you did it for me

Within ten minutes we reach the end of her street, and we haven't said a word.

I'm scared. I'm scared I'll accidently say something wrong and she'll hate me forever. Telling her that I'm not the person she thinks I am is stupid because I have literally told her nothing, other than a fake name and some silly stories from years and years ago. But I have an uncomfortable feeling in my chest and I just know it's guilt for not coming clean at the start.

I should have just told her my real name. Said I was in a band; perhaps she'd heard of us? And if she was a fan, pray to god she wasn't crazy. But of course I'm an idiot. Things just come out of my mouth and I don't realise how idiotic they sound until a few days later. I should have realised that sooner or later she would know who I am, sight or not, and I'd probably never get to speak to her again.

I turn my head back to look at her as we walk down the path. Her eyes stare straight in front, lifeless and a little red from trying not to cry. The guilt hits me with the force of a tsunami - I didn't want to upset her. If I had just been honest in the first place there would be no reason to. But, like I said... I'm scared.

And sorry.

"Soji-" my voice cracks from not being used for a little while, so I clear my throat. "Sojin."

She visibly tenses, eyes widening a little as she takes a small shaky breath. Her eyes are beautiful. Even the first time I saw her, tear stained and sniffing, I noticed them. "Y-Yes?"

I chicken out. "Which house?" Again, I'm an idiot. My voice is too monotone and uninterested that she frowns, looking down at the floor dejectedly.

"... 16."

Nice one Taehyung. You're an .

I have to resist slapping myself in the face, instead directing my attention to the houses around us. It's a quiet road, lined each side with dark wood beam and white concrete houses, tall walls marking each plot. People seem to enjoy their gardens here - the foliage is enough to fracture the shafts of light coming from the windows, casting pretty patterns on the ground. It distracts me for all of half a second, until I notice the numbers to the side of each gate, counting down in twos.

24.

22.

Gulping, my hand unconsciously squeezes hers and I feel her flinch under my touch. Woops. But her hand is delicate, and soft, and I remember sitting with her just before, letting her play with my fingers and intertwine them with hers. After the silent walk we've just had, 20 minutes seems like forever ago. I would give anything to be sitting opposite her again, watching her smile and blush, all by my doing. To forget that I'm lying to her, and pretend that she's here for me, Kim Taehyung, and no one else.

20.

My nerves are coming back. I should just man up. Sangnamja style, right? Ugh. Sometimes I really wonder about myself.