this is my first attempt at hosu. hope it's not that bad.

Yunho’s eyes scan the station meticulously. His trained business eyes sweep all waiting seats and corners in the station carefully not wanting to miss a spot. It’s past midnight already. Jaejoong must have been asleep or still engaged in his usual talk either with Heechul or Yoochun. He doesn’t tell Jaejoong where he is now. He doesn’t want to. He’ll explain later after this unexpected bump is done well and clear.

Yunho checks his watch. Twenty minutes past one a.m. He has to be home before three. His father wouldn’t ask much about his sudden going out by car but he is sure eyes and ears are all awake and words would have reached his father before breakfast in the Jung’s mansion is served. He takes deep breath. His boots are wet. So are his toes. His jeans have mud spots till half his knees since the rain keeps on singing generously since eleven p.m.

Junsu must be somewhere here. That dolphin (and Eunhyuk) knows all places to hide and play throughout the city that he could be anywhere else but this station. Yunho fixes his coat again before he jumps into the arriving train. If Junsu is not in the station, he must be on one of the trains. It’s been a long time since their last train date together. Long time. Long long old happiest time. Yunho isn’t sure what train and where the dolphin is in. He just uses his feeling. Their last train date was to Windroar, the furthest part of the region, and the train he’s just jumped in is heading to Riverdawn. He might be wasting his time now looking for someone else’s fiancé and creating bad chaos tomorrow morning for nothing but a stupid impulse but It’s Junsu. It’s Junsu. His first and real pure love. He can’t ignore the sudden drive of looking for the dolphin. He knows it’s not his place anymore to see what’s wrong and fix things up but he can’t also sit around waiting in dismay of what’s going on.

Besides, Eunhyuk wouldn’t text him if it’s not emergency. Eunhyuk knows what it means texting a Jung Yunho late at night asking in a brief sentence whether Yunho might possibly know where Junsu was. Something unwanted must have had taken place to bring the silent hiding dolphin back to surface. Was it Changmin? Work? Family? Yunho hadn’t thought of replying Eunhyuk’s text. He stared at his personal phone for two minutes full before he found himself grabbing his long coat, putting on his boots, driving his car off of the Jung’s garage and testing the car’s speed spec in its fastest run. While he drove, his phone beeped twice. Incoming messages. One from Hyoyeon and one from Junho. Hyoyeon used indirect way asking Yunho where Junsu might be when he’s hiding. Junho, as blunt and protective brother he is, asked Yunho where the last time was he took Junsu out of the dolphin’s class. If Eunhyuk’s text set his Junsu- alarm off, hyoyeon’s text kicked his long buried guilt over their forced breaking up. Junho’s text was the seal breaking of engagement promises he made to Jaejoong. Yunho promised to always be honest and tell everything to his fiancé. Not now. Later. It’s Junho. Hyoyeon is the lowest step of Yunho’s restraining past with Junsu. Eunhyuk would never bring Junsu’s name to him unless it’s reaching danger limit and Junho… Junsu’s older brother only texts him if something really urgent…

Yunho breathes in deep gratitude and relief. There he is. Junsu is sitting on one empty seat next to the window. His face is covered well by the cap he’s wearing and he drops his head low hiding his face from people who might take a look at him. His coat wraps the dolphin loosely exposing the grey top and Junsu’s linked fingers on the dolphin’s high folded knees. Yunho will always recognize Junsu from distance. He recognized it’s Junsu in first glance when the dolphin’s motor got engine problem. He recognized Junsu from far away as he waited for the dolphin coming out from his high school gate. He recognized Junsu’s steps from fourth floor when he waited for Junsu in campus. He would never mistake Junsu’s figure, Junsu’s voice, Junsu’s shadow, Junsu’s body scent, Junsu’s fingers, Junsu’s feet, Junsu’s legs, Junsu’s junsu.

And he knows Junsu reciprocates what he feels as the dolphin gradually lifts up his head when Yunho walks approaching the man. Junsu looks up at him then looks away the second after. His gesture for not wanting to be disturbed or interrupted. Yunho stops allowing the needed space between them. It’s not only Junsu who needs space. Yunho too. He’s engaged to Jaejoong. He can’t forget that.

             “Am I allowed to sit here?”

Junsu doesn’t answer. He slides his legs down.

