Luhan, why can’t you sleep? Your eyes are closed but I know that you’re thinking, wandering in your deep thoughts that’s hard for me to read. No coffee for tonight, okay? Don’t even think about drinking. I know you’re not a good drinker and that you’ll end up sleeping in the streets. I want to sing you a lullaby so you’ll fall in a sweet slumber. Do you like my song? I can see that you’re smiling, giggling with your arms squeezing the pillow. Always keep that smile, oka─ No, d-don’t cry. I don’t want to see you crying, tears streaming down the side of your eyes. I’m singing about stars and how they twinkle for you. I want to hug you, pat your head so you’ll feel okay. Don’t cry anymore. I’ll stay here with you all night.

Luhan, why are you such a stubborn kid? I thought you’re already mature enough to go on by yourself. Why did you start a fight in that bar? After the brawl, you went home, walking alone in poor-lit alleys and dark corners. I the lamps for you so you’ll see the road well, noticing cars that passes by. Be careful. The people you love were worried for you. Please, go home now. I blocked the other road for a cab to take the next route, luring it to your path. I wanted to carry you, but I guess that was the only thing I could do now.

Luhan, I’m glad that I can see that beautiful smile printed on your face again. It just felt like yesterday. Sorry if can’t hide these crescents forming in my eyes. You’re such a beauty that I can’t take my eyes off of you. I just desire that I was the reason for that glow. If only I have one wish… But I don’t.

Luhan, I’m happy that you already found someone that can be a friend to you. His name is Jongin, right? He’s such a good-looking young man. I know he’ll take care of you well. Last night, you were alone in your house and Jongin came by for a visit. You asked him to spend the night since it’s getting late and you were both leaving tomorrow for the same trip. I’m happy that you’re doing well in your job, and that you’re setting your mind in something that can drift you away, away from faded flowers and grassy dews.

"M-minseok, please n-no!" Luhan grabbed Minseok’s arm and pulled him closer, but the deep white abyss kept on him away from his love. He cried and pleaded but nothing worked, grasping on Minseok’s hand until he could only tug on his fingers. The force was strengthening; something he couldn’t describe himself with all the blur blanketing the place, but he could clearly see the last thing he never thought will be the last. Minseok was smiling sweetly at him, just like how he remembered.

"Minseok, don’t go!"

Luhan panted and tried to keep the normal pace of his breathing as he sat up against the cushion, being awakened by dragging himself out of his nightmare. He ran his fingers through his hair as he tried to remember what he just dreamed of. It was Minseok and he was smiling at him. He never said anything, and Luhan knew that he kept on shouting in his mind but no words came out. Even if he knew that Minseok won’t hear any of it anymore.
He caressed the other side of his bed with light touches against the ruffled sheets. It felt empty, not only his bed, his room, his apartment. A big part of his life became hollow. And he only realized it again when tears suddenly ran down the side of his cheeks.

"I think I’m ready now." Minseok said, standing in the middle of an endless vast of bleached deep. He didn’t know where to look as if he never knew where to, because he could only hear a voice and never felt anyone watching at him.
"But he’s not ready." The voice muttered, catching Minseok’s attention as he toyed with the hem of his white coat. Minseok didn’t discern the missing words, since he didn’t know who the voice was referring. He only knew his name, but everything was already a blurry haze and misty distortion in his mind. Yet he never felt incomplete, so he didn’t know why he was measured not ready enough.

Minseok replied, “W-what am I supposed to do?”

"Do you know why you’re still here?"

"I don’t know."

"It’s because he’s not yet ready."

Why does he keep on crying every night? I’d love to help him, but I don’t know how to. This is so hard! Why do I have to do this? I don’t even know him. Minseok kept an outcry but only he could hear himself, as he locked his gaze with a young man he learned to be named as Luhan whom he followed everywhere until he sleep, only to be greeted with nightmares and heavy breathing. Minseok sat on the edge of the bed, putting no weight against the mattress, and tried to pat Luhan’s back, his hand trailing down the man’s shirt like a feather but Luhan never sensed anything. It was already a given fact that lies beneath Minseok’s current being.
Luhan gently lazed on his back and rested his arm on his forehead, hot tears sliding down his already dampened skin. Minseok knew that Luhan will keep himself awake until the sun rises, being used to it even though he only guarded Luhan for three days.

