Tao looked at himself in the mirror, ugly bruises marring his face. It was scary really, to look as bad outside as he felt inside. He thumbed the dried redness on the corner of his lips, wiping it on a cotton round.

“Come on Tao, hurry, Stephen just invited the whole crew out for dinner.”

He sighed and removed the itchy makeup from his face. The shooting in Guangzhou would finish the following morning, and he still had not texted Yifan. The saddened last look of the older haunted him, and as much as he wished to deny it, he was pretty much certain it meant rejection. Not plain and open rejection, but the I love you but not like that, don't make me say it rejection. He did not know which one he preferred.

“I couldn't work out this morning, so I wanted to hit the gym tonight.” He answered his manager. “I can't with a full stomach.” He added, promptly refusing to go with the others. “Maybe I'll join you later if you go for drinks.”

After a short run to warm up and stretches in the sport center of the hotel, Tao focused on his usual wushu routine. The basic kicks helped him feel lighter and soon he was not brooding anymore. This was what he liked about wushu, the feeling of freeing himself from his burden. He worked on his lotus and butterfly kicks and stunt falls before fixing his hand forms. Even after the long years of training, he still was not satisfied with the suppleness of his hands and arms, thinking he lacked the perfect grace required. Starting dancing under SM had helped a lot, but still, he lacked the fluidity of Yixing, or the natural delicateness of Baekhyun's fingers. Maybe he should try learning the piano, he thought briefly. He observed his reflection on the mirror, trying a new gesture while moving from horse stance to flat stance. What if Yifan rejected him, really? They had not see each other in years, he could keep it there and go back to ignore the fact he ever knew him. Meeting the older man again had unlocked all his past feelings, but it was the first time he had to face him knowing he had represented more than a big brother to him, more than a figure he looked up to and admired. Besides, it was the duizhang of his memories he loved, the duizhang who sprouted silly jokes despite his maturity. The one who, at the end of the day, had given in most of his whims and laughed at his antics. But wasn't he something of the past ? Tao was not sure he wanted to see the reality of a new Yifan for himself. He was not even sure if he could forgive him for not clearly announcing his departure years ago. In his eyes, his respected duizhang had lost a lot of his shiny glamor. It was only when Tao and Sehun had shared their first kiss that he had realized that maybe he had never played for the usual team, and that Yifan was probably his first infatuation. It had hit him hard at the time – loving someone who was not even there. Too hard because he had not accepted his leave yet, and he had clung to every of his past memories and probably idolized Yifan more than he should ever have. But here he was, nearly four years later, and he had to make a decision. Text Yifan, or not.

*.*.*

“Aaah, you're here!” One of the actresses exclaimed when she saw him arrive. She waved excitedly as he walked closer. He liked this kind of reunions with the crew a lot. Mostly because it was so different from the usual back stages of Korean music shows. There was no competition surrounding the air, and laughter would often burst out during and after the shootings. The atmosphere felt lighter, there was no need for the glitter and the tricks of performers – or maybe that was just because he felt at home, not having to roll the sounds of a foreign language on his tongue.

“Gān bēi !” The crew cheered for him to bottom up his drink.

Smiling Tao was back, he finally felt stronger than how he had been feeling since he first caught sight of Yifan at the beginning of his stay in Guangzhou. His confidence should not have crumbled down from seeing Yifan, it depended on himself, and it was never something that could so easily be shaken. Baekhyun liked to joke about him having the prince disease, but Tao worked hard to be a person he could be proud of. So he had no shame about the results of his persistence, he was proud of himself and the occasional excesses of confidence only showed his determination.

So excuse him for the flirty smiles he was sending to anyone giving him attention, especially in such a moment of drunkenness. He knew he attracted people, and it was just unfortunate someone responded to him that night.

“Would you.. would you like to have a drink with me some other time ?” The actress asked, a shy smile on her lips.

She was pretty, not in the over-fake way surgery made the new actresses look, but in a particular way that urged every man to take her back home. Added to her good acting, Tao could understand her rising popularity. Seeing her hopeful face, he pitied her, for he would never look twice at the appeal of her curves. He squeezed her hand into his, flashing a tight smile and whispering “I'm sorry, but no.”

Yes, that was who he was, he sold dreams and passion, he worked to be confidence and inspiration bottled up together in a single entity, he sought to be everyone's muse and receive the matching dedication and love. He thrived on people's affection, and was disappointed by any ill-intentioned comment because he tried his hardest in everything. Yes, he was not as mature as he wished, because he felt everything too strongly, and depending so much on emotions was both his weakness and his strength. He loved it when he was so lost in music or movement that his body resonated with every breath he took, responding to the slightest pull of emotions. It was during those times that strong and confident Tao came to terms with weak and teary-eyed Tao, that they accepted each other despite the fact that strong Tao hated weak Tao, and that weak Tao cried about being confined. Yifan could make him move from one state to the other in a second, and maybe that was why he had not texted him yet. He needed his confidence back to face the consequences of them meeting again. He resented himself for how the other affected him, but maybe it was time to get over this, and face these feelings for what they were.

