I sat on the beach , letting the cold waves hit my feet as they splashed on the sandy shore. Unaware if anybody could see me or hear me I started to cry and scream his name aloud..........''DooJoon Oppa …..DooJoon Oppa!!!!!!!''. When suddenly I felt a hand on my back, I turned around to see what it was and there was nothing there but a familiar presence. I quickly jumped up forgetting that I was crying and wiped my wet face. In a way I think that whatever that was that touched me was a person someone I know because the feeling was kind of familiar of a touch I used to know. It was a touch I haven't felt it a long time and I missed it. I gathered myself and brought my belongings with me which wasn't much just a picture of my dead husband. As I walked along the beach going into my house I felt that same familiar presence watching me as walked up the stairs I felt it staring at me. I paid it no attention and just kept walking. As I arrived in the house my two lovely children, Mi Seung (girl) and Yo Seung(boy) (they are twins), were waiting for me to make them breakfast. “good morning umma” they chimed at me in unison. “good morning you two, what do you want for breakfast today?'' I asked putting the photo of their father on the living room table. “well I want American breakfast today umma is that okay with you and Yo Seung?“Mi Mi asked twiddling her thumbs together. ''yes it's fine with me. How about you umma?'' Yo-Yo asked nudging my side. ''It's fine but what kind of 'American' breakfast do you want we have eggs, bacon, and pancakes?'' I suggested pulling things out of the cabinet and fridge. ''OKAY!!'' they gave each other high-fives. "okay go on and do something while I cook this might take a while okay?'' as they left I started to make their breakfast. My mind kept rewinding to the scene on the beach. Something in my head thought that I was crazy while something else in my head thought I wasn't. -ding dong ding dong.....ding dong ding dong- that is the sound of my doorbell. “I'll get it you two just sit there, hey actually why don't you guys go get your clothes set out so I can help you out them on after breakfast.'' They went and did as I said. “who is it?” I asked looking through the peep-hole. There was no-one out there just the blue, gray ,and yellow of a beach. I opened the door to find nothing. I can't help but to get an eerie feeling on that same spot where I felt that hand touch me on the beach. I quickly closed the door rushing into the kitchen to make my kids breakfast before they come down. I flipped the last pancake scrambled the last of the eggs and VIOLA done. “kids breakfast is ready come down and eat it .”

I wanted to go outside to see what was going on since I live on the beach and I only have two other neighbors. “hey I will be right back just sit here and eat okay don't touch anything.” As I opened the door that feeling on my back creped up onto my neck and into my loose hair. I quickly jumped from that touch it was so familiar like I had felt it almost 3 months ago when my.....husband.....died. Oh my is that my DooJoon that is touching me?. Is he the one that has been touching me since the beach?. Is he the one that knocked on my door?. “DooJoon is that you? DooJoon have you come back for me?.” I whispered. I got no response but all I got was a little note that was on my doorstep that read :

Dear Mi Young,

I know that you miss me and that the kids miss me too but we both know that I am not coming back from war. My kidnappers are killing us one by one and I know I am the next one. So I just want you to know that I love you and the kids and no matter what happens I will always be here for you. If I don't come back I want you to start dating again. I don't want you to be lonely for the rest of you life plus we have two kids that are gonna need a male figure around them so they grow up with discipline. I hope you get this letter.

I love you forever and always

DooJoon.

It was familiar because I have the same one from the week that he died. He sent it right before he died leaving me with two kids to take care of by myself. How can I love another when the only one that I truly love is dead and gone. It really hurts me to know that he will never come back and my kids will not really get to know him. They don't even know that hes dead they think hes in th war and he will come back for them eventually. I want to tell them that hes dead but I just don't know how to tell them without crying in front of them. I don't want my kids to ever have to see me cry. I don't want them to think they have a weak mother. I shook it of and walked in the house running up the stairs to put this letter in my dresser. When I came back down my kids we holding up the picture of their dad saying`` its okay appa we know where you are and we miss you and we love you and you are in gods hands everything will be alright we will take care of mommy for you.” Funny thing is my kids don't even know that their dad is dead I have never told them so how do they know. I didn't even know they knew what (dead) meant. It all started to click I my head. He knocked on the door knowing that I was going to go outside to see what is was and I left the door open so maybe he got in that way and waited until I got upstairs to tell my kids that he was dead and they shouldn't worry and to take care of me. “Ha ha Mi Young do you hear yourself you are going crazy.” I thought to myself. I got the kids and I had them eat breakfast so I could get them dressed so we could go to my best-friend/sister Jia's house. I think to day I will let them visit their cousins so they aren't lonely. “Mi Mi go brush your teeth okay?” I said patting her as she walked away. “okay umma!.” as I was just about to put Yo Seung's clothes on he asked me. “umma why do you look scared?” I smiled and kissed his forehead. “Me?! Your mommy scared? Noooooo way Jose. Mommy is never scared.” he laughed and pulled his pants up "umma Yo Seung is a big boy now! I can do it!" I watched him do it all by himself. Maybe they are getting big. "hey go get your sister so we can leave arrasso?" 

