You bought a star in the sky tonight

 

 

Luhan was perfect because he loved Minseok so, so much.

 

He was oh so willing and also oh so determined to give Minseok everything he wanted and needed and of course, more, because that was the least he deserved for simply being himself. 

That's what Luhan did, every single day of his life, loving Kim Minseok was everything, he was all about loving that guy with the puffy cheeks and the sparkling eyes and the face that sometimes looked weird, weirder even than Luhan's and that was exactly what made him so perfect.

 

Luhan had always been privileged, he grew up as a spoiled only child in a well situated family and he never really had to fight for the things he wanted. Everyone around him had been so, so eager to fulfill all of his wishes because they loved him so, so much. 

His mother was such a beautiful woman and only her heart was brighter than her appearance. Even though she was a busy lady and almost never home, she loved her son. A shy embrace here, a soft kiss on the cheek there.

 

---

Instead of laying in bed with her baby boy and reading stories to him, she stayed up all night, working, so he would never have to do much of that himself. Luhan didn't understand that when he was a child and as he grew up he wondered if it had really been worth it because his mother's face had grown unfamiliar to him.

 

But then she came home again and she hugged him and kissed him for a while before she sent him to bed with a soft smile and that was enough for Luhan because he knew that this was how his mother loved him.

 

And it was so much.

 

His father was better at showing affection. He showered his son in gifts and presents, as he was a boy he gave him little toy cars and stuffed animals. As Luhan grew up the toy cars turned into bicycles, the stuffed animals into a small dog who showed his love by over Luhan's hands and face, making him laugh. 

Then he bought Luhan a car and someone who taught him how to drive.

And that was it. 

 

But it had been enough, because Luhan knew that this was how his father loved him.

 

Like everyone else, Luhan was living by one of the most tragic rules of the world:

When you are young, you always receive more love than you can feel or give back. The older you grow, the more you learn to love and the less loved you are.

 

Luhan didn't know that he loved his parents the day he finished high school and the day he moved out of home into his new apartment in the city because he was going to start university. He knew that he wasn't going to miss them that much because he never learned how to miss people instead of things.

 

As he lived alone he realized that something felt different, he just didn't know what it was, he figured it had something to do with the absence of strong voices and helping hands to lead him through the day and the result of that was that Luhan started getting rebellious, if that is how people call it, it being the behavior of his parents, the lack of communication in his family and the way the treated their only son, the supposed-to-be-apple-of-their-eye.

 

It was the first time ever that Luhan questioned that he was loved.

 

Only because this parents didn't call him.

Or visited him.

Or answered to the letters.

One night Luhan snapped. 

 

The night he and his dignity probably hit ground zero for the first time he had been out partying with some of his new friends, some people, rather acquaintances he had met at university. It was at the end of their first semester and all of them were so young and ambitious and they knew that the stars were right in front of them, all they had to do was reach out a hand and grab the stars.

As they drank, they started realizing how suffocating the city actually was and the more they drank and the more they talked, just like drunk people talk, the more crushed and pushed and pressured they felt because the bright city lights blinded all their hopes for a moment that seemed like a slow-motion-eternity because that's what alcohol can do to people who hide something.

Luhan had realized how lonely he was and how lonely he had always been because he didn't have anyone and no one had him, either, which was probably much much worse. 

 

He called his mother at 4 am and the woman picked up her phone because she loved her son and was so worried, he had always been a good boy and when he called her at 4 am, something terrible must have happened. 

In the end, she was right. Luhan had discovered the monster which had been hiding deep inside of the treasure which was locked away inside of his consciousness.

 

Through the phone he yelled at his mother until she was crying but he didn't care, his head hurt and his hart hurt and something inside him was pushing him, pushing him forward because his mother had never been there for him, a hug and a kiss every now and then where everything they had and everything he and his mother were about and Luhan just had to tell her that night, he had to tell her how sad and disappointed he was because he knew, in that moment he just knew that she didn't care about him, at all, and that's also what he told her and he didn't realize how hard she was crying because the alcohol in his blood numbed that kind of pain while it helped the other to break through. 

 

In the end he was screaming at her because he had seen movies and his mother had always behaved like the bad stepmother because she never asked him anything about himself, she never questioned and she never asked why he didn't bring home a girlfriend!

Screaming and crying can turn into each other within the blink of an eye or rather with the push of the end-button because as Luhan ended the call he threw his phone against a brick wall and then smashed his head against it, once, because he wanted to die in that moment, he really, really wanted to die.

