Our Inkigayo performance has just ended. I and my group Eureka, one of the famous girl groups in Korea, are on our way home when I decided to get my phone to see if there were any important messages. “Omo! Where is it? Aish…” I said in an irritated voice.

            “Wae gure unnie?” Lynn, Eureka’s maknae asked.

            I could sense that she was really worried, and I don’t want that. As an unnie, I needed to make sure that my dongsaengs are fine. So I told her, “Oh, kwenchana maknae. It’s just that I’m afraid I might have left my phone in the dressing room, can you tell Manager-nim that I’ll just go home by myself?”

            Just as I expected, her thoughtful and caring side appeared saying “Oh, I can do that unnie. But are you sure you’ll be fine alone? I can go with you!”

            “No need maknae, unnie can handle this. And besides I know you’re tired too so rest when you get home okay?”

             And so we said goodbye sending each other a sweet smile. I went to the dressing room fast because I was hella tired too. Being an idol sure is tough; even though you’re not feeling well you shouldn’t let your lovely fans see it.

             As I was on my way there, I was thinking why I had to get my phone even if I could just ask one of the staff to keep it for me. Then someone came to my mind, my crazy AB blooded boyfriend - Kim Hee Chul.

             Yes, we have been together for quite some time now. “I hope he hasn’t called me, or else my number would be deleted again. Aish…” You heard it right, even though I was his girlfriend he deletes my number whenever I don’t respond to his calls.

              I was pondering how weird my relationship with him has been that I found myself smiling silly. I was about to enter the room when I over heard two women talking.

              “Woah! Is that an IPAD2? I never knew you had one.”

              “Oh, this one? Hee Chul oppa gave this to me not long ago. He said it’s a gift for being a nice dongsaeng.”

               Wait, did she just say Hee Chul? Man, I hate it when people talk about my boyfriend especially women. But I chose whom to get jealous with. So to satisfy my curiosity I tried to peek at the door, and to my surprise it was Sulli unnie and that snob Krystal who is also my unnie. Both from the group f(x). I decided to eaves drop to know more about what they were talking about.

               “Yah, Sulli-ssi. Do you really believe that Hee Chul oppa only sees you as a friend?”

               “What are you saying? Of course, remember he has a girlfriend.”

               “So? If a man wants to play around, nobody can stop him.”

                Their words are piercing my heart little by little, I suddenly felt weak inside. I decided to leave the room as well as my phone, but unfortunately one of the staff saw me and asked “Oh, Ann-ssi what are you doing there?” With the volume of his voice I knew that they heard us, and just as what I’ve expected Sulli went out to see what was happening.

                “Omo! Ann dongsaeng!” Sulli sounded really surprised, while Krystal was just there staring at me like what she does to all of us.

                At that moment, all I know is that I want to have my phone and just leave the freaking place. “I just went back to get my phone.” I said while rushing inside the room. I quickly grabbed my phone and ran swiftly past Sulli and Krystal.

                I ran as fast as I could, and all I could hear was Sulli calling my name “Ann dongsaeng!” But nevertheless, I ignored it.

                 “Do you think she heard everything?” Sulli worriedly asked Krystal, whom in reply said “Who cares if she did? Tsch.”

                 “You’re not helping Krystal-ssi! Aigoo…” Sulli said in frustration.

            Never in my life have I been jealous with my Sulli unnie. The truth is, we’re close and I trust that her relationship with my boyfriend is just plain friendship so I’m really confused how simple words affect me this much, all I know is that it hurts.

            We’ve been together for years, but he never gave me a gift as expensive as an IPAD2. It’s not that I’m envious of the gift, it’s just that I don’t think it’s right. Come to think of it, they were much sweeter than us. I mean most of the time you’ll see Hee Chul and I fighting over something whether big or small.

            We’re just two independent and dominant people, and we don’t like cuddling, kissing and all. Or we just never tried to be sweet at all, I know that you’re thinking how the hell could we call ourselves a couple but I’m just that type of girl, unlike Sulli who was sweet and cute.

            I rode a taxi home, “To the SMEnt dorm please.” I said in a shaky voice. As I was looking at the window I felt tears falling on my cheeks. I know it’s not right for an idol to cry in a public vehicle because it might create an issue but, gosh I swear it won’t stop.

           In less than a minute we arrived at the dorm, I paid the taxi and tried to walk normally until I get to Eureka’s quarters.

            It was a good thing that there’s nobody when I got there. Maybe they’re in the room.

            The weakness that was empowering me has finally taken over my body. I leaned on the wall and slid down, then I crouched on the floor. It was then that I cried, I’ve let all the anger and sadness inside me out.

            In my mind I was asking myself “What have I ever done to receive this kind of treatment? All I wanted was to have a good relationship with my boyfriend. Was it wrong to fight for him? Should have I listened to the people who said that Hee Chul isn’t right for me? That I would just get hurt if I choose him? I hate you Kim Hee Chul, I hate you! How did I ever let myself fall for you? Aish, pabo ya!”

               I rested my head on my knees and began to cry harder. And then I felt someone hugging me, and when I lift my head up, it was my Tin unnie and other Eureka members.

               Tin unnie was the eldest in Eureka and Hyuk oppa’s girlfriend. “What’s wrong my dongsaeng?” She asked. “Is it Hee Chul again?” Marga, another member asked. They might have sensed it because Hee Chul was the only person who could make me cry.

                I replied with a nod. Yee, one of my dongsaengs in the group asked “What is it this time?”, and so I told them what I’ve heard. After they’ve heard them all, I expected that they will tell me that I should talk to Hee Chul first, try to understand him, like what they usually do. But not this time, maybe they felt how hurt I was, and all they said was “No matter what your decision would be, Eureka will be here for you.” Then we had a group hug.

              I felt how supportive they were at that time even if no one was talking. But that silence was broken  by Yee’s question “So are you gonna break up with him?” That made me think, but I said “I don’t know yet.” I guess they knew what I meant by that so they were no questions asked.