BIGBANG's A Fool's Tears, Haru Haru and Cafe, Kyuhyun's Love Dust, K. Will's It's Not You, and TVXQ's Before You Go are on 'must listen' for this chapter. Please prepare some Kleenex as we are reaching the end of this ride.

Seunghyun couldn’t help but admire your beauty in all glory. You changed – of course, you did. It was heart-warming to see you changed for better, unlike someone who knocked up a stranger just because he lost his faith on love. You radiated a new light, something he wanted to get himself used to. He wanted to be influenced by the new spirit you had around you, all happy, because as far as he could recall, the words ‘happy’ was erased from his dictionary until his daughter came. The only thing that kept him living on was his daughter. His wife never loved him for whom he was, unlike you; it was always because he was T.O.P of Big Bang. He kept her along because if the world knew he was never loving to his wife, he would be the target of the media. Aside of that, his wife was still the mother of his child.

He really, badly wanted to be salvated by you, like how he saved you from killing yourself out of depression. He still believed somehow you could do as much as he could do to you. But he, out of everyone, knew it was impossible. How could you help him this way? He might put up a strong façade but he was way too broken, too messed up to be fixed.

Ever since you left, he was left alone in the darkest depth of a jungle he called memories. Yes, he knew he cherished the memories you had together but it was his turn to be depressed because he realized all of your piano composition was about the times you spent together in the hospital, through your recovery period. At that time he realized he was losing you, he might lose you forever even.

But the greatest happiness was from love and he still believed it in the smallest part of his heart. He tried to find it whatever you had in someone else, because he was T.O.P of Big Bang, right? Willing girls were just every where and he gave in to his faith of love one night – and another, and another, and so on.

And Seunghyun knew he was at fault for keeping you all for himself, even just by memories.

His only friend was Russian vodka and , the only two that could make him forget the aching empty void that took most of his heart. He wanted to blame you for making him turn this way but he loved you too much to can blame you over anything.

When Yang Sajangnim got all raged because he made someone pregnant, he realized he wouldn’t want to meet you this way. That he should’ve seen you after he made great songs and everything a musician could ever dream of, he knew that – that was his dream, his bigger dream was to be able to collaborate in a song with you – not turning into someone belonged to a slump. But at the very same time, he knew it was too late, wasn’t it? It was far from repairable; everything was.

“Appa!”

The way her daughter called him was very alike of you. Heck, everything about his daughter was peculiarly similar to you. He even named her after you. Only for one reason; he wanted you to live in his daughter so he could keep loving her. Sometimes it saddened him to his smallest part of being that he had to make his daughter similar to you so he could keep living.

Seunghyun couldn’t help but smile, crouching down and opened his arms for her. “There’s my baby!”

As soon as his daughter was in his arms, he lifted her up. “Appa, did I look beautiful when I showed up?”

“Of course,” He replied in the same tone as when he replied to every single of your words and questions. “My daughter outshines everyone!”

The way his daughter gave him a shy giggle would always reprimended him of the little giggles you would give whenever he failed to joke around, as an appreciative act of having tried making her laugh.

It was creepy how he could remember everything about you after such a hurricane did to him. All he could hope was that you didn’t notice he had a daughter already. Not that he was embarassed of his daughter – he would gladly introduce her to everyone in this world  that she was his daughter – but more like, with that way, you wouldn’t hasitate to talk to him. You would talk to him like you would always do because in all honesty, he didn’t know what good difference you had made. You could be awkward and all but it was one thing he loved about you. If you knew he had had a daughter and it wasn’t with you, you could turn into the same figure he found years ago in the hospital. As much as he wanted you to save him from everything, he would better see you smiling and the last thing he wanted to see was you crawling back from square one. He’d rather bury himself in this dark life he – unwillingly – chose than to see you need help again.

“You have such a beautiful daughter.” Someone said from behind him.

And maybe diamonds would fall out everytime he sneezed.

He turned around to find you beautifully wrapped in white laced dress. Vintage always suited you because the more classing an object is, the more valuable it will be – he remembered very well he said that to you. Your hair was tied up in a way he always loved, showing off the crook of your neck and his favorite spot under your baby hair on the back of your head.

“Hello,” He flashed a smile. “And why, thank you.”

“Hello, beautiful, what’s your name?” You asked his daughter very mother-like, he knew you had a dream to become a piano teacher for toodlers.

As soon as you heard his daughter’s name, she gasped – more to herself. “We have the same name!”

“Really? What a coincidence!” The daughter exclaimed. “Appa always says he named me after someone he treasures the most!”

Both his and your heart was aching as soon as his daughter let the words out because both of you knew no children could tell lie as best as adult.

“Is that true?” Of course you wanted to believe it was true, but you needed confirmation – and you couldn’t help yourself again.

“Yeah, I named her after you,” He replied. “You didn’t mind, did you?”

“Why would I? I hope it suited her.”

“Oh, it suited her more than you expected!” He replied faster than any response.

“But why me?” You couldn’t help but ask after a couple of moment.

“Because you were everything to me.”

Your heart felt like bleeding. How could he let it out so simple, so easy? “Are you sure?”

“I am,” He stated firmly. “You still are, you know?”

“Then why did you make love to someone else when you were in back in town after the tour and you didn’t tell me?” You truthfully didn’t want to open up the unopened boxes but being a curious person you always were, you had to get the answer. “Did you know I drop by my CD under your door that night? I know I have no right to ask this as it is your personal matters but I, you know, need to know. Your excuse sounds pretty lame for me now.”

Seunghyun was taken aback beyond belief. “You dropped them by your own self?”

You nodded while still playing with his daughter’s hair. “So you did notice.”

“Of course I did,” He replied, trying to stop himself from throwing things nearby. He was so stupid, really! “I went to see you after that but you’ve left.”

“Why did you want to see me?”

“Because I wanted to listen it together with you.”

“Oh?”

“Because I was so used to share everything with you that it was so hard for me to be without you,” He kept his ground for the sake of two of his most meaningful women in his life. “I was trying to be with that woman you found me with because I was training myself to be independent without you but I couldn’t, which was , because it was living hell every single day. At the time I know how it felt to be you when you shouted the therapist because he clearly couldn’t understand the situation you were in. You had me by that time but this time I was alone and I didn’t know what I should do and what I should not do. It was a blur of black and white and grey and other monotone colours.”

“Didn’t you think about how I felt when I left you for New York?” You looked straight to his soul, you were the only one who could do such thing to him. “Didn’t you think it was a hell for me too? I tried my best to forget you by not opening internet on purpose but everytime I turned off the computer there would always be some news about Korea that made me remember you so don’t you dare to say it was only hell for you because it was to me too.”

“Then you, at least, thought what we had was something – as in something else?” He braced himself for the worst, as if he as challanging the fate itself.

In that critical moment, someone called his name from behind. It was his wife, searching for Seunghyun and their daughter and ready to put a show on for everyone.

You put the last untucked hair of his daughter’s behind his ear before answering, “We were never anything to begin with.”