It has been more than five years since l have been to my homeland. After graduating in high school my family sent me here in London to continue my studies. They were very fixated in making me study abroad for a better education and more opportunities for my carrier in the future.

Everything in my life had been going fine, not perfectly but fine until l received the news that l was to return home in less than one years’ time.  It was last month that l received a surprised visit from my parents. They spent three days with me and on their day of departure they told me about their plans of making me return home. My parents also failed to give me all the information about the said return. All I know is that it is just for a vacation and business.

I was actually glad to know that l can finally return home after such long time of waiting. Back then, during my first two years here in Europe l asked for the permission to visit home during summer breaks but my parents refused to allow me to. After five years of receiving the same rejection whenever l asked, l eventually gave up asking. Instead l focused on my studies and stated working part-time without their knowledge and permission. I also ended up travelling to different countries during summer and Christmas breaks instead.

Quite aware of the time l still have before my return, l have been thinking deeply if l should let Sandy know.  Sandy is the nickname l gave to Sandara Park, the girl who had a very special place in my heart ever since elementary school. I am the only one who calls her that name but only when it was only the both of us together. My secret and special way of expressing my affection to her and it was only the us who knew it.

Our story is actually like a roller coaster ride. We had very good and sweet times together but after that it was followed by despair and separation. It has been a cyclical cycle that has been so hard to break for us.

It all started during elementary school. During the 4th grade, l transferred to a new school. I was the new kid who everyone talked about. After a week l already adapted to the environment, had new friends and it was also the time that l noticed her in class.

Sandy is the shy and silent type of girl. Despite that, she is really smart and stunning. Her group was always the good girls. She is not the type to stand out of the crowd but for some reason l found myself noticing her and trying to spend time with her.

Back then, we only had small talks. And we only got to spend time during dance practice. Both of us where always chosen to dance whenever there were contest and events. And l found myself happy and smiling whenever we were asked to pair up. After some time we eventually became friends.

The next year l realized l like her more than a friend, that she was someone special to me, that l wanted to spend most of my time with her and that l always want to make her happy to see that beautiful smile of hers.

During 5th grade, we eventually spent more time together. We exchange gifts during special occasions like birthdays and Christmas. Whenever l went somewhere far for contest or vacation l would return bearing gifts for you. I would always pick her to be in my group whenever l was chosen to be a group leader. And l would always ask her to be by my side. One of the things l looked forward to every school day was walking her home. I remember asking the driver to wait for me as l walked her to her house just to spent more time with her and pay my respect to her parents. During Valentine ’s Day l would buy her favourite flower which is blue rose and give it to her with a special handmade gift like a drawing or painting and she in return would give me homemade chocolate or other sweets with a letter. She always looked pretty yet adorable whenever she blush because of my teasing or teasing of others. It especially made me laugh and ecstatic when we found out that our teachers we´re rooting for us to be together. Honestly l was surprised when l found out that our homeroom teacher talked to her about being a lucky girl because l was treating her in a special way. And that he told her that we should make it official by being girlfriend and boyfriend. But what he did not know was that l was the lucky one. I was lucky because the nicest, prettiest and most talented girl l have ever met in my entire life treated me specially and spent her precious time with me. He also didn´t know that l was the problem because even though we had mutual understanding of our feelings, l never took the first step to take it to another level, to make it official. It was no longer you or l but “us”.

By our last year in elementary school, she had already met my family and l was pleased to know that all of them liked you. Her family also invited me to their place frequently. I would place chess with her father while her brother watched and she would be in the kitchen with her mother preparing snacks. In school the teasing became out of hand. Her friends would always of being my girlfriend and the guys would always joke around telling us to finally make it official.

Honestly l knew l made her confused of our status but l just couldn´t make it official because l knew that we were still too young to be in a relationship. I was aware of our genuine and pure feelings for each other but we we´re still practically kids so tying her up to a relationship with me would be out of the question.

Days before our graduation, she opened up to me telling me her ultimate dreams. One of her ultimate dreams is to graduate as 1st place which made me both proud and sad at the same time. Firstly, proud because she is such an achieving which l look for a girl. Secondly, l was sad because l took that chance away from her. We were graduating as 1st and 2nd placing in our entire school and l could not be happier because we were standing side by side during a very special important event in our life.

Our high school years were not that different from our elementary years except that we eventually had different group of friends which made our time together less. But we never failed to spend time together by staying long