to wake up that’s all.

Right?

He remembers his brothers throwing themselves at him embracing him and showering him with words of comfort with their salty tears endlessly streaming down their faces. He didn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know what to do all of his hard work, all his effort, all the blood and tears he had shed from his very soul, all the times he had pushed himself over his limit and in the end he was cut off.

 It couldn’t just end like that.

The day after that he wanted to be alone by himself and him only. He felt as if the whole world was against him, he felt like an empty shell of his former self. Devastated. Shattered. Broken. Numb.

He couldn’t cry anymore since that day, he just felt so empty.

Once the word got out that he was eliminated everyone who was close to him all offered their apologies along with motivational speeches, hyunseung didn’t want to hear it. He detested the word ‘sorry’ as it was thrown at him multiple times he doesn’t want their pity, they don’t understand how much he had went through, if only they were in his shoes then they’ll know that sometimes by just saying ‘sorry’ is just shallow and meaningless.

“-eung”

“seung?” refocusing his vision hyunseung was now aware of his surroundings, he was in the dressing room, they were about to go on soon and Yoseob was in front him with concern showing through his bright eyes.

“seungie are you okay?” his hands gripping hyunseungs shoulder as his eyes roam over the others face. Not wanting to gain attention from the others he gently removes yoseobs hands from his shoulder and offers a small smile to reassure the shortest.

“I’m fine I must’ve spaced out again”, he replied along with a forced laughter hoping Yoseob would buy his excuse.

“alrighty anyway lets go it’s our time to perform”

He rapidly blinked back his tears that were threatening to fall before taking a deep breath. Regaining his composure he slowly followed the rest behind slightly dazed from his episode, unknowingly to him stern eyes from across the room had been watching hyunseung the whole time.

They were all seated in their van finally making their way home; their van was travelling through the freeway as the sun was slowly beginning to settle down. Hyunseung was leaning against the window watching the scenery outside rush by, he felt drained with today’s schedule with no energy to even talk to anyone at the moment he couldn’t wait to just collapse in his bed face first so he can drift off away from the world.

A hand pulls his shoulder making his back collide against a warm chest before the arm fell down to wrap against hyunseungs side pulling him even closer to the source of the heat. Confused from the situation he was in at the moment he was then abruptly interrupted from speaking first.

“Just lean on me”

That gentle husky voice belonged to none other than doojoon, instead of insisting that he was fine hyunseung went against it and stayed in his new position letting the new found warmth envelope him.

He couldn’t help but think that there was more than to doojoon’s words but he soon dropped the case since he was feeling at ease for the first time throughout the whole day, small circles were drawn to his side as he breathing slowed down.

He was finally asleep.

[ 2 ]

It was one of those rare day offs for hyunseung and yet he had nothing to do at all; hyunseung of course slept before, went on the fan sites, checked his instagram and watched a few movies and yet he was still bored.

He was currently slouched on the sofa with a random show on tv going on which he lost interest in long ago, but hyunseung wasn’t bothered at all to move from his comfy position to change the channel.

Heaving a deep sigh he turned his back to the tv deciding to take a quick nap to kill time.

It was no longer than twenty minutes when dongwoon barged into the living room and crashed onto the sofa, consequently where hyunseung was occupied.

“Ah! Sorry hyung, but can you move up please”

“wh-what are you doing here? I thought you had a schedule today with the rest” now sitting up startled by dongwoon’s sudden appearance.

“Yeah, but there wasn’t much for me to do. so I came here to spend time with you seungie hyung!”

Scoffing in reply hyunseung grumpily went back to his original position annoyed at the fact that his sleep was interrupted.

“hyuuuung, don’t be like that” dongwoon whined as he lifted hyunseungs legs before sitting down and laying them across his lap, ignoring the maknae, hyunseung rolled his eyes before closing them again trying to get his sleep back.

However dongwoon was having none of his hyung’s sass so in response he got up and lied down on top of the other. Hyunseung struggled underneath dongwoon trying to shove him off, He wasn’t gonna let dongwoon interrupt his alone time, not today.

“son dongwoon get off before I slam dunk you in the trash” hyunseung hissed while using all his strength trying to move the heavy rock called dongwoon, maybe he should start going back to gym but then again why was this tall lanky idiot so heavy?.

