JINGYO'S LITTLE SEUNGHYUN

Hi!

Maybe you all are asking why are we like this. So close yet so far. We actually don't know either, it's somehow messed up that it ended this way.

It started off as a mutual understanding. Since the fans like this, why wouldn't we try it, fan service as they call. But that's just the start.

Everyone thought that I liked Hyunseung or Daesung more. No. You got it all wrong. I like both of them but nothing beats my fondness for Seungri. I just feel so safe with him, I don't know why either. You can ask him if you wanted to, maybe he knows the answer.

There are times when I don't realize that my hand was in Seungri's thigh, I only realize it when you guys post it in the internet then I blush afterwards. I somehow became awkward with the maknae on that circumstance but that did not became a hindrance. Just look how close we are right now. Does this look awkward at all?

There are also times when I back-hug Seungri. You guys don't know how much I liked doing that, he likes it too. It actually feels so great being in his personal space, I don't know why but I just like it. Especially when I see his cheeks are like crimson red, so cute, Seungri's so cute.

Sometimes I tried to kiss Seungri, not just on the cheeks but on the lips. I tried to put forward my face in a seemingly dangerous position in front of his. At those kind of moments. I am actually stuck on continuing it and stopping it. I guess I am just afraid of other people's reactions about that kind of thing. I actually don't give a damn about things that they say to me but not to my maknae, I don't want him to receive any bad reactions that's why I do not continue it. Even though deep inside me, that's one of the things I desire from him. Yet I cannot do it publicly, maybe privately will do, let's see.

Perhaps you see my updates regarding Seungri. Yes? I just want you guys to know that, those posts aren't for you to see, but I posted them for him. And if you guys also think that Seungri hacked or borrowed my phone and posted those, no, he did not do that, I did all of those, not Seungri but me. I posted those especially on those times when I really miss him. Remember my post wherein I am holding a panda in my right hand, accompanied by my caption "Seungri-ah let's go." That's actually for him, I don't know what is his reaction but I hope he smiled because of that. Remember also my Instagram post of me and Seungri at his fan sign event, I was so happy seeing him so happy that time. Even though he looks sad because his promotions were about to end, for me it was enough to see his ear to ear smile and his shocked face. I was so happy really, no other thing nor emotion can describe this. And lastly, remember my love song post, happiness. That's me declaring my one true happiness that no one could ever replace. That even though how much other people let me down, I can always look at Seungri then smile. I hope I have also that effect to make him smile like how he makes me smile.

If you thought that those we do in stage are pure fan services, I think it is for him but for me, no. I tend to mix some hidden emotions in those things, maybe he realizes but maybe he doesn't. I don't know really. But I obviously inject some of my love while doing those things. I am always sweet to him, on and off cam, you won't know the things I do for him off cam and I hope it stays off cam. I really wanted to show those to you but that might be the start of the end of our career so might as well hide it from you guys. What stays hidden is what I hope to stay hidden. But I guess not for so long.

Lastly, if you guys wanna ask about our status. We're complicated, but I wanted us to be together. I just don't know what to say to him and I also don't know if he feels the same too. This is sad really, I don't want to ruin our years of friendship for a thing I did not signed up at first. But risks are the things that makes the world round. And maybe Seungri will risk with me, because I am willing to risk all of these for him.

He will never know, but deep in my heart, I wanted him to know. I want Seungri to know.

But maknae is mine afterall.

Nyongtori isn't just a combined word for me. You guys don't know how I giggle when I hear that word. Of course not openly giggle but a hidden one. Nobody knows about this secret, but now I am telli