Title      : Loving You with My Own Way

Pairing  : EunHae

Rating   : G/AU

Sum     : Donghae didn’t believe in love.

a/n        : It’s AU this time… ^___^ I don’t know how good I’m on writing it but I’m trying to be better… And so I need your comments… Like usual!

 

 

One thing Lee Donghae never believed in this world was love.

And you couldn’t blame him for not believing it.

His parents decided to divorce when he was seven.

His mother took him with her back to his grandma’s house.

If there was one thing that Donghae ever loved most, it could be his grandma, whom he spent his childhood with. After the divorce, his mother worked day and night. She had leaved the house even before he woke up in the morning, and came home late after he had fallen into deep slumber.

Slowly, the figure of her disappeared from Donghae’s heart and mind, replaced with the warmth smile of his grandmother, who was with him all the times.

Donghae would have started believing in love, if only the wicked hand of destiny didn’t steal his grandmother from him forever.

After many nights crying over his dead grandmother, Donghae had decided not to love anymore.

And that was how he had been living for more than twenty years.

 

“Are you done?”

Donghae lifted his face from papers on his hands and smiled to Lee Sungmin.

“I need to recheck the sum before going home, you can go first.”

Delightedly, Sungmin took off his uniform. “Is it really okay? Because my girlfriend said she will pick me up and we’ll go to watch any midnight movie…”

Donghae chortled. Sungmin was always busy with his girlfriend’s things, even in the middle of his work.

“Really. I don’t need any help with this one.”

Without wasting time, Sungmin bounced outside when he saw a car stopped in front of the restaurant. Waving enthusiastically to Donghae, he slowly drove away with his pretty girlfriend sat beside him. Donghae smiled again before put down the money and saved it where it supposed to.

“Uhm…”

He almost dropped anything on his hands when he heard the voice. Looking up, he saw a guy, maybe on the same age with him, staring at him hesitatively.

“Are you closed already?” he asked.

“Uh… Yes, Sir.”

The guest moaned. “But I need something. I’m starving to death!”

Donghae narrowed his eyes, trying to guess what he wanted. He was red-haired guy with black jacket and trousers made from leather, he had some rings on his fingers and there were also chains hanging on his waist. He wasn’t look good on Donghae’s eyes.

As if he could read Donghae’s thought, the guest said eagerly, “Ah, please don’t look at me as if I was a criminal. I’m good boy, really. I won’t rob anything from you, I have money, see?” he opened his fist and showed him some moneys. “Like I said, I just need something to be eaten.”

“But we’re closed…”

“Are you sure you don’t have anything? Any—ack…”

Donghae’s eyes opened wide as the guest sank low to the ground weakly. He quickly got off from behind the counter and approached him.

“Sir, Sir, are you okay?”

“Give me food…” the guest said, his voice was beaten by the sound of his growling stomach.

Donghae took a glance at his own dinner which he hadn’t touched yet, reached a burger and handed it to him.

“Here. Eat this.”

He finished it with two big bites which made Donghae opened his eyes even wider.

“’ave sumthin to drink?” asked the guest later, with mouth full of burger.

Donghae gave him his cola.

“I’m feeling better, thanks.” He said after drained the cola at one gulp. “Now how much I have to pay for that…?”

“Oh, you don’t have to.” Donghae said abruptly. “That was actually my dinner and I gave it to you for free, you don’t—”

“Then it means you have to buy yourself another dinner, here, take this.” He handed him the money, and got up hastily. “Thanks for the food, and see you around, Lee Donghae!”

Donghae startled as the guest made his way outside.

“Wait!” he called out when he finally could say something. “How could you know my name?”

“You have the name tag on your chest.” The guest chuckled. “And I’ve been watching you for days now.”

Without saying anything else, he disappeared into the dark night.

*

Donghae sat facing desk, observing some pink envelopes in front of him.

Why does the girl never give up? He frowned, pulled his drawer and put the letters in there without even opening it.

The girl, Go Hyun Rae, had been his senior high classmate for three years. Not a queenka, but she absolutely the type of girl you would choose to hang out with, nice and smiley, cheerful, had brain, and behaved.

How many times she had said ‘Oppa, I love you’ to him?

And how many times he had made her disappointed by saying ‘Thanks for loving me, but I don’t think you’re the right girl for me’.

To tell the truth, Donghae even wondered would there be a right person for him outside there.

“Donghae-ah.”

Donghae his seat.

“Umma.”

