“Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy.” Yixing said while mixing his tea. Luhan and Chanyeol were sitting at the opposite side of the table, both with prominent eye bags as the result of waiting day and night for Baekhyun to wake up. Yixing almost felt sorry for the two of them for having to suffer like this but at the same time it made him happy knowing that Baekhyun have such friends. Baekhyun has, as far as he knows, always been alone for some time anyway. Luhan and Chanyeol continue to stare at him expectantly. They had such serious faces. “It’s a disease of the muscles of the heart where the myocardium is thickened. Its symptoms are lightheadedness, fainting, abnormal heartbeat, chest pain and if things get worse…sudden cardiac death.” Yixing could sense their sudden fear.

“He found out a year ago. Well, with regards to what’s happening now, I guess it’s safe to tell you the details.”

Luhan and Chanyeol blinked in confusion.

“Last year, Baekhyun went into a hell of a rollercoaster ride of his life. In early January, his father died from a car accident on his way to work. His mother got depressed and refused to go to work and eventually refused to go out of her room. Baekhyun took care of her all the while even with the pressure from school. However, by May, just before Baekhyun’s birthday, she died of a condition induced by the stress she was putting on to herself. It’s the same condition Baekhyun has. It’s genetic.”

Yixing could see them shaking and feigning a strong front. He didn’t know anyone who could just give a shrug with this information and of course that also means the two of them. “Baekhyun always had a positive mind brought about by his environment growing up so instead of mourning over his losses, he tried to redirect his attention into school work. He joined various clubs and activities to keep himself busy. Track, volleyball, theater, anything, he joined them. However, because he was constantly stressing and exhausting his body, his condition worsened. I took him to the hospital for a check-up and that’s when he found out.”

Luhan heaved a heavy sigh while looking away. The information seemed to be too much for him to take in easily. Chanyeol was staring at nothing but Yixing could see how tense he was.

“Hey, Baekhyun has made it through all that already. You’ve seen him so there’s no need to worry about that now. What he needs is for the two of you to trust him. Don’t show him you’re scared. He’s scared enough.” Yixing reassured softly. “You both need to run with him. Show him that everything’s okay.” In a way, he couldn’t fulfill that part. He knew he’s made Baekhyun uncomfortable for treating him like a patient and not as a relative or a confidante but if he wouldn’t, then who would? He was a nurse and the best he could do was monitor Baekhyun’s health.

Chanyeol looked at him. He had such determined eyes that Yixing couldn’t even look away. “I understand. I’ll take care of him so don’t worry!”

“…for how long?”

“Forever!”

“Heh.” Yixing snickered. It looked like even Luhan was quite caught off-guard but it also seemed like he was expecting it. “Can you really do that?”

Chanyeol stood up abruptly. “Don’t underestimate me! No one loves him more than I do!”

“That’s reassuring.”

“I—“

“Chanyeol, I know.” Yixing smiles at him. “He won’t stop talking about you. And it’s not like you’re a stranger to me. I’m glad that he has someone like you, that he met the both of you.” Silver linings amidst the circumstances. Yixing checked his watch for the time. “Well, my break’s almost over so I’m going ahead.” He said while standing up. “You two should get some rest.”

“I don’t need—“

Luhan pushed Chanyeol down to his chair. “Shut up already.”

Yixing said his goodbye and walked off.

Luhan sighed at Chanyeol. “My, aren’t you aggressive…”

“I didn’t know.” Chanyeol said silently. “I didn’t know about all that.”

Luhan stared into space. “Me neither.”

The pair decided to walk back to Baekhyun’s room as if they haven’t made a home of their own in there yet. It’s been four days but no one was really counting. Luhan had just opened the door, with Chanyeol behind him, when he gasped. Baekhyun was awake though he was staring outside the window. When Baekhyun noticed and turned his head towards the door, Chanyeol was already hiding behind the wall so only Luhan could be seen.

Luhan walked in anyway. “Hey. You’re awake!”

“Luhan…”

Luhan scurried beside his bed. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine…I guess.” Baekhyun replied weakly. “How long was I out?”

“Four days.”

Baekhyun gasped. “FOUR DAYS?!”

Luhan laughed at his expression. “Well, better than forever.”

Baekhyun immediately quieted down. “Chanyeol…he…he found out…” Luhan caught him frowning before Baekhyun covered his face with his palms. “Ah! I should’ve told him! I bet he’s really mad right now…” He added while gripping his shirt, frowning still.

Luhan leaned his arm on the edge of the bed. “If he is, what are you gonna do?”

Baekhyun glanced at Luhan, thinking, before lowering his head. “It’s for the best…I guess.” Luhan blinked at him. “It’s better this way. If he’s mad at me then he won’t get sad if I die. Though I could’ve avoided this from the beginning.” Baekhyun chuckled sadly. “I don’t know what I was thinking…I thought it was possible for this to work.”

