Winter of 2014

I was running with all my might. Strangely, neither my lungs or muscles seemed to be tired. It almost felt like, in that moment, I could take flight. I was playing a game with Soojung. One of our usual races around the fields. I had never lost, and didn't intend to do so now. Reaching the tree that replaced our finish line, I stopped and turned to watch Soojung sprinting to catch up.

When she made it to the tree, Soojung collapsed on the grassy ground and motioned for me to do the same.

"I'll beat you one day, it's a promise!" she mumbled, granting me yet another grin. I mimicked her. Soojung had once taught me that smiles should be shown when one felt happy, a word that meant "pleasure" or "contentment". I couldn't quite grasp what this was, but I had guessed it must be what I felt when I got to run in the meadows, go to town, learn Hangul letters, and eat delicious food with her.  And we did these often, so I started to smile often.

Especially after the girl called Naeun left.

***

On that especially eventful day, the first flaky white stuff had just began to fall. Soojung and I had been in the fields for quite a long time. She had said the freezing weather couldn't stop us from having fun. We were lying on the white ground, just like usual, when Taemin's familiar voice called out from the house. I had come to love this sound very much. It signalled the start of another delightful meal that he had previously prepared. He sounded like a father, my brain had unconsciously told me.

We had immediately rushed off for home, finally feeling the fatigue and hunger from the long day. At the dinner table, I had gobbled down the food offered, only half listening to the conversation between Taemin and Soojung. I perked up though ,when the former called my name.

"Myungsoo, did you hear what I said?" Taemin had asked. When he didn't receive a response, he continued. "Naeun's leaving for another college. Tomorrow. So this is our goodbye meal."

I had blinked a few times, not exactly getting the situation. I then looked over at the girl called Naeun, since Taemin had mentioned her. At that time, I had thought she would be switching the location she goes to daily with me. I had imagined we would be going somewhere different now, instead of the building full of books. So I merely went back to eating. I hadn't realize I wouldn't be seeing her again for an exceedingly long time.

***

The next day was my first experience in Taemin's car, a word that meant a receptacle with seats that can move and take you where you wanted. I was sitting in the backseat with many boxes, cardboard ones and ones with tiny wheels. Taemin was chatting with Naeun up front, leaving me to feel weirdly lonely with the lack of Soojung's presence. 

We then stopped at a place full of people and vehicles. I had been patiently following behind Naeun, and wasn't expecting it when she abrubtly stopped. She then turned to Taemin and grabbed the handle of a black box with wheels. 

"I guess this is goodbye," she had stated, giving Taemin a tight hug. It had sounded almost like any regular goodbye they told each other every morning, so I had continued to wait. Thereafter, she finally faced me. Instead of offering me any sort of vocal explanation however, Naeun had expressed a tight smile, whirled around, and walked away. As if on instinct, my feet had followed hers, thinking it was the only right thing to do. 

I had been extremely perplexed when I felt a hand gently grasp my shoulder. I turned to see Taemin gently smile at me.

"She isn't leaving for good, you know?"

***

After that day, things were indeed very different. Without her there, I had nothing interesting to immerse myself in. At night, the scary visions worsened so much that a good sleep was quite rare for me now. Thus that day, I decided to confide in Soojung.

She was lying next to me with her arms under her head for support. Since her eyes were closed, I nudged her to gain her attention.

"When I sleep, I see these scary things. I know they are not real. But they scare me, and I can not sleep afterwards," I muttered.

"Ah, you mean nightmares?" Soojung said. "I get them too. They're like bad dreams. But if you sleep with comforting thoughts in mind, it'll definitely get better."

***

The following week made me more lonely than ever. Soojung had to attend classes, in which she was taught new things much like how I was learning from her. Her mother didn't tolerate any fooling around, so I was mostly left at the house by myself. Taemin gave me the freedom to go where I want and do as I wish, so I wasn't too uncomfortable. On this particular morning, I have decided to take the will to explore the entire house. I was already used to the small kitchen and living room, and had went in Taemin's room on several occasions, so I was planning on visiting the rusty shed behind the house itself and...her room. If possible.

Heading towards the front door, I instinctively reached for my sneakers (things you put your feet in) and tied the laces the way Naeun had taught me. I briskly walked outside and stood hesitantly in front of the shed's metal door. There didn't seem to be a lock or handle of any kind, so I wasn't too confused when giving the door a gentle push. Shuffling my feet inside, I was surprised to find the air clean and fresh, containing not the mustiness I had imagined.

The room was quite spacious, though that hardly mattered, for it was nearly filled entirely with so many different items that I couldn't identify. I took a narrow path past some metal shelf-looking-things with smaller objects stacked on them. My excitement was quickly building. I was hoping that this place would provide enough interesting things to keep me occupied for a while.

That feeling, unfortunately, disappeared when something in a dark corner caught my eye. At first glance, it didn't seem like anything special, merely blending in with the huge crowd of items stored. But as I strained my eyes, I could make out a human-like figure that was human-sized and had something that resembled human-eyes looking right back at me. I didn't panic, strangely. Clenching my fists together, I slowly walked outside into the bright snow and closed the door. At the time, I had easily dismissed the sight as an illusion.

***

After long minutes of lying on the couch, staring at nothing, and thinking, I finally plucked up the courage to go to the last step of my plan for today. Taking a familiar steps, I soon found myself in front of her bedroom door. I heaved a great sigh and strode back to the couch. As much as my curiousity yearned to see her room, I understood enough to know Naeun got upset when I did something she doesn't approve of. Closing my eyes, I reached to the feeling that rushed through me when I stood in front of her door, being able to smell her scent.

I was sure, probably more than anything else since the moment I woke up in the middle of a strange street, that it was something Soojung recently told me about. A thing named "longing". I missed the girl called Naeun.