Chapter 18

Luhan hears soft voices flitting around him, gentle tones he should recognize but his brain cannot catch up to reality and he stares into empty space, hands tight in his hair as he hunches over trying to protect himself from something. He curls away from prying hands, from playing voices, and he shuts down. He forces himself not to react to the familiar comfort, preferring to seclude himself in his own little world where the blank darkness was not a welcome mat of misery, but rather a comforting balm to the terror he felt in his heart.

There are black spots in his vision and he feels someone forcing his head up, repeating the same words over and over. Fingers press harshly against his lips, forcing them apart, and Luhan finally takes a gulp of oxygen and a sort of light headedness comes over him. He sways in the strong hold and he wonders if he should even count as being alive.

"Dammit Luhan. Don't you dare stop breathing again!"

Luhan can only blink at the velvet voice, the scent of fresh linen invading his nose as he is tugged to rest against a solid body. Soft fingers card through his matted hair, and Luhan is still against the other's ministrations. His knees start to hurt and he manages to make a sigh of contention and finally he is free. He pants, greedily gulping in air, and he hears a contorted sob above his head. Luhan cannot make sense of it, everything moving slowly as though he is wrapped in a bubble. He sinks t hough, into the embrace, the feel of arms around him enveloping him in a sort of comfort, the image of ther person holding him was distorted and Luhan cannot put a finger to the face.

A nurse hurries over, out of breath, her hair in a ugly bun, strands floating over her face, "we need you to sign here, to authorize the surgery. We've had to do emergency surgery to keep him alive but we need a guardian to sign the release form," she brandishes a clipboard with stacks of paper that Luhan had simply stared at with blank eyes. He had stared until the nurse had sighed, taken his phone from his frozen fingers and started calling numbers, hoping to hit the right person.

Jongdae lets Minseok take Luhan into his arms, and he peers over the forms, rapidly signing his name on them, as he ignores the words he can barely understand. He can only thank whoever is up there, watching over them, that Sehun's parents had written him in as the guardian, granted that Jongdae had been Sehun's babysitter for most of his childhood and even now. Jongdae has to shake himself from the memory of Sehun with a bloody mouth, proud of himself for beating up the bully teasing the girl he liked. He blinks and has to smile when he sees Minseok rocking Luhan against himself, cooing comfort into his ear, as he tries to get Luhan to say something.

Jongdae pushes the papers back to the nurse, "can I get something to clean him with?" She nods and hurries away, and someone in pink scrubs hand him a box of moist tissues, and Jongdae thanks her before turning back to the non reacting Luhan. He breathes shallow breaths, trying not to imagine Sehun lying on the street bleeding half to death, when he sees the dark red blossoming on Luhan's clothes and skin.

He feels tears build into his eyes, as he takes in the blood stained Luhan, the red staining his doll like features, seeming to sink into his skin, like a reminder of what he stands to lose. Jongdae's hand shakes as he guides Luhan to his seat, Minseok hovering, worry sewn into his features. He smiles, shaky and small, with Luhan staring at him as though he is an alien. Minseok smiles at him, a trong presence in the light of the hopelessness Jongdae feels. He squuezes the hand in his, forces a watery smile on his face but by the look on MInseok's  Jongdae gives up, letting it drop, pressing his lips together.

Jongdae tries to clean the dried blood on Luhan's face but his vision clouds over with tears, and his shoulders shake with the force of holding them back. Minseok instantly curls him close, hands soothing his back, as he tries to comfort the shorter male. Jongdae presses into him, craving the skin to skin contact, needing it to let him breathe to let him know that Sehun will be okay. Luhan sits in his chair, simply blinking at the sudden display of tears. His head leans back, as his shoulders curl into himself and Luhan loses himself in grief.

Kai comes, his hair a mess, clothes disheveled, coming through the doors like an avenging angel, care and worry written in every stride, as his coat flares behind him. Chanyeol stumbles behind him, less grace and more bluster as he loudly announces their arrival, immediately calling for Luhan, both stuttering to a halt when they see a crying Jongdae, held by Minseok, and Luhan curled in a ball, his head hanging of the edge of his seat.

Kai drops to his knees infront of the semiconscious boy, taking his face between his hands, as he turns him from side to side, relief painted on the lines of his face when he sees Luhan with barely any injuries. He presses a kiss to Luhan's forehead, and he pulls the shorter boy up, as he gently runs hands over his body, and he leans his head against the other's shoulder.

