There are a lot of things I don’t like about myself.

I have many titles - little prince, mother bird, angel voice, shin brief… all faces that I show to the world. I don’t know how to live any other way. I always try to be someone the fans would love, someone that everyone will love. Somewhere along the way, I stopped loving myself.

To tell the truth, I’m hot-headed, lazy, picky, ostentatious, and not very good at expressing my feelings. Ha, those sound like classic qualities of a douchebag, don’t they? I know no one would love me for who I am, so I try to be a better person and take care of other people as much as I can - especially the members. Without them, I would undoubtedly be alone.

I always trouble them, but they put up with me and all my faults. I know I don’t appreciate them as much as I should. I want to tell them everyday that I love them, but I guess my bad personality wins again…

Today is Shinhwa’s 5900th day. We’ve come so far... please protect us for the next 5900 too. I will work hard to become a better person in these coming days.

Jung Pil Kyo

2014.05.19

With a sigh, Eric closed the cover of the orange notebook he found under Hyesung’s car seat the other day. He tapped his finger against the paper as he rocked in his chair. Today, he was in the recording studio for their 12th album, directing the rappers. Andy and Junjin were out grabbing lunch and Minwoo was in the other room checking the instrumentals. The main vocal was off today, no doubt at the golf course.

He heard a soft click behind him and casually shuffled some papers on top of Hyesung’s diary. Minwoo plopped down beside Eric and started sorting through the score. Suddenly his hands stopped and he eyed Eric suspiciously.

“So you read it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”

“Don’t play dumb” Minwoo snorted, “I’ve seen it too. He thinks he hides it well, but it’s obvious from the way he’s always jumpy when that thing’s around.”

Eric formed an o with his lips.

“Well, let’s get back to business. I think the rap should go here, before the bridg-”

“What’s that?” Junjin nodded to the orange notebook, which was now in Eric’s hands.

“Hyesung hyung’s diary.” Andy said as he set the chicken down on the table.

“When did you guys get back?” Eric said as he mentally hit himself for being so oblivious.

“Just now.” Junjin said, his eyes sparkling and undeterred, “Can I see that, hyung?”

Sighing, the leader surrendered the notebook. “Pretend you never read it.”

While Junjin flipped through the pages, the others cleared the table in silence. They were all thinking of Hyesung’s self-deprecating ways, and eyed Junjin to see his reaction while they made room for their lunch.

Eventually, Junjin grunted in frustration and set the notebook down. “Well, he’s worse off than I thought. I thought he got over this stuff in recent years”

“People don’t change easily, Junjin. They just age.” Minwoo said.

“I don’t see where he’s getting all these ideas.” Eric frowned, “I mean, Hyesungie has a lot of good qualities. I think he’s matured a lot, especially since our return.”

“I agree. His title of angel voice is no joke, and he always helps to record the vocal guides and do concert planning.” Minwoo said.

“He loves shinhwa so much, and has done so much for us. I’m thankful for hyung.” Junjin pitched in, “Not to mention he always picks up the bill.”

“Not just that, but Hyesung hyung always does his best. I feel like I can talk to him about anything.” Andy added.

“And he has prettier legs than I do!” Eric chirped. 4 deadpan expressions turned to their leader.

“What?” Eric shrugged, “Anyways, let’s all pretend we never saw it. Knowing how sensitive he is, he’d probably hide himself in his room for days if he ever found out.”

The others nodded in agreement.

“Now, let’s get lunch ready. I gotta run to the little boys’ room first!” Eric grinned at s and stepped out into the hallway. As he closed the door, he heard a shuffling sound behind him. At the end of the hallway, a slim shoulder peeked out behind a potted plant, clad in the sportswear Hyesung loves to wear.

“Um...Hyesungie?” Eric asked.

“No, it’s Dongwan.” a nasally voice echoed back.

Eric laughed. “Don’t even try. Dongwannie is halfway across the world. Not to mention, that shoulder does not look like it belongs to our dongumong.”

Hyesung scooted closer to the corner.

Eric walked to the plant and reached for the trembling hand. He held it and drew Hyesung into a back hug. “So you heard us?”

Hyesung stiffened, then nodded slowly, his ears red.

“Don’t be shy, Hyesungie~ we all love you.”

“I… I was in the neighborhood and thought of you guys, so I brought coffee…”

Eric smiled, “Thanks, Hyesungie. Let’s bring these inside.”

The others’ eyes widened a little when they saw Eric usher Hyesung inside the room. The fried chicken was laid out on the table, and Minwoo was holding up a water bottle with shinhwa faces on it.

“I brought coffee” Hyesung said quietly as they greeted him.

“Thanks hyung, wanna stay and have some chicken with us?” Junjin asked hopefully.

“No, I should go, I…” Hyesung took a deep breath and smiled, “Um… you know what, yeah. I guess I’ll stay and eat with you guys. Thanks.”

The others let out the breath they didn’t know they were holding and started chattering happily as they passed plastic plates and utensils around. The Five men huddled around the small table and dug into their fried chicken.

“I have something else to say” Hyesung blurted out, “I know I don’t appreciate you as much as I should, but… you guys know I love you, right?”

The other members blinked, stunned. Junjin moved first, then Andy. Minwoo and Eric smiled at each other before they joined their brothers in a group hug. At the middle of this was their little prince, mother bird, angel voice, and shin brief... sobbing into the closest shoulder with a big smile on his face.

Eric froze, “, I forgot.”

The others looked at him curiously.

“I hate to ruin the moment guys, but I gotta go to the bathroom.”

“YAH!!!!”

8 hands shoved their leader unceremoniously into the hallway.

There are a lot of things I don’t like about myself.

I’m hot-headed, lazy, picky, ostentatious, and not very good at expressing my feelings... I’m working on that last one. Today, I also learned that I am talented, generous, earnest, and that I have nice legs. My five brothers remind me every day that I am needed and loved. Without them, I would undoubtedly be alone.

Today is shinhwa’s 5903rd day. Every day, I thank whatever gods are out there for my five brothers, because they learned to like the things I don’t about myself. I will keep working hard to become a better person, and I’m learning to love myself.

Jung Pil Kyo

2014.05.22

All done! Forgive any grammar mistakes, this was the longest piece I’ve written in 4 years.

Seeing the flood of posts about Shinhwa’s 5900 days  made me feel all mushy. The fact that their friendship actually exists gives me hope. Unfortunately, I couldn’t write about Dongwan this time. Oppayam, please send news. ;-;

Comments and constructive criticism are very much welcomed!

Shinhwa san!