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WARNING: I can't promise you there won't be any more Shixun GIFs popping up in future chapters.

“Mister Lee,” Baekhyun spoke out, his phone pressed against his ear while he looked out the window, “we’ll have to wait for one more month.”

A soft, dark chuckle came from the person on the other side of the line, “Beloved Chairlady Oh remains stern and decisive as always, huh? Well, that’s alright. One week, one month, one year, ROYELL’s infamous CEO won’t be coming back. Let them try to hide the fact that their General Manager Oh has disappeared into thin air. We’ll just prepare ourselves for a nice show.”

“As long as I do what you want me to,” Baekhyun said emotionlessly, “you’ll give me what I want, right?”

Laughter reached Baekhyun’s ear, “As long as you listen to me well, you’ll be able to get back everything Sehun took from you. The CEO position that originally belonged to you, the whole hotel chain that you’re supposed to have control over, and most importantly, the person you love.”

Baekhyun’s eyes snapped shut as he spoke out, “Then I’ll promise to make sure Oh Sehun loses his position as the CEO of ROYELL.”

“Excellent,” Mister Lee said, evil laughter following.

»

Shixun watched the coin twirl, eyes fixated on the quick motion. It took his mind off of matters that were draining him from all his energy. Whenever Shixun needed to calm himself down, bring peace to his mind and body, he would turn to this coin. This golden coin that had the letter W graved on both sides. This coin that could soothe his heart. Shixun did not recognize it, but something told him that this was something he never wanted to lose. This coin was important to him, probably even more important than he thought right now.

It did not felt right when he told Lu Han to forget about the kiss. It had actually felt really wrong. His heart had been screaming to him to take back those words he did not mean. However, his head, his forever rational mind, told him that whatever his heart wanted was sinfully wrong. They were cousins. They were family. To want to kiss his own cousin was probably disgusting and wrong. And he did not want Lu Han to think badly of him. He did not want Lu Han to feel disgust towards Shixun. That would really be the worst. That was why he avoided talking about it, pretending it never happened because as long as they both did not talk about it, nothing would happen. Nothing would change.

Nothing would break.

However, it was only a matter of time before either of them would bring it up. It was to be expected that Lu Han would bring it up. After all, it was not something light. Even sleeping in the same room must be awkward and uncomfortable for Lu Han right now. It had been a mistake. Shixun had made a grave mistake. Things had already changed.

He moved a hand through his messy hair while eyeing the coin tiredly. There was no turning back and changing the past. Shixun knew that. And Shixun was not feeling regretful for kissing Lu Han, because he was not the kind of person to regret what he had done. He was not the kind of person to regret his decisions. However, maybe…

Maybe he could have done things better.

He looked up to see Lu Han standing in the kitchen, busy making breakfast for the both of them before they would leave. Shixun had already organized everything. They would go to visit the travel agency Explore Korea and then come back in the evening. He had already contacted the travel agency and they were willing to listen. He had been a little hesitant to go to Seoul when he saw Lu Han’s reluctance, but Lu Han did not went into it and Shixun did not want to pry. He would just make sure to watch over Lu Han. As long as Lu Han was right by his side, he would be able to protect Lu Han from anything bad.

“Shixun, it’s time to eat,” Lu Han said as he placed down the bowls with rice on the kitchen table.

“Ah, yeah,” Shixun quickly responded while grabbing the coin and putting it back into his pocket, “I’m coming.”

Silence enveloped them both as they started eating, but it was not really silence. It was not really silence because Shixun could hear everything so loudly right now. Every sound was intensified in volume. The sound of eating, of the clock ticking, of his own heart beating – he could hear them all so clearly. Ever since he told Lu Han to forget about it, they really did not talk about it anymore. And they kept on acting like they did usually. Shixun had decided that he would help Lu Han become more independent before slowly letting him go. It was much safer than recklessly letting the ropes go and let Lu Han fall down mercilessly. However, he did notice that Lu Han was more distant, more silent, more careful around him than before. He did realize there was this faint line growing between them. It made his heart ache.

Maybe certain things really could not be forgotten.

“Did you read through everything I gave you?” Shixun asked, trying desperately to start a conversation.