He quietly takes the drying towelettes from Jongdae's clenched fists, and starts to rub gently, smearing the red crusted on Luhan's face, the white cloth turning pink. He discards tissue after tissue, and finally Luhan is free of blood, the only reminder of the incident the blood seeped through his clothes. Kai makes a mental note to burn them.

"Luhan?" He speaks softly and slowly, as he draws the pale boy into his lap, words spilling into his ears. Chanyeol is gravely silent as he speaks to a nurse, his large hands folding and unfolding nervously. He keeps talking, his wiry hair flat on his head, his red shirt a contrast to the white walls. He listens intently, the normal bublle of energy muted.

While his body is easily pliable, Luhan's mind is far away, and he barely acknowledges what he is being told. He relaxes against the warm hold, the hands through his hair, matching a familiar rhythm he had once known. Luhan feels exhaustion pulling through his veins, sleep calling like a drug but he sees the image of a bleeding Sehun every time he closes his eyes, as though it is burnt on the back of his eyelids. His ears are still ringing with the sound of metal twisting on metal, his nose polluted with the smell of burning rubber and his head pounding with Sehun's words.

He can barely think, having to remind himself to breathe and he knows his world is spinning off axis. He cannot breathe, cannot think, cannot even find words to express the feeling of watching Sehun bleed in his arms, cannot even find the right emotions to place to watching your boyfriend bleed to death from shoving you away from a speeding car full of drunken teenagers, who make stupid decisions and if Luhan had his way, he would very much like to stab them in the eyeballs. Several times. With a blunt fork. Until they died from it. Screaming in pain.

He does it without thinking, instinct driving him to press his face into the space where neck meets shoulder, and he can feel the rumble of Kai's breathing, a lulling melody to his jumbled brain. His body trembles weakly in the safety of Kai's hold, as Luhan forces himself not to remember, arms wrapping tightly around his neck, caging them both in a reality that Luhan does not want to acknowledge.

Baekhyun arrives last, with Tao in tow, panic lacing through his words as he hurries over, demanding answers. Minseok ignores him stoically, clutching the sobbing Jongdae to his chest, and Kai is too tightly woven against Luhan to answer. Chanyeol has a dazed look on his face, as he speaks to someone on the phone, and despite his protests, no one answers him.

Jongdae finally detaches himself, his eyes swollen and red, his voice hoarse and he explains, amidst choked sobs, about the situation at hand. Baekhyun listens in silence, and hurries forward to wrap his arms around Jongdae. Jongdae seems to sink against him for a moment, and Baekhyun revels in the way he seems to fit against him before Jongdae pulls back, turning back to Minseok. Baekhyun stands, arms holding air, and he nods quietly to Minseok, as he takes a step back.

He sitsd between the Luhan and Jongdae, alternately soothing them, his voice a strong beacon to guide them from the land of the dark. Baekhyun has utmost confidence that Sehun was going to fine and he was vocal about his opinions. He swore that he manages to make Jongdae crack a smile once, thinks he sees a ghost of emotion in Luhan's eyes, which is more than he asks for.

Tao sits next Kai, a pensive look on his face as he cautiously Luhan's arm. He waits, as they all do, for any news, for someone to hurry towards them, for anything to happen.

Chanyeol snaps the phone shut, leaning his head against the cold wall, and Baekhyun looks at him, an eyebrow raised. 

"Who were you talking to?"

"Sehun's mom. I asked Jongdae for her number. Figured he couldn't have called him by himself." Chanyeol shakes his head, his body sagging against the stiff chair. "Bit of a mess huh?" Baekhyun nods, "of all the people in the world, it had to be Sehun." He sahkes his head, and Chanyeol pats his arm sympathetically. 

Baekhyun nods, placing a comforting hand on the taller's knee, a soft smile on his face, before turning back to Luhan, and desperately tries to get him to speak. Luhan has yet to move his face from Kai's shoulder, still hiding from reality. No one could pull him away from his position, and Baekhyun bites his lip in worry. Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees Jongdae stand, smile softly at Minseok, swallowing when he spots the lingering touches that Minseok displaces and in a split second decision, follows Jongdae to the bathroom. Baekhyun is losing his mind and he needs Jongdae, needs to know that the other boy is okay, needs him by his side, needs him to love Baekhyun.

Jongdae turns, his hands crossed in front of him, "Baekhyun," Jongdae swallows as he takes the haggard features, a night of sleepless agony.

"Jongdae." Baekhyun stands before him, hand twisting in nervousness.

"Did you see it?"

"I...what?"