“You’re not working tonight?” she said, standing beside him.

“No, my schedule is tomorrow.”

“Donghae-ah.” His mother put her hands on his shoulder. “Don’t you think it’s about time for you to do better job?”

Donghae lifted his head to look up at her almost angrily.

“I like the job I’ve been doing now.” He stated.

“It doesn’t offer you high payment. If you come with me…”

“And what? Being like you are?” Donghae stood up, took many steps backward. “No, thanks, I don’t wanna be a scum.”

“Lee Donghae!” his mother glared at him, surprised.

“You don’t think you can hide it from me forever, do you?” Donghae laughed mockingly. “You go with all those men and get paid for that. Do you know what my friends called you? . And they called me son of a .”

His mother, looking insulted, clutched her heart with her hands. “I… I will not say any disagreements…”

“Good, because I don’t want to hear any lies from you.”

“But Donghae, I have to, I have to pay for your education and all, and…”

“And I thank you for that, Umma.” Donghae interjected. “I just hope you’d tell me before they did. If you don’t know what is like, it’s hurt.”

And by that, he took his coat and ran outside, to where he always went whenever he needed a very place of his own, the park in front of the restaurant where he worked. After having himself a box of pie and a glass of orange juice, he plopped down on one of the seats there, thinking of what had just happened.

Sick.

He felt sick thinking of his mother and what she did along these years to keep their life.

At the same time he felt it wasn’t fair to blame her, because he wouldn’t be like he was now if it wasn’t because of her.

And next second, he thought that if only he had a father, he wouldn’t have to hate his mother that bad.

“Lee Donghae?”

Donghae snapped out from his daydream. The mysterious guest from days ago was standing in front of him, watching him with eyebrows raised.

“You.”

“What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be off schedule, aren’t you?” he sat beside him.

“Just take a walk…” Donghae said, but then frowned. “Wait, how could you know I’m off the—”

“Didn’t I tell you I’ve been watching you for days?”

Stalker. Donghae said to himself, feeling bit uneasy, but still tried to keep his politeness and asked. “Uh… May I know your name?”

“Hyukjae.” He grinned. “Lee Hyukjae. Just call me Hyukjae.”

“Lee Hyukjae?” Donghae frowned, felt like he had heard the name somewhere before.

“We were on the same school for years.” Hyukjae crossed his legs.

“Ah…” Donghae nodded his head in remembrance. “You were from the next class of mine, were not you?”

Hyukjae chuckled. “Yes…”

Donghae tried to remember anything else about Lee Hyukjae, but he couldn’t get any. He was clearly not a kind of well-known person. Nice, but would remain unknown by the world since he had nothing special on him, just like Hyun Rae.

“Something’s bothering you?” Hyukjae asked carefully. “You look so gloom.”

“Nothing.” Donghae lied, sipping his orange juice. “Just… Sometimes life isn’t going as you expect, is it?”

“Sometimes?” Hyukjae asked back, light suddenly went from his eyes. “As for me, it never goes as I expect it will.”

When Donghae finally opened the front door and went in, her mother was already sleeping on the couch. He knew that she had been waiting for him back along the night. He took a blanket and covered her body with it.

Yes, she was still his mother nonetheless.

He observed her face for a moment. Tired, old, weak. She had fought alone to pay for everything before he got his new job.

A bit regret suddenly filled Donghae’s heart.

Why he should be that mean towards his mother?

Checking the clock hanging on the wall, he found that he only had three hours left before his morning schedule on the restaurant started.

*

“Please give me three burgers and two colas.”

Donghae turned around when he heard the familiar voice, and his eyes caught Hyukjae’s figure standing in front line.

“The change, Sir.” the man behind the counter handed him some moneys. Taking his tray, Hyukjae said a soft “Thanks.”

Their eyes met for seconds and Donghae offered him a smile, but Hyukjae just looked away, walking towards his seat where a pretty girl had been waiting for him.

Donghae narrowed his eyes.

*

“Can I help you?” Sungmin asked friendly from behind the counter.

“I’m looking for someone named Donghae, actually, do you know where he is?”

Sungmin blinked. “Er… He’s supposed to work tonight, but he doesn’t come. Do you have message for him?”

Hyukjae shook his head. “No, I think I know where I can find him, thanks.” With a bright smile, he danced away. Sungmin watched Hyukjae disappeared bewilderedly.

“Ah… Where do I ever see the guy before?” he murmured to himself.

*

“I’ve guessed you’ll be here.”

