I really really want to apologize for not being able to update sooner. i was preparing for my graduation for the last few weeks so i was quite busy, but now... I FINALLY GRADUATED! YEHEY! HAHAHAHA I FEEL SO ACCOMPLISHED. And since i graduated already, here is your update!! again, excuse my grammar and mispelled words. :) Every part of by body aches. I want to move but my body seems to object. Where am i? “Kyungsoo-yah. Baby can you hear me?” Baby. Only one person calls me that. But it’s impossible. Jongin hates me. He wouldn’t be here. I must be crazy. I’m hearing things now. When my vision got a little bit better I saw him. He’s real. I Then I saw him press something above my head and just a moment later, a doctor and a retinue of nurses came rushing in. They did a lot of things to me. They kept talking to me as if to make sure I stay awake. When I was able to gather all my bearings, I managed to sit down. “Kyungsoo-ssi. I think this is the first time I am able to talk to you when you’re conscious. I am Doctor Zhang. I will be your permanent physician for the whole span of your pregnancy.” Pregnancy? I am pregnant? I gasped and looked at the doctor with wide eyes. I remembered what happened between me and Jongin and I instinctively put my hands to my abdomen trying to feel if the baby was alright. As if sensing my worry, Doctor Zhang smiled to me and said, “The baby is fine Kyungsoo-ssi.” Sighed in relief. “But you almost had a miscarriage because of the incident.” I teared up hearing that news. I even put my baby in danger because of my selfishness. One of the nurses gasped when I started crying. “Omo! Dr. Zhang his blood pressure is spiking up.” Dr. Zhang sighed and sat in the bed to face me properly. “Kyungsoo-ssi, if you want to keep the baby healthy as much as possible, I suggest that you don’t stress yourself too much.” When I heard that I mentally spanked my head for being too emotional. I put all my effort to stop crying and control my breathing. Dr. Zhang smiled and all the nurses sighed in relief when his blood pressure stabilized. “And eat well. You are malnourished. Although you didn’t know your pregnancy before it still doesn’t change the fact that you are starving yourself. And please, maintain a good relationship with your dominant throughout the pregnancy. The baby’s growth will depend largely on how the both of you respond to each other. You will mostly depend on him because you are going to be extremely fragile since the child will drain every bit of energy you have. I will talk to your mate about the precautions he need to take while you’re in your vulnerable state. He needs to be extra careful and keep his emotions in check because it will affect yours too. And we don’t want any blood spilling again, do we?” I nodded my head absent-mindedly. I understand. If only I had relayed my feelings to him and did not keep things from him, this wouldn’t have happened. If only I had been a good mate, Jongin would not feel insecure. If only I had spoken my true feelings we would not almost lose our baby. This is my fault. I should have known better. “I am not trying to interfere with your relationship with Jongin Kyungsoo-ssi, but if ever he did something like that again. Don’t hesitate to call me, I’m gonna give him some good beating okay? He should treat you right. Anyway, I will tell the rest to your mate and your ward so they would be informed of your needs. For now, rest.” I calculated all my options now. It’s not just me now, I have my baby to think of now. If I continue being like a coward, I might end up losing everything again, like before. “Dr. Zhang.” I called him. Yes, I know I can speak. I know. From a very long time now, since I was a child I know I can still speak, but I gave up that ability long ago. Because my voice is useless. Even if I scream at the top of my lungs no one will hear me. No one will help me because a submissive’s words are not important, my words doesn’t have any bearing in the world. And even if I dared myself to talk, I will just be punished for it, I just can’t bear the pain anymore so I stopped using my voice to protect myself. I learned to survive just like that. Doctor Zhang seemed to be taken aback by my voice, it’s a little bit hoarse and my throat seemed to burn a little because of the lack of use but I can still manage. “K-kyungsoo-ssi. You can talk?” “Yes. I can. But my throat hurts when I talk.” “Of course, you haven’t been talking for years. I will not ask how and why to you Kyungsoo-ssi, but please do enlighten Jongin. He had been so worried about you. And now that you are talking, you can no probably have a good conversation and that will be a great help for the baby.” “C-can you g-give me a medicine to relieve the pain a little bit? I- I wanna t-talk to him.” “A small dosage of painkiller will do, I cannot re