"The accident. Did you see the car hit Sehun?" Jongdae is trembling, shaking hard, like leaf hanging by last thread, clinging to dear life to branch.

"I...no...I caught the tail end of the accident. I just came from talking to the cops. They had a lot of questions," Baekhyun laughs nervously.

"I see." Jongdae turns, resting his palms on the edges of the sink, his whole body leaning into his arms. He swallows once, twice and lets out a sigh.

He closes his eyes, and he trembles, all repressed terror and tears. And Baekhyun is tempted is comfort him, his hands curling uselessly by his side.

"Jongdae...I..."

"Don't." The leaf blows lose, and Jongdae is tossed into the win.

"Jongdae..."

"Please. Just don't."

"Jongdae..."

"Not here, Baekhyun. Not now. If you need a , call Jessica or Jackson or Taeyeon. I'm sure they wouldn't mind." Jongdae's voice is harsh, his fingers gripping the sink until they turn white. He wants to scream, wants to break something and the closest thing he has at hand is Baekhyun.

Baekhyun nods, backing out of the restroom, and Jongdae shatters into a million pieces. He falls to his knees, his hands still on the sink, his tears hitting the floor, the heaving sobs that wreck through his body ringing through the bathroom.

"Oh Jongdae," Baekhyun whispers, as he stands in front of the bathroom door.

A doctor, a white coat over his green scrubs scurries to them, and Jongdae shoots to his feet, Minseok's hands circling his waist in comfort. The doctor looks pained as he approaches them, his hands still encased in the gloves from surgery. His green scrubs flash red when his coat moves and he stands before them.

He is soft and gentle, and with careful words pulls Luhan from Kai. He settles the pale boy before him, and Luhan trembles as he waits with dull eyes. He knows of Luhan, knows that Luhan will be the one to need the most help, the haunted look in his eyes, telling tales of wounds that should have healed a long time ago.

"What's your name?" The doctor is kind as he tries to make Luhan meet his eyes. "My name is Jung Yunho." He smiles, soft and slow, waiting for a response.

"Luhan." Kai answers for him, the words refusing to make its way past Luhan's lips. If the doctor is surprised, it does not show on his face.

"Are you related to Oh - shi? I heard the nurses had to hold you down to stop you from breaking into my surgery room." The doctor chuckles, and he reaches a hand out to touch Luhan's shoulder, his hand snapping back when Kai puts out a hand to stop him.

"No." This time it is Baekhyun who becomes his voice. "Jongdae is his guardian."

"How do you know him?"

"He's his..." Kai is stuck for words, unsure if he should tell the truth and he looks to Luhan for answers.

"Are you someone he loves?"

Luhan nods, his first response, his gaze dropping to his hands, fingers digging into the soft skin. He can feel the tension rising as everyone wonders what has happened.

"Okay." The doctor nods, his hands pulling Luhan's away, holding them in his surprisingly calloused palms. "Luhan, I have some bad news for you." Luhan's head moves up sluggishly, his terrifyingly blank eyes meeting the doctor's. Yunho tightens his grip on Luhan's small hands and takes a deep breath.

"Due to the severity of Sehun's, can I call him Sehun?" Yunho waits for Luhan's okay before continuing, "Due to the severity of his wounds, Sehun had to have extensive surgery." Yunho, again, waits for Luhan to understand his words before finishing. "The surgeries were successful. But his head has a serious injury that will take time to heal. He's slipped into a coma." Yunho swallows when he sees tears glittering in the eyes around him but Luhan's remains strangely dry. "I don't know when he'll wake up. It could be tomorrow or it could be next year. All we can do at this point is wait. Do you understand, Luhan?"

Luhan nods again, and Yunho stands, his eyes filled with understanding as he surveys the barely out of their teens boys standing before him. He tries for an encouraging smile and asks, in hopes of making them feel better, "would you like to see him for a minute?"

Jongdae and Luhan nod, eyes widening in anticipation as they follow behind the doctor, who tries to engage them in conversation. Luhan responds with shakes of his head, and Jongdae simply holds Luhan's hand in a vice like grip, his answers short and curt.

They stand behind the glass, and Luhan touches it, watches Sehun breathe, with the help of tubes stuck down his throat, watches as a bag drips fluids through needles into his veins. He watches the monitors beep and whir around Sehun. The lifeless body lying in the bed has Luhan choking back tears and Luhan collapses to his knees, both him and Jongdae heaving sobs that wrack through their small frames.