Luhan felt really sorry for him. “Baekhyun—“

The door suddenly slammed open, surprising them both. “DON’T SAY THAT!” Chanyeol yelled while walking closer to a shocked Baekhyun who’s already on the verge of tearing up. “Didn’t I tell you not to underestimate me? If I’m mad, I still love you! If I’m sad, I still love you! The only feeling I have for you that’s constant is love! So no matter what you do, no matter what happens to you, I will always love you!”

Baekhyun suddenly curled up and cried.

“Ah, you made him cry.” Luhan said in the corner.

Chanyeol immediately ran beside him. “B-Baekhyun?! Why are you crying? Did I do something wrong?”

“It’s because you said those words…” Baekhyun replied in between sniffs.

“Ah ah ah don’t cry! Stop crying please!”

Baekhyun cried even louder.

“Chanyeol, you’re a despicable man.” Luhan commented from the side.

Chanyeol held his wrist and pulled them away from Baekhyun’s face. “Baekhyun, I’m serious. Stop crying.” Baekhyun stares at him but his tears don’t stop. “Really…” Chanyeol sighed and then released Baekhyun’s wrists so he could hold his chin. Then he leaned down for a kiss.

Luhan sneaked out of the room quietly.

The kiss went on for a few minutes before Chanyeol broke it when he noticed Baekhyun has calmed down. Baekhyun continued to stare at him. In his mind, he couldn’t believe Chanyeol’s still standing in front of him. This man…who had been earnestly giving him all the love in the world to him.

Chanyeol pulled him to his waist and embraced him tightly. He placed his chin on top of Baekhyun’s head while his hand was softly ruffling his hair. “Don’t cry anymore in the future, okay?”

Baekhyun wrapped his arms around Chanyeol’s waist and nodded slowly. “Okay.”

Days dragged on. Baekhyun was discharged a week later after all his tests were done and was permitted to go back to school. The story about his condition trended in Twitter and everyone in the school instantly knew about it but what’s more surprising is that Sehun had absolutely nothing to do with it. Sehun, Oh Sehun, who does nothing but take over Twitter had nothing to do with the trending. He himself was shocked by the news.

Baekhyun’s locker was filled post-its and letters of encouragement. He disliked it at first, after all he dislikes pity, but after some time he was able to accept the comfort the students were trying to convey to him.

Chanyeol (without the exemption of everyone else) became more cautious around him although Chanyeol always made sure it didn’t get to the point where Baekhyun felt uncomfortable. It was safe to say he was looking better as the days past but he didn’t show signs of recovering. If anything, he felt weaker and weaker. He fainted at least thrice this week. His chest pains were also occurring more often. It was heartbreaking. But they were all expecting this. After all, it’s something they couldn’t escape from. It’s something they all had to accept.

“It’s not working anymore.” Yixing told them in the hospital. “Baekhyun, you felt it too right?” Baekhyun stayed silent. “His medications aren’t working anymore. It can reduce the pain, the fainting and all the other things but it’s not going to cure him anymore. Most likely because he has stayed away from his medication for a long time while his condition continues to worsen. There’s a big difference between the rate of the development of the disease and the rate of how fast the drugs can relieve him.”

Chanyeol stared at him in horror. “What? What do you mean? It’s incurable?”

“No…but it has come to point where the effectiveness of his medicines has decreased to a significant level.” Yixing wondered how heartbreaking this must be for Baekhyun but he couldn’t take that thought. Even he could breakdown any minute. “The best thing to do now is to avoid doing activities that will induce stress.”

“Then…what else?” Chanyeol asked out of the blue.

“Huh?”

“If the drugs don’t work anymore…what else is there to help him?”

Yixing sighed. “The next best thing would be…”

“Surgery.” Baekhyun finished for him.

“Then we can do that right?”

“It’s not just expensive but there are also a number of risks associated with performing the surgery. Baekhyun is already weak so he has a higher risk of developing such complications.”

“But there’s still—“ Chanyeol stopped immediately when Baekhyun held his hand, telling him to calm down.

“I understand your concern Chanyeol but you’re not the only one who’s scared.” Yixing told him off. “Please think this through. I’m getting back to work.” He grabbed his things and then walked out of the room.

The room stayed silent for a while before Baekhyun finally turned to look at Chanyeol. He had a frown on that was painful for him to see. He raised his hand and touched Chanyeol’s cheek. Chanyeol looked up at him from his seat. “Baek—“

“It’s okay.” Baekhyun said with a smile.

“But—“

“I’ve accepted it. A long time ago.”

But you’re dying…

The good news came after a month.

“Perform the surgery? What?” Chanyeol repeated, looking as perplexed as Baekhyun.

“Yes! Sehun’s father said he’d take care of the bills!” Luhan announced happily. They were at the rooftop eating lunch when Luhan came running with Sehun following close behind him.

All eyes were immediately on Sehun. Sehun looked away, embarrassed. Baekhyun was confused the most. “But…why?”

Luhan smiled giddily at him. “He didn’t tell you but he asked his dad if it’s alright to shoulder the financial needs of his friend and his father approved in the condition that he do well in the exams!”

