Hea Jung smiled politely as her crowd of friends squealed loudly about L, or Kim Myungsoo, their bias of one of the most popular boy bands, Infinite.

 

“Hea Jung!” Rachel had slapped her playfully on the arm. “Don’t you think he’s SOOOOO hot?”

 

She shook her head with a small smile.

 

Sighing dramatically, the other girl turned away. “I don’t understand why you’re never into guys. Haven’t you ever fallen in love at all?”

 

Hea Jung just looks down, the small smile still playing on her lips. She couldn’t admit to anyone that her one and only crush was the very person they were squealing about. She refused to partake in any fangirl habits, refusing to look desperate. Kim Myungsoo, one of the most beautiful ulzzangs of Kpop, was Hea Jung’s one and only crush.

 

She knew it would never happen, she was a realist. With his life under the spotlight and her being a typical school girl in the States, there was practically ZERO chance of them being together, let alone her being able to see him in person.

 

I’ll eventually find someone else, she thought constantly. She knew it was stupid, thinking that someone so impossibly far away and so famous would ever feel like she was the one for him. The first time she saw him was in a photo she happened to scroll past on Instagram.

 

Within the first few seconds, she felt a feeling that was so difficult for her to describe. Looking at his brown eyes, she felt as if he was the one she was always meant to be with, the person she had  to be with.

 

She knew she was just being silly, but she never could completely shake off the feeling that one day, maybe it would be possible to see this boy of her dreams. It had been a year after seeing that photo on Instagram, but she had never quite forgotten those chocolate brown eyes that always took her breath away.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

“I’m home!” She called out as soon as she opened the front door, sweaty from trudging home in the heat of the almost-Summer. There were a few weeks before school ended, and the oppressing heat of the Summer had settled among her neighbourhood.

 

Lemonade stands had already been starting to open up on corners of streets, their marker-scrawled cardboard signs advertising their sticky, sweet drinks of the Summer.

 

Hea Jung threw  her backpack down in the foyer, enjoying the cool, air-conditioned atmosphere around her. She climbed up the stairs to her room. Whenever she entered her bedroom, the first thing she saw was her poster of Kim Myungsoo taped above her bed. Feeling slightly suffocated from the humid air, she the fan in her room, watching the corners of the poster flutter slightly from the wind.

 

If only I could just see him one day. In person. We don’t have to meet each other, just as long as I see him, I’ll be happy.

 

Hea Jung flopped down on her bed, sighing. Her father had recently departed back to Korea for his work, immediately after her parents divorce. Her mother had stayed back in the states with her daughter, now working full time to manage the bills and taxes.

 

She missed her father.

 

It had been a mutual divorce, and her parents had been kind to her about it, encouraging her to stay in the States and finish her studies. She supposed the divorce wasn’t so bad compared to others she had heard about. There had not been many loud, outraged fights or arguments, her parents had simply stopped loving each other.

 

Her father promised to still send money to pay for some of the bills, taxes, and education. She remembered seeing her father off at the airport, waving until he disappeared behind the gates of the security check, watching his warm brown eyes with her own matching ones. She remembered how he had gently kissed her forehead before he left, his stubble lightly scratching her skin. She remembered how she had inhaled his familiar scent of aftershave before he left, trying to take in every last bit of her father before he left for Korea again.

 

“One day,” She had whispered fiercely as she hugged him tightly, “I’ll earn enough money to come see you in Korea.”

 

He had patted her head and nodded, smiling. “I promise that if you come, we’ll go on eating sprees together. Focus on your exams, I want you to get into a good university school and become the lawyer we’ve always wanted you to be. No more of that silly music of yours.”

 

She had nodded, feeling her heart sink as she heard those words. “Goodbye, Daddy.” She had said, and looked at him, really looked at him for one last time before he turned around, the wheels of his suitcase rolling along the airport floors, her heart clenching as the rhythmic click-clacking of the wheels faded behind the gates.

 

Now in her room, she took out her Chemistry textbook, sighing. There were two more weeks until exams, and she was terrified of failing her father’s dreams. She knew he was right, there was no way she would be able to compose or perform her music for a living, she had to make him proud and become a successful lawyer.

 

Then why did she feel so terrified of the future?

 

The thought of abandoning the black upright piano at home made Hea Jung shiver. She could not imagine a day without running her fingers over the ivory keys, her fingers flying as they raced through Fantasia’s and Sonata’s. She despised taking all the business and law courses at school, the only class she could truly enjoy herself was Music. Of course, she could never admit that to either of her parents. They would simply be aghast.

 

In the beginning of twelfth grade, the final year of high school, she had admitted to her parents she wanted to audition for Julliard and hopefully enter one of their highly held performance or composition programs.

 

Her parents had immediately turned it down. They frowned at her.

 

“This is not what we raised you for, Hea Jung. You are to send in your applications to go into law school.”

 

Hea Jung was crushed. She continued on diligently with her studies, although she was only a mediocre student in her law and business classes. She had repeatedly gotten Musician of the Year, but her parents would give her disapproving looks every year when they saw her carry the same, shiny plaque home.

 

She hated to disappoint her parents. She struggled to achieve high marks in her classes, but she was going by mid-eighties, and she feared she wouldn’t even be able to get into a good college, let alone any college. Her parents had the false image of her being the top nineties student, future valedictorian, and a rich, successful lawyer.

 

Hea Jung knew she would never meet those expectations, but she tried her best, trying not to focus too much on the silly sounds she created on the piano every night.

 

She had taken up a job at Starbucks, toiling every other afternoon at the counter, filling orders of different mochas and frappes until late evening. She was using the money to help her mother pay the bills. Even when they were still married, they struggled to pay the bills, and now that she was old enough, she could at least help a bit with the money problems. It was difficult facing the customers, but she knew that it was worth, helping her family along.

 

It was worth it working towards that small chance that she might one day, see her father again.

 

Right now, all she could do was to focus on school and exams and pray that she would see her father soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~