Love Letter

(Even if I’m not a good talker, please understand me
I will tell you all of the truth that I’ve been keeping)

I was never very good with words unless they were just thoughts that never went further than my own mind. So I never told you how much you meant to me in the poetic ways I had always wanted. Instead it was always "I love you" and "You're beautiful." There was never a time where I was able to convey in spoken words to what extent I loved you or just how beautiful you were.

I took to writing it all down. I've left so many love letters on your grave that I could publish a book. Even still, those letters are nowhere near as lyrical as the words that swim through my mind at the thought of you. You were too good to be true. A being that I seemed to dream into life. Then you were gone. Like a dream I can barely remember, you are gone. The harder I try to hold onto those little truths I knew about you, the easier they seem to slip away from me. 

After all these years, I've forgotten too much. The images in my mind these days only seem like cheap copies of the girl I knew.  It's like trying to copy the Mona Lisa without ever seeing it. Impossible. The way your long hair fell on your shoulders. The way your nose would scrunch up when you were angry. The way your eyes would sparkle in the sunlight. You are now like a whisper on the wind. Something fleetingly beautiful.

I wish I had been able to tell you every thought that entered my mind.  These days I can't distinguish between truth and lies. Were you really that elegant when you walked? Maybe you were. But, I can't be sure. I guess I should move on. It's been four years and you can't come back. Maybe I will find someone who can take your place.

(Do you remember the day we first met?
Your pretty lips smiled at me)

I saw you today. Well, I saw someone that looked like you. It reminded me of the day we met. The day you smiled at me and I knew you were going to turn my life upside down. I never knew it would happen like this. 

It was your sister! The girl that looked like you. I hadn't seen her in four years, I never would have thought she would end up looking so much like you. We've been catching up, sharing stories...I hadn't noticed but I've been thinking of you less. 

Her lips are like nothing I've seen. People often compare pretty lips to flowers and I can see why. They are so soft looking and pink. When she smiled at me the day we met again, I think my heart stopped. 

Was it because I thought it was you? Or was it something else? My words seem to come out smoother when I'm with her. I guess I'm afraid of losing something important again.

(After that day, I was determined
That I never want to lose you from my embrace
That I will go till the end)

It's been awhile since I spoke to you hasn't it? I've been spending more and more time with your sister, Ara. She's in college now, said she was going to be a nurse. It's hard for me to see her now. Oh, I think I forgot to tell you that I was finally able to debut. I'm sorry you weren't able to see it in person. 

Ara told me she was a fan and that she had been waiting for me to debut. Apparently you had talked to her about it a lot. I always thought you would be the one that I went to for support and comfort after my debut, but now it is your little sister. Since the day we were reunited, I was determined I wouldn't lose sight of her ever again. I made you a promise and I planned to keep it.

It should be easy. The more I'm with her, the more I can't be without her. Sometimes I call to her with your name. She says she doesn't mind but I know it bothers her. What woman would want that? 

The time I spend with her is helping me let go of you. My thoughts are less acidic and my heart seems less broken. She is healing me. Parts of me that I hadn't know were broken are mending without so much as a scar. 

It's been two months since I met her for what seemed like the first time. She has grown to be a beautiful young woman. I wish you could see her. You would be proud. But did I tell you? I think I love her.

(Saying I love you with words might not be enough but
Still I will confess to you today)

I haven't told her my feelings yet. I thought she might think I was strange, we aren't even officially dating. But I love her. She is so much more than I had expected to find. She Filled the void you left and then some. Is it possible to love someone this much after only a few months?

I'm going to confess to her today. I wrote her a love letter, like the ones I sent to you so many times after you passed. I won't make the mistake of keeping my thoughts to myself again. This time I will confess in a way that conveys the depth of my feelings. 

Yes, I know that words are not always enough to confess fully but right now it's all I have. I hope you look upon this relationship kindly. It feels like it was meant to be. We are meeting in the park where I first saw her. I bought her flowers and fixed us some food. I've been tired lately but I've been getting a lot of support from the members. I wish you could see me, I'm wearing a wig and a huge pair of glasses so I won't be spotted. If you could see, I'm sure you would laugh.

I hope she accepts my confession today. If I lose her, too, I'll probably be the one to visit you. 

(I wanna be with you, always from a step behind you
Don’t forget there’s a person who will protect you)

I'm here waiting for her. She seems so mature for her age, much more mature than I am. Oh! There she is. She's wearing that white dress again. I don't call your name anymore. It's only times like these when I am completely alone that I even think about talking with you. Now the only name that falls off my lips is hers. 

"Ara! Over here." I motion her over and hug her when she gets close enough. A small part of me still wishes she were you. But a better part of me knows that she is more than everything I could have ever asked for. 