“Sehun, you…”

“Well…I wanted to do something…at least. Chanyeol and Luhan are doing their best…so I can’t just sit and watch.” Sehun explained while still refusing to look at Baekhyun seeing as he’s blushing so much. “We’re friends…right?”

“Wha! He’s blushing so much! Hahaha!” Luhan exclaimed while constantly clicking his camera.

“Shut up and stop taking pictures!”

Baekhyun stood up and bowed promptly in front of Sehun. Sehun was rather shocked with the gesture. “I can’t express my gratitude to you and your father enough so I’m forever indebted to you.”

“Ah! Stop that! It’s okay! It’s normal, right?” Baekhyun looked up at him. “Friends help each other all the time!” Sehun says with a wide grin and Baekhyun had never felt so relieved hearing those words.

They were all contributing at the least and Baekhyun felt loved rather than pitied. It felt totally different from what he was expecting. It was a good feeling. Indeed, he could never be thankful enough.

Summer had passed in a blur and autumn was around the corner. The weather was getting colder and the days longer. All of them had gotten used to anxiety, panic, even fear.

“Here.” Chanyeol said while wrapping a warm jacket around Baekhyun who had forgotten to bring his jacket again. Sometimes Chanyeol wondered if he’s doing it on purpose but even if that’s the case, for what reason?

“Thank you.” Baekhyun smiled at him.

Baekhyun suddenly turned up in front of his apartment a few minutes ago, huffing due to the coldness, and slightly shaking. Chanyeol immediately dragged him inside and turned up the heater for the boy. He was trembling as he moved.

“Feeling warm enough?”

Baekhyun nodded with a smile. They’re at the living room, sitting together at the couch. Baekhyun had his knees pulled up to his chest while holding the cup of hot cocoa on top. Chanyeol felt warm just by looking at him.

“Baekhyun, you should’ve told me you were coming.”

“But then I won’t be able to see your surprised face,” Baekhyun replied with a playful grin.

“Again?” Chanyeol couldn’t help but chuckle, seeing Baekhyun dote on him pushes all his concerns out of the window. Well, there’s no helping it when it comes to this guy, after all. Chanyeol leaned slowly against the back of the couch with his arm placed atop. “So, why did you come here?”

“Ah!” Baekhyun grabbed something from the paper bag beside him with his left hand and then showed it to Chanyeol. It was a Superman movie, particularly Man of Steel.

“This is…”

“I wanted to watch it with you.”

“But don’t you hate this stuff? Superhero movies in general?”

Baekhyun tilted his head and gave him a refreshing eye smile. “But I like you.” Chanyeol could feel his heart suddenly beating so fast. “You’re Superman, right?”

@pcysuperman

Chanyeol chuckled at him. “Fine, fine. But once we play this, there’s no turning back!”

“Okay!”

Chanyeol crawled towards the video player. Baekhyun dropped his feet on the floor to place the cup on the table. However, after realizing that the floor feels warmer, he decided to slide down from the couch and sit on the floor. Chanyeol was surprised seeing him sitting on the floor when he turned back around after putting the CD on the player. Baekhyun just grinned at him.

“It’s warmer.” Baekhyun said simply while Chanyeol crawled beside him.

Chanyeol spread his legs in front while Baekhyun still had his knees pulled up to his chest, looking like a little ball wrapped around with Chanyeol’s coat.

“Baekhyun, come here.” Chanyeol said while tapping the space in between his thighs. Baekhyun was confused at first, staring blankly at Chanyeol, but he complied nonetheless and moved to seat in between Chanyeol’s thighs. Chanyeol could smell his shampoo and a faint smell of vanilla. He immediately wrapped his arms around Baekhyun’s shoulder while resting his chin on top of the boy’s head. Baekhyun also leaned comfortably against him. Chanyeol had always wanted to spoon Baekhyun like this given that he just looked so small he could fit him in his pocket. And this felt warmer and more comfortable. Chanyeol hoped Baekhyun feels the same way getting embraced by him like this.

Chanyeol pressed the play button and the movie started.

During the second half of the movie, Baekhyun had started to doze off. Chanyeol noticed it because the boy’s head kept nodding.

“Baekhyun, should we stop the movie?”

Baekhyun raises his head up immediately. “Ah, no! I want to watch it to the end!”

“But aren’t you sleepy?”

“I’m fine.”

“But your health—“

“I’m fine.”

Chanyeol sighed in defeat. Moreover, he didn’t want Baekhyun to get upset over something like this and proceeded to change the subject. “Do you like the actor?”

Baekhyun nodded softly. “Yeah. He’s kind of hot. His body’s nice.”

“Ohoho, you like men with that kind of body, huh?”

Baekhyun’s laugh vibrated against Chanyeol’s chest. “I like men who aren’t too bulky in general. You know, with enough muscles. Like you.”

Chanyeol held him tighter. “Really?”

“Yes, okay. That’s why I like seeing you play basketball. It stretches out your proportions. You have a really nice body as an athlete. Your chest is broad and your arms are strong. That’s why it’s really comfortable when you embrace me like this.”

