EPILOGUE

*Do take note that in this fiction, gay marriage has been made legal in South Korea

Baekhyun said yes again when Chanyeol took his hand and asked him the question that Sehun had asked the night he returned from London. Words like ‘will you’ and ‘marry’ came in the same sentence and even though Baekhyun replied with a cheerful yes and a wide stretch of his lips in a form of a grin, his heart clenched and twisted at the memory of Sehun’s eyes boring into his, of Sehun’s lips molding against his and of Sehun’s arms around him. He tried to find the emotions he used to feel when connected to Chanyeol, but all he could feel was pleasure and ecstasy and nothing of affection, not even when Chanyeol kisses him until he falls asleep.

He assures himself, however, that he does love Chanyeol to a certain extent, enough to say yes to the biggest question Chanyeol had ever asked.

Sehun was first on the guest list and it was Chanyeol who insisted on inviting Baekhyun’s past lover. He spent days staring at the list and wanting to erase off Sehun’s name but unable to because everything had been set and changes would only complicate things. He hoped Sehun wouldn’t come, half afraid that he would because he knew Sehun. The tall brunette would make an appearance if he thought that would please Baekhyun. But then again, Sehun probably hates him after what he’s done and Baekhyun doesn’t know if he wants to know how Sehun is doing right now. He was afraid he wouldn’t be able to accept the fact that Sehun had found someone even better, someone who actually deserved him, like he used to be until he threw it all away.

Just like he’d wished, Sehun was a no-show on his big day. The wedding was held at a church, with less than a hundred guests attending to witness the tying of a fragile knot. Baekhyun knew he had expected to not see Sehun around, but his stomach dropped at the fact that he couldn’t see Sehun’s face anywhere. It was supposedly the biggest and most important day of his life, yet all he could feel instead of the happiness he should be drowned in was sorrow and that heavy weight ever so present in his chest. His fingers trembled and his legs shook. He couldn’t smile.

A lot of the guests were mostly Chanyeol’s group of friends from school, ones that he recognized but remembered that they weren’t his clique. The friends from his side were only Jongdae and Kyungsoo, along with his sister and a surprise visit from Tao. He had expected Tao, being Sehun’s best friend, to throw the bouquet of flowers he had brought along with him at his face, but what Tao did was offer him a genuine smile as he handed the flowers to him. He didn’t forget to congratulate Baekhyun and Chanyeol and told them that Sehun said hi.

If anything, his stomach only clenched even further and the fake smile he had to put up throughout the ceremony hurt his cheeks. He expected something from Chanyeol, a hand squeeze or a brief hug, but they never came. Chanyeol was too busy laughing away with the boys he recognized to be SeungHyun, Kris and Yongguk. And Chanyeol missed the look in his eyes that clearly said he needed someone and he had expected Chanyeol to be there.

The first year of being married brought different levels of joy to Baekhyun. Chanyeol was the perfect husband, caring and loving, never forgetting to voice out his love towards Baekhyun. Their honeymoon was a week’s worth of nights spent in a chalet all the way in Honolulu, Hawaii. For the first time in a long time, Baekhyun said goodbye to every guilt that’s taken a residence in his heart and left behind the weight temporarily. He forgets all his wrong-doings in someone else’s country, wrapped in the strong arms of his husband and slept in a nest where he was greeted with soft kisses and words of love. He thinks he should be able to find his happiness again if he doesn’t repeat his mistakes and keep Chanyeol by his side.

They were well into the end of their second year when the conflict began. Chanyeol denies it but somehow Baekhyun found out that his husband had gotten himself into trouble, owing money and getting drunk at night. Sometimes he doesn’t come home and Baekhyun would spend those nights alone, worrying for the safety of the man he’d grown to love and angry that Chanyeol hadn’t cared enough to come home. In the morning he would wake up to Chanyeol’s arm around him and he had every intention to push the red-haired away but all he does was curl up close to the giant, missing his warmth and breathing in his scent. Like before, he couldn’t let go.

The gap that grew between them was slowly expanding and he doesn’t realize it until he fell asleep one night without Chanyeol telling him the three words he usually does every other night.

