。Little Miss Red
❄ seoulitudes reviews ;; finishing requestsTITLE: Little Miss Red
AUTHOR: Choclover228
REVIEWED BY: exopanda
Title: (3/5)
It doesn't really make me want to click on the story. Oh, it's going to be another fairytale Red Riding Hood story. But others may think that it's interesting, because maybe I think this ending is going to be different. Or just maybe because it's EXO.
Description + Foreword: (5/5)
The description is short yet intriguing. Readers want to know what is the game that they will play with the wolves. Aren't they afraid of the wolves? Props to you because you credit the poster&bg designer. Smooth~
Appearance:: (4/5)
Suits the story, though I was wondering why there's only one girl when at the character there are three girls. Nonetheless, the poster is perfect. But the background, I can't see what's written because it's hidden. So yeah, I'm sorry but background my dear, you're the reason why I'm deducting one.
Plot + Originality:: (17/20)
Different than most of red riding hood stories I've read. However, your story is too complicated to understand with that kind of writing style. But other than that, keep on with the not so cliché plot.
Flow: (8/10)
It wasn't rushed and I'm glad for that. Try focusing on the girl more rather than just the wolves. This is a story about little miss red right.
Characters: (6/10)
You're more to the dialogue type of author, so I couldn't really grasp on the characters personality. Explain their actions in detail. And focus on the girl more, she's just appearing for about a paragraph or two.
Writing Style: (6/10)
Can you pretty please leave a space before writing a new paragraph. I was just scrolling, and I'm really sorry but at first impression, I don't want to read it because it seem too pack. And chapter 2, 9.9/10 are consisting of conversations. Try to put more actions. If a reader wanted to enjoy just dialogue, they could just watch movies instead of reading stories.
Grammar + Spelling: (13/15)
Your version: She seemed to froze in fear, though her hand was silently creeping under the cloak.
'to' is always used with the verb in the base form.
Revised version: She seemed to freeze in fear, though her hand was silently creeping under the cloak.
Your version: She eyed it's wound uncertainly, wondering why it got in between them earlier.
apostrophe (') is used in contractions such as it is (it's) should not (shouldn't)
Revised version: She eyed its wound uncertainly........
You should proof read your chapter first before posting. You have a lot of repetition, such as to to/ the the. You have many typos, so please double or even triple check your chapter before posting. Brunetter? Is that even a word? Or was it a typo? Also don't forget to put apostrophe ('). Other than that, you're cool.
Enjoyment: (3/5)
I don't really enjoy your story, I'm sorry author-nim *bows*. However, I would keep on reading because I want to know why the pendant is so important to the wolves.
(65/85) = 76.5%
thanks for requesting!!
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