 

But he was also to drunk and the tears stung in his eyes, blinded him and he just broke down on the cold, hard pavement, having reached his personal ground zero and he didn't know anything, he just knew that he was sobbing so hard that it shook his whole, too tiny frame, and he didn't understand himself, he wanted to know where he had gone wrong, the perfect little boy from the perfect little family and he thought and thought and his ideas were racing like shooting stars and Luhan didn't know how he actually got home that night.

 

The next morning came too soon and Luhan's head hurt so badly and he had problems opening his eyes and as he tried he felt tears, dried tears on his cheeks and he whimpered because he knew that there was no one to wipe them off and the chances that someone would ever come to him and love him and pamper him were so small because he was a horrible person and maybe, just maybe, he wanted to die a little more than last night because that was everything he remembered. Wanting to die. 

But then again, you don't remember how feelings feel, you feel them or you don't.

 

And Luhan felt horrible.

 

He tried to sit up but keeping his eyes open at the same time was too much of a thing, he was a man, multitasking wasn't one of his characteristics and he let out a pained whimper, going back to laying down and trying to keep his eyes open.

Slowly, really slowly, his senses came back to him, his vision cleared and the ringing in his ears faded. He carefully moved his fingers and tried to steady his breathing, to calm his heartbeat.

Then he heard footsteps and felt like crying again. 

 

"Hey there." He heard a soft voice mumble and whimpered, he didn't know that voice and there was a stranger in his apartment, as friendly and soothing as he sounded, one wasn't supposed to have strnage people in their personal space. 

The stranger came closer and Luhan felt that he sat down on the mattress and he feared that this person would touch him but nothing happened. 

 

He just kept talking. 

 

"Can you look at me? Can you open your eyes?" 

Luhan figured that not responding in any way wouldn't make this person go away so he whimpered again because he didn't feel like speaking.

 

He forced himself to turn his head and look at that person but he couldn't see because the sun shone through the window and lightened the stranger's figure from behind so he was surrounded by something that almost resembled a halo and Luhan felt like throwing up due to several reasons he couldn't and wouldn't name.

He couldn't distinguish the stranger's facial features, everything he could make out was a smile, not really bright but relieved.

"I am so glad you are awake. You were so messed up last night. Is your head okay? The wound still looks really bad. Thank the Lord it stopped bleeding."

 

That was kind of too much information at once for Luhan right now but at the word "bleeding" something inside of him woke up, probably

his survival instinct.

 

"Bwood?" he muttered and was terrified by how his voice sounded. His smallest worry at that time but still. He managed to almost coherently pronounce a word, something one could call a success.

The stranger was obviously surprised that Luhan had answered him but his smile grew a little wider, his cheeks puffed out a bit. It was a little creepy because they were talking about blood and when someone smiles while the elixir of life is mentioned it could mean something really frightening but had Luhan mentioned his death wish already? So he probably wouldn't mind (In retrospect he would have minded a whole lot but there was still some alcohol in his blood and BLOOD?).

"I think you hit your head on something, your whole forehead was scratched open and bleeding."

To that, Luhan simply whimpered because there was a picture in his head, a picture of himself hitting his face on a brick wall but by thinking about that he slowly seemed to regain the ability to speak.

 

"Can… can you help me sit up please?" he muttered because he felt vulnerable, just lying there and he also wanted to see that stranger's face because the voice somehow became familiar, like a really distant, really scattered memory (a memory, barely 10 hours old. So very distant).

"If you promise not to throw up again."

"Mhm."

 

Luhan felt soft, soothingly cold hands, one on his shoulder, the other one on his arm as he was helped. He really needed that support because as soon as he was sitting upright his head started spinning and his vision almost out because ouch, it felt like his brain was somersaulting and his stomach was clenching but he managed not to throw up as he leaned into the stranger's arms.

"I'm sorry" Luhan managed to breath out and he felt the shivers going down his whole body. 

"I… I'm sorry if I threw up? I really don't remember anything." His tongue felt as if it had a knot tied into it 

"Don't worry too much. It's fine. We just have to fix you again."

"Fix me."

 

Luhan felt how his lower lip started trembling, he didn't know why. Luhan decided to open his eyes, this time for real. And he managed to keep them open. 

 

Suddenly he was completely aware that he lay in the arms of a stranger. But he didn't mind at all and the stranger didn't seem to mind, either. Inwardly Luhan hoped that he wasn't a murder or a but as Luhan turned his head around a little, looking at the guy's face he couldn't do anything but blink.