"Oppa, why did you ask me to meet you here?" She has eyes that shine at all times. I find comfort in them.

"I wanted to see you. And I had a few things to give you." This is it. I'm going to go for it. I hand her the flowers and the lunch box. "I made your favorite snacks. They may not be the best, but I wanted to try. And I heard you say you liked daisies, so I bought you some." When she blushes, I forget everything. She is just so adorable.

"Thank you, Oppa. I will eat well, and I will put these flowers in water when I get home. Is this all you needed to give me?" When I look at her, my mind fills itself with all these beautiful words that nearly spill out without any warning. I shake my head as an answer and reach into my pocket for the letter I wrote for her. These words were my confession. My thoughts and feelings. My love. She needed to know everything. Every thought I had since the day we met again in this park. Please give me strength and courage. As I look at the note in my shaky hands, I can't help but wonder how different things would be if I had been able to do this for you. Not any different I suppose, you still would have been taken from me.

"What's that? Is it for me?" My words threaten to flow out once more as I give her a nod and a smile. If I say them now, they will come out all wrong. I need her to understand completely. Suddenly my cell phone rings and I am brought out of my thoughts in time to answer. My times up. I wasted my time in my thoughts and it's run out. I have to leave her again. I give her the letter.

"Read this and know that ever word is the truth. Every word." I give her forehead a swift kiss. "My manager just called. I have to go now. But I will see you tomorrow. And I will call you tonight." I wave goodbye to her as I run down the walkway. What will she think of my love letter? Will she like it? 

You probably are wondering what I wrote to your sister. I guess I will tell you. It went something like:

"I know we have only just met each other again but, I feel as though I can never let you go. I want to protect you, always. To be right there by your side as you go through life. You have given me more than you will ever realize. If I was to leave your side, I know I would never survive. 

Honestly, when we first met I was reminded of your sister. It was painful but you had a numbing effect on me. I apologize for those times I called you by her name. I never meant to hurt you. You should know that these feelings I have for you are not because of your sister.

You threw me off my guard. I never expected anyone could take her place. But you, you were so much more than that. You filled the void in my heart. It didn't stop there, though. Your warmth spread through me entirely like a wild fire. 

(After I met you, I found something to do
It is to make you smile all day, every single day)

When we met up again, it was like being reborn.  I felt alive in a way that I hadn't since that day four years ago. How can one person make me feel so much? My life up until that point had been in music and nothing else. I was drowning myself in lyrics and choreography, trying to find an outlet that would soothe the thoughts in my head that became disorganized at the slightest reminder of her...and then I found you. 

And with you I found something that gave my life more meaning. Your smile. My new dream is to make you smile every single day. Your smile is brighter than any light on the earth. Maybe even brighter than the sun. It radiates warmth to anyone who sees it including me. A man who had felt nothing but ice for four years. You thawed me out in an instant when that beautiful smile graced those beautiful lips of yours. 

It may seem crazy but you are, and always will be, my saving grace. 

(There might be times when I’m really busy but
In my head, there are only thoughts of you)

I can't promise you a perfect relationship. I have a responsibility to my fans and the other members that will take up much of my time. It will keep me busy but my thoughts will always be with you. Already, you have filled my mind, leaving no room for anything else. 

You are a permanent resident in each corner of my ever changing mind. Though I may be lead toward different areas of interest, you will always be there. You are practically my conscience. My voice of reason. One thought of you puts me in a better mood. The picture of you that has been etched into my brain, is a continuous reminder of your beauty and grace.

Every little thing reminds me of you. The sunlight reminds me of your warmth. The flowers remind me of your lips. Children remind me of your purity. The rain reminds me of how refreshed I feel after speaking to you. I could go on but I would need a day to write it all down.

(Saying I love you with words might not be enough but
Still I will confess to you today)

I know my words might not be enough for you to feel the depth of my feelings but I needed to try. I decided that I would confess to you today and this is my confession. This love letter.

It may not seem true but my head is filled with words of beauty and love when it comes to you. My heart beats as fast as a humming bird's wings. My entire body is filled with a warmth that is incomparable to any summer day. The words 'I love you' are played over and over again as I try to give you a simple 'hello' when we meet. I was always afraid that you would hear the 'I love yous' that were hidden in each word that was spoken to you. 

(When you tell me to cheer up
When your eyes are looking at me
Those things make me exist right now
I have nothing else to tell you but I love you)

You tell me to cheer up when I'm feeling stressed from my schedule or a disagreement with one of the other members. Just seeing your smiling face is enough to lighten the heaviness in my heart. But when I look into your eyes...my problems just disappear. 

