There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.

- Maya Angelou

oo1

I don't think I'm ever prepared for change. I don't think anyone really is. Whenever there is a sign that something is about to differ from what I'm used to, I completely freeze on the spot. 

And that's what happens when I'm suddenly face-to-face with someone who looks like she just cried moments before I arrived. The girl who would rather be caught dead instead of crying- my friend Eun Ah.

"I called a few times..." I start but don't continue my phrase. This is the moment where the friend- aka you- is supposed to comfort the other friend who's having a hard time. I tell myself. Now, I just have to know how I'm going to comfort her.

"Jin Ae," Eun Ah whispers in surprise, barely audible to the ear. She doesn't make a sound as I see something glisten in her pupils. They're not tears. There's just a lot of water, I try to convince myself. I wonder how much water is inside the human body... At least 53%, my conscience reminds me. Right.

The hopelessness I detect in her eyes is much foreign to me. I've never seen her look so firm but fragile looking. Just like how an egg is solid and hard on the outside, but the second something collides or puts too much pressure on it- it cracks.

It's really surprising how the human mind and body is so delicate. How some of us even function with gadgets or machines because some things are just not meant for us to do. Ridiculous, almost.

But Eun Ah. I always think she's strong because I've never seen her cry once. Not in front of me, that is.

"Is something wrong?" Of course something's wrong. It's obvious and I curse myself for saying useless things.

She doesn't say a word. It's as if she refuses to let me see her weak side- if she had any. Her jaw slightly clenches and though she sends me a small smile, it doesn't reach her eyes. But what tells me that she's hurting is how her knuckles are white from clenching tightly onto a paper.

It's a crane, I remark.

I have a good idea of whom is causing this much pain that she's almost too numb to feel it.

I can clearly remember the day Eun Ah blurted out that she had a crush on someone.

She's someone who always kept her emotions to herself.

For as long as I could remember, Eun Ah never liked the idea of confessing to someone. She thought it was almost childish.

Often, she would tell me that people voice out their feelings too freely that the signification of expressing their emotions itself becomes dull. A habit almost.

She never liked when things became dull.

So when she told me about it, with the confusion clear on her face, I knew she had been thinking about telling me for a while. She just didn't knew how.

I was waiting for her, at a table in the cafeteria, when I saw her complexion as pale as I’d ever seen it yet. Almost sickly looking even.

"Did something happen during class?" I asked her, clearly concerned that she had this gaunt look on her face.

She shook her head.

"You feeling unwell?"

She shook her head again.

"Then... What's wrong?" I pushed my backpack so that she could sit down properly. 

Eun Ah didn't even blink when she took a seat, letting her bag fall down on the floor with a slump.

My hand flew to her forehead, making sure she didn't caught a fever or any sickness of some sort.

She was known to have hypotension*, and she would often faint at times, after P.E mostly. Which often resulted with me having to take care of her.

But I didn't mind. She was my friend after all.

She gently peeled my hand away and I retreated it, leaving it to lie next to my hip.

"I think..." She started, but I saw that she was forcing herself to talk. Her eyebrows were creased and there was almost a light hint of perspiration on her temples. It must be something important.

"What, Eun Ah?" I tried to help her to open up to me.

"I think- I think I like someone."

Her head snapped up to look at me and I saw her eyes were extremely round, showing off how lost and confused she was, as if she couldn't believe the words came out of her own mouth.

Eun Ah didn't like having crushes. She didn't like boys in general.

She didn't like the idea of not having control over her own emotions- and here she was.

Reluctantly giving a part of her to someone else for the first time.

Ever.

*hypotension is low blood pressure, especially in the arteries of the systemic circulation. For many people, excessively low blood pressure can cause dizziness and fainting or indicate serious heart, endocrine or neurological disorders. Severely low blood pressure can deprive the brain and other vital organs of oxygen and nutrients, leading to a life-threatening condition called shock.

A few days later, I found out who the boy was. At first, it was a bit difficult to spot because she was rather good at hiding her feelings, which was also the reason why she was in the theater club. Go figure.

Everything starts so easily...

A stolen glance. The typical fluttery tingles inside ones stomach.

No words are needed for the feelings to grow. Just the person's presence is enough.

I guess that's what happened to Eun Ah because she most certainly did not talk to the boy first. I’m pretty sure of it.

I knew who he was. Not because he was extremely popular- it was more of the fact that I was and still am an extremely perceptive person. I'd often know names of people that didn't know me at all, I just liked to be aware of the ones who surrounded me.

When Eun Ah and I were freshmen, I remembered that her current crush was in our class. He always hung out with a certain boy, a good friend of his, I guessed. Oh Sehun was in about 2 of my classes while Kim Jongin was in one of them, if I recall.

Although they were in a couple of our courses, Eun Ah and I didn't paid them much attention. Everyone there went with the each for their own mentality. The school was basically telling us to compete each other and that's what we all did.

This was also why, we didn't have time for crushes. Just a few here and there- mostly me. But Eun Ah- it was another story.