Lu Han nodded his head, “I did.”

And it was then that Shixun noticed it. It was then that Shixun noticed the tremble in Lu Han’s voice, the first sign of nervousness in Lu Han’s case. It was then that he realized that Lu Han had not really been eating at all. It was then that he finally understood that Lu Han was nervous about all of this. He was probably, most likely, afraid that he might ruin this because of his incapability. He was insecure and afraid.

“It’s going to be alright,” Shixun comforted him in a gentle voice, “it’s your first time, and it’s only a try, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself.”

Lu Han looked at him with uncertain eyes, “I… I know.”

“You want me to be there with you when you present them the proposal?” Shixun asked, voice laced with genuine concern, “If you’re really that nervous about it, I can accompany you the first time.”

For a moment, something flashed in Lu Han’s eyes, something like joy before it vanished and Lu Han shook his head weakly, “N-No, I… I’ll go on my own. You said I needed to go on my own, right? I’ll present it on my own.”

Shixun should not have put such a big burden on Lu Han’s shoulder. He should have taken things slowly, and maybe then things would not have backfired. Lu Han was not used to doing things like these, was not used to having to present and sell his ideas in front of strangers. Shixun knew and yet he had pushed Lu Han to do it. When he thought about it, he really must have pushed Lu Han too much in a corner.

“I’ll do fine,” Lu Han said without looking Shixun in the eyes.

Shixun watched him intently as Lu Han played with his food, hoping from the bottom of his heart that everything would go well.

»  

They arrived at Explore Korea in the afternoon, just on time for the appointment. Shixun noticed how Lu Han was continuously pulling his clothes, trying his best to look as neat as possible. Shixun had told Lu Han to buy a plain dress shirt for the occasion, because although the hostel was not big, a good appearance was still important and a clear form of respect towards the other. They needed to show Explore Korea that they were sincere about this collaboration.

Shixun made sure to gather as much information about Explore Korea as he could, making sure the proposal would be as attractive for this travel agency as possible. He knew that Explore Korea was one of the travel agencies that were interested in organizing tours to some less known places in South Korea, which was exactly something Shixun wanted to build on. He told Lu Han everything he thought, and he was glad to see how Lu Han did his best to absorb it all. Lu Han was not a genius when it came to this, still too inexperienced to really excel in it, but he was hardworking and motivated and that was already a brilliant begin to start with.

And he was certain Lu Han would be able to do well. He believed in Lu Han. He believed that Lu Han really had the ability to do well with this. If only Lu Han believed in himself as much as Shixun believed in him. Shixun wanted to show Lu Han ways to keep the hostel alive, ways to bring himself out to the world. He wanted Lu Han to learn how to get out of his shell. He did not want Lu Han to spend his whole life selling replica bags and expensive ice cream. He wanted Lu Han to learn how to grow as a person, reach things on his own.

He wanted Lu Han to find out what he was really worth.

“You can do it,” Shixun said reassuringly, gently pushing Lu Han forwards, “I’ll be here waiting for you, mentally supporting you.”

Lu Han glanced at him before smiling nervously, “Alright.”

When he noticed the reluctance still lingering on Lu Han’s expression, he smiled a little, “Then how about I dare you to go inside and sell the proposal?”

This caused Lu Han’s eyes to flicker in surprise while looking at him, “Dare?”

Shixun nodded his head before reaching for the coin in his pocket. It was his most precious belonging, it really was. It was something that never failed to calm him down. And he knew when he reached out to hold onto Lu Han’s trembling and slightly sweaty hand, that Lu Han needed it the most right now.

“Here you go,” Shixun said before placing the coin on Lu Han’s hand, “With this, you’ll certainly be able to present on your best.”

Lu Han frantically shook his head, “N-No, I can’t, this is very important to you, you can’t give-”

“I’m lending it to you,” Shixun said gently, slowly making Lu Han’s fingers wrap around it, “so don’t worry about it. I’ll be with you.”

Lu Han’s eyes glistered as a genuine smile grew on his lips, “Thank you.”

Shixun shook his head at this, “It’s nothing. Now go and do your best. Whatever the outcome will be, I’ll still be proud of you.”

