Chapter 3:

 

                “I won’t let you do this; I don’t approve of this at all!” His mother screams at him. The mother that’s always supportive and understanding is not seen in these moments, and it scares Minseok.

 

                “Why can’t I want what you and dad wanted? Is it wrong that I want to be a performer too?” Minseok can’t stop himself from yelling back (testosterone does bad things to people his age). His mother just looks at watery eyes.

 

                “Have you seen what it’s done to me? Have you seen what it’s done to your father? For goodness sakes, he’s dead now. Why can’t you just be a good kid and stay inside like I’ve told you!?” She yells back.

 

The hardest part in this conversation was staying calm, because he has been. He knows what’s happened to his father (which he believes is completely unavoidable), and he’s ALWAYS been the good child for her. Minseok just wants to pull out his hair and scream at the top of his lungs, because it’s just unfair.

 

“I’ve seen them all mom. I’ve watched all of them. I know mom, believe me, I know the pain that it’s brought to you, but mom. I’ve seen the joy and happiness that you bring not only to yourself, but for everyone you perform for. I want to feel this mom. I want to let others feel it. You can’t put up double standards for me.” Minseok tries with a softer voice. Yelling at his mom when she’s emotionally heated has never yielded good results.

 

                He can see the way that his mother softens at the statements. Expecting positive feedback, he’s surprised to hear what comes out of .

 

                “I still won’t accept it.” Minseok wants to retort, but he’s quickly cut off. “I know Minseok, I know what you’re feeling. It’s just that fate is not kind to people like you and me. The industry will eat you alive, and I don’t want you to go through that. You’re too soft for something like this, too sheltered.”

 

                All he wants to do is keep arguing; but with the sad smile attached on his mother’s face, he knows that the argument is over. At least, over for today.

 

[---]

 

                “You’re so stiff all the time. Maybe something outside will make you feel a little looser.” Luhan does his daily routine of conversation.

 

Minseok’s conversation with his mother lingers in his head, and he can’t seem to shake it off. You’re too soft, too sheltered. In his mind, he’s screaming that it’s her that makes him so sheltered, so soft. He’s only following her rules. From the deepest part of his brain (because it takes him longer to find the answer that he’s never used for Luhan’s questions), the response slips out of his mouth.

 

“Let’s do something today, Luhan.” Minseok says in his daze of thinking. Luhan does a double check in Minseok’s direction, as if he hadn’t heard him correctly.

 

“I said, let’s do something today.” he repeats. Luhan quickly occupies the spot next to him.

 

“Is there something wrong? Do you have a fever?” he lifts his hand up to push Minseok’s bangs out of the way and checks his temperature. Minseok swats off his hand.

 

“You make it sound like I don’t like to have fun or something.” Minseok gives a small pout. The look of panic that spreads through Luhan’s face is completely priceless.

 

“That’s not what I me--” but Minseok tentatively cuts off his sentence by laughing. Luhan’s features become more lax, and Minseok just wants to tell Luhan all about his problems. It’s just that Minseok doesn’t want to pour everything on to the boy.

 

“Have you ever had a dream before?” Minseok wants answers, and he wants Luhan to be able to tell him. It’s just Minseok doesn’t know what he’s looking for; nor does he know what answers he wants either.

 

“Of course I’ve had a dream before. Just last night I had a dream of bungee jumping into a volcano.” Luhan says excitedly. Minseok just wants to slap the grin off his face, because he’s so stupid and dense that he doesn’t even understand the question.

 

“I mean, what do you want to do in the future?” Minseok hopes that he understands this wording better, because if he gets another pointless answer, he’ll kill Luhan now.

 

“Minseok, is this why you’re being so weird today?” he looks genuinely concerned. That sly fox, not answering his question. But Minseok doesn’t feel like he won’t get an actually answer from Luhan, so he’ll try to get his support.

 

“Maybe. Maybe I just need break out of my comfort zone to achieve something that I want. I was just hoping that my best friend would be willing to help me.”

 

                “Of course I’d help, that’s what best friends are for right? What’s your dream, Minseok?” Minseok can only smile at Luhan, because he honestly doesn’t want to talk about it (but he brought it up). Minseok’s not prepared to tell him, at least not right now. Minseok closes his eyes, and absorbs the comfort that Luhan brings by just being there.

 

[---]

 

                Minseok’s been anxious the whole day, week even. Ever since he’s decided to audition at SM, he’s been sweating in his shoes, and it hasn’t been sitting right in his stomach the whole week.

 

                He needed Luhan’s help, and now.

 

                “Let’s do something on Friday. Maybe would could go to my house?” Luhan’s face distorts to one of surprise. Minseok’s just trying to figure out whether it’s because he’s asking for something, or he wants to do something at his house. Luhan readily agrees.

 

                It may be just because it’s one of the days that his mother is home, but he needed a little courage that only Luhan could bring (because he was the only person that stayed close to him as they grew older). Minseok found it hard to face his mother nowadays. Who would? He’s practically disobeying her orders and walking behind her back to do something that she didn’t approve of.