Baekhyun shuddered at the cold gush of wind that entered the house through the window, closing them quickly as he wrapped himself with the thickest quilt he could find in the drawer. He has the day off from work today – he figured a few months after their wedding that they couldn’t survive on Chanyeol’s job alone – and was slightly disappointed that Chanyeol hadn’t been able to take a leave. Thus why he was alone on a Friday evening, clad in thick quilt to shield him from the winter wind. Christmas is coming soon and he had not the slightest mood to celebrate it.

He was about to drop himself onto the couch when the doorbell rang. Half of him squealed at the thought that Chanyeol might have changed his mind and taken a half day instead but the other half of him groaned because it was cold and he felt weak and all he wanted to do was curl up with his blanket and that bowl of potato chips. With a sigh, Baekhyun walked over to the door and opened it only to see a stranger instead of his husband. The man wore a cap and he realized a second later that it was just a postman. The postman smiled as he opened the door and presented to him an envelope and a form for him to sign.

He took it without question, stealing a glance to see that it was a registered mail. Thanking the man after signing the form, Baekhyun closed the door behind him, eyes glued to the front of the envelope. His address written on it was handwritten and he took the few seconds of getting back on the couch trying to remember where he’d seen the handwriting before. He carefully unsealed it, taking out its content. There was a letter for him and along with it came another piece of paper which he soon learned to be a cheque. His eyes enlarged at the amount of won that was given under his name and his fingers scrambled to unfold the letter. The first sentence of the letter had his heart clenching again because suddenly he remembered whose handwriting it was. He could hear a voice in his head, almost as if the writer was saying it aloud for him to hear.

To Baekhyun,

I know you probably never expected to hear from me and before I forget, I’d like to wish you an early Merry Christmas. The last time we celebrated it together felt like forever ago. Oh, and I also hope you’re happy. I think that’s enough to make me happy as well.

I remember not too long ago that I promised to make your dreams come true. There’s a cheque somewhere in the envelope and I know it isn’t much but I hope it would help you start. If you ask, I’m doing quite well myself. I’ve handled a few cases and even though it’s stressful, I quite enjoyed it. I hope to see your shop in one of the malls in the future.  I hope I helped.

And Baek, I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to your wedding. I know how big it must have been for you. Tao said you were happy, and I really hope you still are. Thank you for inviting me, though.

Lastly, I’m also sorry I wasn’t good enough for you to hold on to. I had big plans for us but I guessed I must have slipped somewhere. You don’t know how many times I wished I was the one who was there for you when you needed someone. I wished I had been there for you and I’m sorry I wasn’t. I’m sorry for a lot of things that couldn’t possibly be written on this paper alone.

Sorry again this letter had gone a little too long. All the best.

Regards,
Your Sehun.

Baekhyun doesn’t know when exactly the tears came; they just freely dropped and wet his cheeks. He read the letter over and over again; memorizing Sehun’s every word into his heart and feeling guilty again for making Sehun think that he was the one to be blamed. The letter itself bared dark splotches, the only signs that Sehun had shed some tears as well when he wrote it. Baekhyun clutched the letter close to his chest, a mixture of sorrow and joy in his heart. It was mostly the feeling of sadness, though, because even though he was no longer there by Sehun’s side, the boy still remembered his promise. Unlike him, who couldn’t even wait a year.

He doesn’t deserve the money and he doesn’t deserve this kindness.

“Where did you get all that money?” Chanyeol asked suddenly as he busied himself looking in the mirror and shaving off his non-existent stubble. Baekhyun had learnt from almost five years spent with the red-haired that he liked to shave even though there was barely any hair on his face.

Baekhyun gulped, wondered how Chanyeol had come to find out about the cheque. Figuring that he shouldn’t keep it a secret from his husband, yet not going completely honest about it, Baekhyun ditched the magazine he was reading and walked over to wrap his arms around Chanyeol’s torso, resting his chin on the taller’s shoulder and placing a kiss on the bare skin. He smiled at Chanyeol’s reflection and the latter responded with a smaller curl of his lips.

“My sister lent it to me. The money’s going to help me start that perfumery I’ve wanted to open since a long time ago. I think I told you before.” He announced with a wider smile, anticipating Chanyeol’s reaction. He expected his husband to be happy for him or a little smile would do but instead the taller boy frowned, finally washing the shaving cream off his face.

“That’s a lot of money. Wouldn’t it be better if you help me clear out my debts? We’ll live peacefully after everything’s settled and they stop trying to kill me.” Chanyeol said, walking away and taking out his boxer briefs to pull it on.