             “I promise I would ask nothing. I just need to sit.” Yunho says casually. The train is nearly empty. There are only five passengers including Junsu and him.

             “It’s a free country.” Junsu still looks away.

             “I know. The country is free. We are not.” Yunho smiles at what he sees. Junsu’s half hidden face is facing the window that reflecting the dolphin’s lips movement.

             “Go ahead.”

             “I won’t if you move somewhere else right after I sit.”

Junsu turns his head a few inches from the train’s window. No words. Yunho takes it as an agreement. He slowly moves to sit not far from Junsu. Close enough to keep a conversation going yet far enough to remind him that Junsu has had someone else.

             “it’s raining.” Yunho starts after three minutes of silence. “Hope it’ll be clear tomorrow in Riverdawn.” He shifts to sit more comfortably. The chilling air eventually is getting to him. He just wears thin cotton shirt under his coat.

Junsu seems he likes the window better than minding his ex’s effort. Yunho scratches his hair. Silent Junsu is never good. It was his worst nightmare when Junsu put on silent mode on him. He hopes Changmin doesn’t taste the treatment like he did. Yunho was badly mad when the usual noisy cheerful dolphin turned into silent mode. Even though it’s Junsu’s fault, Yunho was always the one apologizing and begging for forgiveness when the dolphin became too quiet. He studies Junsu’s half hidden face from his seat, brain trying to conjure something smart to break the ice.

             “Junsu..

The dolphin makes no sign of giving Yunho attention.

             “Junho texted me.” Yunho decides to be honest. “He asked where we went on your final exam day.”

Junsu’s feet move.

             “I haven’t answered.” Yunho feels like he is talking to wind. “Should I?”

             “I told him.” Junsu’s low cold voice is heard through the long night silence. “He knew.”

Oh. Junsu told Junho about their last train date?

             “Maybe he forgets.” Yunho crosses his arms to minimize the cold.

             “He knows. He’s not that stupid.”

Dead end. What else would he do or say now? Yunho smacks himself mentally.

             “I’m fine, Yun.” Junsu suddenly breaks the thick air between them. “I just need to be alone for a while.”

             “You are not.” Yunho looks at the half hidden face on purpose. “Junho wouldn’t text me asking things he knows if you are.”

             “I’m fine.” Junsu finally brings his semi hidden face meeting Yunho’s eyes. “Or not is not your business.”

Yunho keeps his eyes even on Junsu’s unseen eyes. “It is not. Indeed.”

             “Go home.”

             “Sure. It’s two fifteen. I must be home at three. Dad.”

Junsu leans his back on the wall of the train.

             “But I’m heading to Riverdawn.” Yunho tries to joke.

             “You shouldn’t have.”

             “Well.. sometimes I walk in my sleep and wake up somewhere faaarrr from bed.”

Junsu’s lips twitch. Is that a suppressed smile?

             “Get off at the next stop.”

             “Where is the next stop?” Yunho looks left and right finding any possible information. Too bad they are sitting too far from the showing board light near the door. Or too good?

             “Not funny, Yun.” Junsu sniffs. “Should I take picture of the future Jung’s corp CEO?”

             “Take it.” Yunho grins. The cold makes his both arms move a lot to keep warm. He can’t do much with his legs, though. It’s odd that his inside feels warmer than his body when his mind settles with the latest surrounding. He’s with Junsu, on a train somewhere, at a very late hour just both of them. His old Junsu’s box down below in his heart cracks the unforgettable pictures of their dating days. He doesn’t make effort to stomp it off. He lets the box cracked open lying picture by picture of those golden days, his most precious time of his younger life. When he’s just a Yunho to a Junsu. When he’s free and blessed with the greatest happiness of loving someone who loved him back as much. His lips form a hearty smile out of his awareness. “I bet your phone is either left somewhere or out of battery like always.”

Junsu moves his hand touching his cap. He slides it down more over his face that his lips are now all what Yunho could see.

Silence. Yunho’s lips still keep the ongoing hearty smile despite the thick night silent air between them.

             “We can get off in next stop.”

Junsu’s fingers grip on his arms. Yunho suspects that the owner of the fingers is trying his best not to kick him out of the fast progressing train.

             “I mean.. I’m technically still sleep walking. I could end up waking up in North Pole with my bad sense of self guard when I’m sleeping. You could help me.”