*.*.*

He found himself sending Yifan a text moments later. I'm downstairs, please open the door for me. It was the middle of the night and it was a rash move but he would not have any other opportunity if it was not now. To his surprise, it took only a short minute for the buzz unlocking the door to be heard. He waited for the elevator, anxiousness and exhilaration both building in his chest. If he accepted him, then he would forgive him and learn about the Yifan of these past four years, if he did not, then he would let go and forget him.

“Yifan” He knew he was breathless, but how could he not ? His heart was doing funny jumps in his chest once again, and Yifan's bed hair was not helping.

“Did I wake you up ?”

“Yeah, but it's ok, don't worry.”

“I.. I don't know how to start.”

Yifan moved back from the entrance. “Don't you want to enter first ?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” He stepped forward, enough to pull the door close and lean against it. Yifan was looking at him curiously.

“I'm happy you came back.” The older man said, lips spreading in a smile. “I thought you didn't want to see me anymore...”

Tao reached for his hand, squeezing it gently. “I can't say it did not cross my mind.” He took a deep breath, which ended in a sigh. He let his thumb brush against Yifan's inner wrist, trying to gauge his expression as he mentally prepared himself. The other's face was unreadable so he tugged him a bit closer, anticipating the surprised look but not the searching eyes.

“Tao...” The tone was pleading, so he took it as an opportunity, heart pounding frantically as he leaned forward for the older's lips. Only to end up kissing a soft cheek instead, for Yifan had turned his face away.

“... Tao, you know I'm not...” He mumbled, kissing his forehead gently instead and then locking their eyes together.

Tao's stomach sank, but here he had his answer. Yifan was not gay, he could not return his feelings, and it was time for Tao to accept it, to let go.

“Ok.” He said simply, sliding his arms around Yifan's middle as he hoped it would make the hurt subside. The older's fingers found their way to his hair and pushed his face against his chest, carding through the strands soothingly.

“It was nice seeing you again duizhang.” He whispered. “But I think I won't text you.”

The brief halt of Yifan's fingers told him he had heard, but he did not comment, so Tao made the most of the moment and enjoyed the warm embrace for the last time. He decided that the moment they would part, he would let all of this behind him. He would stop building his assurance from others' approval, because he was starting to understand what Yifan had tried to tell him all those years ago. Emotions came before people, for it was what made you feel alive, it was just luck that meeting people created emotions, even if they were the most beautiful ones.

“I'm sorry Tao, for everything.”

“I forgive you.” He squeezed him between his arms one last time, turned around and left.

*.*.*

Tao was smiling at the flashes of the cameras as he stood on the platform of the red carpet. Today was the premiere of Stephen Chow's movie and he could not wait to see the whole thing put together. His character was bratty and annoying, but he was pretty sure people would get attached to him nonetheless. When a journalist asked if he liked his own character, he smirked before flashing a toothy smile. “Who won't ?” He replied and escaped the crowd.

Inside, he was seated next to the actress who had asked him out months ago. Seeing her the following shooting had been a bit awkward and cold at first, but she had quickly warmed up to him again - which explained why she was laughing at the weird shape of his cufflinks at the moment. “But this is the point of my outfit”, he insisted.

He was asking about who she had invited for the premiere when they were interrupted by someone clearing his throat. Tao looked up, mildly annoyed. His mind went blank for a second before he recognized the man. It was the one from the shop, the one who lived with Yifan.

“What is it ?” he asked politely, even if he knew the smile he adorned must have looked tense and fake.

“A gift” The other answered, pushing a small object into his hands. “Congratulations,” he added on second thoughts just before leaving.

Tao looked at his hands, discovering a small black box. On the top, the letters BS were artfully written but it was not obnoxious. Curious, he opened it to unveil a ring, white gold delicately chiseled in an arrogant crown. One of Yifan's designs. Pretentious letters were imprinted on the inner side of the lid. Bold Sovereign, it read. Tao snorted.

Stand tall Tao, and nothing's impossible.

He was glad he ever loved Yifan.

___________________________________________

*I'm so mad at how badly I rendered this part*

Anyways, here's the end of the first shot !

I pretty much had all of the story imagined up until here. The goal was for Tao to get the much needed closure, but since I'm such a er for happy endings, and there were some elements I had to cut/couldn't elaborate on... I'm extending the story, yeay ! *I still need time to work on the plot though*

The next shot will probably be goofy Yifan-centric. Oh, and it will take place later too.

Thank you for reading ! I'll try to update part 7 soon !

PS : does anyone know Willy Cartier ? I was thinking about his rings for Yifan's accessory brand ( here's the one described at the end )