Made in Wishes

Wishes, everyone makes wishes even before knowing what it is. Child, they were little. “I wish mom will buy me an ice cream in the way back home. I wish dad will buy me the new car toy.”

Teenager, the wishes grew up with me. “I wish my mother would let me pass the audition. I wish I’ll be taken by SM. I wish I could pay my rent in time.”

Wishes, always about having but never about giving.

I was accepted at SM and then I saw you in that corridor. You were so coolly dressed, a wish came to my mind. “I wish I can be as cool as him.”

Maybe it was fate, I don’t know but you and I were put in the same group, TVXQ. You were my leader even though I was older than you. “I wish I could be as confident as him. I wish I could be as charismatic as him.”

Wishes, always hoping fate would realise them.

Then years passed and we grew up closer and closer and closer. “I wish I could tell him. I wish he would accept me.”

Then I did. I told you or no rather it happened. You and I happened. Then I became greedy. That’s the trick with wishes, you always want more, more and more. “I wish I could tell the world that I love you and that you’ll forever be mine. I wish the society could accept us, that they could understand. I wish we’ll stay together.”

But I remembered one thing about wishes, they were not always granted.

TVXQ broke up. You and I broke up. It was the end. When I look back, I don’t understand why. TVXQ was perfect. You and I were perfect. We were at our apogee. We were the Gods of the East. Maybe that’s where we went wrong? Calling ourselves Gods when we’re merely Humans? Maybe God punished us for our arrogance? Or maybe for our sin? You and I were a sin yet for me, you and I were sinfully perfect.

Years passed, difficult ones. Many turned their back on us. Companies, TV channels, radios and even fans. It was as if the world was against us. And I couldn’t see you. “I wish you would pick up my calls. I wish I could hear your voice, I wish you would stop hating me.”

One day when everything became too suffocating, I did what I always did. “I wish that our love story wasn't great, wasn't extraordinaire that it would make it so easy to forget.”

Yet when I opened my door to find you looking tired, human and mine, I couldn’t help but take that wish back.

Since then, I’ve stopped making wishes. I’ve stopped hoping fate would be merciful with me and learned to write life myself.

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