We’ve been a friends since we were diapers. Taehyung, or my Taetae is my greatest best friend. He’s always right besides me when I want to cry so badly, he always pats my shoulder when I cry, he always hugs me when I need someone to hug me.

“Taeeee, are you ready?” I called him when I reached at the down floor at his home. I always do this, his mum and his dad always welcome me to do this. Yap, our family relations is like a big family.

“Yoon? You’ve come already?” he shouted from his room

“You think?” I asked him back

“Wait. I’ll be ready in 10 minutes.” But yeah, he’s a man who always done with everything promptly. But you gotta know, he always done with everything promply, and PERFECTLY. His face looks like an ulzzang a bit. That are the reasons why all of the girls try to catch him.

“Ae Yoon? Why don’t you take a breakfast with us?” his mum called my name

“Hm… mianhae, eommoni. I want to. So bad. Really. But I think I have no time”

“What makes you so busy this morning?”

“Aniyo eommoni. But Tae asked me to help him”

But suddenly, Tae came to us. He hold my shoulder and smile brightly to his mum

“Mianhae eommoni. But we’re so busy today. Yoon-ah has to help me. Eomma, we gotta go now. Annyeong”

You know, live with your best friend, I meant, your male bestfriend since you were diaper, it’s really hard to not get into a deep feeling to him. Like what I do now. I know him well, and he does too. But it seems like I have an one-sided love for loving someone that I don’t know he does have a feeling too or not, but it’s kinda ‘okay, I’m okay with this’ or not. But for thinking the thing that if I got into a relationship with him, so I would ruin our bestfriend relationship, right?

“Tae-ya, what do I need to do then?”

“No, you just need to come over with me, and help me to pick one thing what should I buy”

“Buy? For whom?” I asked curiously

“Hm… someone that you don’t need to know”

Yet we arrived to somewhere, I just can’t help for thinking over for whom that Tae’s gift for. Someone? His mum? No, her birthday is on November. His dad? No, his birthday is on October. So, for whom? So now, we arrived at Coex Mall.

“What brings us here?” I asked him. Again.

“I said that I want to buy a gift, right?”

“Hmm.. but for whom?” seriously, I can’t handle my curiosity to be blew out. But yeah, he doesn’t want me to know, or wants to divert my topic, he hold my shoulder to enter Coex Mall. He brings me to jewelries department.

“Yoon-ah, what should I buy?”

“You will buy a jewelry for woman?” I asked him, and he just nodded

“Maybe this one is good” I picked a necklace lazily. No, I mean, I did pick that necklace because it necklace caught my attention to buy such a beautiful necklace like that. But now, I just picked it for Taehyung and he will give it to another girl?!

“You like it?” he asked me with facing my face

“Hm…”

“Geurae, I will buy this one. Maybe she will like it too” wait. SHE?!

After bought that necklace, we had a lunch together. Seriously, that question I want to ask him so bad. But if I do, I guess he won’t answer my question. To keep it as a secret? But what does he think about it. He never keep a secret from me. He always tells me about all the things happened to him. Like the first time he broke with his ex and he was crying, he told me why. Like he got a swollen face because he got into fight with his senior. But now, he keep that secret. Why?!

“Taehyung-ah, can I ask you something?” I asked him when we reached to our seats in the bus.

“Hm.. why?”

“You bought that necklace, I meant, for whom?” no answer

“Taehyung-ah?” but suddenly something fell on my shoulder. And it’s his head. This guy…

-//////-

I want to shock Tae from the behind when we have a lunch period on the canteen. He is with his friends, called BTS. But then, an unwanted thing to listen, be heard.

“How about your relation with her, Taehyung-ah?” Jimin, one of his friends asked him

“Hm… as long as it goes, it’s good”

“Have you made a confession to her?” the eldest, Jin asked him too.

“Not yet. I don’t know when should I ask her. No, I meant, to tell her about my feeling”

“Don’t take it so long, dude. Or you will lose your challenge to confess your feeling to her”

“Maybe sooner, I will confess my feeling to her” he said. I have no courage to face him. No, I meant, a courage to face the truth that I will lose my bestfriend again..

-/////-

3days after I found the fact that Taehyung loves someone and I don’t know who is she, and he seems okay. We don’t go to school together, or I don’t come to his home, or anything else that I usually do with him, and now, I do those things without him. To face the truth that he doesn’t like me, is like I lose my courage to fall from 200m heights and I have no option except to fall down. Does that really easy to forget me, Taehyung-ah?

“Ae Yoon-ah, I saw you didn’t come to school with Taehyung, why?” my classmate, Hyojung asked me. Yeah, she’s such a goddess female student here. All the boys try to catch her attention. But she just wants to date with a kingka.