Saying those kinds of things could be taken differently, especially for Chanyeol, who already had Baekhyun cornered under him as soon as the shorter was done talking. “Are you giving me a subliminal message?”

“I did say I hated Superhero movies.”

“Don’t provoke me. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Baekhyun raised his right hand and touched Chanyeol’s cheek softly. “Are you capable of hurting me?”

Agh…screw it. Chanyeol thought. “You’ve done it now.” He abruptly grabbed Baekhyun’s wrists, pinning them to his sides as he leans down for a deep kiss. Chanyeol eventually released his grip on Baekhyun’s wrists while his tongue continued to explore Baekhyun’s mouth.

The heat between their bodies kept building up. Baekhyun looked rather luscious and that made Chanyeol even more determined to ravage him—that skin so white, that body so pure, he wants it all to himself.

Once he starts he’s never going to be able to stop. So he’s definitely going all out.

The week after was Chanyeol’s basketball game. However, two days before the said day of the game, Baekhyun had an unexpected attack while walking back from the convenience store with Luhan and was forced to be bedridden and in the end, missed the game.

It was unfortunate, especially since Baekhyun had been looking forward to seeing Chanyeol play in an official match. However, none of them showed any contempt and carried on with the days dragging them.

Their winter vacation came in a flash. Chanyeol became more attentive to Baekhyun due to the cold weather and also because Baekhyun never wears his coat (Chanyeol had finally proven that Baekhyun doesn’t forget his coat, he just doesn’t want to wear them).

Today, the whole gang was on their way to Sehun’s private cottage near a hot spring, a perfect getaway for winter. Chanyeol had a hard time convincing Yixing to let Baekhyun come with them but after a while, Yixing complied realizing that he couldn’t deprive Baekhyun of such things.

During the whole ride, Baekhyun slept against Chanyeol’s chest. He was like a hibernating animal, again, wrapped around in a warm coat. He looked paler as well. Slowly and slowly, he was starting to feel like a cadaver and with that thought in the back of his mind, Chanyeol held him tighter while trying to shake away his negative thoughts.

Sehun’s cottage was simple. There were three bedrooms, an average-sized kitchen and living room and a beautiful veranda. Unquestionably, Chanyeol got to stay in one room with Baekhyun. Luhan was stuck with Jongin while Sehun got a room all by himself.

Baekhyun stirred awake when Chanyeol was placing him on the couch slowly from carrying him around on his back. Baekhyun blinked his eyes repeatedly before yawning.

“Good morning, princess.” Luhan greeted in a teasing manner.

Baekhyun suddenly widened his eyes “Ah! This is…”

“Sehun’s cottage.”

“I slept all the way! I’m sorry!”

“It’s okay.” Luhan reassured him while chuckling.

“It must’ve been a bother.”

“No, don’t worry. For once, Sehun was quiet. So we’re quite thankful.”

“Hey!” Sehun yelled from the kitchen.

“WHAT?” Luhan snapped back while walking towards him.

Chanyeol sat beside Baekhyun and brought up his arm to ruffle the shorter’s hair. “Besides, Jongin sleeps more than you do.” They both turned to the opposite couch where Jongin was still quietly in deep sleep.

Baekhyun lifted his head slightly to smile at Chanyeol. Chanyeol immediately embraced him for being too adorable and leaned in for a kiss. Luhan, who had just walked out of the kitchen, unconsciously threw his magic on them, fortunately hitting Chanyeol. Chanyeol turned to him in anger. “HEY!”

“We didn’t come here for you to do that!” Luhan yelled in exasperation. “Please be more considerate to those who are single!”

Baekhyun sat up straight, blinking.  “Oh, right. Jongin…”

Luhan’s eyebrow twitched. “HUH? What about me?!”

Sehun was walking out of the kitchen behind Luhan, munching an apple, when… “But don’t you have Se—“

“WHOOOOOOOOOOO!” Sehun exclaimed out of the blue, probably interrupting Baekhyun on purpose. Everyone turned to him in shock, Luhan the most. “THIS APPLE IS FREAKING AWESOME!”

Chanyeol snorted.

Luhan gave him a look. “What the hell?”

“This apple!”

“It’s just an apple.”

“No! This is a freaking awesome apple!”

Luhan shook his head and decided to ignore him. He turned back to Baekhyun. “By the way, what were you say—“

“Come on Baekhyun, let’s go check our room.” Chanyeol said with his arm on Baekhyun’s shoulder, leading the male towards their shared room.

“Hey where are you going?!” Luhan exclaimed and then sighed.

Baekhyun immediately lit up the moment they got inside the room. He ran around, checking the bathroom, the closets and then hopped on the bed. He was too adorable Chanyeol couldn’t help but remain standing by the door, watching him. His laugh was all over the room. It sounded so refreshing.

“You like the place?”

“I love it!” Baekhyun exclaimed in response, enunciating the italics, while running towards the veranda and pushing the doors open. The cold win gushes in, pushing the curtains and messing up Baekhyun’s hair. The sky was gloomy without the presence of the sun but inside, it felt nothing like gloomy.