 

                He feels foreign in his body lately. Everything feels so wrong in the fiber of his being. HIs body was so hard-wired to follow his mother’s instructions, but his heart didn’t sit well of just simply following orders. Some would say that this was just a rebellious stage, but working on his audition song in the middle of his room when his mother wasn’t home felt so right.

 

                When Friday comes, Minseok feels like he begins to make more mistakes on his audition piece than fixing them as he practices. His nerves are exploding out of his body, and he just won’t, no, can’t stop himself from letting them get to him. The nerves are too much, and it’s just hard to keep them under control when there’s no one to reassure him. He’s glad Luhan’s there, because he’s always there.

 

                Minseok tries to keep this as low key as possible, because he just wanted to spend this day with Luhan. Spending this time with Luhan to get his mind off the audition, his mother, and anything that stresses him out lately (because everything did). Laying in his bed together and keeping his breathing in control.

 

                “Is there something wrong?” Dang, Luhan noticed. Minseok tries to let out a light hearted chuckle.

 

                “You could say that I’m a little nervous.” Speaking makes Minseok shake, makes the adrenaline in his body build more.

 

                “About what?” Minseok just shakes his head at the question. He can’t tell Luhan, not now. What if he fails the audition? Luhan would be disappointed in him, like his mom is.

 

                “That’s a secret, but you know what would help me?” Minseok faces Luhan, and notices his idiotic nodding of his head. It makes him look ridiculous, and Minseok would’ve smiled during any other moment, but not now. “Just stay there, shut up, and be there when I need you to.”

 

                Minseok hopes that he makes the audition then he could show his mom he could do it. He could tell Luhan that he has something that is uniquely his. He could say---

 

                “What do you ---”

 

                “Shut up, Luhan.” Minseok reiterates with a smile, and Luhan, being the good puppy, silences, so Minseok can wander through his thoughts again.

 

[---]

               

                Minseok gets through the audition with the least amount of mistakes, and finishes the interview with minimal amount of stuttering.

 

                He’s more than ecstatic when SM said that they would sign him up for a trainee ‘test period’ they call it. Essentially it was a period where he would just be a regular trainee, but nothing official. They say that he’ll start on Monday, after school, and he’s excited, because like all other trainees, he has a shot.

 

                Minseok jumps into his bed, feeling extremely giddy, and thrashes around in his sheet like a teenage girl that had her dream guy ask her on a date. He looks up at the ceiling, wondering what he should do next.

               

                He didn’t want to tell anyone yet, because this was only a test period. What if they didn’t actually sign him on when they realize that he’s not as good as the others? He doesn’t even know if he wants to tell his mom anyways. He knows that she would be anything but supportive. However, telling Luhan was a whole different story. Still, he didn’t want to disappoint Luhan if he didn’t actually get officially signed on.

 

                Minseok decides to try making test period week the easiest he can, so grabs out his whole next week of homework to do this weekend. Homework will only be a distraction, and if his mom saw his grades slipping, she would think something was up.

 

                When Luhan calls, Minseok doesn’t exactly know what to tell him.

 

                “Minnie, wanna play Soccer at the park?” Luhan says cutely. Minseok almost gives in to the urges, but he really needs to do this work.

 

                “I can’t, maybe another day.”

 

                “Why not?” Minseok was expecting the question, but he didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t say he was doing homework; Luhan would be suspicious, half of the stuff wasn’t even due till Friday.

 

                “I’m a little tired today, maybe next time.” MInseok tries to lie, but his voice is a little shaky, and he hopes Luhan thinks that’s how he sounds when he’s tired.

 

                “Oh, okay. Well, I’ll see you on Monday.” Luhan says, albeit with a hint of sadness. Minseok feels a little bad, but right now he had to put the training as his priority. So he hangs up feeling a little regretful, but trying to stay as focused as he can to finish the assignments.

 

[---]

 

                Minseok feels a little bad for pushing Luhan on Yixing for tutoring, but now that he’s going to be a trainee he has less time to focus on Luhan. He’d feel bad if he left Luhan on his lonesome, so when Yixing brought up his Korean problems, Minseok kind of took advantage of it.

 

                Walking into the SM building was a little overwhelming. This was where his parents trained, where he would be trained, where he could possibly make his dreams come true. He’s about to tear up until him and the other trainees are corralled into the infamous cloud practice room.

 

                “We’ll be having talent assessments today, so be prepared. You can be asked to do anything.”

 

                Minseok gulps, because he doesn’t know what to expect today.

 

[---]

 

                Feeling completely exhausted after today’s training, he sits at the edge of the dance practice room and chugs the water bottle that is handed to him.

 

                “You were pretty good out there, very promising as a temporary trainee.” the boy with the life saving water bottle says. Minseok blushes, because he’s not used to being complimented about things like this. He’s not used to showcasing anything he could actually do either, so maybe it was a cause and effect that he’d never encountered.