Minseok never got what the voice was trying to tell him. He wanted to ask more questions, but after just a blink, everything was gone, and he just found himself in front of a man sobbing under his blankets in the middle of the night. Was he the unready one the voice kept telling him? There was no one around but him, so good thing the voice sent him to right place instead of getting lost around the city. Minseok only thought that the man could only be ready if he stops crying every single night, right? Because Minseok felt ready and he’s happy that’s why. So that just means, he should make Luhan happy? Was that it? Damn, this is really hard! Thanks for the help. I hope it didn’t get ran over on its way.

Days passed but nothing changed. Maybe a little, since Minseok started to lie with him on the empty space of the bed Luhan kept on staring at before crying his eyes out until the morning comes, never taking his sight away from the man’s face and how his chest rise up and down and the tears that made his lashes shining in dews. What does it feel like to be a man? I hope you could hear me. I’m really curious even though I followed you everywhere. Was life really that hard? Don’t take your problem seriously, maybe?

Yah! I’m talking to myself again.

Birds were chirping as the sun streaked through the glass windows, little dusts dancing under the light in a faint flow. Minseok stood up from the bed right after Luhan, the man grabbing a fresh towel and wiping his face before heading to the bathroom. Minseok didn’t follow him anymore, because he didn’t want to see the sad man hiding another set of tears flowing along the water from the shower. He just patiently waited for him, since that’s the only thing someone like him could do. Wait.
Luhan was neatly dressed in a buttoned-up shirt and a pair of pants, picking his keys on top of the drawer and grabbed a muffin in the kitchen fridge before heading to his car, just like how Minseok remembered Luhan’s daily routine.
But today was different. Instead of driving to the tall glass building Luhan always go to with all the professional-looking strangers holding briefcases and stacks of paper Minseok never found any point about, the man took a different path that leads to a wide park of blooming flowers and shady trees and emerald-painted grass and smoothed stones. Before they went to the park, Luhan went to pick up a perfectly-arranged bouquet of flowers, smelling the rosy scent that printed a smile on Luhan’s face, something Minseok never thought he’ll see from a man who always cries his eyes out over bad dreams that set him mixed-up of worry and sadness and fear every night.

Luhan walked and walked from the asphalt to the blanket of trimmed weeds, Minseok following him as he poked about of what roses smell like and how it made Luhan smile with his blushing cheeks, the same cheeks that were wet in tears before the morning sky reached to the familiar side of the world.
Luhan suddenly stopped and looked at a cushion of thick grass with a marble plate, plopping down the side that receives more shade from the pre-autumn tree. Minseok sat beside him, listening attentively as the man started talking, “Hi Minseok.”

Minseok was a bit shocked with his words. M-minseok? Oh God, can you see me?! Are you really talking to me? W-wait, how did you know that I’m here?

Luhan placed the flowers near the niche, taking his handkerchief out of his pocket as he started wiping the dirt off of the gold-paint engraved plate. “Mr. Song didn’t clean your place today? That old man! I’m going to tell him that he needs to take care of you even more.”
He picked up fallen Indian summer leaves withered from the nearby tree away from the grave and muttered to himself, “If only he knew how clean freak you are, he’ll surely start tidying up your place, and I’ll tell him to water your grass even more, okay? Sounds good, right?”
Luhan sat nearer and stared longingly at the engraved stone, not too long until he started tearing up again with his face buried on his knees, the chilly breeze sending shivers down his spine. “I-I miss you so much, Minseok. I m-miss you, baby.”

Minseok felt uneasy when he heard sobbing sounds from the man again, so he stood up from his shady spot and followed him. He wanted to pet Luhan’s back again just so he would calm, even though the touch was just the lightest that Luhan won’t feel any of the warmth. Minseok wondered why he was crying again, so he looked at the smoothed plate engraved with golden script that Luhan kept on staring at. Minseok’s eyes widened as his hand automatically stopped on the small of Luhan’s back, clearly feeling every heavy breath and panting and sobbing against his palm.

Kim Minseok
Born March 26, 1990
Died August 14, 2015
Always.

