Jongin may be Sehun's best friend, but he's not Sehun's only friend. He had admired Tao and Baekhyun— guys in his dorm who were openly out and didn't seem to care at all— from afar for most of his freshman year, until getting iled from Jongin's room leaves him unexpectedly emotional. Sehun's not even sure you can get iled from a room that's not your own, but he spends so much time in Jongin's that it probably doesn't even matter.

Sehun's just slightly drunk, and he and Jongin were supposed to be going out to some party at one of the frats. He's not really sure what to do with himself, so he stands awkwardly in the hallway, where he can hear a girl— Krystal?— . His eyes aren't actually watery, or so he tells himself.

Tao and Baekhyun choose then to stroll by and Baekhyun gives him an odd, eyeliner-filled stare.

"Dude, if you're looking for Jongin, he's probably going to be out of commission for a while. Wouldn't really recommend standing here waiting for him either. Unless your the type to enjoy the background noise."

Somehow this devolves into still teary-eyed Sehun curled up on Baekhyun's beanbag, pouring out a lot more of his life story than he ever expected to tell anyone, including the part where maybe he likes Jongin, as Baekhyun and Tao coo at him. They tell him things will be alright, that it's okay. He's not sure if he believes them exactly, but they make him feel better about his terrible life choices.

They become close, even if he's not in their main group of friends and they're not in his. Baekhyun will drag him to some obscure cafe and spend forever taking pictures of his food, or Tao will force him to come over to his and Baekhyun's shared dorm when they're bored. Sehun knows there's an organization on campus for people like them, people like him, but he can never muster it in himself to attend a meeting. He has a ton of problem sets, he tells Tao and Baekhyun, ignoring how often that excuse comes up. Nevertheless, Baekhyun and Tao introduce him to others— upperclassmen like Junmyeon who gives him advice with a kindly gaze, and even Jinri, another physics major he had never approached, who turns out to be bi.

Sometime, when they're all piled over each other, laughing at one of Baekhyun's dumb stunts, Sehun feels like, yeah, maybe it will be okay after all.

Sehun's phone buzzes in his pocket. He surreptitiously glances at the screen— it's from Tao.

theres a get-together tonight!! u should come :)

not sure... was going to hang out w jongin?

There's an unusually long pause after that text, though Sehun pays it no mind. Usually Tao either responds lightning quick or spends forever taking selfies of himself and deleting them until he takes the perfect one to edit and throw a filter on. He picks up his blue pen and begins taking notes on the next section of reading, but he barely manages a couple lines before his phone vibrates again.

It's just a short line, no aegyo in sight. maybe... maybe getting out more wld help u get over him?

Then in rapid succession, comes not that you don't get out already!! but w a diff crowd!, another pause, ppl like us, u know?. Sehun bites his lip. It's not that he doesn't want to, exactly. It's not like he's ashamed anymore either, although sometimes his guts twists in an uncomfortable way when he thinks about his parents or brother or Jongin or even Chanyeol finding out. He always forgets that some people, other people, live their lives not pushing this part of themselves into the background.

Still, there's merit to Tao's words. Sehun thinks back to how Jongin had fallen asleep across from him yesterday, and how even with a bit of drool in the corner of his mouth and hair a bit too long flopping over his eyes, all Sehun could feel when he looked at him was want.  It's ridiculous, he knows, but at times, he think's he'd be willing to trade these years of friendship and memory just to be one of the girls Jongin has banged and forgotten. Not that he actually would, but the hardest part is the crushing knowledge that there's nothing he can ever do to make it work.

Maybe getting out more and finding someone else— someone actually available— would help. He doesn't have anything to lose, right?

you know what... sure. when shld i find u?

Briefly, Sehun wonders whether he should let Jongin know he has plans tonight. But he quickly shakes that idea out of his brain. It's before noon, and Jongin's not even awake yet. And it's not like Sehun is his significant other or anything. He's allowed to have his own life and his own fun too.

Baekhyun welding an eyeliner pencil is a menace to be reckoned with. Despite his grudging permission to let Baekyun touch that sharp-looking thing to his eye (if you make me blind, i will sue you to eternity), Sehun has to admit it makes him look good, in a subtly smoky way. Sehun's never considered himself much of a subtly smoky person, but with the skinny black jeans and embellished tank top he had borrowed from Tao, who had shrieked when Sehun mentioned he only had sweatpants in his clean laundry, he thinks he can at least play the part.

The party isn't as loud or big as the ones thrown by the frats, but in the end, Sehun knows this drill. They've arrived fairly late, Sehun guesses, because some people are already looking pretty tipsy. Jinri's here too, looking slightly bored in a red tank top and white shorts.

"So you did show up!" Jinri grins when she spots them. After some small talk, and moving to let some more people through the doorway, they end up sitting next to each other on the couch, doubled up in laughter. There's some people dancing and other milling about around them. Sehun's not really sure where Tao and Baekhyun have gone off to, but they've always been more social butterflies. He's perfectly content with Jinri anyway, although he hopes she doesn't feel obligated to hang around him.

"Is your boyfriend around?" Sehun asks. Jinri laughs, bright and high.

"Nope. He hasn't been around for a long while." She pauses. "We broke up a week and a half ago, actually."

"Oh," Sehun says blankly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be! It's for the best. He was a bit of a drag anyways. Always pouted so hard when I went out to these kinds of events, like what? I'm going to hook up with someone? Trust is at the center of any relationship, and clearly we didn't have enough of that." Jinri's rambling and Sehun can tell she's had more to drink than she's let on, so he lets her rant.

