150604

Chanyeol hadn’t cried yet.

The funeral was held in private in Baekhyun’s grandmother’s house, where he always wanted to live. Lay wasn’t at all happy finally staying in the place. In fact, no one was happy, except for Baekhyun who died smiling.

Chanyeol didn’t know how the management kept the place private, but there were no fans, no paparazzi littering around. It helped that the house was isolated. It helped that the world didn’t know that Baekhyun never saw the sun rising again. Not yet anyway, SM hadn’t made an official announcement.

All EXO members are on leave, that’s it. Nothing more, nothing less.

Through those three days, only Chanyeol was able to smile. He talked to Baekhyun as if he was just sleeping. He talked to his Taurus rilakkuma as if it was Baekhyun. He talked to Baekhyun’s family as if his best friend was still alive.

It killed the members a little more each time they see Chanyeol fool himself, but none had the heart to tell him that Baekhyun was never coming back.

“He’ll accept it,” Kris said when he saw Suho watching Chanyeol smile at Baekhyun’s mother.

“When?”

Kris didn’t answer. He didn’t know the answer.

“Baekhyun said he wanted an “Oh, Kkaebsong!” in his stone thingy.”

Baekhyun’s mother blinked. “He wanted what?”

“An “Oh, Kkaebsong!” on his stone thingy.”

150605

Chanyeol, with Kyungsoo, slept on Baekhyun’s bed. They would talk until morning, reliving the memories Baekhyun shared with them. Kyungsoo would always cry afterwards. Chanyeol would wrap his arms around him as he would when Baekhyun cries.

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo would murmur repeatedly.

“It’s okay,” he would whisper back. ”Baekhyun said it’s going to be okay.”

150606

More of Baekhyun’s friends and family came to visit. Some of the idols sent their condolences too. Baekhyun’s immediate family accepted the gifts with a smile. The EXO members couldn’t quite copy.

Chanyeol stayed in Baekhyun’s room all day. He pounded and cursed at everything that had Baekhyun written all over it. He even almost, almost broke Baekhyun’s ps2 in the corner but thought better of it. Instead, he booted it up and beat over all of Baekhyun’s high scores.

Once, Luhan thought to bring him lunch. The older male stood by the door for fifteen minutes before he realized Chanyeol would not recognize his presence. He left the lunch on a nearby table. It was never touched.

150607

The next morning, everyone pretended Chanyeol didn’t just threw a feat yesterday.

During the burial, everyone cried, except for Chanyeol, who stood at the end of the crowd, tightly gripping a blue umbrella. He didn’t speak, didn’t move, but he was there, watching, just watching.

When the coffin was finally lowered, Tao wailed the loudest.

Hours passed, the site emptied, until only Baekhyun’s family and EXO were left.

“We have to go,” Baekbeom said. The others agreed.

Chanyeol looked back, one last time, before entering the vehicle.

“I hate you,” he whispered. “I hate Byun Baekhyun.”

150609

They returned to their dorm shortly afterwards.

150610

Jongdae was in charge of the after-dinner cleaning. Chanyeol hadn’t touched his food and wasn’t allowed to stand up until he does.

“He’s mean, isn’t he?”

“Who?”

“Baekhyun.”

“Chanyeol, Baekhyun’s dead.”

“He’s mean.”

Jongdae sighed and put Chanyeol’s dinner in the fridge, just in case he gets hungry later.

150611

“Is Chanyeol gonna be okay?” Jongin asked Kyungsoo that night. “He seemed pretty fine with everything. It’s getting a bit weird.”

Kyungsoo shrugged. “He will.”

“He hasn’t cried.”

“I know.”

150612

The EXO dorm wasn’t as cheerful as it had been just a few days ago. Nobody couldn’t blame anybody.

150613

“We’ll make the announcement in four days,” the manager said. “Prepare yourself. After that, we’ll resume all activities. SM are considering a replacement for Baekhyun.”

“You can’t!” All heads turned to stare at Suho, panting at one corner of the room. “You can’t replace Baekhyun. EXO-K is fine with just five members. We can do it.”

“Jino is being considered,” the manager continued, completely ignoring Suho. “In any case, the replacement may be here in two days.”

“A new member, not a replacement.” It was Kris this time. “Baekhyun will not be replaced.”

“It’s okay, manager-hyung,” Chanyeol spoke, much to the members’ surprise. “Baekhyun knows he needed to be replaced.”

“Replacement.”

“Chanyeol, Baekhyun is dead.”

“I know.”

150616

The replacement never came.

150617

All eleven EXO members lined up for the press conference. The hall was filled with microphones and video cameras, eager for some juicy news to be written for tomorrow’s headlines.

After some introductions, Suho, as the leader, began to speak but Chanyeol stood and beat him to it.

“Baekhyun said…” He fetched a piece of folded paper from his pocket, opened it, and read. “Thank you for supporting me, for being always by my side. Dear fans, don’t be too sad. The EXO members will continue to make you happy in my replacement. Dear Manager-Oppa, I’m sorry being such a noisy brat.”

Everybody laughed. Chanyeol didn’t.

“Suho, I’m sorry too for being too noisy and disobedient. Kyungsoo, I’m sorry for not eating cucumber. Jongin, I’m sorry for calling y bronze. Sehun, be good to your hyungs. Kris, stop trying to look cool. We all know you’re not. Tao, I’m sorry for always teasing you. Luhan, Xiumin…”

The crowd was half-laughing half-crying by now.

“Finally, Chanyeol, baby. Please don’t cry. I love…”

Chanyeol paused to take a deep breath. “I love you.”

160603

Baekhyun’s first death anniversary, Chanyeol still hadn’t cried.

*

A/N: I couldn't re-read this for grammar check because reasons o3o I'm sorry it OTL