Donghae didn’t have to look up to know who was talking.

“Have another fight with your mother?”

“Why would I tell you?” he sighed irritably.

Hyukjae shrugged. “If you keep saving all your feeling for yourself, you will explode someday.”

“Will I?”

“You know the easiest way to get rid of all burdens?” Hyukjae grinned, opened his hands widely. “Dancing!”

Donghae gave him skeptical look. “Dancing?”

“Yes, like this.” And he started moving his feet, turning on his spot, doing some dance moves. “See? Dancing always makes me happy. You try it, come on.”

“I can’t dance.” Donghae murmured, let Hyukjae pulled him up from the ground.

He couldn’t dance. But the next thing he knew was he and Hyukjae moved together in harmony, ended up with a dance battle.

For the first time in his life after his grandmother passed away, Donghae felt brighter than he had ever felt.

*

“Yah, someone looked for you last night. Where were you?” Sungmin whispered to Donghae carefully while his hands put more chips into boxes.

Donghae pretended to fill a cup of hot chocolate and whispered back. “Just lurked around somewhere.”

“But you know, the guy…” Sungmin stopped packing the chips. “Is he our friend or what? There’s something familiar about him.”

“If you remember Lee Hyukjae from our senior high, it’s him.”

He turned around to pass the cup to another waiter, and missed his chance to see Sungmin’s jaw dropped.

“Lee Hyukjae, he is???”

“What? Why?”

“Are you sure? But Lee Hyukjae is not… Whoa! He’s changed a lot in a very short time!”

“Oi, you two! No chat while working!” the manager warned them from his desk. Sungmin and Donghae bowed apologetically before facing their tasks again.

However, Sungmin’s words had wakened something up on Donghae’s mind. The Hyukjae he had ever known had been a very ordinary student who would always keep his feet not to step out from the circle. Hair combed neatly, wore perfectly ironed uniform, straight kind of student, he was never being on the spotlight.

Being compared with the Hyukjae he knew recently, looked like Sungmin’s words about he had changed a lot in a very short time was true.

*

“Donghae-oppa.”

Turning his head, Donghae saw Hyun Rae walking towards him lightly.

“Hyun Rae-ah, what’re you doing? It’s almost midnight already.” He said.

Hyun Rae smiled. “I’m waiting for you. Happy birthday.” She reached out a box orderly wrapped by chocolate paper.

Donghae received it awkwardly. “Uhm… I… Thanks.”

“It’s okay.” She smiled wider. “Then I guess I’ll go home now.”

“Are you standing here all times just so you can give me this present?” Donghae frowned. Hyun Rae chuckled.

“See you, Oppa.”

“Wait, I’ll walk you home.” Donghae restrained her.

“No need to, really. Your house is on the opposite of mine. Don’t worry, it’s not so far from here.”

He watched her figure went further and felt a bit sorry for her.

Nice girl, but why couldn’t he love her?

“I don’t know you have a girlfriend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Donghae answered without looking at the questioner.

Hyukjae, leaning on the wall, released laughter. “Then why will she bother herself standing there for hours if she is not your girlfriend?”

“Don’t ask me how girl’s brain works.” Donghae sighed, observing the box on his hand. “You want have some?” he extended it to Hyukjae, who frowned.

“That’s your birthday present and you’re offering me to have some of it?”

“It’s ginger cookies.” Donghae snorted, a smile appeared on his lips. “It’s always ginger cookies every year.”

“Why ginger cookies?”

“On a Christmas party three years ago,” Donghae leaned to the wall beside Hyukjae. “I was the only one who ate her cookies, while everyone made excuses so they didn’t have to eat it. The taste, I have to say, was terrible. But it becomes better along these years.” he ripped the wrapper. “See?”

Some minutes later, they were sitting on their usual seat on the park, munching the cookies.

“I don’t know you’re this kind of person.” Donghae looked at Hyukjae bluntly.

Hyukjae, mouth filled by the cookie, asked back. “What kind of person?”

“Honestly I didn’t know you too well when we were on senior high.” Donghae took another piece of cookie and pushed it inside his mouth. “I just knew your name. I don’t know you like to go out, wandering around on the night, wearing this kind of clothes… You do a big fraud of your image.”

Something flashed on Hyukjae’s eyes when he fell into silence for a moment.

“Well, people change.”

His tone told Donghae that he didn’t want to talk about it, and Donghae knew it. Standing up, he clapped his hands and said brightly.