 

This man looked nice. So sincerely and genuinely nice. He wouldn't do anything bad to him. He wouldn't. No.

Luhan tried to clear his throat.

 

"I… would it be really rude if I asked you for your name?" It was obvious Luhan tried to sound as eloquent as possible and in his head the sentence sounded really good, perfectly pronounced but what came out of his mouth was a slur of blurry words and the stranger just laughed softly at him, Luhan could feel the man's chest vibrate. 

 

"Minseok. It's fine, you didn't ask me last night. You almost passed out down there on the street and it was probably really stupid of me to take you here because you could be some thief or robber or and acting as if you are drunk and almost passed out on the streets could be your way but… yeah, the blood kind of got me."

Luhan blinked once, twice, focusing on the guy's - Minseok's - face. 

"If I felt better I'd probably turn into a right now." 

Luhan said, realizing how drunk he actually still was and in the next moment he just wanted to cry and hide his face because the expression on Minseok's face was just … too much.

"Uhm…" 

"I'm sorry!" Luhan shrieked, giving himself a headache and a shock because of his own high pitched voice. "Oh God I'm so stupid, ignore it I know you don't joke about that kind of stuff but you are cute and it was the first thing I could think of a-"

"Shut up, would you?" Minseok raised his eyebrows and looked at Luhan, half amused, half confused. "Now you are giving me a headache. Seriously, don't worry and don't think too much and don't make jokes about rapists." Minseok shuddered. "You said your name was Luhan last night, is that true?"

 

Luhan nodded, not, definitely not looking at Minseok.

 

"Okay, so, Luhan. You think you can stand up? I think we should really take a look at that wound on your forehead, I tried to clean it last night but you slapped me away and fell asleep in my bed so…"

"Wait." Luhan blinked, looking around in the room he thought he was familiar with.

"What's the matter?"

"I thought I was… home?"

"At my home, yeah."

"Oh."

 

Minseok looked at him a little startled. "You… you didn't really talk to me last night and I live right on the street I found you at so… instead of having someone call the police I thought I'd be a bro and safe your sorry ."

 

Luhan just nodded while he was blushing fiercely. "Thank you. A lot. I… Sorry for throwing up, again, and sorry for slapping you away and falling asleep in your bed and just … stealing your time?"

 

"Yeah yeah. Whatever. Your wound. We should clean it. And then you should take a shower or something. And then I'll get you a taxi and

get you home. Deal?"

 

"Why are you so nice to me?" Luhan whined while he tried to sit up a little straighter, slowly moving his legs until he could feel his feet touch the ground, shivering at the sudden cold because Minseok let go of him that exact moment.

"That's just how I am. Now come on." But Minseok smiled again and Luhan really couldn't believe it.

 

He also couldn't believe how much a person who was pretty much alive could look like a Zombie.

Luhan was staring at his own reflection in Minseok's bathroom mirror while the latter was fuzzing around him, gathering all the supplies it took to take care of Luhan's forehead. And damn. That thing would leave a scar. If not hundred.

 

All he saw was red, literally though, his forehead was red and purple and blue, all shades of colours Luhan usually liked but was sure weren't healthy once they were splattered all across his face. But the worst was the dried blood and the crust it had left and it got more painful and disgusting as Minseok unceremoniously shoved Luhan down on a way too tiny and way too low wannabe chair and smeared something across the wound. It hurt. Like hell. 

 

"Owwww!"

 

Luhan had clenched his eyes shut at the contact but as Minseok spoke he could almost hear that he rolled his eyes. 

"Man up, Luhan. Whatever happened to you, it sure was worse than this little bit of disinfectant. And now hold still or you'll get it into your eyes."

 

Luhan whined a little and tried to struggle because seriously, he wasn't used to being treated like this? When he was dissatisfied with any kind of circumstances they had to be changed! He didn't like adapting to situations but Minseok didn't seem to care about Luhan's princess-allures. 

 

In the end Luhan really got some of the disinfectant in his eyes but he agreed that it had been his fault alone. In exchange he had robbed Minseok some of his nerves and he had also overburdened Minseok's hospitality. Anyways.

"I… I guess I should go now", Luhan mumbled after he had washed up a little and interrupted Minseok who was cooking coffee at that time. Both of them felt really, really weird.