Luhan bangs his fist against the glass, his eyes begging to be let through and his mouth is open in a silent scream, when the doctor holds him back, his  silent protests tapering away when someone slides a needle into his arm. Jongdae has slumped to the floor, and after the nurses call, Baekhyun rushes to pull him up, rocking the limp body against him, snarling when Minseok rips him away, anger slicing through his veins when he sees Jongdae whimper and beg Minseok to make him forget. To forget again. One more time. He can only watch as Minseok takes him away, far away to a place Baekhyun has no chance to reach.

"I see," her voice is shaky, hand pressed to in silent shock. Her husband closes his eyes and collapses into the wall. The couple watch as their once vibrant son wither away on a hospital bed, growing skinnier by the day, wasting away.

"At this point," the doctor sighs softly. "They rarely wake up. Maybe you should consider pulling the plug."

"I think," the woman is quiet, her hand tightening in Luhan's, "we'll wait a little longer. He's not brain dead yet." She nods once and sits beside her son, her hand soothing his wild hair, the black roots about three inches long from his previous rainbow hair. "He'll wake up. If not for us," she looks up at the doctor, "then he'll wake up for him," she gestures to Luhan, one hand holding Sehun's slack arm against his lips, the other in Sehun's mother's hold.

Kai helps Sehun's father into a chair, Jongdae staring sadly as the still body, only living through the wires and tubes, pumping life into his body. "Will he?" He asks, his voice emotionless. Sehun's mother gives him a sharp look. "He will. I know he will." She pats Luhan's head before standing, taking her husband's hand in her own, her coat wrapping against her tiny frame, encasing her completely. Her husband is tall, maybe taller than Sehun or maybe Sehun would have been taller, had he not been trapped in a hospital bed.

Luhan can barely manage a smile, and he waves, his reaction a tad too late, as the two have already steeped away, both leaning into each other for support. Luhan waits for everyone to leave, the whiny tinny voice of the intercom announcing that visiting hours are over. He hates the voice, the voice that pulls him away from Sehun. He remembers when he tried to curl up against Sehun, hours of the night washing away and the nurse refusing to allow him to stay. He wishes he never has to say goodbye. Luhan wishes for a lot of things, but he would be really gratefull if just one of his wishes came true.

He gently traces the contours of Sehun's face, wanting to remember them for all of eternity if he has to. He presses a kiss to the chapped lips, a single tear making its way down his face as he presses against the unmoving lips. He presses their forehead together, and breathes in the citrus scent that seems to cling stubbornly to Sehun.

Kai pulls him away finally, the two pressing together in comfort, as they leave the room, hands around each other's waist, the semblance of normal forcing its way through, an act that would keep them going day by day.

"He'll wake up," Kai is half confident as they walk into Minseok's waiting car. Luhan does not respond, letting Minseok strap his seatbelt on before quietly pointing to the new club he wanted to go to.

Minseok watches him with careful eyes, and Jongdae smiles, nodding his approval. A drink would shake off the feeling of dread or at least it would make them forget. Minseok huffs a sigh and agrees. Kai wraps an arm around Luhan and keeps him close during the ride.

Jongdae is already drunk, his drink sloshing dangerously in his cup as he sways rather haphazardly to the music, giggling rather loudly as he watches Kai and Luhan dancing a little too close on the floor, surrounded by masses of people. 

He knows he should say something, should stop them. But Luhan needs Kai. And Kai, Kai belongs to Luhan. He recalls the screaming Chanyeol when Kai asks to take a break, recalls Chanyeol saying, rather rashly, "if you go with him, never come back." Kai was calm, nodding quietly, asking if he could still rent the apartment. At the vicious refusal, he moves in with Luhan and Jongdae migrates to Minseok's apartment, unable to stand the reminders that Sehun has left behind. Slowly, ties are cut and changes happen, but the world spins on unchanged. The apartment is silent, still and Jongdae knows Luhan sleeps in Sehun's bed, wears his clothes to remind himself of Sehun. He knows of the hollow feeling that seems to sit in Luhan's chest as he stares at the stupidly blank walls, the floor strewn with glass from shattered photo frames.

Jongdae wonders if maybe one day Luhan will speak again. Or if he would remain mute his whole life. He feels the press of a familiar body against his back, feels the hand take his cup from him and he whines. A chuckle fills the air and Jongdae turns, a pout forming on his face. Minseok chuckles again, mouth insistent on the other's and Jongdae presses himself even closer. He drinks in the taste of Minseok's mouth and snatches his cup back. He downs it, with a satisfied smirk, smacking his lips together. Jongdae will do anything to forget, forget Sehun and forget Baekhyun.

