This chapter suits better with Hyorin's Don't Love Me, SM The Ballad's Breath (Chinese vers. is better) and 2NE1's If I Were You. Oh, and BIGBANG's Monster is okay to be added.

You still remembered everything like the back of your hand – all in the same pattern, unchanged. How crystal it was to you always scared you off, it was so clear that you were very afraid it would shatter with a delicate touch.

It was still in the back of your head how the same person would lighten up your days. Yes, unexpectedly you would miss Seunghyun's pressence around your bunker – you would rather call it so because it would suffocate you to the core when he wasn’t around – with all his naggings and chatters, aside from his supportive words and actions. No matter how hard you have pushed him out of the business, telling him there was still some parts he wouldn’t understand in the situation, he would always be there – he would always end up at the bed beside you when you woke up after you told him leave and then cried till you fell asleep. He managed to stay by your side, he actually showed you that he wasn’t just saying and till now you were glad he stayed, and not giving up on you. You picked up his determination of salvating you from the darkest time of your live to battle your own war of recovering you senses in your right hand.

When you could write normally again, the first person you told the news to was not your cousin, Seungri, anymore. It was him; Choi Seunghyun. And when he managed to drop by your room, you ran up to him and hugged him so tight. When you parted, you stared deep through his eyes and said thank you, for the first time ever since you hung around.

He stared back at you, only giving you a grin. No matter what, the grin was so meaningful that for a couple of moments both of you were just exchanging telepathy because no more words needed. It was simply your moment.

After that, you started to work normally again, if working on your hospital bed is considered working as well. The doctor would say not to get hard on yourself but you couldn’t help but pour your stories to the blank partitures in front of you, waiting to be scratched with notes from your inspirations – him.

He went to do his job of entertaining people around the world by the time you finished up songs enough for a full album. You just couldn’t wait to show him everything you got – to show him your own way of saying thank you as he had always been there the whole time for you, being a great friend he was. You really couldn’t ask for more but one; for him to become your husband. Because truthfully the whole four months he spent with you was more than enough for the both of you to know each other despite the clash of time he had to balance between his schedule and you. He even knew what you would do before you could actually do it yourself – that was how observative he was towards you and you couldn’t help but feel grateful and all.

However, if life was perfect for you, that meant there was something wrong with your life. And heck, whoever made the theory should be awarded Noble Prize. The crystal you call your memories was shattered, not because of a touch but because of your own eyesight. You watched it broke apart before your eyes.

It happened when you were about to drop the CD you had recorded to his house when you heard moans of pleasure coming out from inside. You froze your steps in front of his mahogany door, and decided to slip the CD from under the door while holding in your tears. It was Friday night and almost midnight so to say the least, a part of it was your fault as well. He didn’t tell you he was back in town again and it wasn’t his fault because it wasn’t his obligation to do so. You wanted to say you felt betrayed but you couldn’t, because to think of it, you were never comitted to each other.

It was still in his rights to love someone else who was not you, you thought bitterly.

“She left early this morning,” was the answer he least expected when he asked one of the nurses why your room was now empty, like completely blank and empty empty. He found your CD lying nearby his shoes when he was walking that woman out the door and decided to come here to listen to it together. But he was beyond surprised when none of your stuff was left, not a trace was behind – not even a single emotion made by your memories with him left – in your room. He didn’t feel the happiness in your laughter filling throughout the room, he didn’t feel the sincerity in every of your smile left, he just didn’t feel you anymore.

You had emptied your room too cleanly with all of your being.

Seunghyun was trying with all his might not to think about the worst scenario could ever happen. He was reminiscing all the joyful and happy memories you shared together to distract himself. He had known this day would come – where you were recovered and released and that would be the time when you didn’t need him anymore – but he didn’t expect it would come any sooner than this. He didn’t want to lose you yet, because he couldn’t find himself somewhere in the future without you by his side. He really couldn’t. Spending the past months going back and forth between the studio and the hospital for you was enough to make him dependable of you, like he depend the air and water to live.

Just when he was only starting to adjust himself without you, you really walked away. For real, and not saying a word.