 

"You should. Yeah… Or? Are you feeling okay? I should have probably called a doctor or-"

"Don't worry. I'm fine." Luhan smiled at Minseok, ignoring the headache which was still making his ears ring. The shock situation of waking up in a stranger's bed and also being taken care of by that very stranger had Luhan procrastinating his memories, something that came in really handy. 

 

Somehow, Minseok look startled. Confused almost, as if he wanted to say something.

"Really, you already did so much for me. I don't know how I'm supposed to thank you!"

Now Minseok blushed. "It was nothing. I mean. Being a human being and everything. That includes being nice to people sometimes."

Luhan chuckled. "I guess. Why are you stuttering?"

"I am not!"

Oh, how he was.

But Luhan just nodded, still smiling a little and wondering how exactly he had managed to get himself into a situation like this. Minseok was cute. Extremely cute. 

 

"Okay then." Luhan cleared his throat. "I'll… I'll leave you alone now. Thank you so so so much. Again. If there's any-"

"Do you want a coffee?" Minseok interrupted him. "I can't let you go without breakfast. That would make me a bad host. And after what happened to you it would be better if you'd have something in your stomach."

 

Luhan blinked and didn't know what to say. "I… Please, don't bother. I'll be fine. I can just get a taxi and go home quickly."

For some reason, Minseok seemed to be utterly determined to not let Luhan go and he fiercely shook his head. "No no no. You stay here." He grabbed Luhan's shoulders and shoved him towards the kitchen table, making him sit down and placed a cup of coffee in front of him. 

"What do you want to eat?" 

"Uhm… whatever you are fine with."

 

Minseok rolled his eyes again but didn't say anything, instead he violently started toasting some bread and Luhan swallowed before taking sips of his coffee to distract himself. He looked around in the kitchen and realized how small the apartment was, he and Minseok barely had enough space in the tiny room. Something Luhan wasn't used to. He had hardly ever been in a kitchen before he'd moved out from home and even then he had never actually introduced himself to kitchen supplies. 

Minseok turned around and placed a plate in front of Luhan before sitting down, too. 

"Eat," he mumbled without looking up and started munching his own food instead.

"Uhm… thanks a lot." 

"Mhm."

 

They ate in the most awkward of silences for a good ten minutes, Luhan glanced at Minseok a few times but looked away as soon as the other moved his head. 

Luhan cleared his throat and Minseok looked at him.

"Why is this so awkward?" he asked and a small pout played on his lips.

Luhan blinked. "Because we are complete strangers I guess and you are too nice."

"Oh wow, the one time I try being a decent human being and this guy… seriously."

 

Minseok pouted and folded his arms before continuing to talk. "But I guess you are right. So… you already slept in my bed and you cuddled me without my consent and you threw up in my toilet and probably got some blood on my bed sheets. This and your name is everything I know about you and you should probably try to put yourself into a better light."

Minseok beamed at him and Luhan felt so embarrassed that he wanted to jump out of the window or drown himself in said toilet.

 

"Uhm…" 

"And you also say uhm a lot."

Now it was Luhan's turn to pout. "Yeah okay. Excuse my bad Korean, it's not my first language anyways. From now on I'll try to be as eloquent as possible."

That made Minseok laugh and he smiled that sparkly little smile again and Luhan felt relieved because the uncomfortable tension between them decreased a lot.

"I thought so. You're Chinese, right?"

"Is my name that obvious?"

"Kind of. But you also sleep talk."

"… Oh."

Minseok grinned. "So much for eloquence."

"Oh you shut up."

"Nah. Tell me more about you or I'll always think of you as that dumb chinese alcoholic."

"That's so racist!"

"Nope, I'm just … listing everything I know about you. Now tell me. Who are you, Luhan?"

"Oh fine."

 

Luhan put down his mug and looked at Minseok, biting his lower lip while he tried to think of anything he could tell the other guy but of course his mind was blank the one time he actually needed it. to . 

 

"Well… I don't know what to tell you. I'm 19 and just moved into the city like 6 months ago because I started university and yeah. I'm actually from Beijing but my mom and dad work for some weird company, I don't really know what they are all about, but anyways, they kind of needed them here because they wanted to expand their market. Or so. I don't really know."

"Poor boy." But Minseok was smiling. In fact he hadn't stopped smiling for quite a while but Luhan had been to busy being embarrassed about his almost non existent social skills to notice.

 

"Nah, not really. I mean… I was so little when we came here. I don't even remember China."

"But then why is your Korean so bad?"

"Excuse me?" He was pouting, again, and Minseok grinned.

"Just kidding. It's okay."

