Yixing dreams about thousands of stars that illuminate him as he lay down on the grass in his grandmother's house in Changsha. He can almost smell the mould that gives birth to the gardenias his grandparents love every year. He is not alone in his dream. There is a hand laced to his and it's warm, comforting. A star falls and Yixing closes his eyes to make a wish.

“It'll drop anyway” he says instead and somehow that makes him sad.

“I will catch it for you if it's so important” the person beside him answers with an unrecognizable voice.

“Who would want a rock that doesn't even produce light?”

“Stars never shine on their own, Yixing. They shine with a reflex light.”

Yixing wants to answer, but the reek of burnt skin suffocates him and he lowers his gaze only to see his own hand on fire, the hand that is interlocked with the unknown person who is now nothing more than a flame that makes his fingers fester and he screams as each and every star explodes before his eyes too bright, too hot until he is blind and everything is pain...

“Yixing ge..., Zhang Yixing wake up” Tao shakes Yixing's shoulders rather irritated. The older one often has nightmares when he tries to sleep during flights and by now Tao is used to it. It takes Yixing more than a few minutes to come to his senses this time. He can't remember what the nightmare was about, but he feels it was important.

“The others will wait for us in the SM building in Cheongdam. Suho said we have an interview scheduled for three o'clock. And a photo shoot for Etude House straight after” Kris instructs with his leader voice now that everybody is awake and listening to him.

Kris is not a dancer. He can hardly be estimated as a rapper as well and he isn't perfect in anything. He's been a trainee long enough to realize that too and face the reality that tells him he probably won't get any better. He debuted on the off chance – a tall, handsome Chinese boy with an ambition strong enough to lead him and his bandmates and an understanding of the English language that put him ahead of many others. What does it matter if he is not born a performer when they have Jongin and his burning passion for dancing or Jongdae's enviable vocals? EXO needs a leader instead, somebody to hold them all together when it would be the easiest to just part, and Kris is perfect for that job. Yixing has wondered a few times what would it be if they had only left real musical talents in EXO and not just faces or leaders, but every time comes to the conclusion that if this were the case, he would have never debuted at all. And also, how would a band full of people that know they are the best, succeed? Wouldn't they always want the stage solely for themselves, not letting the others show their talent? Wouldn't they eventually hate each other if they were all gifted enough to afford it?

“Lay, don't zone me out again, if I have to repeat I will punch you.”

“Is that so, duizhang? And where will duizhang punch me? In the nose, or on the lips so that the fans would think I have had a wild night with Luhan or Minsok or even our precious duizhang before coming to Korea.”

Minseok makes a disgusted sound somewhere from the back and Luhan kicks Yixing's seat in an amused manner. He finds the fans' assumptions of all twelve of them being gay at the same time rather funny, or so he says when the others ask him why he doesn't get worked up like Zitao and Baekhyun do at the stupid accusations.

A slumberous Yixing is a haughty Yixing, especially after nightmares and Kris, having been his roommate long enough to understand that, lets the malignant comment slide past his attention. He feels guilty because he is so used to Yixing's remarkable composure that he often forgets his friend is just a twenty three years old boy and it's only natural he should be a little off sometimes.

The plane lands with no further turbulence for which Kris counts himself lucky. They have all been fighting too much lately.

~

Baekhyun likes to remind them how much he hates fansign events when given the chance to and Yixing knows where he comes from. The venue is crowded and stinks of sweat, mustiness and too much perfume. They ask him on shows how he smells so nice to which Yixing explains he just showers a lot more than most people do and rarely uses perfumes but he doesn't clarify it's because they make him want to vomit, especially cheap ones.

“Saw Jisun yesterday,” Baekhyun says the moment he reaches Yixing as though they have been gossiping for a couple of hours. They are making their way through the Great Wall of fans and, ironically, it's the most suitable time for such conversations. “She gave me her number.”

“Well it was about time,” Yixing scoffs mockingly. “You have been stalking her for months. Say, don't the other stylist noonas wonder why is it always Jisun that styles your hair?”

A fan with short-cut left-fringed hair screams somewhere from behind them and Yixing turns immediately to see what is wrong. His heart feels like ripping when one of the fans gets injured. He sighs with relief when he sees the girl, most probably a highschooler, raising up on her feet from the ground where she was obviously pushed, and shaking the dirt from her clothes. She looks a bit frightened but other than that doesn't seem to be hurt anywhere. Yixing continues walking, Baekhyun following suit with a strange impression that would make Yixing wonder what it means if he had seen it.

“I am not stalking her. I just make sure we are going to meet when the possibility of that happening is discouragingly low by acquainting myself with her schedule,” Baekhyun says, going back to the point.

“So, basically, stalking her in an inflated manner.”

“The stylists don't mind. You know me when it comes to hair and it's a common knowledge after Jisun started working with us I haven't had a single hideous haircut,” Baekhyun shrugs his shoulders. “I guess the staff is sick of depriving idols of their last joy in life that is not having to walk in shame with pink hair or something.” He then glances at Yixing, remembering the days from their Wolf era when the Chinese boy was doomed with the same hair colour. “I mean you looked pretty swell with it but come on, imagine how pink would fit my style! You can't, right, cause it won't.”

“Yeah, you would totally look like Ann from Green Gables as I think of it now,” Yixing laughs because even with sassy Baekhyun it's him who has to have the last word. His friend is frowning and, for once, it's not because of the crowd. That makes Yixing laugh even harder. “You are very efficient in changing subjects, though” he says when he calms down and Baekhyun beams at him.