Because of you and those moments, I am alive again. I am living with no more regrets. You have bewitched me. It is almost like meeting you has given me another chance. A way to make up for the mistakes I made when I was younger.  You have helped me with my words. They no longer swim in a disorganized mess, rather they flow in effortless streams that threaten to escape. 

If by chance you don't return these feelings, I will wait. If you don't love me in the same way I love you, I can wait until you do. But please, don't turn me away. Without you, I would be nothing more than an empty shell. A man whose heart is filled with ice. A man who has nothing to live for. 

These words were written for only you. You have made me feel more in these short months than some have in years of knowing me. You are everything to me. You are my refuge. My muse. My love. I hope you will give me a chance to prove these feelings to you." 

Do you think she will accept my letter? It was written with the upmost sincerity.  I guess I will find out when she calls me. Right now I should be focusing on dance practice. The others seem to be tired. Maybe we will talk again later.

(Thank you so much for waiting for me till the end
For looking at me without shaking)

It's 2 am. We finally finished practice. I check my phone for any messages and there is only one. "We should talk. I'll wait at your dorm until you come home." Ara. She must have been waiting there for hours. Will she reject me? She seems serious. 

We arrive at the dorm and I see her there pacing in front of the door. I must have made her uncomfortable. When she sees me, she bows nervously. The guys all say goodnight and leave me there with her. I'm nervous. More nervous than the first time I got up on stage as a member of Exo. 

"Minseok Oppa. I read your letter." She's blushing. I guess I did burden her.

"If I burdened you, I didn't mean to. I just wanted you to understand my feelings..." I look down at my feet, embarrassed. It's only when I hear her giggle that I look up at her.

"No, Oppa. I was relieved. I thought I was the only one with those feelings. I've been waiting for you to show interest in me before I confessed to you. I was embarrassed." She does love me? "Yes, Oppa. I love you. I've been loving you for awhile." She must have noticed my disbelief. I can't believe she feels the same way. It's like a dream. I can only think of one thing that I've been wanting to do since I realized my feelings. 

So I kiss her. It was just a straightforward, no nonsense, innocent kiss. I wanted to feel her lips on mine. Wanted to know if they were as soft as they appeared. They were. And I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face, making it impossible to continue the contact.

"Thank you. Thank you for waiting on me to make sense of my words. I'm sorry it took me so long. You must have been tired from waiting. Thank you for accepting my feelings. Thank you for not wavering as you waited. Thank you for staying with me. Thank you for existing." I pull her into my arms. I want to hug her for awhile.  I want to be able to kiss her whenever I like. I want to keep her by my side for the rest of my life.

"No, thank YOU, Oppa. Thank you for confessing and thank you for loving me." My plans are too unrealistic for now. I have too many responsibilities to take care of. But I will make a promise to continue protecting her from here on out. I will protect her from everything. Even if that means I have to make sacrifices.

(Lean on me, believe in my love
Let’s be together for always, forever)

It's been two months since that day. We have kept our relationship a secret from the public so far. It's been hard at times. I've wanted to just announce it but she always talks me out of it. It's her birthday today. We are celebrating in the practice room with the other members. They consider her a sister. Kai even insists on calling her 'sister in law.' I haven't spoken to you in awhile. You will always have a piece of me but she has taken all of me.

"Hyung! You said you bought a cake. Where is it?" Chanyeol. He gets too excited at parties like these. You would think he would run out of energy after a day of rehearsals, but it's like he has a never-ending abundance of adrenaline. 

"It's right here. I'm bringing it now." I take the cake over to the others with now, lit candles. As we sing 'Happy Birthday' to her, I can't help but be mesmerized by the way joy is expressed in her eyes. She is shining brighter than usual today.

After the exchanging of presents, the others say their goodbyes and once again leave us alone. I have a surprise for her today. I hope she will like it. She will won't she? I pull out the small box that I had been hiding in my bag for nearly two weeks. Why is something like this so hard?

"I have your present. I hope you like it. I hope I'm not moving too fast." I open the box to reveal two simple silver rings. Couple rings. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but marriage is out of the question for now. 

"Oppa they are beautiful! I love it." I smile and slip the silver band around her finger and admire the way it looks. I can't believe she is mine. Two months as a couple and it still feels like I'm dreaming. "I love you, Oppa." She hugs me and I kiss her cheek. I live for moments like these with her.  She is everything I asked for, and so much more. 

"These rings come with a request. I hope that you will always come to me when you have a problem. I hope you will always believe in me and my love for you. I hope that we can be together always. These are a promise of forever if you accept it." She nods as tears fall from her beautiful eyes. 

"Of course Oppa. I wouldn't have it any other way." I've done it. I've confessed again. These words that were once restricted to pen and paper are now finding their way to my mouth. When the day comes, they will fall freely in a joyous display of my love for the girl right in front of me.