Chanyeol walked over behind Baekhyun and wrapped his arm around the shorter’s petite body. He’s gotten thinner. “We can come here every year if you want.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, the four of us travel a lot during vacations, well, mainly because we don’t usually go home and meet our parents.” So to say, Chanyeol’s hometown was far away that it’s quite difficult to return home with the blizzard. Sehun’s parents were always rather busy during winter vacation (or every vacation) so they let him travel anywhere he wants. While Luhan, as far as his story goes, didn’t have a good relationship with his family so he always leaves home. “We can make it a rule to come here every winter vacation.”

“Will that be okay with them?”

“One look at your puppy eyes and they’ll budge!”

The door suddenly opened and Luhan walked in. “Hey, the food came.”

“It’s no use. He won’t wake up.” Luhan said, sighing frustration while taking a seat beside Sehun. “Honestly, I don’t know how Jongin can sleep for 18 hours straight.”

“He’s like a sloth, isn’t he?” Sehun commented while munching a chicken.

“Shut up, you’re not that different either. You’re lazy as well.”

“Why me?!”

Chanyeol pushed Baekhyun’s plate away. “Oi Sehun you’re sprinkling saliva all over the food!”

“We’re gonna get AIDS!” Luhan exclaimed, teasingly.

“What do you think am I?!”

Luhan turned to Chanyeol and Baekhyun. “So what do you plan to do after this?”

“Don’t ignore me!”

“SHUT UP!” Luhan yelled before pushing Sehun’s chair in which Sehun ended up falling to the ground.

“Hot spring?” Baekhyun chirped while chewing rice.

“Ah, Baekhyun, it’s a little late to go to the hot spring right now. We can go tomorrow.” Chanyeol told him.

 “He’s right.” Luhan nodded. “Maybe we can go to the bazaar. Didn’t we pass by that on the way here?”

“You’re right. It might be livelier during the night.”

“Alright, then! It’s decided! We’re going to the bazaar later!”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!”

“Tsk. Look at these two,” Luhan mumbled by the side, looking a bit pissed at Sehun and Jongin who’s been laughing out loud since they arrived a minute ago after seeing a cheap theater that imitates events and people. “They were against this because of their laziness but now they’re laughing like a hyena.” But no one was listening.

Baekhyun was busy looking around the little lights and the overlapping music. The stalls all looked so interesting to him. He was craning his neck everywhere Chanyeol was quiet worried he’d break it. He looked like a little kid; he was too excited. And that made Chanyeol happy. Baekhyun has such a pretty smile on his face.

Baekhyun blinked at something in a distance and then pulled Chanyeol’s arm. “Let’s go over there! I saw a stall selling hair ornaments!”

“Ornaments?”

They went nonetheless. Chanyeol noticed that Baekhyun looked pretty enthusiastic. “You like these stuff, Baek?”

Baekhyun nodded without any hesitation. “When I was a kid, my parents also used to take me to bazaars like this. My mom have always wanted a girl so she would dress me up and then put these on my hair. My dad never complained though. He said it’s okay as long as it makes my mother happy.”

He really loves his family. Chanyeol thought.

Baekhyun suddenly turned to him. “How about this?” He’s wearing what looks like small balls glued together downward so that it’s hanging on Baekhyun’s sideburns on the left side. The tiny leaves were a good touch too.

Chanyeol smiled at him. “It looks pretty on you. Hey, do you think one of these would suit me?” He asked while rummaging through the displays.

Baekhyun laughed at him. “I don’t know but you have a pretty face so I think it will! Just don’t talk.”

“I can already imagine how disgusting it is.”

Luhan suddenly appeared behind them. “Oh! That looks good on you, Baekhyun!”

“Luhan you should try one as well!”

“How about this?”

“Hey, take a picture together!”

“Chanyeol, you should take a picture with Baekhyun too!”

“Whoa, you two look really good!”

“Ahahaha, they’re blushing! Huh?” Luhan turned to Jongin who thought it’s okay for anyone to just put an ornament on but—“THAT LOOKS HORRIBLE JONGIN!”

“HAHAHAHAH! JONGIN THAT’S NO GOOD! YOU NEED TO HAVE MORE EXPRESSIONS!”

“HE LOOKS COMPLETELY DEAD! IT LOOKS AWFUL!”

Baekhyun walked over to Jongin. “Ah, try smiling a little, Jongin?”

Sehun raised his camera as Jongin attempted to smile. But then—“ARE YOU GOING TO KILL THE CAMERA?!”

“HE LOOKS LIKE A SERIAL KILLER! HAHAHAHAH!”

Chanyeol raised Jongin’s arm and then modified his hand into a shape. “ROCK ON!”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH YOU’RE MEAN CHANYEOL!”

“HE LOOKS EVEN MORE RIDICULOUS! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!”

“Hey, stop it already, you guys.” Baekhyun interrupted at the side, pouting.