Baekhyun was left speechless as his arms dropped to his sides, lips parted at the incredulity of his husband’s words. Anger rose at his chest, but like always, he couldn’t voice out what he truly feels. “But my shop –”

Chanyeol rolled his eyes as he pulls on a t-shirt, frowning when his head poked out of it. “Tell me, Baek. Is the shop more important than my life?”

“No, of course not.” Baekhyun’s response was quick and determined because in all truth he doesn’t want to lose Chanyeol. He bit at his lip, fighting back the urge to shed anymore tears as he nodded and reluctantly give up the cheque to the hands of his husband.

Chanyeol thanked him with a kiss on the forehead, the victorious smile present on his lips before he slipped the cheque into his jeans pocket hanging at the back of the door, flopping himself down onto the bed soon after. It was only minutes later that Baekhyun heard the soft snoring coming from Chanyeol as he took his place beside his husband. That night as he forced himself to sleep, he couldn’t help but think that his dreams and his future had been destroyed the moment he gave up on Sehun.

There should be some sort of a reason to why Baekhyun stayed through Chanyeol’s . The money that he took couldn’t clear out his debts and it only ended him up with more loans. Chanyeol comes home drunk every night and never made as far as the bed. He would be sprawled on the couch the next morning, reeking of alcohol and sweat. Still Baekhyun woke him up with a soft voice, prepared him breakfast and tucked him properly in bed for when he isn’t working.

He was worried for Chanyeol, constantly afraid that his husband might not return home forever. He complains every time Chanyeol came home drunk but at the end of the day he thanked whatever forces there is for bringing Chanyeol home. Except Chanyeol doesn’t think of how much Baekhyun worries for him, couldn’t see how much Baekhyun cares. He promised he would never do it again but he broke those promises more often than he smiles.

They say patience is virtue but Baekhyun had never been one who is patient. It was one of the reasons why he wasn’t thinking of Sehun when he let Chanyeol kiss him, why he hadn’t waited longer for Sehun to come home. Why is he patient now, while Chanyeol repeatedly break his heart with broken promises and words he no longer meant? Baekhyun doesn’t know anything much anymore. He only knew that he had to hold on, that he couldn’t repeat his mistakes. He was determined to keep his marriage intact, confident that they would make it far.

It all came crushing down, however, when he came home from work to Chanyeol throwing each and every one of his perfume inventions into a box, some of the glass bottles hitting the ground with a crack. He had let his legs bring him to his room where his work table was stationed at, horror inflicted upon his features at the sight of Chanyeol getting rid of his perfumes. He pulled at the giant’s arm, attempting to stop him but Chanyeol was stronger.

“What the are you doing, Chanyeol?!” He screamed, desperate to be heard over the loud clanking of test tubes breaking and glasses cracking, unable to see the liquid in them spill and spread in the box.

Chanyeol didn’t stop, unheedingly throwing those bottles of perfume and test tubes and ingredients into the box. “I’m getting rid of this . It’s giving me a ing headache.”

Baekhyun was strong enough, however, to pull Chanyeol away from further destroying his works. “Stop it, Yeol! You know how hard I work for them. How can you do this to me?!”

A gasp left Baekhyun’s lips in the mere second that he was being pinned against the wall, Chanyeol looming tall and heavy over him. “You’re enough I have to take care of. Now shut up and stop screaming like a little .” Poison laced Chanyeol’s voice and his eyes only bared the look of anger and annoyance, causing Baekhyun to stay put where he is as his husband continued to clear his work table.

It felt like his heart had stopped beating and even though he was panting against the shock of Chanyeol’s words and Chanyeol’s voice, he doesn’t know how to breathe. His vision blurred as he watched Chanyeol dragged the box and plastics out of the house and he couldn’t spare a second to think of where his works would be thrown into. He silently slid down the wall and fell to the floor, covering his mouth with a hand as he cried. He didn’t think he had anymore tears to shed but he was proven wrong as the pain continuously slash at him.

“Why,” he had asked that night as Chanyeol lay on their bed, ready to sleep. “Why did you say you love me when you actually didn’t?”

Chanyeol had only sighed and closed his eyes. “I think I did for the first few years. It was hot and all when we had to hide what we had.” He opened his eyes and sat up, looking straight at Baekhyun beside him, nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders. “But I guess it’s all different now. I