“Not until you spend time with me~” he sang

 “Aren’t I light like a feather seungie?” dongwoon teased before pressing his full weight on to him. Hyunseung groaned before surrendering to dongwoon, the sooner dongwoon got off him the quicker he can go back to sleep.

Dongwoon got off Hyunseung who was now sat up facing dongwoon seated across him who was too ecstatic for his own good.

“What do you want?” he spat in distaste.

“Let’s watch toy story 3 together hyung!”

“Out of all movies why toy story 3?”

“Well to be honest I haven’t got around to actually seeing the movie”. Dongwoon who was embarrassed ruffled the back of his head. Hyunseung eyes softened at the sight of youngest being all flushed, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to sacrifice his only day of being alone.

The both of them ended up watching the movie on the tv (they searched it online trying to find the best quality on the laptop and connected it to tv), as the movie was coming to an end it came to the part where Andy had introduced all the toys to bonnie who would soon be the one to take care of them next.

A sharp intake of breath was heard, “no”.

In the next scene andy and bonnie were both running around playing with the toys together, the both of them having the most fun they could have before Andy’s official departure.

Loud whimpering intruded hyunseungs focus; he turned his head and saw dongwoon desperately holding back his tears, his bottom lip quivering while he was gripping the pillow tightly in his hands.

“so long, partner” woody said as he watched andy drive away from bonnies house, all the toys that were once owned and loved by andy were on the porch together watching andys car drive away until it was no longer in view.

“woonie are y-“

Dongwoon had freed the poor pillow from his grasp and pounced onto hyunseung smashing his face against the others chest. Tears soaking into hyunseung shirt, incoherent words blubbering out from his lips with his arms locked tightly around the others torso.

Hyunseung awkwardly patted dongwoon’s back in a pathetic attempt to comfort him, hyunseung wasn’t really best at comforting people, especially if they were crying.

After dongwoon had finished crying his heart out he immediately apologised for covering his hyungs shirt in tears and snot normally hyunseung would be mad but he let it slip since he couldn’t be angry at his dongsaeng with his current state at the moment.

“Thank you for watching the movie with me hyung”

“It’s alright, you big baby”

“Hyung!”

[ 3 ]

The dance room was definitely one of hyunseungs favourite places.

It was his natural habitat, Hyunseung loved losing himself into the music truly going with the flow, plus he felt at peace every time without fail.

He absolutely loved the way the heavy bass bounced off the walls, the way his body naturally moves to rhythm of the music.

Dancing meant everything to him.

Just he alone with his music is all that hyunseung need.

Hyunseung was currently lying on the floor, sweat dripping down his forehead, his limbs were sore from pushing himself over his limit. He had stayed behind while the rest had returned back to the dorm; he had wanted to perfect their new choreography they had recently learnt.

He wanted to tattoo the dance into the back of his head perfectly.

He didn’t want to upset the fans that had been waiting endlessly for them.

He didn’t want to mess up; no he would never let that happen.

Hyunseung couldn’t help but ask himself why he had to be such a damn perfectionist; he couldn’t help it he just didn’t want to let anyone down, Especially with high expectations waiting for not only him, but also for beast.

He looked across the wall to see the clock, 2:29am.

He had been so engrossed into perfecting the routine that he didn’t even realise that it was already that time, dance practice ended at 8:45pm.  He winced as he tried to reach the his water bottle that sat next to him, his arm shaking at each time his finger tips touched the bottle. He dropped his arm as he now deemed that he was far too exhausted and sore to move at all.

He stayed there on the floor trying to slow down his breathing whilst trying not to move as much as possible since his muscles were now screaming at him.

“You did it again didn’t you?”

Hyunseung glanced up to see kikwang standing above his head, his face etched with worry all over as he looked at him.

“I did what?” he lied knowing well what kikwang meant, there had been numerous times where hyunseung had done this and most of the time he ended up sleeping on the floor only to be found by the others the next day.

“You pushed yourself over your own limit and now you can barely move”

Hyunseung looked away from kikwangs face, if there was one thing he hated it was making other people worry about him. He didn’t mean to make anyone worry about him of course, but it seems as though it couldn’t be helped, in the end he always had someone worrying about him.

“seungie, I know that you’re giving your all into everything you do but please remember to take breaks in between”

Kikwang’s fingers brushed the few stray of hairs that were plastered over his eyes revealing hyunseungs doe eyes staring back at him.

“I’m sorry for making you worry” hyunseung apologised.