"Okay? It has to be more of okay. I have always been top of my class!"

"Obviously."

"Ph."  Luhan pushed out his lower lip and turned away from Minseok, elegantly flipping his hair. 

"Wow, you're such a diva. Are all Chinese people like that?"

"Are all Korean people as racist as you? Jesus."

"You're Christian?"

"What… no, not really."

"Then why do you use His name in vain?"

"Are you a religious fanatic or something? I feel I should get-"

 

But he was cut off by Minseok's laughter and Luhan was so confused he didn't know what to do with himself. Maybe the guy really was crazy and had put some poison into his coffee or the food and was now living out some of his erted fantasies, planing to molest Luhan's corpse after the poison had done it's job. 

 

"No no no. Don't go. I'm just teasing you."

"You're so mean." Luhan still felt a little insecure because his poison theory just seemed plausible enough and he was backing off a little, just in case.

 

"I'm sorry." Minseok sat himself up straight, still with that smile on his lips. "It's just really really awkward and I often get mean when I'm insecure. But anyways. I'm Kim Minseok, I'm 20 and I study psychology right now which is why I live in the tiniest apartment in the worst area you can imagine but hey, everything that makes the parents happy, right?"

 

Parents. 

Parents. 

Parents.

 

That word triggered something in Luhan but he didn't really know what it was, not yet. He was still procrastinating his memories and that made him really glad.

"Psychology? What are you gonna do with that?"

"Ahh… find out people's darkest secrets and either destroy them with that or help them overcome their complexes and deepest fears."yo

"… Ambitious."

"Right. What are you majoring in?"

Luhan's face darkened a little. 

 

"International business management and I tell you it . But hey, everything that makes the parents happy, right?"

Minseok snorted as Luhan quoted him because he didn't really like the sarcasm in his guest's voice. Luhan seemed a little bitter even though he looked like a sparkling fairy with doe eyes if you just ignored the blue and red and purple spots on his forehead and the dark circles under his eyes. But he was still pretty. Somehow. In a really, really awkward way. 

"I suppose that's why you got so wasted last night. Your semester ended, too, right?"

 

Luhan nodded and remembered that he had a break in front of him which basically meant that he was going to be alone in his apartment for first the time because there was no one around. 

The first time. Little Lu in the big city, all grown up. Woah.

"Hey. You with me?"

Luhan snapped out of his daydream and looked at Minseok.

"Oh… sorry. I was just thinking."

"About?"

"The break. I should probably go somewhere. I don't really have homework and I don't really have friends here so it's going to be so boring!"

Minseok looked at him in disbelieve. "Go somewhere? Just like that?"

"Why not?"

"Because… how can you even afford that? It's ridiculous, the rents are so high and the study costs and… sorry, I'm babbling."

"No no. I… uhm… yeah. Anyways."

 

Luhan sometimes forgot that not everyone had rich parents that could buy them the world.

That's probably why he didn't have that many friends.

Minseok took a sip of his coffee and shuddered because it was cold now so he just went back to talking to Luhan because the situation was getting awkward again.

 

"You said you don't have many friends? How comes?"

Probably not the most considerate question ever, but who cares.

Luhan didn't take it that way anyways and just shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Apparently socializing isn't really my thing. Like… people always tell me how intelligent and smart and handsome I am and the next day the run to my father and want him to convince me to marry their daughters."

"That's… kind of ridiculous."

"Isn't it."

Minseok slowly started to understand why Luhan perhaps was a little bitter.  

 

"Mhm. I don't see why it has to be like that. We can be friends if you want to. No one should be left alone in a big city when creepy guys want them to marry their daughters."

Minseok looked up to Luhan and smiled because the other boy seemed so surprised.

"Really? You of all people want to be my friend?"

"Why not?"

"Because I've been bothering you so much?"

"Ah, shut up about that already."

Luhan pouted but also nodded. "Okay fine. I do. I want to be your friend."

"God, that sounded cheesy."

"Shut up."

"You shut up."

They both started laughing.

 

When it comes to making friends, being mature is something you really don't need.

 

And they became friends, indeed. Luhan didn't leave the city during the break, instead he left his apartment to visit Minseok almost every day. They spent so much time together it was almost ridiculous, considering they met under the worst and most random and stupid circumstances you can imagine.

 

But something between them just seemed right.

 

Really right.

 

They did all kinds of things together, going shopping, eating lunch together, watching movies and Minseok held Luhan in his arms because

he was extremely scared of fictional demons possessing fictional girl's bodies. No more horror movies for that guy.

