01/01

A face in the crowd.

Familiar yet distant.

Thousands of screams.

Endless chants and cheering.

Daehyun struggled to see past the blinding stage lights and tried in vain to locate the very face he’d been missing. He was sure that she was there. He saw her, smiling radiantly and waving to him.

Messed up steps and a warning gaze from the leader, Daehyun tried to concentrate on performing their number, trying his best to show his fans what he was capable of. She was momentarily forgotten until their encore stage when he saw her face yet again.

He blinked twice, she was still there, smiling proudly at him. Smiling the smile that he loved most.

"Daehyun oppa! Look!" a 6-year-old her excitedly showed him a flower she’d just picked in the park. He grinned and patted her head lovingly, "That’s very nice, Eunbin ah! But I’ve found something even better than your flower!"

Daehyun took the beautiful rainbow pebble he found amongst the bushes and showed it to her. “See? It’s a rainbow pebble and you can’t find it anywhere else on this whole planet!”

She looked down and pouted, fiddling with her flower that suddenly didn’t seem as attractive anymore. Daehyun giggled and bent down to her eye level, placing the pebble into her hands. “I picked this for you! When I saw it, I knew I just had to give it to you~” he sang playfully.

"For real?!"

He nodded, sitting down on the curb beside her. “Yup!” he replied, popping the ‘p’ with his lips.

"Thank you!" she threw herself at him and giggled.

"Are you okay Daehyun?" Himchan secretly whispered to him when the fans’ attention weren’t on him. The maknaes were doing a dance battle and this gave Himchan the perfect time to ask the vocal what was on his mind.

He silently nodded, playing with the mic he was holding, “i’m fine. Just a little tired, that’s all.

Himchan patted his back and gave him an encouraging smile.

Fast forward and the little girl was no longer little. Daehyun was no longer just a boy and they were no longer the little kids who played in the park all day long.

She blossomed into a beautiful young woman and he, a handsome young man.

A young man with a dream quite different from the young lady.

"I’ll miss you, Daehyunnie…" she sniffled, trying to hold back her tears. "I’ll miss you so much."

He sighed, wiping her tears away gently.

"I’ll miss you too. But promise me you’ll wait for me? I’ll be back before you know it, and we can live in Seoul together. You won’t have to work because I’ll be able to provide for the both of us!" he tried to sound excited, but inside, he really wasn’t.

He was torn between his dream, and the girl of his dreams.

She’d wanted to stay in the little town to help out in an orphange while he dreamt of performing in front of thousands of people.

She nodded and leaned forward to plant a kiss on his lips.

"I’ll be waiting then. Go," she looked at the gigantic clock behind him and grinned through her teary eyes. "It’s almost time for the train to leave."

He took in a deep breath and she straightened the suit he was wearing.

"All the best, Daehyun oppa. I love you," she choked out as he pulled her into another warm embrace. He kissed the top of her head and took in the smell of her lemon shampoo.

He internally laughed at her because she always insisted that she wanted to have that ‘lemon fresh’ smell after she bathed so whatever products she used was citrus flavored.

"I’ll go now~" he sang playfully, just as he’d always done as a kid.

"Bye bye!" she chuckled as she watched his back view fade in the throngs of people. "I love you, Daehyun oppa…" she whispered the last part as her tears finally fell.

A single tear escaped his eyes as he was performing ‘I Remember’ with Yongguk.

And that single tear drop of water that broke the dam that was holding back his unshed tears.

He cried.

For his loss.

For the loss of his only love.

He was so happy to have time off to visit his family, to visit her. As he hopped off the train in Busan, he had an extra spring in his step as he excitedly rushed home and yelled, “I’m home!”

His mother came out to greet him with a warm smile and a tight hug.

"Omona! My Daehyun has grown so much!"

He laughed heartily and put his bags onto the ground. “I’ll be back soon umma! I just need to go see Eunbin for a little while~”

And at the very mention of her name, his mother’s twinkling eyes dulled. She let go of Daehyun and sat down, tears already threatening to fall. She’d loved Eunbin as though she was her own daughter.

And sometimes, almost as much as she loved Daehyun.

He seemed to sense her uncertainty and he started to feel uneasy.

"U-umma? Why the sudden change in emotion?" he tried to laugh it off but he couldn’t. He felt this unsettling feeling forming at the pit of his stomach.

"Eunbin…she…" his mother choked back her sobs.

"DAEHYUN OPPA! ARE YOU OKAY?"

Fans were squealing and screaming worriedly.

He’d been so distracted that he forgot the entire chorus. Yongguk glanced at him in worry and he just clenched the microphone as his tears kept falling.

All of a sudden, this dream didn’t seem as amazing as it seemed back then.

All of a sudden, he was lost.

It was as if the very thread that was tying him to this dream had finally broken and it was like this dream meant nothing to him anymore. Nothing could fill the void in his heart, in his mind, in his life.

“…Eunbin got into a serious accident the night you left. She was walking across the road and she got distracted….a drunk truck driver ran over her…she lost too much blood-“

"LIES!" he stood up from the couch and yelled at his mother for the very first time, tears b in his eyes. "LIES! YOU’RE LYING TO ME."

"Daehyunnie please! Just listen to umma! Why would I lie about such things?" she stood up, gently holding onto his arm and pleading for him to calm down.

He hugged her, bawling his eyes out, “No…you’re lying to me. you must be lying to me…this is a joke. Eunbin will surprise me during dinner, right?”

"Daehyun ah…" his mother cried along with him.

He dropped his mic and the entire arena was filled with heavy silence.

Thousands of eyes stared at him in shock and he could only hold his head down in pain.

She was never there at the concert.

What was once an important part of his life had become a figment of his imagination.

"Before she passed on…she told us that she didn’t want you to know about her passing. She didn’t want to see you sad and be distracted in your job."

His mother paused and lovingly caressed her son’s tear-streaked face, “She said she loves you and she’ll be with you every step of the way.”

Emptiness.

The room was filled to the brim with people but all he felt was emptiness and a sense of dread.

It was only when Yongguk picked up the mic he had dropped and held it in front of his face that he realized, he still had thousands of people still awaiting his reply.

He took the mic from Yongguk only to bring it to his lips and whisper in his broken voice much like his broken heart, “I’m so sorry.”

And with that, he left the mic on the very chair that he was sitting on just ten minutes ago, and walked off the stage.

What was the point when the most important person wasn’t even there to see his success?

What was the point when the person he’d wanted to share his success with, wasn’t even here with him now?

It was only then he realized, his dream wasn’t to become a singer, but to impress the girl of his dreams and make her proud of the busan boy who had no friends. She was his only friend, only love back then.

She was his everything.

If only he’d realized it sooner, he wouldn’t have had to leave her. She wouldn’t have gotten distracted and get hit by that drunk driver.

She would still be here.

But with all that’s said and done, he couldn’t change a single thing.