He is one of the best idols alive. He is an amazing songwriter and an amazing composer too. He is an all-in-one package. In your eyes, no one else could compare. Even you feel inferior compared to him. That’s how much you respect him.

                When he is down, you feel prideful. Prideful because you tell yourself that, yes, you are much stronger than he is. You tell yourself that you can handle yourself much better than he can. At the same time, you worry about him non-stop and when you see him depressed, you feel depressed as well. When he feels better, you don’t realize it but you feel way better yourself.

                When he feels depressed, when something is troubling him, you want him to tell you the reason why first before he goes to tell anyone else. You want him to ask you for help by himself without you offering because you feel like if you offer a helping hand, he would only shy away from you. Besides, if you insist on helping, wouldn’t you just worsen everything even more?

                As much as you’d like to help, there’s nothing much you can do but wait for him patiently, wishing that he’d feel better soon.

                Even though it hurts to watch him break, there is nothing you can do but wait – no matter how useless you feel and how much you’re determined to make him happier.

                During breaks, you see him laugh with your friends, colleagues and then he smiles to people that you both don’t even know. Nobody knows that even in between breaks, his mask cracks, occasionally showing the painful expression that you’ve seen on his face too many times. You wonder then, was he really smiling? Do you and your friends actually help him? Is he happy when he’s with someone other than himself?

                You think about him too much that you end up dreaming about him at night. Standing in a clear field while wearing white, his back faced you. You stood farther away from him but you could see that he’s looking at the sky. The more you watch him, the more that the feeling that he will disappear grows in your chest. Will he fly into the sky? Spread his wings and go far? Or will the ground open under him and swallow him whole? You don’t know. Both were possible and you can’t do anything but watch it happen.

                When you wake up in a cold sweat, he comes into your room as if to prove to you that he is still there, that he is alive and well. But that is not the reason that, even if you didn’t wake from that dream, he intended to wake you up.

                He visits you at night to seek comfort, to seek the warmth that only you can provide. And you sigh in relief. Finally, he decided to approach someone even if he only wanted a hug. You give him that hug, enveloping him in your warmth, hoping that the comfort you provide is enough to at least ease a little of his troubles.

                When he falls asleep beside you, you marvel at his beauty, at the calm that finally appeared on his features. You feel happy that he is finally able to rest. He looked like he hadn’t slept for days after all. You pull the blanket over the both of you and you fall asleep right next to him, a smile slowly forming on your lips.

                When you wake up the next morning, you are met with his gentle gaze right after you rub your eyes awake. His lips slowly quirked upwards into a smile and his hand reached up to brush away a few strands of hair away from your face.

                When he softly says to you, “Thank you, Seunghyeun-hyung,” you can’t help but smile and close your eyes again. You pull him to your chest and you both decide to sleep again. It is seven-thirty in the morning and no one else would be up anyway. Who would be?

                It is then, as you are at the brink of losing consciousness, that you decide to yourself that he doesn’t need to know. He doesn’t need to know how much you worry about him and only add that worry to his burdens. He doesn’t need to know that you worry so much that you dream about him on the verge of disappearing.

                He only needs to know that you are there for him. He only needs to know that, if he needs it, your arms are open every time he wants a hug. And that you will wait forever and be by his side, supporting him and rebuilding his strength as he breaks.

-END-