“Hmm? Nothing. Nothings bad happened” I tried to lie. And she just nodded and left me alone

Come at the backyard. I need to say something to you

I found a mark notes on my table. The writer didn’t put his/her name. But, who was that? 3 hours later the school period in today ended. I should come to the backyard. Someone must be waiting for my appearance even I don’t know who is she/he.

Walking on the empty corridor is something that I don’t like to do. I don’t like when I should be on loneliness, or darkness. Like this now. Feels like someone is trying to catch me and follow my steps is making me anxious. Trying to walk promptly as I can, and finally I reach to the backyard. Finding no one’s here, makes me feel curious. Who had sent me that mark note?

As far as I walking around the backyard, I found someone is sitting at the bench. Someone that looks so familiar with his orange hair color. Finding he is sitting uncomfortable like that, making me realize that I miss him so much. Yep. Taehyung, my greatest bestfriend since we were diapers. But wait, why did she come there, too? Is that Hyojung?

“Did you wait here that long?” Hyojung asked Tae

“Not for so long” Tae answered. Being like this, I mean kidnap your own self behind the tree is kinda silly, right?

“What did you bring? A gift?” she asked Tae again with taking the box and opened it

“Necklace? For me?” so, that necklace is for Hyojung? But if I’m not mistaken… Today’s Hyojung’s birthday. So many of male students gave her chocolates, flowers, and presents. Why didn’t Tae tell me about his crush? Does he really doesn’t care about me? What does he think about me, then? Am I nothing for him? This made you feels like a sharp knife stab you RIGHT on your heart. Feels my heart is really sick, that’s make me cant handle for tearing up. How can, someone, that you suspicious him as the most important person for you, left you like this, doesn’t call or ask you what’s happen to you, and he doesn’t tell you about someone that he has a feeling for?!

I want to cry. Really. But I don’t want if Tae found that I was crying? I’m trying to run as fast as I can. Until I bumped to someone’s chest. He help me to not fall down to the grass.

“Ae Yoon-ah? What’s wrong?” he asked me.

“Hm.. uh.. nothing”

“Don’t lie. If there isn’t something can make you hurt, but then, why the hell are you crying for?” but then, he brought me to sit at another bench in the backyard. And of course, far away from Taehyung.

“Jimin-ah, you know right that I have a feeling for Taehyung. I don’t know why, but when I found the fact that he has a feeling for someone, he doesn’t tell me who is she. He even asked for my help to buy something for her. I didn’t ask him to come along to school together as usual. He even doesn’t ask me why did I change. Jim, that’s hurt. That’s hurt me so bad. Why it should be Hyojung? Am I not beauty? Am I really ugly? Am I mean less to him?” I cry so hard. Jimin is one of my bestfriend too. He’s always there when I need someone to listen about my story. He knows that I have a feeling for Taehyung too.

“Don’t cry” he leans my head on his shoulder and my hair “Taehyung doesn’t mean to be that mean. I can’t tell you everything that I know, but believe me, you will know it someday. Sooner, or later”

“Yoon?” someone called my name from behind.

“Tae?” I disbelieve if he will find us like this.

“This is the reason why you’ve been changed a lot?” he asked me coldly.

“Wait, Tae, this isn’t like what’ve been you seen. I can explain you something”

“No need for an explanation” he said sarcasm

“Taehyung-ah, Ae Yoon didn’t make any mistake, you just miss understanding about something what have been you seen” Jimin tried to defend me, but Tae doesn’t care about us, and left us.

“Jimin-ah, eotteokhae? He must be very angry” I bite my nails

“Don’t worry, Ae Yoon-ah. He just needs any longer time to be alone. He will be chilled down” Jimin tried to make me calm.

-///////-

I often called and texted Taehyung after that day. But it seems like he doesn’t chill down yet. I’m over thinking for something that should I do to make him chills down. Everytime I pass him, I always give him my brightest smile, but yeah, he doesn’t care about me, and passed me like I wasn’t there. I always act like there isn’t a problem between us, and coming to his house for asking him to come along to school, but his mum always tells me that Taehyung had gone to school already. But it’s kinda lie. I know right that Taehyung won’t come to school so early. He always gets up late, taking a shower late. How can he come school so early?

 

I did something different today. I gave a letter to his locker, wrote a mark note on his table, and text him that I need to see him. I need to meet him. I need for making up our relation. I will wait for his appearance until he comes. Yeah. I will.