Junsu looks like he’s staring at Yunho behind his cap coverage.

             “I told you I’m fine.”

             “I know. I’m not.”

             “What the..?”

             “My toes are planning to impersonate ice.” Yunho curls his wet chilling toes inside his boots

             “Why are you here?”

             “Sleep walking.” The taller man shows his grin off. “ You see, when I have this very bad day at work I tend to-

             “I’m fine, Yun. Really.” Junsu’s low flat voice ruins Yunho’s effort to cheer the tense atmosphere. “I want to be alone for a little while.”

Yunho breathes long and heavy. “How long?”

He is sure junsu is looking at him funny though Yunho couldn’t see the dolphin’s eyes. He just knows it. “How long you want to be alone?”

             “Why it bothers you?”

Yunho leans his back on the seat’s flat surface. “Because it’s you.”

Junsu longs his legs. No words again. They both know what Yunho’s last sentence implies.

             “I lied to you three times.” Yunho arranges his breaths and voice to sound casual. He’s just said the very wrong line to everything of their today’s state. He couldn’t take it back and he doesn’t want to either. He’s been an honest person so far. He had learned that honesty, however bitter and cruel it sounds, brings peace to himself. He shouldn’t have said that sentence. Well, frack it, he shouldn’t even have had left his bed in his impulse of looking for Junsu in the first place but he did so why not just come clean for this once and perhaps, all? “When I said you’re a bad egg of your school and used your look to bad advantage. When I said parents knew best and had most right on their children and when I said.. “ Yunho swallows to ease his sudden dry throat. “Time heals and changes things.”

Junsu sits very still.

             “You had known my first lie. I said it because I didn’t want to be just another person to you. I said it to get your attention. I didn’t know I hurt your feeling back then. All I thought was I wanted you to think of me differently.” Yunho clears his throat. “You also knew why I said my second lie. I couldn’t deny my dad. I tried and tried but I was too weak, too naïve and thought too highly of myself. I thought I could fight for.. what I deserved but how wrong I was. I hurt you again. It’s not only you. Junho and your parent got hurt too as well. I gave up. I gave it up, dolphin. I told you the lie to-

             “What are you talking about?”

             “Dad was right.” Yunho continues. He had had this conversation with Junsu over and over in his attempt to redeem over his guilt, to justify their breaking up, to put Junsu safe from further damage of the separation yet he doesn’t know that speaking about it again now, years later from their breaking up, still cuts bleed in his heart. “I was born and raised up with responsibilities I must carry and fulfill. I was born as a Jung. That four letter family name gives me everything but also takes things. I lied, Junsu. I know you know. I lied to you.”

Junsu makes abrupt movements of standing and leaving his seat. Yunho holds the dolphin’s arm just in time to keep the dolphin from rapid escape.

             “Don’t touch me!!!”

The other three passengers turn their heads at them. Junsu yanks Yunho’s cold hand roughly as he moves forward fast but again, Yunho catches him before Junsu succeeds.

             “I promise I wouldn’t ask any question.” He says as he grips Junsu’s arm. “But I don’t say I wouldn’t knock you down and send you home. You choose.”

             “Hands! Off!!” Junsu moves fast twisting and throwing Yunho’s hold on him. Yunho hasn’t forgotten how strong his ex is when he’s angry and put on his combat mode. Junsu makes no exception when he’s fully angered ready to send someone down on the floor. Yunho was the only exception back then besides the parents and Junho. Eunhyuk knew not to cross the line just as Junsu knew not to mess up with Eunhyuk. Yunho was a rare exception because he’s Junsu’s Yunho but now Yunho is Jung Yunho. He takes the fast move two seconds too late to counter the twist and hook but he manages to keep his hand on Junsu’s arm. Junsu pushes him right after his first trial of snatching Yunho’s hold off of him failed, not too strong to slam Yunho’s taller figure on the train’s floor but strong enough to distract the man and flee.

             “Dolphin.” Yunho hisses in firm louder tone. Junsu has run to next compartment. Yunho ignores the hot biting pain on his chest and waist. He runs after Junsu as fast as his cold semi freezing legs can work. Junsu was always a fast runner. It’s his born physical gift to run that fast what with all his mischievous reasons to fool around as partner in crime with Eunhyuk. Yunho had a hard time running