He knows the look on Minseok's face. The look that says we should talk. Jongdae pulls him into another kiss, hands dipping into his pants, trying to distract him. Minseok in undeterred and he pulls away. Jongdae stares at him with eyes of pain and Minseok sighs, "another drink then?" Jondgae wonders if his relief is painted on his face as he nods, resting against the rails. He blinks, his interest peaked when he sees the miniature version of Satan approach the two dancers, his wide eyes drinking in the delicious sight of the two grinding together, his lips stretched in appreciation. 

He shakes his head,  remembering the ache in his heart, when Kyungsoo comes back and Luhan forms a sort of sick relationship with him, the two using their hate for each other to cut into the other. Kai stood at the sidelines, quietly binding wounds, whispering words in place of Luhan, who had the tendency to resort to violence. Kai dragged him away, keeping the two apart, when Luhan had managed to push Kyungsoo out of the window. Granted it was off the first floor, and Kyungsoo had managed to survive with barely a scratch. Still, Luhan's temper had become worse and only Kai could tolerate him for extended amounts of time.

Jongdae smirks, and he takes the drink offered to him, watching the three over the rim of his glass.

Luhan pulls Kai a little closer, his baby features marred with a scowl as he glares at the ert who tried to Kai. He feels the nervous hitch of Kai's breath against his neck and he turns, his lips twisted into a warped smirk as he spots the giant eyes watching the dance. He turns their bodies, his lips still twisted as he maintains eye contact, dancing slowly against Kai on purpose. Was it wrong that Luhan has chosen to come here, knowing that Kyungsoo was here.

It is with erse pleasure as he watches the look in the eyes change, from simple speculation to one with lust as Kai's quiet moan reaches his ears. Luhan wonders what it must be like to want something so much, to have it at your finger tips only to be snatched away every single time. He supposes that he should know all about that, the feeling of losing something over and over again, until all that is left is a hole in one's chest, until all emotions are drained away and all there is left is a pile of festering hate and anger and occasionally the need to push someone out of a window.

Luhan dances a little closer, a little wilder, anything to drive away the feeling of abandonment that has settled in his veins. Through no fault of Sehun's, Luhan is alone, numbness settling  in his veins, his promise broken, lying scattered in the wind. Luhan wishes he could blame him, and, with nothing to blame, nothing to hold hte force of his anger, he pours his frustrations into everything else. Words stick his throat and never makes it to his mouth, leaving him mute. It is left to Kai to interpret his unspoken words and Luhan wishes he could make this easier on Kai. He knows how much his friend is hurting, especially when he knows he is the reason, the reason for all the pain sliding through Kai's heart, that he has once again ruined someone's life.

Nights pass, and Kai assures him of three things and Luhan repeats it like a mantra in his head.

It is not his fault that Sehun is in a coma.

Kai belongs to Luhan.

Luhan will be okay.

He breathes in, the smell of smoke and drinks, an intoxicating mix as he loses himself in the heady music and the feeling of Kai against him. And he returns his distracted gaze to the giant eyes and is displeased to find them gone. He knows exactly where he has wandered off to when Kai presses closer, his body trembling in fear, and Luhan feels latent protective instincts rise up. With the crowd pressing on them from all sides, it is hard to find an escape route. For though Luhan has his feeling set behind several locks hidden in the basement of building with a Steranko*, he would never, not even in his grave, allow a situation where Kai was afraid. 

Because this time, Luhan truly only had Kai left.

Eight months of staring at the prone body would drive anybody insane. Jongdae figures he is allowed a tiny bit of leeway as he presses the heel of his palm against Baekhyun's throat, snarls making its way up his throat, and he wonders how it can make him feel so good to hurt somebody. He wonders if this is what Luhan feels, everytime he falls into a brawl, with every hit that he delivers, every hit that he takes on.

Baekhyun is pliant under his hands, letting Jongdae do as he wishes, to wash his veins of hate and anger, the same feelings that he hides behind and alcohol. Minseok is probably inside, looking for him frantically. Jongdae feels a tiny bit sorry, but not enough to make him turn around. Jongdae's breaths are harsh, his eyes bloodshot, and he raises a fist, slamming into the wall, the pain stinging through his body.

Baekhyun finally moves, hands reaching to touch his face. 

"Jongdae. Please."

"Get away from me."

"Let me take you home. Please."

"I don't have a home. Not with you. Not with anyone." Jongdae pulls away finally, and his hands fist in his hair.