"Why are boys so incompetent?" Her eyebrows were creased and she huffed a bit, showing her dissaray with boys.

"I don't know. I'm not in a boy's brain." I stated, sipping my bubble tea calmly.

She seemed to ignore my comment. "That... Dummy. We had a project and he said he'd help me... You know what he did? Huh?" She asked, but it looked more like she was asking herself the question.

"He first said he'd help me research and then- then the night before the project was due, I sent him a message to ask him to send me his part so I could add it in the paper- which had my part of course." She abruptly stopped. I turned to her and she was gritting her teeth so hard I was afraid her jaw would break.

"He didn't even do it. The darn... He didn't write a single word- oh, wait. But he did!" Eun Ah let out a bitter laugh and I grimaced, confused and surprised that Eun Ah could be so angry.

Really, she was the pacifist between us. So having a girl as passive as her feel anger and frustration was definitely a first-- though it was good. It meant she wasn't the robotic girl I always imagined her to be.

I wouldn't have been surprised if she confessed to me one day that she was actually a robot from outer space researching on humans for further knowledge on their behavior.

"He wrote his name. Oh Jaehyun." She bluntly stated, looking in a far distance and I poked her to break her trance.

"Well- I give him an A for effort." I joked. But Eun Ah didn't find it as amusing as I.

I was on the verge of finishing my bubbletea when she spoke up again.

"I'm going to go. I'll see you at school." She nodded a bit and sighed through her nose as her shoulders slumped a bit.

"You don't want to go karaoke or something?" My eyebrows rose a bit and I glanced at my watch. "It's still- 6:34PM. My treat~" I tried to tempt her but she still shook her head. At least she tried to smile.

"I'll just see you tomorrow." And with that, she left me standing at the corner of the street to finish my bubble tea alone.

On a sunny day at school, I walked inside the cafeteria, my eyes shifting from one table to the other to find Eun Ah. We were supposed to meet up to eat lunch together, but as usual, she wasn't there.

She was always either busy or simply forgetful.

I groaned and quickly fished for my phone that was in my backpack.

After dialing her number, I mumbled a few, "Pick up. Pick up." I continued to look around, if Eun Ah decided to come meet me after all. I clicked my tongue when it went straight to her voicemail .

"Jin Ae?"

I twisted my body to the voice, my phone still on my ear and I softly smiled at the girl holding her lunch.

"Oh- hi, Hayeon." I pulled my phone away and put it back in my bag. Hayeon was Eun Ah's current project partner for her French class. She was extremely happy to have been paired up with the younger girl since 1) she always did her homework and 2) she wasn't a boy.

She shyly smiled. "Are you looking for Eun Ah?"

My eyes rounded in relief and I let out a sigh. "You know where she is?"

"Yeah," she lightly laughed. "She's actually waiting outside by the bleachers."

"The one next to the basketball court?" I tilted my head and slung my backpack tighter against my shoulder.

That's unusual.

To my knowledge, Eun Ah hated sports. Though 'going to the gym was different', she told me. I didn't think there was a distinct difference between the two. Both were meant to get healthier, exercise and sweat. 

Hayeon shook with an innocent smile, "No, it's the one next to the football field."

"Are you sure?" Haeyeon started walking out from the cafeteria and I followed her. "Eun Ah never goes there though."

She nodded again. "Yeah. I was lucky enough to have spotted her because she never really tells me where she wants to meet up for our projects..." Hayeon looked deep in thought, and she wasn't looking where she was going so I pulled her before she was able to trip on a stair.

"Oh!" Hayeon exclaimed when she realized she could have fallen. She sheepishly smiled and bowed lightly, "Sorry."

"It's okay." I shrugged it off and we continued to make our way to the football field.

***

Eun Ah was reading her book silently, with much concentration. She really loved reading since it let her live through things she'd never be able to do in reality. And she also loved it when people didn't disturb her while she read.

So when a boy climbed up the stairs of the bleachers to hove above her, hiding the light that reflected on her book, she narrowed her eyes below her novel to look at his feet.

The stranger's body was tall and lean; she noticed since the sun was completely blocked by his body.

Strangely enough, Eun Ah shivered even if it wasn't cold, but the sudden lack of warmth troubled her.

Annoyed for being disturbed, Eun Ah shut her book and put it on her lap before glancing at the intruder.

"Could you stand a few meters to the left?" She didn't tell him why she wanted him to stand further away. Really, it was because she loved having the warmth of the sun caress her pale skin. She didn't get darker because of the UV rays, she'd get pink- and worse case scenario was getting a sunburn because of it. So if she could stay in the sun for the moment, she'd take all the time she could to relish the nice weather.

The boy's face wasn't clear because he was against backlight, making his face really dark in contrast of the sun shining around his body. Eun Ah's eyes stung a bit from the strong light on her face.

Quickly, she lowered her head.

She heard him snort and she looked back up at him; his hand was near his mouth, as if he was trying to hide his snicker.