I was taking my kids to my best friends house because she has two kids the same age as mine. I figure I can at least tell her what is going on and maybe she can help me to understand whats going on because I obviously don't understand at all. “hey guys guess where we are going right now...” “where?.” they asked me with an anxious look on their face. “AUNTY JIA's house..and guess who you get to play with.....” “uhm Lee junsu and Lee sujun?” “YES!!!” this is perfect while my kids go play I get to have a drink and be around my best-friend. -KNOCK KNOCK- “who is it?” I hate it when shes asks that like she doesn't know its me. She opened th door and I could tell that she had been crying for a while because she looked sick almost not even like m Jia Feng. She just stood there and looked at us with this icy expression I didn't know if I was scared or mad. Maybe mad because she had me out side in the blazin' heat and me and they kids were melting. Maybe scared because she looked sick like she was dying she definitely got skinner then she used to be. “hey J.” I pushed the kids into her house. The automatically ran up the stairs to go see her kids. And I took her by the hand and we sat on the couch. And all she could do was shake her head at me. I was wonder why she was doing that I didn't understand it was a little confusing.

“Jia is something wrong?” I asked her swollen,puffy face. She continued to shake her head. I still didn't understand. “JIA SPEAK TO ME...WHAT'S WRONG?!.” I said standing up instantly. “T.O.P wants a divorce from me and the kids. He says that the kids are nothing to him and neither and am I.” she started to cry so I sat down beside her and I held her while rocking her. “Aww my baby is he leaving you anything like the house or car(s)...omo this is a shock...wait why is he divorcing you?” I asked her cheek. “*sniff sniff* he was caught cheating with Kim Hyuna....again.” she said lifting her head off of my chest which was now wet from her tears that poured from her face. “i just don't know what to do anymore he wants no part of taking care if the kids I don't know what to do at all I want to die because I feel like I am losing a big part of my life anyways but then I have the kids to worry about and I just cant leave them here all alone.” I picked her up so she was standing in front of me and I looked her in the eyes. “well you will always have me so don't worry about anything if you need anything at all you can call me Jia.” she started to cry even harder now. “you have no clue what its like to be alone you have two kids that love you and you have DooJoon so don't tell me you know what its like to be alone.” I chuckled a little in amazement because she was the first person that I called when I got the news the DooJoon died and she stayed with me for a week so I could regain my strength back to be able to live on my own. “you can't just say things like that when you know its not true. You obviously know that I have no one and that I know what its like to be alone with two kids you are the one that doesn't know what its like to be alone. Its your broken,hurting heart talking rite now and I know that you don't mean what your are saying so...” she just looked at me with that same icy cold stare. “mi mi and yo yo get your stuff lets go...NOW!” I just couldn't stand to be in that house with her being so rude to me. I just had to leave. “wait where are you going...why are you leaving did I say something wrong.?” I just sat there in awe like is this chick going crazy?