“The next time you practice by yourself I’ll be there to practice with you so you don’t end up sleeping here on the floor”

Hyunseung smiled, “of course”.

The both of them ended up lying down sprawled over the floor together talking about whatever came into their heads. At around 3:50am kikwangs back was starting to ache from lying down on the floor for so long, deciding that now it was best to head back to the dorm where they can finally lie in their own beds instead of the floor boards.

Kikwangs arm was wrapped around hyunseung’s side supporting him as they walk while hyunseung’s arm had curled around kikwangs shoulders, the both of them taking their time towards the dorm.

The moment they stepped in junhyung was already there waiting for them so he could lecture the both of them for being so late.

[ 4 ]

It was the weekend and this time all of the members were present in the dorm.

The group was up to their usual antics, everyone was in the living room crowded around the tv playing super smash bros melee on the gamecube. The gamecube was dongwoons, he found the old treasure in his parents’ home up in the attic while they were cleaning out the stuff they didn’t need.

Excited upon finding one of his most memorable childhood games he immediately told the others on kakao talk about the discovery, as expected doojoon insisted that the maknae should bring it over to their dorm and that he’ll bring over two more controllers for the console since his old gamecube was broken.

The room was overflowed with the sound of animated effects along with multiple shouts and cheering from the members.

Doojoon, kikwang, Yoseob and dongwoon had occupied the four controllers and were battling it out against the other; you could almost see the fire in their eyes as they fiercely fought each other’s characters.

While the four were occupied junhyung was sat back comfortably on the sofa tapping away on his phone and looking up to watch the others every once in a while.

All of them were in the living room except one person.

Yoseob was the first to realise this, “hey, where’s hyunseung hyung?”

“In the bedroom reading his book, don’t disturb him” junhyung answered

Before Yoseob could reply doojoon had apparently annihilated yoseob’s character as he was now laughing obnoxiously at his own victory, without a care Yoseob got up and chucked his controller at junhyung as he made a bee line towards the bedroom.

“Hey! You nearly hit my face” junhyung snapped at the other but Yoseob was already gone.

Looking into the bedroom he could easily see hyunseung’s silhouette lying down with said book in his hands.

“Hyung?” Yoseob spoke up after sitting on the bed. Feeling the bed dip slightly at the extra weight hyunseung hummed to let the other know he was listening.

“Don’t you wanna come and join us in the living room? We’re playing super smash bros! “

“No thanks”

The shortest frowned at the answer, he knew hyunseung liked to be alone and seclude himself from the group but sometimes it was best when everyone was together having fun without anyone missing. But then again he knew that hyunseung wasn’t the most sociable person in their group, after all it did take him a while for hyunseung to open up to the others. He just needed a little push for the other to come out of his shell that’s all.

“pleaaase hyung, it isn’t fun without you there” he pleaded leaning on hyunseung’s arm.

“Well, it sounds like you guys are having fun anyway”

This time kikwangs loud laugh had pierced through the air along with complaints coming from doojoon and dongwoon. Junhyung, the only one who wasn’t involved in their dumb game yelled at the three of them for being necessarily noisy.

“seungie please, I’ll even let you have some of my secret stash of snacks”

Hyunseungs ears were now perked up in interest, the offer was tempting but then again he really wanted to finish this book which he had been neglecting for a while.

“mm, I guess I can finish the book another time”

Satisfied with hyunseungs answer Yoseob instantly took a hold of the others wrist and dragged him into the living room. Upon the both of them entering, the rest of the members turned their attention to them and greeted hyunseung.

“seung! You’re here let’s play super smash bros together” kikwang excitedly shouted with dongwoon smiling at him

“Here”, doojoon gave hyunseung the controller which Yoseob had abandoned before.

Hyunseung was now sat on the floor with doojoon, kikwang and dongwoon. While the remaining two were sat on the sofa; with Yoseob cheering in his seat and junhyung watching the scene in front of him in amusement.

In the middle of cheering Yoseob looked at hyunseung to find him laughing along with the others, his smile grew even bigger at the sight of a happy hyunseung.

Everything was more fun when they were all together.

[ 5 ]

Hyunseung loved the stars in the sky. He loved seeing them littered across the vast sky painting over the darkness; times like these hyunseung can finally be alone with his thoughts.

Staring at the many constellations brought him to question everything and anything, sometimes hyunseung didn’t like being alone with his thoughts, there are times where he had dangerously asked himself questions that left him stunned and bothered him to days on end.