“Come on, let’s dance for my birthday.”

*

“You look brighter recently.”

Donghae kept his eyes on the food before him and said nothing.

“Does something good happen?”

“Nothing’s special.” He murmured shortly.

His mother stared at him across the table. “Donghae-ah, can’t you behave better to me? This is our first time have breakfast together after years, you should be happier, shouldn’t you?”

Donghae put down his fork and spoon, looking straight to her eyes. “And what do you want to talk with me?”

His mother shook her head sadly. “Have I told you that I love you?” she said with her softest voice. “I’ve lost my son for more than twenty years. I’m never been a good mother to you, am I? Just bring you embarrassment; never be at your side when you need me… I can understand why you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you.” Donghae said coldly.

“It’s not been too late for me to say sorry, is it, dear?” she reached for his hands, and he didn’t draw it. “I’m sorry. Donghae-ah, I quit my job.”

He needed seconds to absorb her sentence.

“You quit your job?”

She nodded. “And… And… I’m going to marry.”

Donghae startled.

“You’re going to have a father.”

Anger rose inside him for no reason, and he stood up so suddenly that his mother snapped out.

“You’re going to marry?” he asked hoarsely. “Okay. Marry. And leave. Leave me alone, I don’t need you!”

He rushed himself outside, heading towards nowhere, kicking everything he could find on his way.

He was puzzled by his own feeling.

Wasn’t it something good, his mother would get married?

And he would have a father like he always wanted to.

What was the wrong thing?

The wrong thing…

And then he realized that he was afraid if the father he would have, would only care about his mother. And an afterthought suddenly exploded on him, screaming of him being too selfish, just as her mother was.

You are the one who always act selfish. The voice rang on his mind. Your mother did it because she cares about you, but when is the time you ever care about her? Open your eyes, Lee Donghae, and see the truth!

“I’m selfish.” He covered his face with his palms, frustrated. “Yes, I’m the one who’s selfish.”

Later, he found himself was walking towards the line of stores, didn’t pay attention to his surrounding. It was then he got distracted by a loud crash somewhere near him.

“Watch where you are going, dude!”

“I’m s-sorry!”

It was a voice he couldn’t ignore. He shot right and found Hyukjae, rolled on the ground. With him was a girl he saw on the restaurant, and she looked totally paralyzed by her fear.

The man stepped forward and spat to him.

“Still won’t say anything?” he said menacingly.

Hyukjae panted, trying to get up. “I… I’m sorry…” but before he could get up, another man kicked him down again.

“Boy, that’s not enough!” he said harshly. “Money, give us some money!”

Hastily, Hyukjae d for his pocket, fear was clear on his face. Donghae watched it all distrustfully. Why didn’t he get up and fight back?

“I… I… I don’t bring my money with me…” he stammered finally, color drained from his face as he showed them his empty wallet.

The men swore and kicked him more. The girl shrieked for help, Hyukjae pleaded pathetically, and Donghae couldn’t stand it any longer.

“YAH!” he called out, bouncing between them. “Stop! Stop”

One of the men smirked. “Oh… Who are you? Want to be a hero? No place for hero here, Boy.”

Donghae pulled out his own wallet. “If you want money, you can have this, but leave them alone!”

The men took a glance at the sum of money he offered, snatched it and pocketed it.

“Let’s go.” He gave sign to his friends to leave.

“You stupid , why do you let them do this to you?” Donghae pulled Hyukjae from the ground. Coughing, Hyukjae touched his eyelids carefully. “Ouch, it’s hurt…”

“Thank you.” Said the girl, bowing repeatedly. “Thank you very much.”

“It’s fine.” Donghae pointed Hyukjae. “You better take care of him. Yah, why are you suddenly becoming a weakling?”

“I-I’m sorry?” Hyukjae blinked, smiling awkwardly. “Do I… Know you?”

Donghae snorted. “Don’t kidding me, Hyukjae-ah.”

The girl nudged Hyukjae hesitatively. “Oppa, you know him?”

Hyukjae looked thoughtful for a moment, observing Donghae from head to toe.

“Uh… Uh… I don’t know. Have we ever met before?”

Rolling his eyes, Donghae walked away after shouting. “You should get your head checked soon!”

He still could hear Hyukjae murmured behind him.

“It’s weird… I’m sure I’ve seen him somewhere...”

Idiot. Donghae thought.

 

 

After the incident, Lee Hyukjae never came anymore to see Donghae when he was working.

 

-tbc-