 

                “Joonmyun. 2nd year trainee.” he smiles. Minseok didn’t expect to encounter a person that was open, friendly, nice?, while being a temporary trainee. He’s heard from others that usually temporary trainees are shunned until they become permanent. Especially if you make a friend that is sent home after the period. Minseok just hopes that’s not him.

 

                “Minseok. Um. Temporary trainee?” Minseok replies. Joonmyun comes to ruffle his hair (his sweaty hair), and pouts.

 

                “I’m a first year right now.” Joonmyun blurts out in the silence.

 

                “I guess you’ll be calling me hyung then.” and Joonmyun blinks a couple of times, and seems to be very surprised.

                “You cannot be older than me.” Joonmyun says with disbelief.

 

                “Besides the point that I’m a second year, I expect to be good friends with you, dongsaeng.” Minseok quickly finishes off the water bottle, grabs his stuff, and skips towards the exit.

 

[---]

 

                Minseok isn’t even surprised to come home to an empty house.

 

[---]

 

                Joonmyun and Minseok click even more after Minseok becomes an official trainee. They’re laughing and talking to each other constantly during breaks, because it seems like Joonmyun is the only friendly trainee.

 

                Minseok’s glad that Joonmyun is there to rub his back, and hand him another water bottle, because breaking into regular trainee regimen is hard.

 

                “It gets better after the first real week. I promise.” Joonmyun pats his back. Minseok really hopes he’s right, because the constant workouts right after being at school is making him extremely tired.

 

                “I really think you should be the hyung in this relationship.” Minseok says between his gasps of breathes (which he’s regaining faster). Joonmyun chuckles at that, and Minseok thinks he has a grandpa laugh.

 

                “Your laugh reminds me of a friend I have. Your laugh is as attractive as he looks as he laughs.” Joonmyun blushes a little at the comment.

 

                “Thanks hyung.”

 

                “Trust me, it’s not a compliment. He looks like a dying walrus when he laughs.” Minseok bursts out laughing at the similarity. Joonmyun’s blush turns into a pout.

 

                “Hyung!”

 

                “Maybe one day, you’ll get to meet him.” Minseok smiles at the thought of Joonmyun meeting his other friends. Joonmyun might be a little awkward, but he’d fit in. Minseok’s sure of it.

 

[---]

 

               Minseok doesn’t understand how it got this bad. Yes, maybe he hadn’t been seeing Luhan as often as they used to, but it hurt as Luhan screamed the next words.

 

“You’re jealous of Yixing. You’re jealous that I spend so much time with Yixing. You’re jealous that you can’t speak Mandarin. You’re jealous that I like him more. You’re jealous that HE’S A BETTER FRIEND THAN YOU HAVE EVER BEEN!”

The words sting, because Minseok could’ve been a better friend. This whole time, and he still hadn’t even told Luhan that he was a trainee at SM. This whole time of being too busy and exhausted to spend time with Luhan didn’t constitute him as the best friend.

“I’m not jealous of Yixing. There were things and other reasons I couldn’t see you.” Minseok tries to explain to his friend that seems to be on a very short fuse.

“So you are avoiding me!” he yells. Minseok just wants to crawl into a hole, because Luhan’s being a little brat right now. Luhan’s fuse it too short right now, and even Minseok has a limit on his temper.

“Stop twisting my words Luhan!” Minseok says, but he doesn’t realize how vicious that came out. He’s just sick of Luhan’s fit right now, and he wishes he’d just stop acting like a baby.

“I’ve been busy lately, and I’m glad that Yixing is your best friend, because I’m sick and tired of dealing with an unreasonable child that can only see his side of the story. I can have a life outside of you, Luhan!” and that is when Minseok wishes he had his own filter, and his own temper in check, because he doesn’t want to fight with Luhan right now (or ever for that matter).

Luhan seems surprised (to say in the least amount of words), and Minseok is just laying there as he does those breathing exercises he does during practice to get himself to calm down (because not all trainees are as nice as Joonmyun). The silence in the air soon gets to Minseok as he’s finally calm, and he wishes Luhan would say something, because he doesn’t dare to say any words that could be possibly hurtful.

“So what have you been doing?” Luhan says in a quiet voice (probably the quietest he’s been ever).  Minseok smiles, because Luhan is still concerned. He’s still that friend he can rely on, and he wishes he could tell him the truth. He really does, but Minseok is still hurt from today’s fight, and he feels like it’s not the right time. So he tries to give him the most honest answer.

“I’ve been chasing my dreams.”

 

---

A/N

I wanted to write more for this chapter, but I hadn't actually thought of ideas past this point, or how to link the next events. So hopefully a good nights sleeps will give me inspiration and I might be writing again soon. Sorry it's been like months >//< I'll try updating more (while I procrastinate on my homework).

 

Love, Evee :3