REVIEW BY LALAVILLE
Insanely Sane
Fanfiction: Insanely Sane
Author: ICEDCOFFEE
Title: [5/5]
Wow. Your title totally caught my attention and I have to admit, I really wanted to read your story. I didn't know what to expect from it, like, I didn't have any idea it would be a oneshot about people who were "mental."
Description/Foreword: [10/10]
Both your description and foreword were good. You gave a nice intro for how your story was going to be laid out and I liked the little "police report" that they had of what happened.
Plot: [4/5]
For a oneshot, your plot was perfect. I don't see how it could have continued in any other way but it was a bit confusing. I sort of didn't understand why she killed Jaejoong. I get that they wanted to "escape" but was that really the only way?
Flow: [9/10]
Your story went really slow. I mean, I liked it a lot but I felt like you got really caught up with the emotions. The details were still awesome, but there was just too much of it.
Writing Style: [5/5]
Yes, your writing style was really smooth. I liked how you kept the story going at a good pace, but again, overflow of details. You kept my attention and I liked that. Lots of action!
Originality: [10/10]
Your story was very original. I don't think I've ever read a story like that or anything about people who've been called mental or are mental. It felt like you sort of knew what these people were thinking and how they truly felt. It was good to have that insight as to how they were.
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary: [22/25]
This was where you had some trouble. You would triple your exclamation points. You also had trouble knowing when to capitalize after using an ellipsis. You should have capitalized it if the phrase was completely finished. If not, the following words/letters would have been left uncapitalized. Instead of capitalizing to add emphasis, italicize the word. Another problem was that you used ellipses to much. A comma would be just fine at times.
For Example:
“Hi, miss Lee Jin,” The girl reporter smiled, but Jin didn’t smile back. She didn’t like this woman; there was something phony to her smile… maybe the way she seemed to slur her words as if Jin didn’t understand.
---> She didn’t like this woman; there was something phony to her smile… Maybe the way she seemed to slur her words as if Jin didn’t understand. (Capitalization issue mentioned above)
“We can’t get out!!!” Jin screamed, not fearing the guards over-hearing them, for once. They would like hearing something like this; it assured them of their power over the patients.
---> “We can’t get out!” Jin screamed, not fearing the guards over-hearing them, for once. They would like hearing something like this; it assured them of their power over the patients. (One exclamation point is enough to show importance)
Characterization/Details: [25/25]
Very detailed, but you'd go into too much details sometimes. I liked the "flashback." I repeated this a lot, but again, there were lots of detail. You were good with the way that the characters felt, and at the most action packed moments, you knew how to keep me hanging.
Poster: [5/5]
Pure awesomeness. Your poster was terror-filled and had lots of raw emotion. Even as I look at it now, I'm a bit scared.
Overall score: [95/100]
Whoa. Just whoa. That was probably some of the deepest stuff that I've ever read. I loved it and was beyond impressed. You knew how to touch my emotions and it reached out to me. Have you had experience with people with mental illnesses? Because from what I read, you knew A LOT.
Holy ! That's a high rating! Well then... Welcome to our recommended list!
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Thank you very, very much for the review!!! :D I'm quite surprised, actually.. haha... I've never dealt with mental illnesses before... but I watch a lot of
TV :P
- ICEDCOFFEE
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