"What?" Her eyes kept squinting because of the light and she put a hand on her forehead to see better.

Oh Sehun, she noted. How? She knew, since it was printed on his nametag and because she could faintly remember his face from somewhere... she just didn't know exactly where. Maybe he was in her class once.

"Nothing." The boy shrugged, his face expressionless even if a second ago, he was laughing.

"Okay. Well if you've got nothing to-"

"I'm looking for Hayeon."He interrupted. Eun Ah clenched her fist, finding people who interrupted others; rude and impolite.

With a sharp exhale, Eun Ah opened her book and started reading again, whether she had the sunlight to illuminate it or not.

"Hey." He called, to which Eun Ah ignored. "I'm talking to you."

She calmly read and turned the page when her eyes didn't have any more words to read.

"Are you really ignoring me?"

She inhaled deeply.

"Hey."

She blinked.

"Hey."

She skimmed over the last sentence because she wasn't sure what she had just read.

"I can do this all day, you know."

Eun Ah clenched her jaw and forced herself to stay calm.

"Don't people tell you that it's rude to ignore your fellow classmates willingly?"

With one last look at the page she was on, Eun Ah chewed the inside of her cheek and shut her book with a poof.

"Yeah." She nodded, unnafected. "I'm rude. So?"

Sehun was taken aback by the girl's retort. He expected her to call him rude- not for her to call herself rude.

Yes. He'd realized that he'd annoyed the girl because he had cut her off while she was talking. Girl's always got annoyed by that.

But she didn't act like he expected, which was unusual to him since he was good at reading people and their behaviors.

Deciding to change the topic for the best, not to show her he didn't have anything to say back, he glanced down at her book and hummed in approval.

"Le Passeur. Good book."

Eun Ah slightly frowned at his sudden change of subject. But what surprised her most was that he seemed to have read the book. In French even, seeing that he pronounced the title so well.

One of her favourite all time books- and this boy knew it?

opened slightly and quickly closed, unsure if she should continue the conversation. She took note that he made that comment, probably to make her speak up or only to pass a random comment about the book. It's probably the latter one, she thought.

And before she could tell him where Hayeon was- to which she wondered how he knew her at all, she saw me climb the stairs with Haeyeon following me from behind.

Eun Ah pointed behind me and Sehun turned to us.

"Oh! Hey, Sehun!" Hayeon lit up and waved excitedly at the boy.

Sehun bobbed his head in response and nonchalantly blurted, "My mom wants you to come eat with us tonight."

"Okay." Hayeon made a cute shrugging gesture while I blinked at both of them in confusion.

They looked rather close and I was never aware of their relationship. I didn't think Eun Ah was either, but she paid them no attention, so I assumed she didn't really care.

Sehun started descending the bleachers and Haeyeon piped up.

"Sehun! Wait!"

He lazily turned back to raise a brow at her. To me, Oh Sehun was Mr. No-Emotions. He didn't seem human.

Sounds a lot like someone I know.

"I didn't mention it, but I kind of took your movie- the one where they do illusions and magic tricks- without asking. So... yeah. I'll give it to you now, if that's okay." Hayeon made a grimace and Sehun opened his mouth and exclaimed a small Ah before he bobbed his head.

"I wondered where it was."

Hayeon laughed sheepishly, "Sorry." She turned to look at Hayeon and me. "I'll be right back." She sent us a smile and I smiled back while Eun Ah only nodded.

Sehun soon followed Hayeon, and quickly, he turned to us and pursed his lips in a thin line. Then, he jogged to catch up with Haeyeon, and I watched them leave when Eun Ah was already reading her book. She had read it more than 10 times and she still read it over and over again.

Eun Ah didn't like change. There was actually a lot of things she didn't like that it'd be too long to list them on a simple paper sheet.

"Wow." I jutted out my lips. "If that was him smiling... well." I shook my head with a quick laugh.

She ignored me, as usual.

I tried again.

"His toothy grin must be super adorable. Totes cute." I joked sarcastically.

Eun Ah didn't seemed to have heard me, but when I looked from the corner of my eyes, I saw the tiniest ghost of a smile hang on her rosy pale lips.

Word count: 3194

Updated: June 16th

A/N: ho hooooooo. We met Sehun's character! :3 This was a short but not so short introduction to the story. I really hope you all understand how I structured my ideas and that you don't think it's too confusing or scattered about. If you still have doubts or questions, please do not hesitate to comment down below and ask! :)

P.S: (for any curious ones) 'Le Passeur' is the French version of 'The Giver' by Lois Lowry. It's an absolutely beautiful book that reminds old and young people that life is important. Memories are important. Emotions are important. It's one of my many favorite books and I do recommend you guys to read it for fun if you haven't yet :)

And sorry for the late update! I have at least 5 versions of the first chapter and finally ended with one. It's pretty late here, so I'm going to leave you guys with your thoughts on the first chapter! Good day or goodnight lovelies !