They call me the lucky fan because, I got to see all the shows and concerts of my bias group but honestly, I still can’t consider myself lucky. True to life boundaries are my greatest enemies, literally. Those cold railings are my boundaries that limit me to be closer to my one and only dream.

October 24 is dated as their 10^th stop for their global tour. I’ve been following them since the first show, buying the most expensive ticket just to be closer to them where I always have the chance to hold their hands and wipe their sweat. I don’t want these; I just want them to notice me for them to know my existence.

“If you want to be noticed, stand out and be different…” the first thing that I saw probably written by someone  at the small yet noticeable space below the headlines of the foreign newspaper that I was about to read.

As usual, I’m here at the lobby of the hotel where they checked in and 5 hours from now, they’ll be having their 10^th performance in an indoor arena not too far from here. Anyway, while waiting for them to come out, I need to use my nut to think of something that will made me stand out and different and as the advice says: I need to stand out and be different.

“Shocks, I heard that all of them are afraid of ghosts,” I heard a young female very close to my spot says.

I turned my head and saw these three young blonde ladies wearing classy cocktail dresses chatting and giggling. I’m sure that they’re also here for ‘my boys’. Growing number of fans is the living proof that impossible will never be possible. Noticing me will be overly impossible. Anyways, thanks to them. I already constructed my master plan at that instant.

MISSION: BE A GHOST FAN AND SCARE THEM

At the concert…

This mush-pit would be a great help to the success of my mission. It’s 10 minute before the concert and all the lights started to close one by one. By the time the lights near to our spot offed, I pulled my black hoody up and brought out my long silky black hair. I covered one side of my face and made myself 'in character'.

“It’s showtime!” I told myself and breathed in to gain some confidence.

This was the first time that I didn’t have my lightstick with me because, I really need to sacrifice to achieve my greatest dream. Plus, I already informed myself not to spazz, to join the chant and shout during the entire concert. I just need to be in character, to act like a ghost.

The whole arena is now totally black-out... in just a few seconds the concert will start. I positioned myself at the frontest part of the mush-pit which was right next to the railings.

The countdown started, the fans yelled at the top of their lungs but I remained silent and contained all my feels inside me. The stage rose, a signal that at the next second together with the fireworks they’ll come out, of course, in front of me.

At the opening song, my bias leaned in front of me and gave his hand. The fans around me grabbed his soft hand that has a small scar near his thumb. The young female fan on my right brought out her handkerchief to wipe the face of my bias. With all my guts, I contained my shouts and feels.

“Don’t feel sorry for yourself. This is already your 10^th time to be with them. There will be more concerts to come,” I told and convinced myself.

From my position which probably the best, I observed my bias and saw that he’s quite intimidated by me, a very good sign that my plan is close to success. Like a professional, he still continued with his rapping and moved to the leftmost part of the stage. I followed him with my creepiest gaze.

Next to come near on my spot is the group’s main vocal, he extended his arms for the fans to experience his hard muscles and his scent. He’s my second bias but still, I hold my feels and tried not to touch even his clothing. Everyone piled and went crazy when he went down and leaned his body on the railings as he reached the highest note of their opening song. After doing so, few scratches were seen on his neck and nape.

To be creepier, I decided to move few meters away. This became easier since the fans piled on my previous position. I’m still next to the railings when my bias ran near to my position followed by the group leader. They faced each other as they sang the chorus of their song and at the right timing, they both faced the crowd where they gazes directed to me for a few seconds. My plan was a success when my bias, the rapper, got lost for a moment during his rap as he froze right in front of me but the fans didn’t noticed it due to their excitement.

The opening song ended and the lights dimmed. The second vocal took the center of the stage to greet the fans but…

“I know that we need to make you all guys happy tonight but I got an announcement to make,” the second vocal seriously announced. The whole arena quieted to listen for what he’s about to announce.

The other members walked silently at the center of the stage where they reunited as a group.

“It’s really hard for us to announce this but it’s much harder to be the bearer of this very unfortunate event…” the second vocal continued.

“Okay, I think, I’ll just be the one to say this… We’ve lost a very important person just this morning,” the leader sadly announced.

The big LED screen lighted up and flashed a name on the screen… Tears started to pour down from my eyes when I saw my name on the screen. It just didn’t end there, photos of me invaded big and small LEDs in the arena… This can’t be…

“Yes, I think I saw her here awhile ago. If you could hear me, we wanted to tell you that we love you… This show is dedicated for you,” my bias calmly said.

“To our greatest fan, this is for you!” the group shouted and preceded to their next song, their only ballad song that was not supposedly to be the next song to be performed based on the line-up.

As they sang the song, I could see myself vanishing from the crowd but I could still hear their sweet voices somewhere… Somewhere where I am… Somewhere peaceful… Somewhere where there’s satisfaction… Somewhere where I realize that I’m a lucky fan…