The kids came rushing down the stairs. “umma are we leaving?” they asked me looking sad. “no we aren't mommy made a mistake.” as soon as I said that they ran upstairs and started screaming like they were before. “hey look at me.” I gave her this fierce look like the one she gave us when she answered the door, but it was less icier. “look I know that you are sorry but you cant just go saying things when you know that the aren't true. You know that DooJoon died 3 months ago you were the first of my friends to know. So please don't tell me that I don't know what it is like to be lonely because you haven't even lived my recent life for even a second so please okay.” she just looked at me and I just looked at her. This was our fight ever and its all because of the one and only man Jia loved and his name happens to be someone I like to call T.O.P. I'm kinda glad that they aren't together anymore because when they were we would always bump heads. This one time he brainwashed Jia into not talking to me for a whole year. Can you imagine not talking to you best-friend/sister for a whole year. Finally once I called her and told her that he's a -head she finally realized that I was rite and he was wrong. The was the longest year ever she never answered the door when I stopped by nor did she answer my phone calls. One of them would answer the phone and just breath into it being very childish. Finally after like 3 months of that crap I gave up. “whoa look mi young where did that attitude come from thats not you I have never seen this part of you I don't even know if you are Mi young rite now what do I call you hm lets see maybe TIFFANY!” okay now I understand that she doesn't know this side of me because she has never seen it but she crossed the line with calling me Tiffany because she knows that he used to call me that name and I don't anybody call me that name so she is really gonna see the side of me she hasn't seen before. “ what the is your problem? Huh? I understand that you are hurting because t.o.p is leaving your but don't take that out on me because I have nothing to do with it so quit it before somebody gets hurt today and I hate to even say thing but you are acting like a and I don't like it. You say you haven't seen this part of me I haven't ever seen this part of you and never in your ing time of breathing cal me TIFFANY because you are not allowed to call me that and when I told you to never call me tiffany when you made that mistake and I corrected you you promised to never call me that ever and just because you are mad now doesn't give you the right to. So I would like it if you would stop so the kids don't have to leave their cousins and be lonely all day because they know what LONELY is because they have nobody but me and they know how hard it is forgetting their dad because im still trying after 3 months of him being gone. You are lucky that all t.o.p is is divorcing you because even if he did want to come back you would still have someone to lean on and you will still hear his voice and feel his touch and smell his Axe. And I know that we got over this situation long ago but its all deciding to come out now and im sorry that I flipped on you just now I just cant help it when I am hurting which I am rite now which is why I just keep talking about the past but by me doing this is how I am getting over my pain and I just want you to know that no matter what I will always be here for you and I need to know that you will always be here for me no matter what.” I let a big huff of air at the end of what I was saying I had it bottled up for so long that I just couldn't stop talking about how I was feeling and I think she understands that. “im sorry mi young I didn't mean to make you feel as if and im sorry for calling you that and im also sorry for acting like a its just sometimes when I look at you I just see Hyuna and I don't know how to control myself when I think of her, she makes me angry that t.o.p is leaving me for Hyuna because we all used to be cool back in the day and the first time they we together was my first time being pregnant with the twins and I just hate her for that. We were all like family and then t.o.p came a long and blinded me from reality so anything wrong he did I did not see as wrong I thought everything he did was perfect.” she is just like me when it comes to letting our feeling go she just rambles on about things that she has had in her heart for a long tom too. “and you thought that about him because he was the first guy that never hit you right..? look hunny I understand where thus is coming from because when I dated Lee Jinki he used to hit me too and I was blinded by what he was doing that I never caught him cheating on me but when I met DooJoon in that bar that night and he asked me what was happening and why I had a black eye I knew rite then and there he was the one I wanted to be with and so once I realized that Lee Jinki was no good for me I just gave up on him and thats when I found out he was with HyuSoung.”Ha Ha isn't it so funny how we can forget about the bad things we were just talking about between us and move on about the things we never talked about before with each other. I think after this we will be even closer than before and if we aren't that there is a problem.

“see it was like nobody could tell you different about the one you love. No matter what they were wrong. But somehow inside you know that it was true and thats what makes you lose friends is that you are blinded by love.” I just stared at this odd stain on her carpet that looked like and ice cream. The word love made me cringe I shivered and I think she saw me cause she asked me. “hey are you cold or something.?” I giggled a little at her reaction. I wasn't being rude but it was the way she asked like “(hey are you cold)” now thats what I call funny as hell. “ no im not cold it's just that...nothing it's nothing anyways uhm so how are you doing like with your new job and everything..? I heard you work for a big company..?” I said as I wiped the tears away from my eyes. “Yeah I do but it will require me to move around the world.” Then came that long silence I was dreading. “m-move like where to, America..?” “Ssh” was all she said. Soon after I found myself in my car driving away. I don't know where to but I was going somewhere. “where do you guys wanna go?” I asked looking in the rear view mirror. They were sleeping so I just brought them home. I pulled up in the driveway and sat in the car with my head on the steering wheel for a while ,thinking. What am I going to do if she takes that job? How am I supposed to live without her? I already lost DooJoon, I can't lose her too.