This caused the smaller male to nod his head, gaze lingering on the pavement for a short moment before he looked up to meet Shixun’s eyes. For a moment Shixun was startled to see those eyes looking right into his, because they seemed to be telling him something. It was both overwhelming and beautiful, Shixun admitted. Those eyes, that look – it was both hauntingly perfect and wonderfully brilliant.

He watched Lu Han turning around and slowly making its way to the entrance, silently wishing that everything would go well. When Lu Han glanced back at him, he was quick to flash the other a supportive smile, which seemed to give Lu Han enough courage to get inside and disappear behind doors and desks. Shixun leaned against the tree while glancing up, letting the sunbeams touch his skin tenderly. He could only hope that this wonderful day would bring wonderful things.

Maybe they could go eat something good after this. Lu Han would probably argue that the food here was too expensive and they should just go to a convenience store to buy something to eat. However, whatever the result of this meeting, Shixun wanted to celebrate it. He wanted to celebrate Lu Han’s first attempt of stepping out of his comfort zone. He still had some money left, so he could treat the both of them to something good. Or maybe they could wander around, because Seoul was a nice place with lots to see. They would walk through some streets and enjoy themselves before going back to Incheon. That would be good too.

He folded his arms against his chest while a sigh escaped his lips. It would probably take some time before Lu Han would come out. Shixun would just have to wait. He would not want to go anywhere anyways. He wanted to stay as close to Lu Han as possible. A little waiting was nothing. It was nothing because Shixun did not mind. He did not mind waiting. Not when it was Lu Han he was waiting for.

As the minutes passed, Shixun did feel the fatigue slowly creeping in, with the sun shining right on him and the hotness slowly draining him from his energy. It made him unconsciously tug at the hem of his shirt, only to stop when he felt the soft fabric. A smile automatically crept on his lips as he looked down at his shirt, remembering how this was the first gift Lu Han had ever given him. Maybe it really was fate for them to give each other something on that day, together. Maybe it really was destiny, or something magical. When he was around Lu Han, there always seemed to be something magical between the two of them. Nothing that could meet the eyes but it was strong enough to be felt.

Shixun shook his head when he realized his mind was thinking about the wrong things again. He was not supposed to think about it anymore. Whatever he wanted, whatever his heart desired, it was wrong. Wrong in so many ways. Shixun really did not understand why his heart wanted things it should never want so dearly, so desperately. He did not understand why things had to become so difficult. He never thought love could become so complicated until he landed himself in this mess called love. Shixun blinked his eyes.

Love?

 “Do you like Lu Han more than you should?”

Was it love? Did he love Lu Han? Did he like, love Lu Han more than he should? Did he harbor any romantic feelings towards Lu Han? Did he want Lu Han more than he should?

He buried his face in his hands, trying to stop his heart and head fighting with each other for an answer.

He did not know how much time had passed. He did not know how long he had stood there, thinking about his feelings for Lu Han and what he was feeling for the other. It was only when there was a gentle tapping on his shoulder that he was pulled back into reality. Reality in which Lu Han was the first thing he saw from underneath his bangs went he looked up from the ground.

He was quick to straighten himself, immediately asking, “How did it go?”

Lu Han frowned, a pout slowly forming on his lips.

This caused Shixun’s heart to fall, “It went bad?”

Lu Han threw himself on Shixun mercilessly, causing the both of them to almost fall down on the ground if not for the tree that painfully pressed against Shixun’s back but did stop them from tumbling down. Shixun did not even have time to grasp the situation because soon Lu Han’s arms were wrapped around his waist, strongly holding him for dear life. And Shixun could not help but think that this was the first time Lu Han had hugged him. This was the first time Lu Han took the initiative to hug him, to hold him. This was the first time Lu Han so openly showed that he wanted Shixun. And this made his heart swell up in joy, because he did not think this day would ever come.

“What’s wrong?” Shixun asked while gently patting Lu Han’s head.

Lu Han answered with a shake of his head against Shixun’s chest.

“Were they uninterested?” Shixun tried.

Again, Lu Han shook his head, causing Shixun to frown. Then what was it?

“Then what-”

“I did it,” Lu Han spoke out softly, lips against Shixun’s shirt.