He was sat up on rooftop wearing grey hoody and plain white shorts; luckily the weather wasn’t too cold or hot at night. His knees were brought up to his chest as he overlooked his view of the endless buildings beneath polka dot sky.

Tonight, a question had been pestering for some time.

Hyunseung couldn’t help but come up with a variety of scenarios to answer that question.

He couldn’t help but completely over think it sometimes so instead he would distract himself for a while instead of finding a logical answer.

What if hyunseung gave up?

That question, which was the one that had been stuck to him like glue and distracting him for a while,  he thought up of alternate situations on where he would be and what he would be doing now if he had simply just gave up after being eliminated on the bigbang documentary.

Before he was fully dragged into the past, a soft fabric was dropped on top of his knees. Looking down at the fabric he realised that it was a teal blanket covered with pikachus and pokeballs all over.

There was only one member who favoured Pikachu the most.

“junhyung?”

“You could’ve at least wore sweat pants or something warmer if you’re gonna be up here on the rooftop” junhyung sat down next to hyunseung staring at the view in front of him. Hyunseung who was baffled by junhyungs random appearance was staring at the others face as if he grew an extra head before shaking his own head and went back to staring at the scenery in front of him.

The both of them sat in silence, nothing to say each other. While hyunseung was over thinking to himself again junhyung couldn’t help but fidget every once in a while finding the silence awkward.

“So, what are you doing up here?” he finally broke the silence.

“Ah, I’m just thinking about some stuff that’s all.”

They both fell in to silence once again, ‘great going junhyung you brought yourself back to the awkward silence again’ junhyung scolded himself.

“How did you find me up here?”

“Oh, yoseob saw you left the dorm so I figured that you might’ve went up to the rooftop since he said that you mentioned something about the stars coming out tonight”

“Oh” hyunseung spoke softly; his fingers were now tracing random patterns on the fabric his over his crossed legs. Maybe he could ask junhyung, I mean he had been in a similar situation as him before, well kind of plus it would be better talking to someone about it instead of dwelling in his own thoughts.

“junhyung can I ask you something”

Junhyung looked at hyunseung whose head was down watching as he drew around the pokemon pattered blanket with his fingertips. Looking at hyunseung like that reminded him of a timid child asking his mum if he could have more cookies, quickly brushing away that thought he answered hyunseung.

“Of course”

“Have you ever thought to yourself what if you just gave up, I mean if you weren’t in the music industry and just lived a normal life style”

 Junhyung paused for a moment letting hyunseungs question sink in.

“I have thought about it I guess, but that was a long time ago. If I did give up and went back to having an ordinary life style I don’t think I wouldn’t be as happy as I am now. I mean, sure it gets overbearing at times but it’s worth it because I’m able to live my life enjoying at what I do best. But then again who knows maybe if I did give up I might’ve been happy as well but I don’t know that; who I am today is the result of everything I had gone through. My past experiences moulded me into a better person and I’m still working endlessly to this very day because we’re all truthfully ticking time bombs, so it’s best to have fun and love what you’re doing before you go off in a blast.”

Hyunseung stared at junhyung once again, amazed at his sincere speech. Junhyung was right, he shouldn’t be over thinking about stuff like that, and he should be looking forward and enjoying everything while he can and love.

“Is this what you’ve been thinking about?” junhyungs eyes now met hyunseungs.

“yeah”

Junhyung presented a small smile before placing his hand on the others shoulder.

“Don’t over think everything at once, seung”

He got up not before offering his hand to hyunseung who took it and was now standing up too. With his blanket in his hand junhyung headed towards the door, hyunseung slowly followed behind not without turning to see the starry sky once again.

Hyunseung was glad that he spoke to junhyung about it.

[ 6 ]

It was unexpected.

He had landed face first in his bed when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket; lazily he answered his phone without bothering to check who it was.

He swore he felt his heart dropped to his stomach.

He felt himself broke out in cold sweat; his hand that was grasping his phone was shaking. He couldn’t breathe properly; his chest was tightening every second.

It was unexpected.

“Seungie, your dad passed away.”

The phone fell onto the bed, he could hear his mum’s devastated cries stab at his heart each time. He wanted to comfort her but the words wouldn’t come out it was like he was frozen. Dongwoon came in to the bedroom to tell hyunseung that dinner was ready, but his words were stuck in his throat as he saw hyunseung shaking and growing pale. He dashed towards hyunseung asking him what was wrong, his hands holding the others face searching for the answer through the teary eyes.

