Junho

He feels one of the boys touch his shoulder and lean in, recognises the voice of the oldest hyung.

‘We have to go film a CF now. Rest. It’ll be okay’.

Junho wants to laugh but can’t find the strength to - nothing has been okay since she left. Since the day he came back to the dorm to find it empty, their room a mess and her things gone. The feeling of his heart dropping to the floor and a sickening dread spreadjng through his stomach, distantly hearing the boys asking him where she was. She would never leave without telling him, he thought they were okay, how could things go wrong without him noticing?

The door closes.  Junho turns over and buries his head into the pillow - he should be used to this sickening emptiness now but every time, it hits him and the tears come again.

Yoonji

She sees the boys on their way out. Wooyoung is the first to see her, stopping dead in his tracks. The other boys notice and stop too. She swallows. It isn’t that she expects them to hate her even though she fully does. It’s the look of hurt and betrayal in all their faces that gets her, that makes the tears rise and burn.

Chansung steps forward and the maknae stops in front of her. She flinches.

’You wouldn’t-‘ His voice trembles. ‘You wouldn’t do that. You wouldn’t leave us. Or him. Why, Yoonie? Why?’

He towers over her but he seems so small in that moment. She remembers how she used to baby the maknae, always treat him a little gentler than she dis the other boys because he was just that extra soft. How she used to save extra food for him, protect him when his hyungs attacked him in friendly banter. 

‘I’m sorry. I- I’ll tell you okay Chansung? Soon.’

He gives her a small smile and leans forward to kiss te top of her head. ‘Don’t hurt Junho hyung again. Don’t leave us.’

Never again, she thinks.

Junho

He hears the door open. One of the boys, forgetting to bring something again. He keeps his eyes closed tightly, hoping they think he’s asleep. 

Someone sits beside him. 

He stills. He knows that scent. None of the boys are that light, their weight usually settles in deeper into the bed.

’Oppa.’ A cool hand runs through his hair.

Junho burns. Yet another dream. Another day he will wake up and find that she was never really here, another false hope dashed. If he doesn’t open his eyes, he never has to see her. And lose her again.

’Oppa. It’s me.’ She starts shaking his shoulder. She sobs. 

. She never cries in his dreams. He hates her crying. When she was still here, if she ever did cry, he used to drop everything he was doing to make her stop. His heart used to ache whenever she cried. 

He sits up and rubs his eyes, tears already spilling down his face. ‘Stop. Please stop. You can’t appear in my dream and cry. Dreams are supposed to be good. Please baby-‘

Her hand touches his face and he catches it. 

‘Look at me.’

’No. If I look up, you’ll be gone and I’ll wake up. Just stay. Please.’

Yoonji

It’s taking everything she has to keep it together. He’s lost so much weight, and looks so pale. With his eyes screwed tightly shut and clutching her hand to his cheek, she knows that she can never leave him ever again.

She puts both hands on his face and presses her lips to his forehead, feels him shudder. ‘Please. Oppa. Look at me. You’re not dreaming.’

He slowly looks up, and her heart breaks at the sight of him. His eyes look so hopeful and yet so ready to be disappointed, yet again. He looks at her, and it takes all of a second for him to pull her across and into his arms.

She doesn’t dare to hold him. Not yet. The guilt is weighing her down and she doesn’t feel like he wold ever really still want her like she wants him, that he could ever forgive her for leaving.

’Aren’t you going to ask why I left?’

’You’re here now. Just stay.’

She slowly hugs him back, and feels him crumble at her touch. Hot tears soak her shoulder as she’s sure hers are soaking his. 

Juno

He isn’t sure how long they stay like that. Just holding each other, her in his lap. He doesn’t really care, to be honest. He holds her tight but it still doesn’t feel like she’s close enough, like she could still slip away at any moment. 

When the tears have stopped, they pull back. He looks at her, cups her face in his hands. She’s lost weight. She feels so small and fragile in his arms, like she could break at any moment. His heart aches.

’Tell me.’

And she doesn’t even have to ask about what. And as the truth pours out his heart aches so much more that he’s sure it’s bleeding. He should have seen the signs. Her researching on good places to live overseas, always looking around carefully when they were in public, taking it so hard upon herself when he got beat up. 

‘I’m sorry, oppa.’ And she still thinks it’s her fault.

’You idiot.’ He sobs. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

She smiles sadly. ‘I didn’t want you to get hurt.’

Yoonji

He leans in and rests his forehead against hers.

’I hurt the most when you’re not with me.’

’I-‘

’Yoonie. Just stay. We’ll talk about this tomorrow okay? Just hold me. Please.’

She feels him lean in, feels his lips stop just in front of hers.

’Always.’ She whispers, leaning in and pressing her lips softly against his. She runs her hands up his arms and leaves a trail of goosebumps in their wake. She feels him grip her waist, shift his weight and flip her over.

And she knows that she is here to stay.