“What?” Shixun spoke out in surprise, not really understanding what Lu Han meant.

Lu Han’s hold on Shixun immediately strengthened, “I did it…” He slowly moved his head away from Shixun’s chest to look the other in the eyes, stars seemingly swimming in those beautiful, wide windows to the soul, “They said they’re going to think about. I… I can’t believe I did it, Shixun,” A brilliant, bright smile appeared on Lu Han’s smile as he continued, “I really did it.”

“Do you like Lu Han more than you should?”

And Shixun finally knew the answer to this question when he saw Lu Han looking at him with eyes that shone so strongly, a smile that could brighten up the darkest corners, and a face that lit up in pure joy. And he realized that the answer had already been there, but he just refused to listen to his heart. He refused to believe it. But Lu Han was holding onto him while innocently looking him in the eyes, being everything Shixun ever wanted, and there was no denying it anymore.

He was in love with Lu Han.

“Shixun, I did-”

Shixun did not let Lu Han finish his sentence. He did not need to hear it. He already knew. The happiness Lu Han was feeling. All the joy Lu Han was feeling.

Shixun felt it in tenfold.

And it must have been the joy that caused his heart to have the upper hand in the moment. It must have been the happiness, it really must have been it, because his head lost and his heart was dominating. And whenever his heart dominated, there was this urge to kiss Lu Han.

So that was exactly what he did.

The first time, he had not been able to fully appreciate the kiss, but this time, he was going to remember it. He was going to remember how Lu Han’s were pressed against his, softness meeting softness, longing meeting longing, want meeting want. Shixun tilted his head slightly to deepen the kiss, to deepen their touch that felt so heavenly, and the best of all was the fact that Lu Han was kissing him back. Everything else forgotten, this was a moment of eternity for the both of them. He watched how Lu Han’s eyes fluttered close like he was watching an art piece, taking in how Lu Han’s eyelashes for devilishly long. His lips curved upwards as he circled his arms around Lu Han’s waist, enjoying this moment to the fullest.

He was really in love with Lu Han.

But his head was not that weak. His rational and clever mind had this skill of taking the heart off guard, attacking when the heart’s attention was somewhere else. And his head reminded him that this was wrong, completely wrong, and no apology would be sufficient to explain this anymore. One time was an accident. Two times was a desire that Shixun was too weak to suppress.

So, no matter how good it felt, Shixun had to stop this. He had to stop this and push Lu Han away. The moment their lips detached from each other felt like something was being ripped out of his heart. It felt as if he had just done the worst thing ever. It made him wish he did not listen to his head. When Lu Han’s eyes opened slowly, Shixun realized they were filled with shock. And something else he could not really place. It could have been sadness. It could have been disappointment. It could have been hurt.

“I… I’m sorry, I-” Shixun spoke out frantically, his hand automatically going up to touch his hair, “I didn’t know- I’m sorry, this is wro- I was wrong-”

“Shixun-ah,” Lu Han spoke without looking at him, “You… You once told me that the person I’ve accidentally hurt would forgive me. He would forgive me because it was an accident and accidents happen,” Lu Han gulped harshly before continuing.

“What if I told you this person was you?”

Shixun’s mind went blank. He did not know what to think, what to do, what to say. There was nothing, simply nothing. He could feel his heart rate going up rapidly, warmth spreading through his whole body, but his mind was numb. It was numb because what Lu Han had just told him sounded unbelievable. Shixun did not even know whether he could really comprehend what Lu Han had just told him. He was not sure how to deal with what Lu Han told him just now.

Lu Han… Had accidentally hurt him?

“What if I told you that…” Lu Han stopped midsentence to gasp for air, a tear forming at the corner of his left eye, “If I told you t-that… That it was me who caused you to lose all your memories?”

“What…” Shixun spoke out in utmost shock, eyes widened as he stared at Lu Han, “What are you saying…?"

“I…” Lu Han choked while tears were already rolling down his cheeks, “I accidentally hit you with my car, Shixun… I… I was the one who made you lose all your memories…”

Flashbacks of their first meeting in Lu Han’s room appeared, remembering Shixun about how he had absolutely nothing with him. He remembered the bandage around his head, the throbbing pain and the concern in Lu Han’s eyes. He remembered only that, but nothing before. He remembered nothing of the accident itself, of how it happened and who were involved. He only knew that the moment he opened his eyes, he saw Lu Han.