“I know, right. The MC classes I took back when we were trainees are so paying off. And your Korean is getting obnoxiously good, by the way. I blame it on Jongdae. ”

It's astounding how Baekhyun's mood can change from annoyed to cheerful to annoyed again in the matter of seconds. Yixing is about to answer with something witty and caustic wheb then they reach the tables for the fansign and all twelve boys must take their places. Work time, Yixing thinks as he plasters a smile on his face and tries to keep it there.

~

“Oppa! Please accept this!” A girl almost shouts in Yixing's face and he bows, telling her he's sorry but he is not allowed to take presents. The girl looks like she is going to punch him for a moment before she sulks and pleads in bad Chinese that he will accept her little gift. Yixing contemplates for a bit when he remembers why he is standing there and why there is an unknown person caring for him so much in the first place. His fans love him and Yixing is so grateful that he has to do the least for them and answer their love the best way he can. He smiles genuinely, his dimple poking it's way on his right cheek as he scans to see whether his managers are watching. They are not and Yixing hides the little box in his beige MCM backpack.

“I will never forget that oppa!” The girl chirrups and a wide grin spreads across her lips. She walks away and Yixing can swear he heard something like “you won't too” as she was turning around, but he ascribes it to the exhaustion that is slowly taking over his worn out with training body. He has to bite back a yawn when the next fan stands in front of him with a CD to sign.

Strange, Yixing notices, that girl didn't want me to sign anything for her.

~

“Cheers for another successful event, team!” Suho congratulates everybody later in the dorm with a can of beer in his hand. It's old, decontaminated and tastes like piss but it's cold so none of them complains.

“More like cheers for not being eaten alive for yet another oh-so-lucky day” Baekhyun stings.

“You can put it that way if it tickles your fancy” Kris adds, voice hoarse. He's had the tough job of giving them orders all day and Yixing can imagine how sore his throat must be now.

“Going to bed, kids. You continue with the bickering,” Minseok says nonchalantly and lugs along the hall to his room.

“Yeah, joining dreamland too” Luhan agrees jumping right after Minseok and almost drops on the floor face-first as he is tripped by a certain Yixing's conveniently stationed on his way leg. Dirty traitor, Yixing spits mentally because Luhan had promised to stay and talk with him and now sneaks out to wheedle information on Minseok's girlfriend presumptive hence the both boys being roommates. Yixing's known Luhan for too long and is aware of his corrupt gossiping system (which Baekhyun is also a part of) and usually has nothing against it but when it harms his own interests, it's the enemy. “er.”

“What has Yixing done to you, Devil's spawn?” Sehun asks on cue.

He and Luhan....

“Hope you choke on your saliva tonight, face.”

...are having a bit of a tense relationship these days. Yixing just wishes it didn't affect all of them directly like it does.

~

In the days to come Yixing, being too busy with practicing for hours with Jongin or helping Jongdae with his Chinese or working out with Minseok and Luhan, forgets about the present he had received from the girl at the fansign event. EXO's new comeback concept is already prepared – a bubbly, cheery song to match with the upcoming summer they are going to present it in. It's scheduled to go out in August after a set of PR tactics and pre-promotions, but the company makes sure all of them start training the minute they see the new choreography. Breaks last no more than two weeks, if they are lucky, and Yixing is glad they are giving them all month now to rest. His painkillers barely work on him these days and he really needs the break even if he wouldn't admit. There is a string of guilt when he remembers he can only have a few more days off because Kyungsoo is filming yet another drama and Kris and Baekhyun were chosen for MC's for variety shows, which means they are working, respectively – being useful while he idles away his time, but the thought he'd be in the plane for Changsha to see his family in just a few days when the intense practicing finishes, washes all the negative details away.

He takes a picture of his mother out of his wallet later when a towel is wrapped around his waist and he is lying in his bed, hair still damp after the cold shower he had taken. He's not six anymore and doesn't have her sleeping next to him every night to save him from the monsters in the dark, but even looking at her loving face smiling at him through the photo makes him feel a lot more like he's home.

“Can I come in?” Luhan asks as he barges in offhandedly and plops himself in the neighboring bed, crossing his legs like it's his room. Oh, but it is, Yixing remembers, for yesterday Luhan complained to Kris that Tao was being too much of a sleep talker and since Kris was the one in their team that has the ability to sleep even the apocalypse through, it's only fair that he should be the Tao's roommate. Kris hadn't opposed much and neither had Yixing as they told him he's going to share a room with Luhan again.

“No.”

“What, did I ruin your y time with a picture of the SNSD girls?”

“That's my mother, you simpleton. Gods, not all of us are like you, Xiao Lu.”

It's a nickname Sehun had thought of and it's not wise of Yixing to use it now that the former and Luhan are at odds, but it slips through his mouth accidentally. His friend doesn't show any sign of annoyance whatsoever.

“In my defense I have never jerked off at a picture of a girl.”

“...”

“I meant, no. Jesus, that's not what I meant. You know what I meant, Zhang Yixing!”

It's funny cause when he is nervous, Luhan starts saying the same thing over and over without even noticing until it all turns into a ramble of awkward words and his hands flailing as though he is waving fume away and his eyes wide enough to level with Kyungsoo's.

“Before this gets any weirder, when are you flying back to China?”

“On Wednesday at seven in the morning.”

“It's soon.”

“Yeah, but I will be back even sooner, they said I can only visit for a week even during a break.”

“We have to train a lot.”

“I know that.”

Yixing doesn't say that all the training has made Luhan look even gaunter and has deepened the black circles under his eyes. He doesn't because there is no way he would be a hypocrite when he himself spends fourteen hours a day in the company in order to do better. How can he let himself nag at a person he cares about when the person he should care the most about, himself, is doing nothing to amend his health?

“Say, can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.”

“When did you fall out of love with your life, Yixing?”