I sat there, dumbfounded, as I let everything that had happened sink in. My brother’s words were still ringing in my ears, and Youngjae’s soft voice only made me feel even more guilty. I should be the one asking him if he was alright. Why was he asking me? Why was he the only one who seemed to care? I would have felt like crying, but my eyes were so dry it hurt to keep them open.

Youngjae asked me again, prodding me to answer and I slowly turned to face him. Honestly, I didn’t want to face him, how could I? My brother just came in here-while we were kissing-and broke us apart, not before warning us both about the consequences that were sure to come. Again, it was my fault, and I had somehow dragged him down with me. How could I look at him and converse normally when all I wanted to do was crawl underneath my bed covers and hide? At that moment, jumping into the nearby pool and disappearing under its silent surface seemed like a good idea. I grudgingly denied the desire to do so, and looked down, trying my best to avoid his gaze.

Unfortunately he scooted closer, and bent down. “Hey...what’s wrong? Did you get hurt somewhere?” His voice was soft and soothing, and that itself caused a surge of self-hate to wash over me. Why did he have to be so caring? It was like he was talking to a little child, afraid I would burst out into a tantrum at any second. But, then again, I couldn’t blame him.

After a moment passed, with me still not answering, he carefully placed two hands on either side of my head and lifted it up gently, forcing me to look  straight into his eyes. “If you don’t talk to me, how will I know anything?” I could feel his patience wearing thin, and not wanting him to be upset at me, I decided to just say something.

“I’m sorry.” I quickly mumbled before he could become too annoyed. He sighed, before furrowing his eyebrows.

“Don’t say that. It’s not your fault.”

“But it is. That was my brother, and he hu-”

“Your brother isn’t you. It’s not your fault, so don’t apologize. I don’t like it, so don’t do it.”

I was taken aback by what he said. He’s never been so upfront before. It wasn’t rude, but it was completely different from the normally calm and collected Youngjae I knew. He sighed again, before getting up, and then offering me a hand.

“I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have said it like that. That wasn’t right.” He told me as he lifted me up to my feet.

I shook my head. “No, its ok, its not your fault.” Its mine. He turned to me and gave  a soft smile, which I immediately returned.

He was about to grab his abandoned jacket at the poolside when the doors to the terrace suddenly opened again. My brother quickly walked up to us, with Himchan following close behind. I flinched as they approached and took a step back. I was not ready for another lecture about me being a failure. Not again with Youngjae here.

Thankfully , he looked past me and directed his gaze at Youngjae, or was that even something to be thankful for? He didn’t even glance at me as he strutted past me, and addressed Youngjae.

“Give it to me.”

Youngjae looked at him confused, and my brother rolled his eyes. “Give me the jacket, and your name tag.” He clarified briskly.  Youngjae looked hesitant, but didn’t dare to say anything. He silently grabbed his jacket off the floor and handed it to my brother.  He was about to take off his name tag from his shirt, when my brother impatiently ripped it off of him. “Thank you so much for your service, Yoo Youngjae. You are now allowed to leave, as you have been freed of your duties.”

I blankly stared at them, letting my brain register what my brother just said. Youngjae stayed rooted to the spot as well, and opened his mouth as though wanting to say something, but then, decided against it, and closed it.

“I said you can leave.” He emphasized again, before swiftly turning to me. “And you. You leave as well. You’ve already made a mess of yourself and you can’t go back inside. Just do yourself a favor and get out of here. You’ve ruined things already.”

I didn’t really know how to react, so I pulled a Youngjae, and stared at him. This seemed to irk him, and he repeated himself, a little louder. “I said: Get out.” He took a step and shoved Youngjae toward the stairs leading to the back of the rented hall and coldly stared me down.

“Such a failure.” He whispered, voice dripping with tightly-controlled venom, before turning back around and whispering something to Himchan. Himchan frowned, but then nodded and my brother disappeared through the door.

I watched as Youngjae slowly made his way toward the stairs, and I knew I had to do something...I had to stop him. Despite everything he said, it was my fault, and he knew it too.

“Youngjae…” I called out to him and caught up to him. “I’m sorry. I’ll talk to him, I’ll make sure you still get the proper payment and-”

“I told you already, stop saying you’re sorry. It’s fine, just...nevermind. Don’t worry about it. I’ll be going now. See you at school later.” He didn’t even turn around, and he continued down the stairs. I stood there as I watched him leave. I felt like my heart was just ripped in half. He went from caring to cold, in less that a second, and it was all because I was a brat. I hurt the only person that actually cared for me. I couldn’t even protect him from my own brother. I gripped my dress tightly, and I ignored the wetness suddenly springing into my eyes. This was all pointless, utterly pointless.

What did my brother even get from doing all of this? He never cared, so why should he care now? Even if he did care, he would be leaving in less than a week, so what was the point of showing off his relation to me when it didn’t even matter? It was all because of that stupid Kim Himchan. I bet he was the one who convinced my brother to do this. I bet he was sitting there, laughing as he sipped his stupid punch. I felt the fabric crumple in my closed fists, and my vision saw red as I felt the burning desire to give Kim Himchan a piece of my mind. Why was he such a jerk to me? I never did anything to him, yet, he always did something to me.

I glimpsed Youngjae at the bottom of the stairs, and he turned, disappearing from my sight. I doubt he would want to talk to me ever again after that. I let out a small scoff. How foolish of me to have ever thought we could have been more than just friends. I slowly brought my hand up to my lips and softly traced them. That was my first kiss, and judging from everything that had happened so far, it probably also my last. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself. He was leaving in 6 days anyway and after that, no more brother, no more Himchan. I could finally be free from their judging stares. Free from everything and everyone that has pinned me down as a failure and disappointment.

I wanted to breakdown when Youngjae didn’t even look at me, but I willed myself not to. I was strong, I could do better than this. So I didn’t. I held my head up, and headed toward the same staircase. My brother didn’t want me there? Fine, like I wanted to be there anyway. I quickly descended the stairs and checked my purse for some loose change. I mentally kicked myself when I realized I had taken out all my money so I could have a lighter load to carry. Ok, fine. I didn’t need a cab to go home. I could get home all by myself. I willed myself to be strong, or until I could disappear under my dark blankets.

I took another long breath before mentally preparing myself for the long trek ahead of me. It’s ok if a part of me was broken, I could still survive, and I know I will.

Ok, so it's been a really long time since I've written, and this is the new, edited version of the chapter. I don't really know where I'm going with this story, but because you wanted it continued, I will continue to write it. If you have any suggestions or if you want the story to go a certain way don't hesistate to comment or shoot me a message, because I will happily comply. The only reason I'm writing this story is for you, so you should have the freedom to decide where you want it to go. Chapter 2 will be coming up soon, I just need to edit and I will try to have it up before this weekend is over. So...I hoped you enjoyed it. 

-Yams