People often said… A girl and a boy can never be best friend, because they eventually would develop feelings for each other. I think the saying is true… but I think I should add something in the saying… one of them may start to develop feelings… but it can’t be the same for the other…

M Signal – I Don’t Know

That what was playing on my phone right now, earphones were stuck in my ears as I gazed down on my ‘Internet Programming’ book. My eyes were plastered on it, trying to focus and understand the CSS coding but I couldn’t. I thought if I went to the library I could finally focused but I was wrong, extremely wrong, because this place just remind me of him more, because this was where I spent most of the time with him. I got a test in few days and I need to study, I couldn’t get another low mark for this. I might get scold from my parents. I heaved a long sighed as I tried again to focus.

A flash of memory ran into my mind. I remembered last night, how he suddenly came into my house and told me that he would go on a date and needed my advice to how act around her. Being the good friend I am, I told him he should act like himself and be calm all the time. I remembered how bright his face was that time. He was really excited for the date. He told me all the criteria that she had in her that made him fell for her. I heard it with a smiled on my face.

But he didn’t know… My inside was shattered into millions of pieces. I shed too many teardrops in my heart but he won’t see it. No matter how bleeding I am inside… He would never know. As I fake my smiled in front of him… I cried behind my mask.

Just when I thought that he would never appear since he got a date, from the corner of my eyes I saw that familiar figure walking inside the library. I saw him looking around for a while when he spotted me. I pretended that I didn’t see him and continued looking at my book. My heart was beating faster and my folded arms on the table tightened. I turned up the volume on my phone and gulped a lumped in my throat.

The chair across from me was being pulled and I saw those white pale hands pulling out the chair. And he seated there, looking at me with his head bent to the side a bit. He peered at my book and looked at it for a little while. And I still pretended that I didn’t see him. He straightened his head and looked at me again and I think I saw his mouth moving, probably calling my name. I just picked up my pen and started writing the coding on a piece of paper.

And I know what I was writing was all wrong, but he didn’t know anything about coding so I kept writing. He asked me all the time how could I keep up with this weird number mixed with alphabet and mix with quotation and all of the weird symbols. All I answer was “that’s because I learn about it and you don't”. It came out a little harsh and he pouted at me but his smiled returned after that, asking me if I have anything to do after class or anything.

When I was in my own thought, I felt my earphones gently being pulled out from my ears. “Hey…” A shushed tone greeted me after that. I looked up and blinked my eyes a couple of time, like I finally realized that he was there even though I already knew he was there all along. He smiled at me with his doe eyes staring back at me.

“What are you doing here? I thought you got a date.” I whispered lowly since this is the library. My eyes darted around the place, afraid that if the other students thought we were disturbing their studies. I also eyed the librarian that was at the desk near the door. That librarian was a strict one, if you made any noise you would be kicked out from the library instantly.

“I did… but Taeyeon noona got something to do.” Baekhyun whispered back. My heart tightened when he said that name, the name that always escaped his lips from time to time for few months already. Kim Taeyeon, a petite girl with a friendly attitude. She got a pale white complexion and has a beautiful smiled. She got a lot of admirers and Baekhyun was just one of them, but he was the lucky one to date the girl of his dreams. When he told me the news, I was happy and sad at the same time.

Happy because he finally got the girl of his dream, sad because he would never know about my love for him. And I intended to keep it inside of me and never, ever tell him about it. I will keep supporting him no matter what he did. I will always be here whenever he need me. So what if my love one will never know about my love for him. Love… doesn’t necessarily mean you get what you want.

I felt my fists tightened and my heart beat was getting faster, not because I was angry, but because I was hurt…

“Then go home and don’t disturb me.” I whispered back sternly even though my inside was shaking badly. I tried to give a firm looked at him but I feel like it came out as a hurt expression, but to him it was a still a stern expression. He called it the ‘angry bird’ expression. And he said I always have that annoyed and angry expression on my face. He told me to smile often so that a guy will ask me out. I just rolled my eyes when I heard his statement. Seriously, what can I do if I have this kind of expression all the time, even in my family, my father always known as the serious person. I think I inherited it from my father. And who needs a guy anyway when I have-

“But I want to be with you.” Baekhyun said in a hushed tone and made puppy eyes. My heart beat accelerates once again when he said those words. Doesn’t he know that the words he said affect me so much in a different way? The answer is…

No

He didn’t… and he never will.

I rolled my eyes and pretended to be annoyed by him. I looked down on my book once again but he put his chin on his folded arms on the table and stared at me, a small smiled was playing on his lips. I felt myself started sweating even though the air conditioning was on. Baekhyun had that much impact on me. I sighed and without looking at him, I whispered, “Stop staring at me, you’re disturbing my study.” Actually his stares made me go nuts. I couldn’t concentrate at all in anything I was doing. I looked at my coding and it became more nonsense than before.

 What have you done to me Byun Baekhyun?

“I’m hungry, let’s go eat.” Baekhyun whispered to me, ignoring my remarked just now to stop disturbing me. I finally put down my pen and firmly looked at him. He straightened up from his position just now and his smiled became wider. His doe eyes looked expectantly at me. I just kept my expressionless and stern looked. “Go eat by yourself Baekhyun.” I said emotionlessly and looked back at my book.

Yes, this is how I am. I could become a very straightforward person and blurted everything on my mind without thinking about the other person feelings. I know people often hurt because of my bluntness, but I couldn’t care less. People sometimes became distant from me because they thought I was just a ‘lifeless doll’ who didn’t care about anyone feelings. To tell you th