Desperately worried about hyunseung he called the others who all arrived in the bedroom in a snap, Yoseob and kikwang were by hyunseungs side their arms his arms and back calming down hyunseung who wouldn’t stop shaking.

Junhyung and dongwoon were kneeling in front of hyunseung, gently coaxing the other to tell them what was wrong. Doojoon had heard crying coming from hyunseung’s phone picking it up he found out that it was hyunseung’s mum, his mum ended up confessing to doojoon about the situation.

In the end doojoon told the rest of what hyunseungs mum had told him, the rest were all deeply upset for hyunseung and sent their condolence’s to hyunseung’s family.

The dinner was left cold as they ended up crowded around hyunseung throughout the night.

The funeral was held two days later, he finally got to meet his mum and sister in whom the three of them stuck together and cried throughout the ceremony.

But Hyunseung didn’t cry.

As much hyunseung wanted to he couldn’t cry, he doesn’t understand why. He was surrounded by his family and friends who were all spilling their heart out for his dad but still, he couldn’t cry. Not even when he gently laid his bouquet of flowers on to the coffin and said his final good bye.

He still didn’t cry.

After spending a few days at home with his family, they urged him to go back and telling him that they’ll be fine and that they’ll call him soon. Hyunseung unwillingly left his home to travel back to the dorm, texting the other’s that he would be coming back on his phone.

When he finally arrived at the dorm, the others had welcomed him warmly telling him that they cooked up all his favourite food tonight.

For the first time hyunseung smiled.

Once everyone’s stomach was warm and stuffed with food they all proceeded to crash onto the sofa informing the events that had happened while hyunseung was away. In the middle of Yoseob and kikwang over exaggerating a funny scene that had happened to them, kikwang stopped and was staring at hyunseung warily.

Confused at why kikwang had suddenly stopped he followed the others line of sight and understood why, just like a domino effect soon everyone was staring.

“seung, you’re crying”

He brought his hands up to his face, they were wet. He was crying. He is crying.

“a-ah! I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m cr-crying” hyunseung stumbled over his words while trying to convince them it was nothing. The other members were still watching him carefully.

“Re-really I am, I’m okay” he laughed nervously while his tears refused to stop no matter what.

His fake laughter soon died down to hyunseung crying, sobbing and now finally bawling his eyes out.

He couldn’t stop crying.

He covered his face with his hands not wanting the others to see him like this.

Why couldn’t he stop the tears?

Why was he crying now and not at the funeral?

His loud sobs filled the room, the rest of the members without delay once again crowded around hyunseung. They were all huddled together tangled in each other’s limbs offering their warmth to hyunseung, squeezing him with all they had.

No one said anything as they continued to shelter hyunseung inside their fort of warmth.

He doesn’t understand why out of all times he just had to cry, when it seemed like forever his crying began to reduce to sniffles. Hyunseung knew he probably looked like a mess; a headache was starting to form in the back of his head from crying so much.

His hands were brought away from his face, blinking away the last tears junhyung had offered him tissues.

He gladly thanked and wiped away his tears and blew his nose with it, a glass of water was then given to him by kikwang. Gulping down the refreshing drink, dongwoon took away the empty glass and left to return to the living room with his favourite chopper plush doll.

Hyunseung smiled a little at the maknae as dongwoon gave his fave plush for him to hold, at long last doojoon and Yoseob (hyunseung hadn’t realised that they even left the room) came in to the room with their hands full of numerous blankets.

They all ended up sleeping together in the living room, nestled close to each other with the blankets wrapping them up tight.

They knew that they’ll wake up grumpy the next day with stiff necks and numb arms but it didn’t matter at all.

I'm actually enjoying doing stories like these with the whole five time's thingy.

I'm so sorry that this took so long, I was meant to upload this two days ago but there was a party and then I had to buy a new fish tank asdfghjkasrt.

I'm also sorry that this was long and kind of angsty (|||❛︵❛.)

Anyway I hope you enjoyed this fic! (it took up 15 pages on microsoft word ommgfgvf)

I'm now going to write up my other prompts heuehueue ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

also come bother me on tumblr & ask.fm!! I get bored easily and I'm lonely hahahha

x