(I love you, I need you.
I love you, I need you.
It’s only you for always)

It's no longer a secret. My love for Ara is public. She has suffered a lot from my carelessness. But we have gotten through it together. She has continued to believe in me and our love. Today there will be a press conference about our relationship. The company agreed to let me talk. Your sister will be fine. I promised to protect her and I will. 

My fans are important to me, but she will always come first in my life. I have to confess again today. It has gotten easier for me. I confess to her everyday. Give me strength as I try to convey just how deeply I feel toward her. Some of them may never understand, but I can't let her down. I won't let her down. I will show her my love with my words.

We enter the room and I am bombarded with flash after flash of cameras. I hear questions being thrown all around the room and I can't keep up. I take a deep breath as my manager quiets the crowd and look out at the sea of unfamiliar faces. I have to confess to them all. I have to make them see my love and conviction. Then I hear the question that I know I can answer: "Can you tell us about your relationship with this girl?" Of course I can. But it will be hard to keep it to only a few words. 

"She is my girlfriend. We have been dating for almost four months but have known each other for six years. We lost contact for awhile after an accident that involved someone we both cared deeply about. If not for that person, we never would have found what we did."

"And what is that?"

"Love. We found love. A love that some of you may never understand. I love her more than any person I have ever known. More than the person I lost in that accident. She has supported me endlessly. Even on my worst days she makes me feel better. Even when my schedule keeps us apart, she sends me messages of encouragement and love. I love and need her more than I can express. All I do is for her. I strive to show her my love in every way." 

"What about your fans?" 

"I love my fans. But I hope they will all understand just how happy she makes me. My love for her will not change my love for them. They will always be important to me. Always. But so will she. I pray they will give us support as we continue into the future together. Ara, I love you, I need you, and I always will." I bow to the cameras and walk out of the room, relieved that our relationship has been uncovered. Now I can go out with her without hiding. I no longer have to fear the people around us. Now I can focus on her.

(Stay by my side, I’ll comfort you
Let’s love as if the world stopped like this)

It has been ten years. Ten years and day. Ten years and a day since you left. But it has been six years and a day since she walked right into my life and changed everything. I'm making another confession today. Today I am asking her to marry me. I'm sorry it's been so long since I talked with you. 

I wrote you another letter today, a letter of letting go, a letter of goodbye. I am letting you go completely. From now on, you are a memory. A memory that I will tuck away. 

Now I have someone that completes me. Someone who has shown me what it's like to be alive. She should be here anytime. She had a busy day at the hospital. I'm waiting for her anxiously. I'm afraid the words I found will become a jumbled mess before I can say them.

She is walking toward me now. Six years seem like too long. I feel like I've made her wait again. She sits beside me on the park bench and rests her head on my shoulder. "Why did you ask to meet me here Oppa?" I laugh at her words, the same words she asked that day I finally confessed.

"I had something to ask you." I put my arm around her shoulder and smile. "If I haven't made you wait too long, I hope you will continue to stay by my side. But, I hope you will do so as my wife." She raises her head up quickly, looking at me with a shocked expression. "I want to make you a promise that I will continue by your side for the rest of my life. I will comfort you and protect you. I will love you. The only thing missing in my life right now is the right to call you my wife." There she goes, tearing up again. I wipe her tears away and kiss her forehead. "I've made you wait for me again and I'm sorry for that. You deserve the world and I will try my best to give it all to you. Will you make me the luckiest man in the world and marry me?" 

She nods her head, seemingly speechless. I pull out the ring I chose for her. Something simple and elegant. Something that matches her well. 

She admires the way the ring looks on her hand then hugs me tightly. "I'd be an idiot if I said no. I can't let anyone else have you. What would we do if we weren't together?" I laugh and simply hug her closer to me. She was right. What would I do without her? I've had her with me for so long that I probably couldn't function if I lost her. Now I will get to keep her by my side forever. The words that usually overwhelm my mind are silent as three words take over completely. 'I love you.'

(Thank you for being you)

I take her home that night, continuously repeating my love for her. As I kiss her goodnight, my thoughts overwhelm me once again. There are so many things that I am thankful for. She has given me so much. I will never be able to thank her for all those things. One sentence stays with me as I look into her sparkling eyes once again. 

"Thank you for being you."

You don't have to worry about me anymore. I've found something that can never be replaced. A love so pure I'd be insane to let it slip away. 

It's been ten years and two days and I have finally let you go.

(It isn't too cheesy is it? I really hope you enjoyed it chingy7 and all of you who have read it. If any of you want me to write a song fic, just leave a comment with a song, an idol, and a genre (excluding or ). I will do my best! Thank you for reading and giving me a chance!)