It's almost scary how fast two people can become best friends.

It gets creepier when they get mistaken as a couple on the street by a homophobic elder lady who calls out on them and tells them that they should keep their dirty business to themselves because there are children around!

And it gets even worse when only one of them feels taken aback by that while the other one can just laugh it of because seriously, they and a couple? 

 

And oh Luhan, have you seen that chick over there? Damn, her legs are great!

 

Luhan almost responded with a "Not as great as your " but he knew better than that.

Of course, he had to. 

Because even if he probably wasn't, Minseok insisted on being 1000% straight and never gave any evidence that he would be okay with … yeah. 

Being 999% straight. 

 

Or less.

 

Luhan on the other hand had come to terms with his uality years ago. He loved girls, he really did. But he didn't want to touch them down there. Not at all. The pure thought grossed him out for some reason. And he was fine with that. He was not fine with his mother or father never asking him why he didn't date anyone even though he was so so handsome. 

 

If his father had tried to set him up with any of his co-worker's sons Luhan probably wouldn't have been reluctant at all. 

 

Yeah. 

 

But because Luhan had always lived in his little precious bubble, far away from harm and discussions and discrimination and homophobia (and because he didn't have any friends), he never had to face the struggles being in love, actually in love, brought with it. 

He was used to always getting what he wanted without working for it and now he wanted Kim Minseok but Kim Minseok only wanted girls. 

 

That's what he said. Heheh. 

 

Or not because Luhan actually lay in bed alone at nights, crying while cuddling one of his various stuffed animals he had purchased after coming to terms with the fact that his heartbeat sped up whenever he thought of Minseok. 

He was positive that he had never felt like this before but when he closed his eyes he could only see Minseok's face and it sounded so ridiculous, so cheesy, even in his own ears, but he really, really wanted to kiss him and cuddle him and probably have but then again not because that would be kind of scary. He wanted the innocent and cute stuff and he wanted to buy Minseok presents and make everything easier for him because that's exactly what he deserved.

Minseok remained oblivious to that for a while.

Luhan decided to change that.

 

Both of them really, really liked going to coffee shops and Luhan developed the habit of paying for Minseok and sitting down next to him, leaning to his shoulder and casually touching his hand, playing with his fingers. He started cuddling to him and clinging into his arm even when they watched non-scary movies and sometimes pretended to fall asleep on Minseok's lap.

Sometimes, Minseok ran his fingers through Luhan's hair, appreciating how soft it was even though Luhan had bleached it to death just a while ago (Minseok had accompanied him that faithful day, of course) and smiling because maybe, just maybe he was okay with that. There was nothing bad about best friends touching each other, girl best friends did that all the time, cuddling and sleeping in the same bed and even kissing a little. Minseok was a humanist and believed in equality so why shouldn't boys be allowed to do the same? 

He wasn't gay, he just loved his best friend.

In a totally non-romantic way.

 

They knew each other for a few weeks as Luhan turned 20. 

He didn't want to celebrate, he had other things scheduled on his agenda but Minseok, Minseok, Minseok, the lovely and cheesy guy who believed that birthdays were important decided otherwise.

 

He didn't organize a huge party or anything because he knew that Luhan wouldn't like that. 

Maybe the perspective of becoming a psychologist had gotten to Minseok's head but he had started examining his best friend and he had figured out that Luhan really, really loved doing things for people he liked. He got really happy when he could buy Minseok stuff or give him a ride home or cook for him or just make him smile. However, Minseok found it so extreme because he didn't see Luhan interact with other people that often, but when he did he often showed them the cold shoulder. The way he treated waitresses or salesmen was everything but nice. He wasn't unfriendly, just somehow condescending on a sublime level that sent shudders down Minseok's spine. It was as if everyone except for Minseok was supposed to be Luhan's personal servant and if things didn't go the way Luhan imagined them to be he snapped. Or that's what Minseok thought would happen. He had actually never seen Luhan snap and was somehow glad about that.

 

So, Kim Minseok was not stupid.

 

He was a psychology major, after all, and a human being with common sense and emotions, too. 

He figured out that Luhan liked him pretty soon. 

It was before Luhan had started picking up Minseok's bills or holding his hand or leaning to his shoulder or touching him at every possibility or or or or…

 

It had started as Minseok offered to be Luhan's friend.

Of course, Minseok had only figured that out later because no straight guy would think about something like… that.