“Oh, Hyung,” Seungri opened the door, cleary hangover took over him. He could’ve had a hangover like the maknae as well but his mind was rushing in NASCAR speed that even hangover was just nothing against his thoughts. “What makes you come here?”

“Do you know where she is?”

“Who?”

“Your cousin.”

“No, Hyung,” Seungri rubbed his face. “Why? Did she elape?”

“She was gone by the time I came to the hospital,” He replied. “Why did you ask if she elaped from the hospital?”

“Hyung, I thought you spent your time with her all the time?”

“I did.”

“Why didn’t you know she will be back in Broadway as soon as she recovered?”

It wasn’t the worst scenario anymore; it was his worst nightmare.

But it would always his beautiful nightmare with all the memories he could keep – no matter how much he would hate it, no matter how much alcohol would disolve his misery without you, no matter how many woman would try to make him forget about you. He was trying his best living his own life without you.

And if there was something he would always regret in his life was actually putting some hopes to you – or at least, that was he always tried to think. Sometimes he felt like it was his own fault because he almost believed you could keep his hopes on you, it was by his own choice. You were only showing yourself to you, that didn’t mean you opened yourself to him. Or maybe it was just he never wanted to blame you.

Then again, at the same time, the only thing he didn’t regret was having those memories with you. To build such a beautiful series of memories in that short of time was something he cherished, he would never forget such a loving event. How ironic it was that an event would cause a significant contrast between his past and present life. All he could do next was wishing you a more successful life without forgetting him.

But it seemed like Seunghyun had forgotten you.

No contacts for the past five years. Not even a thing from Seungri to prove Seunghyun was trying to find her. Maybe he was now living the life he always wanted with that woman.

You were walking to the beautifully decorated hall of a mansion rented by your panda cousin for this special occasion. You knew you were late so all you did as soon as you entered the main hall was to take your seat. You managed to give your cousin a thumb up for his courage that this day had finally come – Seungri's wedding.

Yeah, who would’ve thought he would get married this early, considering he is the playboy of all the playboys?

As soon as you took your place and greeted your aunts and your mother, the specific wedding music was played.

Seungri’s girlfriend – or soon-to-be wife, as we spoke – was beautiful. You only met her once, when the whole family gathered to talk about the wedding four months ago. You both talked for a brief moment, laughing at how babo Seungri was to his girlfriend before you had to go back to Berkley to finish your latest composition for a Vienese opera in the morning with your students.

You watched Seungri’s father-in-law gave away her daughter to the maknae, who was all smiles in his face. Who could contain their happiness when it was your wedding day?

Watching the whole ceremony was melancholic for you. It reminded your of your past with him, and your future as well – how you were not going to get younger. You couldn’t lie and you wouldn’t that your cousin’s rather-unexpected wedding was really beautiful it teared you up as soon as they finished exchanging their own vows. Would you have the same beautiful wedding with him if you didn’t find him loving another woman that night?

Speaking of which, where was he?

Everyone was standing up as the newlyweds made their way down the altar, turning their body as the couple got closer to the grand entrance of the mansion to be showered by flowers. You were turning your body too and clapped your hand for the happy couple. And that was when you found he was seated right across you all along.

He was looking at you with a smile you couldn’t comprehend. You could see the relief in his eyes to see you again after almost five years gone missing but you could see a void of unknown emotion to the both of you – as far as you could recall, you had never seen such an emotion came from him.

A space in his eyes was filled with emptiness.

He almost smiled half-heartedly. You noticed he lost so many pounds since the last time you saw him, he didn’t look as healthy as before. He had noticable bags under his eyes, tiredness screaming all over his figure.

It was heart-breaking to see him almost breaking in front of you, like how you were when he first encountered you in the hospital. All broken and lost.

A thousand question filled your mind all at once that you needed to sit down to get over your fatigue. Where had the ray of hope he used to have for you, gone? Where was the determination you picked up from him, that still kept you going on living till now? Where was him that you loved long ago? What had happened to him?

What happened to us?

But you also forgot that the five years you left was not a short period of time. Anything could change in a snap of a finger. And reality proved you right when one of the little girl carrying flower earlier was running towards him in glee.

“Appa!”