He wanted to cry, but no tears were coming out.

"B-baby, w-why did you leave me?"

Minseok looked back at Luhan, the man’s lower lip wobbling as he whispered every I love you that felt so familiar in Minseok’s ears. Who are you, Luhan?! W-why do I feel sadness every time I see you cry? W-why are you crying because of the name written on the stone? Why are you crying over—over me?
Minseok never knew why but he wanted to hug Luhan, embrace him in between his arms and bury his face on the crook of his neck that felt like yesterday. He wanted to hear him giggle again every time he tickles Luhan on that particular spot on his neck. He wanted to tangle his fingers with Luhan, every space perfectly fitting in between. He wanted to kiss Luhan, his lips brushing against the other’s soft pink ones, just like Minseok remembers. Now, he remembers.

The day ended just like the other ones, Luhan drowning himself in paperworks and ignoring every invite his friends, Yixing and Chanyeol, offer him. Chanyeol was Minseok’s best friend, and the older one could clearly remember who the tall one was than those previous days that he just thought he was annoying for Luhan. The two were inviting him to go with them in Jongin’s new club, Chanyeol’s friend, and relax for a while since they haven’t had the time to enjoy with all the due dates and more papers to sign. The offer just irritated Luhan even more.
Luhan’s curled fists found its way to Chanyeol’s collar and shouted at his face in furrowed brows that caught the other office workers’ attentions, “How could you have fun in a time like this?! You’re best friend died just months ago for ’s sake! I can’t believe you!”
Yixing couldn’t do anything to stop the two boiling pots from fighting, but Minseok was more unfortunate than him. They didn’t know that he could see them fighting over him.
Chanyeol pushed Luhan on his chest and good thing, Yixing was able to pull him back from punching Luhan right in the face, “Do you think it’s not hard for me?! He was my best friend! You have Yixing-hyung with you, but Minseok-hyung died and he left me too! Don’t think that you’re the only one having a hard time here! I am trying to be happy because I know that he doesn’t want to see me cry!”
Chanyeol couldn’t help it anymore but hot tears already poured down his face, the ones he kept in for a long time coming out along with the words from his aching heart, “H-he was my b-best friend! A-and I know that he doesn’t want us to be sad! I am trying to help you because you’re his boyfriend and I know that you were having the hardest time among all of us. If you really love him, then you won’t do this and be rotten in your apartment all alone by yourself!”
Chanyeol stormed out of Luhan’s office, banging his door that caught even more stares. Luhan plopped down on his chair and muttered a faint sorry to Yixing, before gesturing him to give Luhan his time to be alone.

Luhan was the only one left in the room, his forehead resting on his arms that was placed on top of his table. He whispered, “Now I’m losing my friends too.”
Luhan, he was right. I don’t want you to be sad because of me. You should apologize for how you reacted. Minseok stood beside Luhan and pet his brown locks, his fingers playing with the same hair of vanilla and strawberry shampoo. But Luhan won’t feel anything. Minseok already reminded himself that light touches were okay and believed that those were the only things he could do for Luhan.

Luhan never bothered to even grab food for dinner, and just rested on the same white sheets that dried up from his tears. His mind was flying around, thinking of his next proposal and the papers he left in his office to sign for tomorrow. But his eyes started stinging again with all the blinks through his stare over the familiar plain drywall.
"I bet Minseok knows what I’m supposed to do now."
Minseok was lying beside Luhan the whole time, staring at the same white ceiling their eyes were onto every night they talk about their day, and how annoying Chanyeol could get for anniversary ideas when he was still dating Baekhyun. Minseok looked at Luhan and saw a faint smile and a soft giggle escaping from Luhan’s lips, making him want to hold his hand and embrace him in his arms.

What are you thinking, Luhan? Are you thinking of me?