"Like one time, he promised to water my plants. And he forgot! Jonathan looked so sad and wilted when I got back from my conference! I need more dependable guys in my life— people like you, Sehun. You wouldn't forget about Jonathan and Ellie."

"If anything, Sehun's liable to worry about them too much and leave you with drowned houseplants," Tao interrupts, somewhere to his left but Sehun can't be bothered to turn around. 

"That reminds me." Jinri leans forward. "I have to babysit Luna's cats tomorrow actually. Gotta get up bright and early, so I'll be heading out now."

"Your dorm's across campus right? Let us know if you run into any trouble?" Sehun says. Jinri usually fends for herself, but she's a bit tipsy, as she pulls herself out of the couch and heads out the door. 

She giggles. "Don't worry. I'm dragging Jiyoung back with me." Sure enough, Jinri's flanked by the brunette, who steadies her arm as they exit.

"See you, Jinri." Tao shouts, bumping his hip against Sehun's head. Sehun jerks his head over with a small smile.

Tao has a lazy grin curled over his face, and Sehun wonders for a split second why he looks so self-satisfied. The stranger next to Tao though, makes those thoughts vanish. He's chuckling silently, with a gleam in his eye, hair toussled and sharp cheekbones that Sehun can't stop staring at. Sehun not he goes to their school because he doesn't think he could forget a guy who literally looks like he came from the runway. He's staring at Sehun, and Sehun blushes and glances away.

"This," Tao drawls, looking at Sehun with a smirk. "is Chen. Chen, Sehun. Now y'all know each other so you can talk while I hunt down Baekhyun."

"Nice to meet you, Sehun." Jongdae smiles, lips curling up, in a way that's almost flirtatious and almost predatory but distinctly feline. Sehun feels his cheeks heating up again, even as he wills them to stop.

"Are you Chinese? Your Korean is really good," Sehun says quickly, looking up through his lashes.

"You only heard a sentence. But I guess that's good." Jongdae throws his head back in a bright laugh, and Sehun is mesmerized by the line of his neck. "Since I'm actually Korean. I just got a back from a study abroad though, so Tao insists on calling me by my Chinese name and cooing at my accent whenever I actually speak in Chinese."

Sehun asks him some questions about that, since he had vaguely considered the possibility, but he has to shake himself out of staring at Jongdae's smile.

"I have some pictures from the trip in my room, if you want to see. I live just down the hall," Jongdae offers, narrowing his gaze, and Sehun knows that's not all he's offering. He can't bring himself to refuse though, not when Jongdae's staring at him like that.

They don't even make it to the end of the hallway before Jongdae pushes him against a wall and presses his lips against his. Sehun's eyes widen and he shudders, but he grasps at Jongdae's shoulders and kisses back. Jongdae moves tortuously slowly, sliding his lips across Sehun's or lightly sweeping his tongue into his mouth, not out of hesitance but like he's trying to draw out out every sound Sehun makes. At some point, his phone might have buzzed and people probably have given them looks, but Sehun can't bring himself to care.

Sehun pulls apart for a moment, panting. Jongdae starts to give him a questioning look, before Sehun spits out, "You could stand to go a bit faster, you know."

Jongdae grins, and this time, it's definitely predatory. He comes back hard and fast, and Sehun tries to return in eagerness, if nothing else. Jongdae's tongue is doing something amazing, and his hands slip under Sehun's tank top to hold onto his waist. They end up somehow do make it down the hall and into Jongdae's room, where they crash onto the bed. Jongdae contuines ravishing Sehun's mouth and swallowing his moans. There's a small voice in the back of his head protesting but jongin, but Sehun tries to squash it down by focusing on how nice everything feels. It feels better than nice— way better than anything he anticipated from kissing Amber. It's like electricity, the way Jongdae makes his every nerve feel on edge, and there's a heat pooling in his stomach at the way Jongdae growls. It's nothing like kissing girls at all.

It's not until Jongdae is definitely pushing his tank top up, with the intention of pulling it over Sehun's head, that Sehun pulls away. Something in his gut clenches. 

"Wait-" Sehun says. He's not sure how to finish that sentence. Jongdae is beautiful and deadly, all lean muscle and sharp jawline, and looks at Sehun with a desire that he's not used to seeing, at least from someone he's actually attracted to. He's everything Sehun should want from a one night stand, Sehun thinks bitterly. But the voice reminding him of Jongin makes every motion feel empty. He sort of wants to throw up. Jongdae is looking at him with a contemplative stare, and Sehun can tell he's backing away even though his hands are still on Sehun's waist. "I don't- I don't think I can."

"It's fine if you don't want to." Jongdae replies evenly. He lets go, as Sehun leans back and pulls his clothes into place. "We can go back to making out. Or not. Whatever is up to you. No hard feelings."

The kissing was nice, but he doesn't- he doesn't know if he wants more. Not right now. Not with Jongdae, at least. Sehun's gut churns. "I think probably not tonight. Sorry."

Jongdae shows him out with an unexpected kindness, letting Sehun take his time and making small talk about his study abroad. There are pictures pinned around his room, of Jongdae on the Great Wall, eating ice cream with friends, karaoke. Sehun feels a slight twinge of regret— Jongdae genuinely seems like a cool person, and in another life, Sehun would be dumb to refuse.

For tonight though, he manages to make it back to his dorm unscathed. He texts Tao and lets him know he hasn't died, and his phone reminds him that there's an unread text from Jongin. Sehun suddenly feels wearing to his bones. His phone gets tossed somewhere amidst the messy papers on his desk, and he curls up underneath his comforter and hopes tomorrow will be a less confusing day.