But Minseok didn't find it weird. Nor disgusting or off-putting or anything. 

He was just a little worried because he genuinely and truly liked Luhan. He liked him so much that one day, he didn't back of as Luhan kissed his cheek instead of saying thank you.

He let Luhan sleep in his arms that night. 

 

Because Minseok really, really didn't mind. He was just afraid that Luhan would get his hopes up because that guy was obvious as hell. 

Minseok had fought with himself and had made the decision that he had to tell Luhan that he was not going to fall in love with another man. Minseok just couldn't.

 

He felt guilty because he loved Luhan but he didn't love him like that. He wanted to be his friend, his best friend even or his brother, his partner in crime, his best man but not his lover. 

Still, Minseok was anxious because hurting Luhan was the last thing he wanted to do. He knew how emotional Luhan was and he knew that he was going to break his heart. Something that hurt Minseok so much but he had to because he didn't want to lie about his feelings. 

He had to be selfish.

Once in a lifetime.

 

But then it was Luhan's birthday and Minseok had invited some of their friends from university so they could celebrate because you only turn 20 once in a lifetime. But still, they kept it classic. Somehow. Luhan liked it. He liked having some drinks instead of getting terribly wasted, mostly because he wasn't used to alcohol, hence a real lightweight, and he never forgot what happened the last time he got drunk. He still didn't remember that one single detail. But he also didn't talk to his parents since then. Nothing unusual.

 

Anyways. They had some drinks and went out to a fancy restaurant and Minseok invited Luhan and he gave him birthday presents because he loved Luhan and knew that he was a fool for english soccer players so he let his connections play and got an autograph and some books with pretty pictures in them and Luhan was so, so happy he accidentally kissed Minseok on the lips later, when they were at Luhan's place and Minseok was just about to go home. 

 

But then there were Luhan's lips and they were soft.

 

And as Minseok pulled away the first time, hastily and with a look in his eyes that almost broke Luhan's heart, the birthday-boy almost started crying and Minseok decided to not let that happen. 

 

Not on Luhan's birthday. Because Minseok was wonderful and lovely and cheesy and not able to break hearts.

Minseok kissed Luhan once again, he was shy and it felt weird and unfamiliar, just not bad, it felt just like kissing a girl and he saw how happy Luhan was afterwards, how happily he cuddled to Minseok and closed his eyes and mumbled something about Minseok being so perfect and wonderful and that this was the best birthday he had ever had and later that night, Minseok started crying because he knew that he loved Luhan too much to tell that he wasn't in love with him.

 

They woke up the next morning because the telephone rang and Luhan whined silently before moving his head and grabbing the device, blinking at the number and as he recognized the familiar digits he sat up immediately, clearing his throat and unconsciously clinging into Minseok's hand while he picked the call.

 

Minseok looked up, still sleepy, as confused as ever but something about Luhan's behavior alarmed him.

Luhan spoke to someone on the phone in a language Minseok figured was Chinese and the boy's expression seemed to ride on the roller coaster of emotions, finishing with a look of utter devastation as he hung up.

 

"Luhan?" Minseok asked, sitting up, really worried. "Is everything alright?"

As Luhan looked at Minseok he put on a smile and nodded fast, cuddling to the man in his bed and slowly his smile became sincere. 

"Everything's fine. Perfect, actually."

 

Minseok hesitated at first, but then he lifted his hand and carefully ran his fingers through Luhan's hair. He had done that before. Before they had kissed. So it was perfectly okay.

 

"A… are you sure?"

 

"I am. My parents called me to wish me a belated happy birthday."

 

Even though he was smiling like an angel, Luhan's voice sounded bitter and Minseok remembered that the first time he had seen Luhan he had found something bitter in his expression, in his voice, too, but that bitterness had disappeared, somehow.

"Oh, okay." Minseok didn't know what to say and Luhan didn't seem as if he actually wanted to say anything but then again, he did.

"Minseokkie? I… umm… sorry about yesterday, I guess? I just… I shouldn't have just done… that. You know."

Maybe, just maybe, Minseok thought, they should have gotten drunk yesterday. Then he'd at least have a justification, a real and even from the point of view of a psychology major acceptable reason for the kissing thing.

"It…" Minseok cleared his throat and somehow felt like smiling. "It was your birthday at least. And I … I kissed you back, so."

At the word "kissed" Luhan flinched a little but then he looked up to Minseok with a questioning look in his eyes.

"Does that mean that you… like… like do you like me?"