Minseok smiled as he stared at every beautiful detail and curve of Luhan’s face, admiring his long eyelashes and his soft cheeks and that cute tip of his nose. He looked at the pink skin of Luhan’s lips that shone with the faint light coming from the lamp of his side table, and how it looked perfect every time he touched him with kisses.
Luhan tilted his face to where Minseok used to lie with him and shifted to his left with his side against the cushion. Minseok was taken aback with how Luhan’s eyes caught his, even if Minseok knew that Luhan couldn’t see him, his stare passing straight to the float glass windows. It was the same face Minseok used to see once he open his eyes every morning, and the only face he will ever wish to be greeted by the second he wakes up. But it’s different now. A lot of things became different. The familiar doe eyes, shining with the sunlight seeping through the blinds, were now replaced with tears glistening through Luhan’s long lashes.

Luhan, let me sing for you. I will sing how the stars shine for you and how beautiful you are more than the light coming from the moon. I’ll sing to you how you stole my heart from the moment you smiled and run to me because you had your first goal, and how I was grateful of your love when I didn’t have the courage to tell it to you. I’ll sing to you how much I love you I wished I told you when I was still alive, and I’ll let you know how much you changed my lif—L-Luhan, p-please don’t cry anymore.

Luhan slowly shut his eyes, tears finally escaping from the swollen sacs. Nothing’s working, so it’s best if he just sleep his emotions. His heart kept on shouting that dwelling in his nightmares was better since he’ll get to see Minseok again, and in every dream he tried to pull Minseok back but the deep white abyss kept on his whole being, and the last thing he’ll ever witness was Minseok’s smile he ever so adored, before going back to reality with a heavy chest.

"S-sorry about yesterday, Chanyeol." Luhan rubbed his nape as he found his shoes to be the most interesting thing in the tensed room, apologizing for what he did to a dumbfounded Chanyeol.
Chanyeol just let out a wide grin, and put down the folders he was carrying on a nearby desk to engulf Luhan in a bear hug as if nothing happened the previous day. “It’s okay. I’m sorry too.”
The eye crescents on Minseok’s face won’t disappear when he finally saw the two important people in his life smiling again. Chanyeol patted Luhan’s back and reassured him that it’s also fine if he doesn’t want to go with them and that he understood how Luhan was feeling at the moment.

Luhan, your tears were already too much and the pain in your heart were already overwhelmingly kept for too long.

"Count me in."

The new bar was the talk of the town, with lights dancing through sweaty bodies and warm skin and burning liquid. The dance floor looked a bit heavy, but it wasn’t a reason for Chanyeol and Yixing not to join. The tallest introduced Jongin to the two and got free drinks before walking into the fiery ocean of limbs and alcohol, but Luhan found the corner table to be more inviting than anything else.

Luhan, please don’t drink too much.

Four bottles burning down his system and Luhan found the blinding lights more irritating, a reason to reject every Chanyeol’s invitation of going to the vast of skin slapping skin and bodies grinding against each other. Dropping the glass on the table, he waved a hand to get his fifth one.

Luhan, stop.

"Why are you all alone here?"

Strange warmth of thighs settled on his lap as the smooth red satin laced on Luhan’s pants. In the midst of blur, unfamiliar arms s around his neck and breath ghosting before his warm cheeks. Luhan slowly switched his gaze to the foreign face, tilting his head to adjust his sight of the stranger in the blanketing darkness of dancing lights. That shining single-lidded eyes, that soft fair cheeks, that gummy smile.

"Minseok?"

Luhan’s arms were wrapped around Minseok’s waist, earning a giggle from the older man that he ever so wished to see again. Luhan leaned in closer, tears already falling down the side of his cheeks as his heart bursted in happiness to see his boyfriend once more. “Don’t leave me again, Minseok.”

"I’m not Minseok."

Soft pink lips of gummy smile turned into a red-stained smirk. Plump cheeks became a skin of thick powder and contour. He saw fake lashes and black shadow over double lids instead of shining eyes of endearment.
Luhan pushed the stranger off of his lap and flipped the table with the bottles tingling against the dark floor, bits of broken glass glistening in color. Bouncers started to grab his arms but Luhan managed to strike a punch and storm out of the bar before they could even get him, leaving Chanyeol and Yixing unaware of his departure.

Luhan, are you okay? Are you hurt? Minseok followed Luhan as they trailed in the sidewalk away from the lively crowd. He looked worried because of Luhan’s slight consciousness, stumbling in his steps as he took the dark alleyway instead of the main road.
Luhan was a bit surprised with the sudden lighting of street lamps, but wasn’t able to mind it any longer since the burning sensation of the liquor’s taking over him. At the end of the alley was a street of few cars and people passing by, but in the most unusual time of the night, a cab was waiting for him.