Chanyeol then placed his arm on Jongin’s shoulders. “Don’t worry. He’s used to it.”

“He likes it when people laugh at him.” Luhan added before walking. Chanyeol followed with Sehun.

Jongin turned to Baekhyun. “It’s not funny?”

“If I laugh now I won’t be able to stop laughing until tomorrow,” Baekhyun answered. He’s probably exaggerating but really it happened a lot of times before. He would laugh endlessly every time he remembered something that made him laugh hard. So to say, he’s got a pretty low level sense of humor. “But yeah, it’s funny.”

Jongin stared at him. “You should laugh more.”

“Huh?”

“It makes that idiot happy.”

They went back once Baekhyun started complaining about the cold.

They spent rest of the night with hanging around the cottage on their own. Sehun and Jongin were loudly playing online games at the living room while Luhan decided to quietly read a book in his and Jongin’s shared room.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun were quietly lying beside each other on their shared bed. Baekhyun was already sleeping while Chanyeol just watched him, his every breath, even the rise and fall of his chest. Baekhyun’s hand was cold. His whole body was cold even when he’s all curled up under a thick blanket.

Chanyeol held his hand tightly as he pulled the shorter closer to his chest, softly tucking him under his arms. I’ll keep you warm, okay Baekhyun? You just sleep…I’ll keep you warm. So you don’t have to go anywhere. Just stay here. I’ll keep you warm.

There wasn't a day that Chanyeol didn't feel the fear of losing Baekhyun. It’s like heaven was going to take him anytime. He'll keep on holding on to him tightly, just like this, every day.

“Hey.”

Baekhyun stirred awake at the light touch on his cheek but he didn’t open his eyes. Then he heard a faint chuckle beside him. “Wake up, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol whispered softly while caressing his forehead. Baekhyun blinked his eyes, opening them slowly and then flinching at the brightness of the morning. He turned his head to the side where Chanyeol was kneeling on the floor and smiling at him. “Good morning.” Chanyeol greeted before leaning over for a kiss. Baekhyun moaned under him in surprise until Chanyeol pulled away chuckling.

“Good morning, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun greeted back while stretching under the blankets.

“Sit up. I have a song for you.”

“A song?” Baekhyun asked while sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He checked the time while Chanyeol grabbed a chair and his guitar beside the bed. “Chanyeol, you’re bed hair is cute.”

“Yeah? Wait ‘til you see yourself in the mirror.” Chanyeol teased while chuckling. “Listen, okay?”

Baekhyun had both his eyes focused completely on Chanyeol. He looked fresh in the morning. He’s wearing a wife beater (Baekhyun's slightly guilty for snatching Chanyeol’s shirt) and khaki shorts that looks horrible but was cute on him nonetheless. 

Chanyeol started strumming the guitar. He looked completely absorbed in it already. Baekhyun didn’t recognize the tune but it’s wonderful. Then Chanyeol cleared his throat while looking up at him. “When I see your smile, tears run down my face. I can’t replace,” Baekhyun was instantly mesmerized by his voice. He had never heard him sing before, he imagined it would be beautiful, but this was beyond that. “I will never let you fall. I’ll stand up with you forever. I’ll be there for you through it all. Even if saving you sends me to heaven.”

Chanyeol smiled while looking at him straight in the eyes. “It’s o-okay. It’s o-okay. It’s oka-a-ay. Seasons are changing and waves are crashing and stars are falling all for us. Days grow longer and nights grow shorter. I can show you I’ll be the one,” He continued to sing. The lyrics sounded like it was his thoughts. Baekhyun could feel his heart from them. “I will never let you fall. I’ll stand with you forever. I’ll be there for you through it all. Even if saving you sends me to heaven.”

“Cause you’re mine. You’re mine, my true love, my whole heart. Please don’t throw that away. Cause I’m here for you. Please don’t walk away, and please tell me you’ll stay.”

Again and again, Baekhyun would never get tired of hearing him sing this song.

A thousand, a hundred years…

I’ll be there for you through it all.

Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

Afternoon that day, they all proceeded to the hot springs. Baekhyun was overly excited about this that Luhan became a babysitter for a few minutes while Chanyeol and Sehun arranged their schedule at the counter since Baekhyun wouldn’t sit still. Luhan justified it must be because of the new environment but reconsidered when he realized Baekhyun wasn’t a little kid and was only acting like one. Anyhow, he enjoyed keeping an eye on Baekhyun. The younger had always been pretty reserved around everyone in their school and only had one expression every day that he wondered how Chanyeol couldn’t stop staring at him. So seeing him enjoying himself was sort of refreshing.

“Hey! Let’s go!” Chanyeol called from the counter. Baekhyun immediately ran towards him. Luhan followed them immediately after carrying his and Baekhyun’s bags.

The hot springs were nice. Thanks to Sehun and his money, they were able to book a private one. As soon as they got in, Sehun said that he needed to go back to the cottage to get something and thus left. Chanyeol immediately went in the water after taking off his clothes while Luhan made sure that Baekhyun was feeling fine to dip in the hot water. Baekhyun immediately told him not to worry so much since he wasn’t worried himself and that he felt completely fine being around them. Luhan then decided to let him be.

