April 14th, 1950

Our plan was never carried out.

April 14th was a beautiful day. Not a single cloud on the blue sky. The wind carried fresh scents of grass and sun and the sound of the children’s laughter echoed between the rows of houses.

                      My brother had during the last months started experiencing problems with his eyesight. He rubbed his eyes as if they were itching; complaining his vision was blurry. The symptoms disappeared after only a couple of minutes but it occurred more and more occasionally.

                      On this particular day everything was pretty much normal. We woke up in the morning, went to school, went home, ate dinner and went to bed. No strange happenings at all. But in the middle of the night, I was awakened by a loud bump outside my door. And then another. The house was silent for a while and then I heard a groan. Without thinking I grabbed a pot from the windowsill and sneaked towards the door. I could hear my own heartbeats, but the sound was drowned by the noise of someone crawling on the floor outside. I held my breath and quickly opened the door, ready to hit a possible burglar with the pot. Instead I saw my brother crawl around on the floor.

                      “What are you doing down there Shin Woo?” I asked him.

He turned his head, but his eyes were entirely closed. Tears were streaming down his face.

                      “Sun Hi, I can’t see anything.” he sobbed without answering my question properly.

                      “But you have your eyes closed, and it’s dark! Of course you can’t see anything!” I exclaimed and took his hand in mine, dragged him up on his feet and helped him into my bedroom. When I had closed the door, he was sitting on my bed, still crying rivers. I lit a lamp and tuned around to comfort him.

Shin Woo still had his eyes closed so I went up to him and embraced his shivering body.

                      “It’s okay, you can open your eyes now. See, I’ve lit a lamp for you.”

He opened his eyes and looked at me. But his eyes weren’t the same warm eyes I’ve seen all my life, not the dark, wise eyes I’ve knows all these years. Instead they were cold, like ice, piercing through my soul. Looking, but not entirely looking.

                      “Sun Hi, stop it. It’s not like that.”

I halted myself in my actions. What is he talking about?

                      “It’s not like that,” he repeated. “I can’t SEE anything. Not anything at all. I can’t see you, nor the light from the lamp. I’m opening my eyes and even though they are wide open, I still can’t see.”

                      I felt teardrops form in the corner of my eyes. No. This wasn’t happening. Not now.

Shin Woo raised a hand and brushed his fingertips over my cheek, feeling the tears. He hushed; now it was his turn to embrace me.

                      “Please don’t cry dear sister. I’m so scared, by if you also are scared, then I’m helpless. I need you to be strong for me, can you do that?” He pulled away and I looked at his searching eyes for a little while. I nodded, forgot a moment that he couldn’t see me.

                      “Yes.” I mumbled.

To imagine the fright he must be experiencing, to imagine the terrible fright of being alone in the dark was a too horrible thought for me. I just couldn’t. But the only thing I could do was to stay strong for him. I was his strength now, I could be his eyes.

That was the moment I decided what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to help people. I wanted to be a strong point for people who needed one. That was the moment I decided, I would later this year apply to the medical school. To help people, and possibly contribute to a way of healing my brother too.