"Please. Jongdae. This isn't right. Let me take you home."

"Stay away from me." Jongdae stumbles back, the alcohol still searing in his veins. He probably should not have taken those pills the bartender had offered but he had promised. Promised that Jongdae would forget. But he could still remember. Still see the boy he considered his baby brother on the hospital bed.

". Dae. Please." Baekhyun reaches out to catch him, wincing when nails dig into his skin.

"Why can't you see? Why can't anyone see?"

"See what? Dae, baby, what am I supposed to see?"

"It was my fault. It was all my fault. Sehun's dead because of me. All my fault," Jongdae half screams, his hands pressing into his eyes and he shakes, the chill getting to him as he comes down from his high, "if I hadn't stayed out all night. If I had just called. Why didn't I call?"

"It was not your fault," Baekhyun thunders, grabbing Jongdae's face in his hands, his eyes are fiery and stormy. "Sehun's accident was just that. An accident. If it was anyone's fault, it was mine. If I wasn't such a hard headed , you would have never gone out, and right now, we'd be singing some stupid tunes in some stupid park."

Jongdae shakes, hands wrapping around himself, "leave me alone," he whimpers.

Baekhyun crushes them together, mouth pressing insistently as he tries to convince Jongdae of how much he loves him. Jongdae falls into him, and for a minute, rises up against his high, against the alcohol running through his veins, and he whines against Baekhyun.

Jongdae pulls back, "leave me alone," he begs. Jongdae just wants to forget.

"Not this time," Baekhyun grumbles, tugging the semiconscious boy off the filthy ground, littered with empty bottles and junkies, stabbing themselves with half filled syringes.

Luhan stands over Sehun's body, still breathing, still alive, but not awake. His hand intertwined with Sehun's and Luhan takes a deep breath. He memorises the curves of Sehun's face, the ways he feels under Luhan's skin, the way he feels pressed against Luhan. The way he smells, the way he breathes, the way he frowns, the way he is Oh Sehun.

Luhan makes a decision in that spot. In that time. In that moment. Luhan would forget Oh Sehun. Would forget the millions of ways he can make Luhan smiles and the millions of ways Luhan will never know about. Forget about the future he would never have. Forget about the dreams of Sehun's smile, and how it soothed the dark twistings of Luhan's soul. Forget how he could with a single word calm Luhan from his anger.

Luhan was a curse. Ruining anyone he ever touches.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry this happened to you." Luhan sobs into the palms of his hands, "this is my fault. Baby, I'm sorry. If I wasn't so stupid. If I could have just moved faster. I'm so sorry," he whimpers into the barely moving chest, carving the words, "I'm sorry," into Sehun's skin.

Luhan presses his forehead into Sehun's chest, fingers tracing the ridged bones along his stomach. "They should feed you more. When you wake up, make sure your mom takes to barbeques and make sure that she fattens you up."

 Luhan decides that he will never love again, never know the warmth that should have filled him night after night. He swallows and, in his mind, makes a promise that does nothing to fill the gaping hole in his chest. Luhan presses a kiss to the clear skin, whispers his last words, "Goodbye, my Sehun,"and walks away for the final time.

Luhan walks out with dry eyes and an empty heart, collapsing to the floor, consequences from unsleeping days and starving episodes.

The alarms ring around, but Luhan lays in blissful silence, floating on a sea of self induced pain.

"Goodbye, my almost lover."

Author's Note: Hello everybody. I have something very important to say and hope you will be patient with me.

Before apologizing for being a week late, I would like to address an issue. I have been getting several private messages, I willl not mention any names, that have been very cruel. I know that my portrayal of the grief is way overboard, that depression should not be romanticized and all of that. All I have to say is that I have never done that, that I have tried my best to be as real as I can be in a piece of fiction. If you do not like the way I write, please do not read my work. Thank you.

For those who have been nothing but kind and encouraging, thank you and I'm sorry that this has affected you. This story was supposed to be way longer but I will be ending it at the next chapter because this is getting unbearable. Once again, I'm very sorry to those who have been nothing but supportive.

I have enjoyed writing this story but because of a few individuals, my confidence has been shot to hell. I will take into consideration the criticisms of my work and I will work harder at being better writer. I'm sorry that you had to suffer through this.

If I receive any more messages today, I will not be writing this story anymore, and I will not be posting the final chapter. I will delete it as it is, with my sincerest apologies to my readers.

Thank you and have a great day.

Please enjoy the chapter, and subscribe above and comment below.

Sincerest love,

me