"Luhan!" Jongin was trying to catch his breath after a long run of finding the older man. He wasn’t able to get his attention though, but the bar owner pulled Luhan to the waiting cab and asked, "Do you want me to take you to your house?"
Luhan just replied a grunted sound and pushed Jongin away as he sat at the back of the car, Minseok trailing swiftly after him. Jongin looked at the older man through the window, giggling as he mocked Luhan for being a funny drunk. Luhan just rolled the glass up in an annoying fit. This bastard’s making his head more painful.

Luhan fiddled with his keys as he tried to open the door but everything’s all in a dizzying motion, so Minseok unlocked the knob from the inside and let Luhan think that he aced the knob without even realizing that the keys were useless. Minseok knew that Luhan won’t remember anything on the next morning, so he pushed the door closed right after Luhan took off his shirt and plopped his chest against the bed.
Minseok lied beside the younger man just like the other days, and stared at the full warmth of Luhan’s bare skin. Luhan was in his deep slumber after just a few seconds, so Minseok took the chance of admiring his love even for the last time. His hand found its familiar spot on Luhan’s cheek, pushing his sweaty hair off of his damp skin. Minseok maneuvered even closer that their body’s were now touching, breaking his trance on Luhan’s face when suddenly, the younger man’s hand just held his.
The touch was same as when he held Luhan’s hand in the midst of his sleep, but the feeling of Luhan tugging him back was new. How could he touch me? Does he know that I’m here?
Luhan’s arms s around Minseok’s waist, with his eyes still shut and faint grunting escaped from his sleepy voice, and buried his face on the crook of Minseok’s neck. The older one was taken aback by the sudden gestures, but he never noticed that he was hugging Luhan back as well, burying his nose on the tousled brunette hair of the younger man.
As the moon lead the sky and the stars under its glory, the light seeping through the glass that illuminated the smoothness of Luhan’s face, Minseok took the chance of embracing his love for the last time. In a few hours, Luhan will wake up from his nightmare again, and Minseok will pull away from the missing touch. The clock ticked on the usual due, but Luhan was still dozing off with the normal pace of his breathing, even indulging deeper to Minseok’s lingering touch.

Luhan had the sweetest slumber in ages ever since Minseok died and left him.

Luhan opened his eyes, replying with a groggy voice when Minseok greeted him a good morning.

"Good morning too, baby."

The dust were dancing through the seeping sunshine and morning air, floating over Minseok’s crimson cheeks and soft lips. Luhan maneuvered closer to him, their limbs tangled perfectly around each other. Minseok ran his fingers through the sleepy head’s hair, and greeted Luhan with a smile. Luhan said, squinted eyes trying to admire Minseok’s face, “It’s still early. Go back to sleep.”
Luhan knew that Minseok always wake up early even on a Sunday morning, the older one just staring at Luhan sleeping and the younger one feeling every tiny kisses Minseok plants on his forehead and his cheeks and his nose and his lips and that’s the reason why Luhan doesn’t want to wake up yet.

Luhan peeked at the ticking clock.

It was 9:45 a.m.

"I love you."
"I love you too. Now, go back to sleep."

Luhan was about to bury himself under the soft duvet and Minseok’s embrace, but the older one cupped a hand on his cheek and lifted his face to kiss Luhan, leaning in closer with every soft lip brushing past warm breath and sweetness.

It was too real against his skin, too good to be true. Luhan never wanted to let go, tears sliding down through the side of his face and drowning his pillow as he pushed Minseok’s nape closer and kissed him like the way he never got tired of. The kisses, the warmth, the smile—all the things he ever wanted to greet him in the beginning of his day.

Luhan woke up from his dream with the white sheets empty beside him, unruffled and serene from the missing weight of Minseok.

It was 9:45 a.m.

"Hi, Luhan." Jongin beamed as he enter Luhan’s office with bags and sodas on his hands. Luhan just rolled his eyes.

"Who told you to come in?"

