★ 25 out of 365
❄ seoulitudes reviews ;; finishing requests
TITLE: 25 out of 365
AUTHOR: Eksoow
REVIEWED BY: pcyans
AUTHOR: Eksoow
REVIEWED BY: pcyans
Title: (5/5)
It leads curiosity to the viewers, like, 25 out of 365? Does this mean the days of the year? January 25th? Or something else that has 365. These are quite elegant titles, too.
Description + Foreword: (3.5/5)
You stated a summary here, and apparently you already gave out the important points of the story, so basically what the readers would have to look for now is how Bomi and Yixing became good friends. But this means that all throughout the story, readers would probably just think something like “Oh, they’ll be together in the end, anyways,” so my first impression here was that you probably won’t give a conflicting event in the story that would somehow be new to readers.
I’m not into character profiles, but at least you didn’t give any other information about them aside from their names and ages. When it said “appearance in story” I assumed that this is based on their first appearance? I kind of like that idea since it doesn’t give out who the main characters will be and it’ll still be up to the reader to find out about the importance of the characters.
There sure is an explanation found in your foreword that makes you motivated to write this story. When you said “I read this story”, I think you mean another different story, and not some story with the same plot and everything as yours, I believe (orz I’m kinda confusing I know)? You could probably rephrase that as “I read a story” to avoid confusion in other readers. Anyways, it is a nice explanation, although you just misspelled mine and exclusively (apparently I had the wrong idea. And this will be discussed in the Characters part.)
I’m not into character profiles, but at least you didn’t give any other information about them aside from their names and ages. When it said “appearance in story” I assumed that this is based on their first appearance? I kind of like that idea since it doesn’t give out who the main characters will be and it’ll still be up to the reader to find out about the importance of the characters.
There sure is an explanation found in your foreword that makes you motivated to write this story. When you said “I read this story”, I think you mean another different story, and not some story with the same plot and everything as yours, I believe (orz I’m kinda confusing I know)? You could probably rephrase that as “I read a story” to avoid confusion in other readers. Anyways, it is a nice explanation, although you just misspelled mine and exclusively (apparently I had the wrong idea. And this will be discussed in the Characters part.)
Appearance:: (4.5/5)
There was a conflict between the title of your story and the title stated in your poster. The supposed title was 25 out of 365, but in the poster, it stated 20 out of 365. Well, at least I saw your note in the first chapter.
If you tagged fluff in here, I’d say that this is really appropriate for fluff, but then everything looks pretty and elegant (matches with your title!) and they match with each other really well. The chapters themselves look like they really are diary entries.
If you tagged fluff in here, I’d say that this is really appropriate for fluff, but then everything looks pretty and elegant (matches with your title!) and they match with each other really well. The chapters themselves look like they really are diary entries.
Plot + Originality:: (18/20)
It’s just four chapters so far, so I couldn’t really say much about the plot, but I could basically feel the slice of life in here, and it was sort of well planned, although there aren’t any exciting moments yet. The circumstances of how Bomi and Yixing are what I find really original here. It’s not a typical setting found among the stories here in AFF.
Flow: (10/10)
No problems in here, really. Everything could be followed well.
Characters: (9/10)
This is set in Yixing’s POV, so basically we can easily follow his actions and feelings, and Bomi, I believe, is the one Yixing pertains to as “you” (soon I was right, right? Yay me lol). And Yixing is the character guiding us through the story, so this automatically gives him an important role here. Bomi is what made Yixing write these entries, so she’s important as well.
Soon I found out that what you mean by “appearance in the story”, and this basically means who will appear in the story (yeah somebody bring captain obvious for pcyans //bricked). It seems like Yoongi would have a major supporting role in the story. I could see so far that he's getting to that point.
I couldn’t actually state differences between Himchan and Namjoon’s roles, yet. Since this is still ongoing, there’d probably be new chapters to make them seem like different characters. Nonetheless, I could see their relationship with each other well and they were well developed.
Soon I found out that what you mean by “appearance in the story”, and this basically means who will appear in the story (yeah somebody bring captain obvious for pcyans //bricked). It seems like Yoongi would have a major supporting role in the story. I could see so far that he's getting to that point.
I couldn’t actually state differences between Himchan and Namjoon’s roles, yet. Since this is still ongoing, there’d probably be new chapters to make them seem like different characters. Nonetheless, I could see their relationship with each other well and they were well developed.
Writing Style: (9.5/10)
So with what you stated in your foreword, you said that you wanted to try this kind of writing style, and I do say that you seem like you’re a natural at this. I don’t find it confusing at all, it was quite simple but well understood, and everything else was well-written. I also like how you name the entries in your chapters.
Just a little note: the convention of writing those multiple periods are three periods (“…”). I only seem to notice that you put two periods when Bomi remembered Yixing with Youngjae at the records shop.
Just a little note: the convention of writing those multiple periods are three periods (“…”). I only seem to notice that you put two periods when Bomi remembered Yixing with Youngjae at the records shop.
Grammar + Spelling: (14/15)
Just a few errors:
“I had saw a girl” – “I had seen a girl”/”I saw a girl”
"He's aunt and cousin arriv’ed from Incheon," – “His aunt and cousin arrived from Incheon,”
“But at least the let me change” – “But at least they let me change”
“you was still smiling at me” – “you were still smiling at me”
"East faster," he said – “Eat faster,” he said
“I had saw a girl” – “I had seen a girl”/”I saw a girl”
"He's aunt and cousin arriv’ed from Incheon," – “His aunt and cousin arrived from Incheon,”
“But at least the let me change” – “But at least they let me change”
“you was still smiling at me” – “you were still smiling at me”
"East faster," he said – “Eat faster,” he said
Enjoyment: (4/5)
I’m just getting started into A-Pink, so wee my first story with an A-Pink member lol.
It’s not yet finished, I know, so we aren’t into that conflicting part yet, but I like how light this story is going so far.
And this quote struck me. "Is it possible to get jealous on something like the bay?"
It’s not yet finished, I know, so we aren’t into that conflicting part yet, but I like how light this story is going so far.
And this quote struck me. "Is it possible to get jealous on something like the bay?"
(77.5/85) = 91.18% (featured!)
seoulitudes
thanks for requesting!!
thanks for requesting!!
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