It was the dead of night, like always. He never failed.

I rushed up the stairs, stumbling over my bare feet as his screams pierced the silent night that once was. In a matter of seconds, I bounded through the bedroom door and didn’t even bother turning on the light as I dashed across the room to him.

“No, no, no,” he pleaded, writhing in his white bed covers. He began shrieking again.

In the moonlight, I could see the tears glistening on his cheeks as I crawled onto the bed to get to him before he suffocated himself with his blankets and pillows. My ears rang with his cries. I was almost thrown off the bed as he began moving around, desperately trying to get away.

“Sehun,” I called out to him, snatching at his wrists and holding them tightly before he could get away.

He wailed, sobs tumbling up his throat. “Make it stop,” he cried, his eyes shining in the dimly lit room as he looked up at me, his body stilling underneath me. “Please.”

After so long, so many nights, I thought I should be used to this by now. But tears still welled up in my own eyes as I told him that I was sorry, that I had no way to make it stop. Weeks, many months ago I had finally stopped beating around the bush. I was always told to appease him, make him feel safe but I knew he never believed me when I said it was going to be okay, that it would eventually stop.

They would eventually stop, one day. One day he would stop having these nightmares night after night. But not yet.

He shook his head, closing his eyes tightly as he fought my grip on his wrists. It was futile attempt to hold onto him, his hands and wrists were way bigger than my own. His wrists came lose and he grabbed for something, anything. He had quit reaching for me when he realized I couldn’t help him, that I couldn’t make them go away.

“Sehun, calm down. Just take deep breaths,” I told him soothingly, grabbing his arms to keep him from getting off the bed. I still had a scar from the time he threw a vase across the room. After that, his room was basically bare besides some roses I had picked and a lamp on his nightstand.

“No, I need to get away,” he insisted, pushing me away as he began to crawl off the oversized king bed. “I can-I can’t-I-” he tried to produce words as he struggled to get through the mound of covers.

I yanked on his t-shirt and he sprawled backwards. In a matter of seconds, he was crying again. I took advantage of the moment and crawled closer to him, pulling him into my arms. His warm, ragged breath hit my shoulder as he leaned into me, burying his face in the crook of my neck. Hot tears met my skin as he tried to get closer, his arms securing themselves around my waist, tighter than what was comfortable.

Trying to calm him the best way I knew how anymore, I ran my fingers through his hair, the pads of my fingers grazing his scalp just slightly as I straightened out his mangled mess of brown hair. He still sought to bring himself closer, his lips touching the bare skin on my neck. It wasn’t a kiss, it wasn’t that way at all. He sought to find sanity anywhere and from anyone he could.

I woke up at 3PM in a tangled mess of bedsheets and pillows, the white color of them blinding me from the sunlight coming in through the window. I found the way out and hit the floor with a thud. I noticed Sehun’s wallet and keys were gone as I left the room to go to the bathroom. I frowned as I washed up.

“Same old, same old. Have you talked to Doctor Hyeon?” I asked my co-worker over the phone as I made myself something to eat.

My friend hummed over the line. “He says that all we can really do is wait. There’s really n