“Ahhh, this is so nice…” Luhan said while stretching in the water. “I want to stay here forever…”

“Yeah my shoulders have been tense for a while. It’s so nice being able to relax like this…”

“Especially after the exams. Man I’m never going to do last minute studying ever again! I almost fell asleep during the test!” Luhan exclaimed and Chanyeol laughed at him in response. “Oh Baekhyun, how’d you do? Or should I even be asking?”

“He does well even if he doesn’t study, you know.”

“That’s not true! I have to study too.”

“Ah, that’s right. You’re always in the top 5. I don’t think I’ve seen your name at the bottom of the ranking list. Unlike this guy over here.” Luhan snorted at Chanyeol beside him.

“Oy!”

“Did you know? He never has to look for his name in the ranking. It’s always the last number or the number before the last number.”

“I’m not that stupid!”

“Compared to us, you are,” Luhan retorted. “At least I always get to be in the top 100.”

“How about Sehun?”

“Sehun is always in the top 20.”

Chanyeol laughed at that. “He’s actually smarter than he looks.”

“Well it’s because he’s going to take over his father’s company in the future. So he has to study well and go to college. Man, if he doesn’t have us, his life would be boring!”

Baekhyun looked around after noticing something. “Um, where’s Jongin?” Chanyeol and Luhan glanced at each other, looking as clueless as Baekhyun.

“He went back to the city this morning,” They all turned around to Sehun who’s walking in with a towel on his waist. “His parents booked a last minute trip and he had to go back.”

Luhan sighed. “That’s too bad.”

“That said, he asked me to give this to you, Baekhyun,” Sehun knelt on the floor behind Baekhyun, handing him a box wrapped in a Christmas wrapper. “He was supposed to give this to you during at Christmas after we get back to the city but he won’t be able to come so…you can open it now or after we get back.”

Baekhyun took the gift. “I’ll open it now.”

“My, aren’t you excited?” Luhan teased across him.

“I want to thank him as soon as possible.” Baekhyun carefully unwrapped the gift and then gasped the moment he sees what’s inside the box.

Chanyeol moved closer to him to see. “Ah! Isn’t this…”

Sehun leaned closer from the floor. “You’re right.”

“It’s the ornament we were playing with last night!”

“Seriously?” Luhan said while slowly walking closer through the water. “Whoa, it really is! Isn’t that nice, Baekhyun? He bought it for you!”

“Sneaky Jongin.” Sehun murmured while slowly getting in to the water.

“Wear it Baekhyun!” Luhan exclaimed excitedly while playing with Baekhyun’s hair.

“It’ll get wet! Go play with your own toy, Luhan!” Chanyeol yelled while kicking Luhan away.

“Shut up! I forgot my magic !”

“Is that the only toy you have?!”

“You should laugh more.” Baekhyun smiled remembering what Jongin told him last night. He felt so lucky to be surrounded by people like them. He kind of regrets not opening up his heart earlier but right now, he’s going to do everything he could to reciprocate all the good things these people showed him. He had never wanted to live more before he met them. And of course, that’s all in gratitude to Chanyeol who miraculously never gave up on him.

He’s definitely the luckiest person in the world.

The morning they go home, the sky was gloomy and Baekhyun didn’t like it. He woke up to a dark room because the sun didn’t come out. However, seeing Chanyeol’s face and hearing his voice greet him was enough to brighten up the rest of the day for him.

The time was 11:00 AM and the sky wasn’t getting any brighter. Baekhyun was helping Luhan clean up in the kitchen after their late breakfast while Chanyeol and Sehun carried their bags to the van.

“Did you have fun?” Luhan asked while washing the plates.

Baekhyun paused from wiping the table to look up at him. “I did.”

“Oh, that’s right! Chanyeol told me you wanted to come here every year?” Suddenly, Baekhyun felt the embarrassment and Luhan laughed at his flustered face. “It’s okay, Baekhyun. We’d love to come here every year. Actually, it’s better to have that kind of agreement between friends right?”

“R-really?”

“Yes, and besides, that way we won’t have to keep choosing where to go every year. Man, most of the times we end up in a dead-end because we can’t decide where to go. So it’s all good!” Luhan said enthusiastically. “Wah, I’m getting all excited. Hahaha. After your surgery, we’ll be able to do lots of things!”

In that moment Baekhyun realized that the reason these people were so close to his heart even when he hadn’t known them that long was because they all emit positive energies that being with them made Baekhyun feel like nothing is wrong, that nothing would ever go wrong.

Chanyeol peeked from the doorway. “Are you two good to go?”

“Yes, just a few more!”

“Man, I can’t tell if it’s going to rain or it’s going to snow,” was what Sehun said the minute he got on the driver’s seat.

