Through My Eyes

“S-stop…” I muttered as he kicked in the side. My head slammed upon the cold concrete sidewalk sending blood gushing through the side of my head. I looked up on his face, nothing in comparison to the boy who once called me his friend…

“Yeol… what happens to us?” Whispered as I cried myself to sleep. When I finally drifted off to sleep my dreams were about him. My name Baekyun. I am 17 years old and I fell in love with my best friend, now bully. We first became friends in kindergarten, when a little girl stole my animal crackers. I was just a little shy boy in the corner, so I was going to let her have them, but someone else had brown curly hair, and sparkling gray eyes stepped towards her,

“Those are his and you are going to give them back.” He said in a commanding tone. He was a good 3 inches taller that the girl and she looked scared. She handed the crackers and ran crying to the teacher. The little boy walked back over to me, and smiled.

“I’m Chanyeol, and these are yours.” He said handing them over.

“I’m B-baekyun…” I said shyly, and from that day forward we were best friends. We stayed that way all through elementary school, but in high school it all changed.

I started to like Chanyeol in the nine grade, he didn’t know, but there were obvious signs like blushing whenever we couched, the increase of heart rate when he walked into the room, sweaty palms thinking about him… in the middle of the year I told him I was gay, He said that it was ok and that wouldn’t change our relationship. That didn’t last very long. In our sophomore year, Yifan came to town. I instantly liked him, but Chanyeol hated him. He said if I dated him our friendship would be done. Of course I didn’t believe him and I dated Yifan, anyways.

That week Chanyeol changed his number, dropped all of my stuff at my house, and started bullying me. At first it was verbal like ‘’ and ‘worthless’ but then it slowly progressed. He would walk by and shove me into lockers, kick me from behind, sending me sprawling across the floor. Now it is daily beating sessions after school.

My mother was then murdered walking home after work when I was in the 8th grade, a year before I fell in love with Chanyeol. I think my mom always knew I loved Chanyeol even when I didn’t. She always had this sad, serious look that worked with her, worn, aged face and greying hair. She was only 35 but when my brother committed suicide when I was 10 she started dressing and becoming more protective. After she died my dad started drinking, and never came home. When he was home I would do anything to get his attention. I would cut my finger on a knife, burn my hand on the tea kettle, I even fell down the stairs. Every time I did he would tell me just to go get the neighbor. My dad died four months ago from a car accident he got drunk. He killed himself and seven people, including a family of four with a three month old and a two year old. I was forced to move in with my aunt, who live next to Chanyeol, he doesn’t even know any of this, he just thinking my Dad went on a business trip. I don’t care to enlighten him. Some times at night, when I’m sitting by the window, writing in journal, tears pouring out of my eyes. I think ‘what would it be like if I had told him I loved him? That he is the reason I realized I was gay?’ Then the next day he reminds me why, by punching me in the face or shoving me into the lockers.

Chnayeol was sitting by the pool, I was in my house watching him, praying that he would change. That he would realize that he loved mw, but that wouldn’t happen, Colin didn’t even care what happened to me anymore as long as he got to put more bruises on my body.

I walked to the bathroom and took off my shirt, I inspected my purple and blue body closely, there was a new scar on my shoulder with a crusted blood around the edges. The pain was subtle but it wouldn’t go away I guess my body was just too far gone to do anything about it.

My little niece, Minji ran into my room screaming.

“Ba