“Why… Why did you never tell me?” Shixun said with furrowed eyebrows, “It… It was an accident, I… I won’t blame you-”

“Because if I told you, I would also have to confess something else to you,” Lu Han said before completely bursting into tears.

His heart was thumping so strongly it felt as though it was going to jump out of his body any time soon, “W-What do you mean?”

“Shixun-ah…” Lu Han spoke out gently, weakly, regretfully.

“I’m not your cousin.”

Everything crushed down at once. Everything Shixun believed in. Everything he thought he knew. Everything, absolutely everything. And it made his head ache terribly. All this time, Lu Han had been lying to him. All this time, Lu Han had been hiding secrets from him. Lu Han was not his cousin. He was not related to Lu Han. He… He was merely a stranger. A stranger Lu Han had picked up after the accident and cared for because he felt guilty. Everything Lu Han did for him was not out of care, out of concern, but out of guilt.

And that was even a harsher reality than being cousins.

“Why… Why did you lie to me?” Shixun said in a shaking voice, hands balled into fists, “Why…?’

“I never wanted to lie to you, Shixun,” Lu Han said in utmost distress, hands hastily reaching out to hold onto Shixun’s shirt, “I really never wanted to lie to you… Shixun-ah… That’s why I wanted to tell you this… I… I was a coward, I admit, but… But I don’t want you to hate me… I don’t want to be someone you hate…” Lu Han leaned his head against Shixun’s shoulder while sobbing, “I don’t want to become someone you hate…”

It was not possible for Shixun to take this all in at once. It was not possible for Shixun to fully realize what this all meant. His head was too much a mess for that right now. There were too many things going through his mind right now. He needed time to be alone, time to think things over and figure out what this all meant. It made him dizzy, it made him disoriented, and most of all, it made him feel uncertain. He was not sure of anything anymore.

“W-Who…” Shixun managed to speak out, a little too coldly for his own liking, “Who am I?”

Lu Han shook his head, “I… I don’t know. You… You had nothing with you, no wallet, no phone, nothing to identify you...”

“You… You didn’t call the police…” Shixun said with furrowed eyebrows, caught up in too many emotions, “You didn’t do anything-”

“I’m sorry!” Lu Han yelled out desperately, “Shixun-ah, I’m so sorry! I should’ve called the police, I should’ve brought you to the hospital! I know! I was a coward, I know! And then you began to treat me so nicely and I realized that I couldn’t be so selfish! I couldn’t! I don’t deserve it!” Lu Han weakly leaned against Shixun’s body as he continued, “I don’t deserve your love, Shixun-ah…”

Was Shixun able to forgive Lu Han? Would he be able to forgive whatever Lu Han had done? He probably could once he calmed down, but right now he was simply too overwhelmed by everything. He was too overwhelmed by the fact that he had fallen in love with someone who cared for him out of guilt. He fell in love with the person who made him lose everything.

“I…” Shixun began before bursting into a cold laughter, “I can’t believe this…”

“Shixun-ah…” Lu Han said while strengthening his hold on Shixun, “I’m sorry…”

“I can’t believe this,” Shixun said, hand moving up to cover his eyes while he continued to laugh at himself, “I can’t believe it,” A warm tear rolled down his cheek he did not bother wiping away, “I can’t believe I fell in love with the person who took away my everything…”

Shixun bit his lip as he tried to stop more tears from rolling down, but it was futile because they kept on falling down. Everything that had burst inside of him wanted to escape through his salty tears. His body was shaking and he was certain Lu Han could feel it. But it did not matter anymore. Shixun figured so many things did not matter anymore.

“I can’t believe I thought I fell in love with my cousin, only…” Shixun grinned sadly, “Only to realize I fell in love with a coward, the person who hit me and took care of me out of regret and pity… I can’t believe I fell in love with you, the person who took away my memories, my life…” Shixun hesitated for a moment before continuing.

“And most importantly… My heart.”