It had been weeks since Luhan last went to Jongin’s bar, the night when he caused trouble before running out of the raging club. Ever since that happened, Jongin kept on visiting him in his office and bringing him lunch when he forgets to eat, even offering him for a ride or just a quiet companion that can listen to him. Chanyeol reminded Jongin to be more careful with his words, especially when Luhan’s already moody even if he’s not yet doing anything.
Luhan thought that Jongin was nice because he was putting up well with the sudden irritated fit of the older one or sometimes, the occasional silent treatment. It was not that he doesn’t like Jongin, but how could he think of something else if he haven’t visited Minseok yet and told Mr. Song about the leaves piling up again on his emerald grass bed?

"I can listen you. I-I mean I’m not good in advising, but I can listen to you."

Jongin fiddled with his fingers as he waited for Luhan’s comeback, the fast beat of his heart breaking the eeriness of the room and filling his mind in what Luhan could possibly answer.

"Come with me later."

Jongin was dumbfoundedly looking at the vast expanse of green meadow and flower beds and withering trees, Luhan driving on the strange road in Jongin’s eyes but his feet could surely lead him by heart with the familiarity. Luhan picked up a bouquet of roses on their way to the park, still the same arrangement he knew that always made Minseok smile.
The car was put on a halt, Luhan picking up the flowers and went to his special spot near the shady tree with Jongin attentively following him from behind.
Luhan paused in front of Minseok’s grave and placed the bouquet in between his withering one and another strange set of daisies. Luhan sat on the grassy cushion, “Oh, who gave you these flowers? Yah! Suitors are not allowed, okay?!”
Jongin raised a brow as he sat beside the nagging man, complaining about why a certain someone named Minseok accepted flowers other than his. “My flowers for you are always the best! You like this arrangement, right? And I know everything you like, so that means that you love me more! Did I make any sense?”
Luhan just giggled, leaving a curious Jongin behind. “Hyung, who is Minseok?”
The older man smiled, the first smile Jongin saw imprinted on Luhan’s face. “Jongin, meet my loving boyfriend, Minseok.”
"Minseok, he’s name is Jongin. Jongin, say hi to him!"
Jongin waved a hand and smiled for Luhan’s contentment, looking at his hyung’s eyes full of enthusiasm and excitement as he talks about his day to Minseok, and complaining why Mr. Song forgot to clean Minseok’s marbled plate again.
It was already four months since the date that Jongin saw beautifully-engraved on the stone. And in that four months, he was amazed by how Luhan could still devote himself into taking care of Minseok just like he’s still alive. Even if he could clearly see how the older one was hurting on the inside.

"Hyung, will you tell me about him?"

Luhan looked at Jongin and found curiosity in his eyes. Jongin now understood why Luhan’s acting that way, and he blamed himself for ruining Luhan’s day with his lame jokes and mocking fit. But now, he knows, and he was willing to listen to Luhan even if it takes his whole day.

"Well, I wanted to talk to my Minseokkie but if thats what you want, then okay."

The chilly breeze was hovering over their skins, sending down shivering sensation against their backs. A few more days and the winter blow will cover the atmosphere, blanketing white piles of snow on Minseok’s place instead of fallen autumn leaves. It still won’t stop him from visiting his boyfriend.

"I knew Minseok since third grade. I was a Chinese exchange student in his school’s program, given a full scholarship so I grabbed the opportunity. It wasn’t very easy at first, since I get bullied because of my weak built, but Minseok pulled me away from all of that. Chanyeol, Minseok and I stuck together through the whole year, and I was thankful for them. He was my closest friend."

"We studied together and played soccer in high school. I got jealous sometimes when I think that Chanyeol’s closer to him. But as teenagers, love was more important in our minds. We dated a few in our year, but it didn’t end up well. After all the heartbreaks, we promised to each other that we will not love anyone anymore. The promise only lasted for two years, and you wanna know why? Because I was the first one to break it. Because I fell in love with him."

"I confessed to him after a lot of thinking, and I can still clearly remember how it went. It was prom, and I couldn’t help myself not to be mesmerized by his look and how beautiful he was that night, so I confessed to him just right in front of his date. And that was the best night of my life, because I got to take him home with a light feeling in our heart. He told me he was feeling the same way too."