 

Minseok blushed and Luhan blushed and both looked away but Minseok was so, so confused because of course he liked Luhan and kissing him had felt good of course but it was just a kiss, he loved Luhan but not as a lover. 

"O… of course I like you. You should know that by now." Minseok mumbled, biting his lips.

 

What he was doing was so wrongwrongwrongwrongwrongwrongWRONG. 

 

He was doing it anyways. 

 

Because Luhan's face lit up and he was practically beaming, a radiant smile on that angelic face. "Oh my god so for real? Are we together now? I… I wasn't so sure if you liked me or not because I just… i like you a lot, a really really huge lot and I didn't want to be presumptuous because I didn't know if you even liked boys but I just… oh my I can't believe it, Minseokkie!"

Luhan was so happy and Minseok felt like crying but he was smiling at Luhan and Luhan bought that smile because Minseok wasn't unhappy and he knew that his smile was sincere because yes, he loved Luhan.

But.

Not.

As.

A.

Lover.

He tried to remind himself of that every single day but from the birthday on, Luhan and Minseok were exclusive. 

 

And Minseok would be lying if he said that he wasn't happy.

He really, really was happy because Luhan was the best boyfriend anyone could possibly imagine.

He was sweet and he was caring and he made sure that Minseok had everything he needed, 24 hours, 7 days a week. 

Luhan was clingy and he got jealous easily because he loved Minseok so, so much.

Minseok didn't know what to do so he decided to love Luhan back.

He really gave his best to love him as much as he could. That boy. That weird, sweet, perfect, painful boy.

Luhan loved Minseok so much that loving became everything he was.

 

They spent every day and every night together (not in that way, of course) and soon, Luhan insisted that Minseok moved into his apartment.

 

Luhan had never been one to brag but it was obvious that, well, he, rather his family, had money. And Minseok did not. 

He just ended up as the unfortunate boy who was loved by the heir of a rich man. 

Luhan wasn't to blame because he didn't know it better. He didn't know that people had different standards concerning everything. Actually, Luhan didn't know anything about the world.

 

Oh well, he did know that you could show affection by buying people things that make them happy.

That's what his father used to do so it had to be the right way. Fathers are always right.

First, Luhan had picked up all the bills for Minseok, then he had bought him flowers and chocolate and a new mobile phone and a bracelet and finally he had gotten them an apartment which he was paying, of course. He didn't think that he was delusional. At all. That's how men show affection.

 

But Luhan knew of another way of showing people that you care, that you love them. Hugging. 

It had all started with sweet, innocent and brotherly hugs which turned into really tight hugs, involving full body contact and somewhen Luhan had mustered up his courage and he had kissed Minseok's cheek and then at his birthday he had kissed him on the lips and oh God, kissing Minseok on the lips was everything, really everything and Luhan decided that this was what he wanted and needed and because Minseok smiled at him and did what Luhan did, giving him back the attention and affection, he assumed that kissing Luhan was also everything for Minseok.

 

A month later they were laying in bed and Luhan held Minseok in his arms, kissing his cheek softly and whispering "I love you" into his ear, something he had said so, so often he'd lost count in the meanwhile.

It was Minseok who wrapped his arms around Luhan's body and who slipped his hands under his t-shirt, softly the smooth skin and it was also Minseok who kissed Luhan's neck and who started undressing him and kissing him, everywhere, it was Minseok who made Luhan crazy with every single touch and whisper and just the feeling of his breath against his skin made Luhan's head spin and oh God, was he in love.

 

Luhan would have never initiated sleeping with Minseok because he wanted his boyfriend to be comfortable, at every means. So of course he played along as Minseok spread Luhan's legs and Luhan was surprised how skilled he was, every movement of his fingers, of his tongue seemed to be precise and angled and just perfect, but maybe it was just because it was Minseok. 

 

Later that night, both of them were spent and sweaty and exhausted, and Minseok kissed Luhan's lips.

"I love you." He whispered and Minseok smiled, grazing his fingers through Luhan's hair.

"Do you love me too?" Luhan sounded extremely tired and cuddled closer to his boyfriend, eyes closed, cheeks flush and soft smile on his lips.

Minseok didn't hesitate.

"I love you more than myself" he whispered and closed his eyes, too.

Because that's exactly how it was.

 

 

 

Minseok was perfect because he loved Luhan more than he should.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A/N: i really don't know what this is i just know it's pretentious as sometimes and then again not i just like character studies way too much sorry sorry i'm going to read some gay now