I’m running off from my class promptly. I don’t want to be late. Yeah. If I’m late, what if Taehyung wait for me so long? Or what if he came and went away because I’m really late? What if.. what if.. I’m taking the first bus when it arrived to the halt. I’m running as far as I get to get to the park that I used to play with him. I’m hang on the swing. 1 hour passed,2 hours passed until the clockwise pointed at 7.00 PM, Taehyung doesn’t come here yet. I bow my head to take a look at my shoes. I’m trying to be stiff and holding my tears. Ugh, is this really hard to be stiff when someone that uses to be right next to you, who always listen about your problem, and always lean his shoulder for you, isn’t there for you?!

“Stubborn. It’s already night, why don’t you come back home?” I found a pair of legs in front of me.

“Tae?!” I stand promptly when I knew that finally he came.

“What do you need to say?” he asked me. coldly.

“First, I want to apology you. Maybe I changed. A lot. But Tae, what’ve been you thought isn’t like what’ve been you seen. I don’t have any special relationship with Jimin. I bumped to him so sudden. He tried to chill me down when I …” I don’t think that I can continue my words

“When you were?” he juxtaposes his face to mine. Goodness..

“When I saw you gave the necklace to Hyojung. It made me so mad. Really. I don’t even know what the reason is. But I don’t want to lose my bestfriend, Tae. You even didn’t ask me why did I change to you. You even didn’t tell me about someone that you have a feeling for. Why do you keep your secret on? What am I to you, Tae? Am I not ..” I didn’t finish my words though, but it feels like something cold nudge my lips. Something that I don’t want to take it off. Something that looks familiar, but something that feels so unfamiliar.

“Tae?” I broke our kiss

“First, you don’t know the truths. Why I didn’t ask you why you’ve been changed isn’t mean that I don’t care about you. I thought you were busy with your schedules or busy with your tasks. How can I don’t care about someone that’s such the most important things except my family? Second, the necklace that I bought isn’t for Hyojung. But for you. I wanted to give it to you, but then she took that, and I didn’t find you at the backyard until I found you were hugging with Jimin. Did you forget yesterday was your birthday?” and the answer is yes. My parents don’t give their congratulation for me too because they’re overseas now.

“Third, Jimin gave an explanation to me yesterday. He told me what happened between you two. I was so jealous to him. But, Yoon-ah, don’t give me a silly sight like that. It makes you look so ugly. The fourth, there are a words that I want to tell you. I love you. I love you even when we were diapers, I love you in everything you do, even that’s stupid things that you shouldn’t do. I love you when you’re shouting out my name when you reach on my home, I love you…” I cut his words even he didn’t finish his confession though. I linked my arms on his neck, I tiptoe my toes to make my height as like his. I kiss him. Take those as my revenge for cutting my words already, Taehyung-ah. Those words are enough. That are really enough. I didn’t realize that my GREATEST bestfriend has a feeling for me too. FOR ME TOO!!

I broke the kiss, but my arms still link on his neck “What’s next? What do you want to say, Kim Taehyung?” I smiled. I tried to give him the most beautiful smile I have.

“I love you. I love you sooooooo ing much, Park Ae Yoon. I can’t imagine if I live without you. I can’t imagine if I live without my noisy alarm. I can’t imagine if I live without funny-lovely thing to be watched like you, I can’t imagine if I live without hugging you when you were sad or happy. But it’s kinda frustrating if I don’t see your face even just for an hour. It’s kinda frustrating if I don’t smell your scent. It’s kinda frustrating if I don’t see your wide smile. It’s kinda hurt me when I saw you were hugging with another guy”

“So?”

“Will you be my girl?” he opened a box, and took out the ring from the box “Take it as your birthday present for me”

“You don’t need my answer?”

“Forget it. I took it as yes even though you didn’t give an answer for my confession” he kissed my lips

“Yaaa!! You ert!”

“But you like it, right? Miss right?”

“This is the way that you use to seduce every girls since you’re a kingka?! Whoaaah!!!” I tried to be hurt as I fist my chest.

“Aigoo, my miss right is reaaaaaaaallly cute when she’s mad” he pinched my cheeks

“You moron! That’s hurt!!” I hit his head “I LOVE YOU KIM TAEHYUNG!!!” I screamed those words loudly. I don’t even care if another people will think that I’m crazy. But that can’t be happened. Because there aren’t another people here. Just Taehyung and I.

“I LOVE YOU TOO PARK AE YOON!! SO DAMN MUCH!!!” he screamed too but then he made me melt over ground because of his wide smile. I hugged him. I hugged him tightly, like I hug my teddy bear. Being love and be loved with your bestfriend, it’s kinda sweet, right? How can you image that your bestfriend since you were diapers is going to be your crush, or your lover?