"We graduated and worked in my office before moving in our apartment. I told myself that I’ll propose to him when I get enough money for rings, because I just really love him so much that I don’t care about the reality the world throws anymore. I told him to come at the soccer field we used to play at before, where all my feelings for him started. I was waiting and waiting until the sun set and he’s still not there."

Luhan sniffled as tears tried to escape from his eyes, Jongin not knowing what to do but to listen.

"Chanyeol called me and said that I should go to Minseok because he was in the hospital, his car getting crashed by a speeding truck. I drove all the way to him with the rings in my hand, my chest heavy of worry because I heard Chanyeol crying on the other line. When I got there, I found Minseok lying on a bed, cold and breathless and bruised up all over his body."

Luhan tried to catch his breath as he continued, fiddling with the silver ring inserted in his finger, “I cried and cried and I-I couldn’t believe what just happened—I don’t want to believe any of it. I called his name and kissed him that maybe it was just all a joke, but he didn’t answer. He didn’t kiss me back.”

"I held his hand and asked him to marry me, because that should be the day when we’ll live together, get married and start our family. And I’ll be a good husband to him, and I’ll make him breakfast every morning, and we’ll take our son to school because he wanted a boy, and I’ll go home from work with a kiss from him."

"I put the ring on his finger. I was expecting a yes and a kiss from him because he’s just that romantic, but he didn’t. He will never answer to me anymore."
Luhan breathed a heavy one and giggled a fake one through his panting, Jongin looking at him in concerning eyes. Luhan wiped his tears with the sleeves of his button-up shirt, “Yah! I look like a mess. This is all your fault.”

The vast expanse of withering trees and and fading flowers were filled with nothing but cracking branches and swishing wind, and it felt so peaceful under Jongin’s ears.

"Hyung, I believe he lived a happy life."

Luhan just looked at him with teary eyes in confusion, and he found Jongin smiling back at him.

"Because he got someone who loved him so much when he was still alive."

A single tear of love and not sorrow fell down the side of Luhan’s cheek, his damp face drying up from the late afternoon breeze.

"I know he loved me too."
I still love you, Luhan. And I will, always.

Luhan’s nightmares were replaced with sweet dreams of Minseok lying with him in their bed, cherishing every lingering touch that felt so real against his skin and the kisses being planted on his lips. He didn’t want to wake up anymore, and just let himself be buried in Minseok’s embrace. But he couldn’t. He was always being pulled back from what he only wished to be real.

Months already passed and Jongin was happy to see that Luhan’s learning to become who he used to be, from what Chanyeol described his friend, but still he could see him cry in front of Minseok’s marbled stone and the only thing he could do was to listen.

Minseok still followed Luhan everywhere, and was grateful that Jongin was taking care of him, something Minseok thought he should be the one doing. Jongin was nice, and it was not impossible for Luhan to fall for him. Minseok heard about Jongin’s feelings and how he had been keeping it to himself for the past months, and he knew it all along, with how the younger one looked at Luhan in sincere eyes, the way he looked at his love when he was still with him, alive and breathing.
Falling in love with someone was something Minseok thought could help Luhan to be ready, but as he slowly noticed Luhan reflecting to Jongin’s warm emotions, he couldn’t help but to hurt on the inside. He wanted Luhan to move on and feel love once again, but it’s just not easy to let go of someone he spent most of his years with, and expected to live with together for a lifetime. But guilt just seeped through every vein in his heart. Luhan was the most beautiful thing he ever laid his eyes on, and such precious ones like him deserve all the happiness in life.
Minseok used to lie beside Luhan on his usual spot on their bed, but sitting on the edge was still okay every time Jongin spend the night in Luhan’s apartment. And that night when they both shared warmth on the familiar ruffled sheets Minseok thought was only for Luhan and him, he thought that he needed to hear that same voice who sent him back once more.

He just wanted to cry but his eyes never worked tears for him.

"I-I think he’s ready." Minseok muttered as he looked down and fiddled with his fingers, waiting to hear the voice again for a reply. He looked up as he listened to his next words.

"But, are you ready?"

Minseok blinked more than twice, trying to find in his mind the perfect description of what he was feeling at that moment. He knew he was ready. He was ready ever since from the beginning and he’d been holding on to it now that Luhan’s ready. He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t say the words he bit before everything happened.

"I-I’m sorry but I think I’m n-not ready."

"What should we do now?

"I need to go back!" Minseok closed his eyes shut in expectation of going back to Luhan, but when he opened it again, a vast expanse of white blankness greeted him once again.

"Why do you want to go back?"

Minseok broke the eeriness of the dull infinity, “Bring me back! I need him!”

He cried hard, so hard even though there were no tears streaming down his face. He felt sadness breaking in in his shattering heart. He fell down on his knees and buried his face on his palms. He wants Luhan now. Just please let me back.

"A human told me before, standing on that same spot as you, that he believed of my plan for him instead of his, because I will always have the best one. Do you believe in that?"

Minseok hesitantly nodded, still immersed with the thought of his loved one he left behind.

"Then, will you trust me about my plan for you and for him?"

But before Minseok could answer, he opened his eyes and saw that the sun was already setting, the remaining lights streaking through the branches of the familiar tree and the wind pulling the withered leaves in its own dancing rhythm. The grass was soft against his feet, flowers painting the park despite the nearing darkness. The sky was blanketed in purple and orange, the glow illuminating the only face he wanted to see at that time.
Minseok knelt beside Luhan who was sitting on the side of the soft grass bed grave, the man singing Minseok’s favorite song under his faint voice that Minseok ever so loved. The chilly breeze ruffled Luhan’s hair and the man just smiled, locking his gaze into the sky that’s slowly revealing bits by bits of shining stars that makes Luhan’s eyes shimmer even more.

"Baby, I miss you. I know you’re looking after me always. Just like you promised when you were still here. Remember that time when I transferred in your school? I was alone and being bullied, but you were there to rescue. You didn’t know me, but you were there because you wanted to be my friend. And I was grateful for you, because you were a good one."

You were too.

"Baby, remember that time I confessed to you? You were blushing so hard that I felt like I wanted to kiss you because you looked so cute. And I still want to kiss you now, kiss you everyday, even my last breath to be used with yours. Baby, I love you so much. I will always love you. Just like what we promised to each other before."

I will never break that.

"Baby, I have to tell you something. I told you about Jongin, right? Well, he asked me to be his boyfriend, and I told him yes."

I-I know.

"Baby, even if I marry him, even if I marry another man, even if I start a family and have children, just always remember… You will always be my first and true love."

Always.

"Minseok, I love you so much."

Luhan, I love you too, so so much.

Minseok stood up and knelt in front of Luhan who looked down away from the darkening atmosphere. He looked like he was staring back at Minseok even though he knew that Luhan couldn’t see him. Minseok gently cupped his cheeks with both of his hands, cherishing the softness of his warm skin even for the last time. Luhan slowly closed his eyes as if he was feeling Minseok’s touch, a single tear sliding down the side of Luhan’s face. Minseok leaned in closer, Luhan’s breath ghosting against his mouth as the distance in between their lips fades into warm air and cold fit.
Minseok’s lips brushed against Luhan’s, and tears started falling down Minseok’s cheeks, hot damp he never thought will wet his face once again, as Luhan leaned in closer and tugged his lips in between Minseok’s like the perfectly-made it was to be fit with his.

It may be the last kiss, the last breath, the last touch they could ever share, but there won’t be a last drop of Minseok’s pouring love for Luhan, and Luhan’s eternal one for him.

The shortest mean of poison that healed the longingness of both hearts as they take opposite routes, the long, tangled ones, that’ll meet at the end.
A cross section in their fates together, meets and separates like a collision but bursts apart, yet different roads bound to greet in its last stop.

That’s his plan for them, a promise that’ll take another chapter in heaven.

A/n: Okay, so you know how much I cried while writing this?! I may have failed to make my fic speak to your hearts, but it screamed into mine, and I'm such a crybaby if this is true. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading it even if I feel like a mess, still internally sobbing while I edit this. I think I need ice cream, mint chocolate.

PLEASE COMMENTS BECAUSE I LOVE COMMENTS AND THEY WILL MAKE ME HAPPY OVER XIUHAN ANGST! THANK YOU~