Luhan put on his seatbelt before glancing up the sky. “The weather doesn’t look good. You gotta drive fast Sehun.” Then he turned around to Baekhyun and Chanyeol who were already looking comfy. “You all set?” Chanyeol nodded. Luhan noticed that Baekhyun was slowly falling asleep. Looks like he’ll be sleeping on the drive back as well.

Sehun started the engine and checked the headlights before driving away from the cottage, slowly at first because of the thick snow but after getting to the main road he changed gears and drove a little faster.

The first few hours of the drive were rather quiet. It’s understandable because they’re tired but probably because the air was a little gloomy that there’s no point in trying to be cheerful. Besides, they’re already going home. All the energy has died down.

“Tsk. That Jongin,” Luhan grunted while looking at his phone angrily. “He went to Japan!”

“Really?!” Sehun exclaimed while still keeping his eye on the road.

“And he said he doesn’t like traveling overseas. What a liar.”

“We can go to Japan next year.”

“We’re doing the same thing next year, remember?”

“Ah, that’s right.” Sehun said immediately, glancing at Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s reflection in the mirror. Chanyeol gave him a quick smile. “Summer then?”

“What do you mean summer? Why the hell would we go to Japan in summer? Are you stupid?”

“I’m still smarter than you!”

“There’s a difference between being smart and getting good grades, Sehun.”

Chanyeol laughed from the back seat. “Your remarks are getting sharper, huh, Luhan.”

“Please. I always own his .” Luhan said boastfully.

“I still pay for everything!”

“If it weren’t for us, you’d be rotting in your big house so shut up!”

“Chanyeol!” Sehun called, pouting.

Chanyeol chuckled at the weird look he had. “Don’t look at me. You gang up on me too.”

“That’s different! That’s out of love! He clearly despises me!” Sehun whined even more.

Chanyeol raised his eyebrow. “How sure are you that he’s not doing that out of love?”

Both Sehun and Luhan were obviously caught off-guard with the question.

Sehun was fidgeting shyly at his seat while forcing himself to look like he’s extremely focused on the road. “That…”

“Fog?” Luhan suddenly said.

Chanyeol looked outside the window after hearing Luhan point it out. “I almost couldn’t see anything. This is cool!”

“It’s not cool. I can’t see the road at all.” Sehun retorted, his voice slightly wavering from panic.

“Use the GPS.”

“I am!”

Luhan’s gasp suddenly surfaces around the van. “Sehun look out!”

Maybe it was a tree or a post, they weren’t sure.

But the impact was definitely too strong for the van to take that it was immediately thrown off.

Luhan’s body felt painful, owing to the bruises he got after being thrown out forcefully by Sehun—Sehun. He felt a sudden stabbing pain in his heart. It all happened so fast. The van crashed into something and the next thing he remembered was Sehun pushing him out of the van. His body was worn out but standing, frozen in his spot, in front of Sehun’s van upside down, he felt rather numb. There were debris everywhere, scattered around the area. He immediately ran towards the passenger seat where Chanyeol who’s supporting Baekhyun in his chest were lying unconsciously. The first thing he did was grab Baekhyun’s wrist. His tears were falling and only felt relief after confirming Baekhyun’s pulse. Then he grabbed Chanyeol’s shoulders to pull him out gently. He only managed to pull half of his body. He didn’t wipe his tears.

Why is this happening? He dropped on the ground. I don’t know what to do…

He crawled towards the driver’s seat where Sehun’s head and arm were sticking out. He grabbed hold of the younger’s hand and squeezes it gently. It’s cold. “Sehun…Sehun I don’t know what to do…” There’s no use crying for help. They’re in the middle of the road. His body was worn out that he couldn’t walk far to call for help. His phone and all their gadgets were broken by the impact. “Sehun, don’t leave me alone…I don’t know what to do…” He cried again, squeezing Sehun’s hands tighter.

Somebody…somebody please help my friends!

“EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY! MAKE WAY EVERYONE! CLEAR THE HALLWAYS! CALL A SURGEON!”

Yixing dropped his coffee. Right there, where he was standing, when two four-wheeled stretchers passed by him, and on one of them, with zero uncertainty, was, “Baekhyun?!” He immediately ran towards the busy nurses to confirm, blending in with the crowd. “Oh my God…Baekhyun!” He scurried beside the boy and held his face. His face was full of cuts. His body was covered with blood. , , , . 

He was forced to let go of the boy when they finally reached operating room. Only two of them were brought to the operating room and it broke his heart knowing that one of them was Baekhyun and the other one…was Chanyeol.

“Yixing! What are you doing standing there?!”

His superior yelled in panic and Yixing immediately scurried to the emergency room, where the other two, expectedly Sehun and Luhan were brought.

When he arrived, Luhan was crying. He wasn’t lying on the stretcher; he was sitting, curled up, and trembling, like a scared child. He was spared with less damage. It’s understandable. And it’s not like Yixing wasn’t used to seeing people with that kind of reaction. However, it felt different when it’s someone you know.

Sehun looked horrible. He couldn’t even recognize his face. And then it dawned to him, while looking down at Sehun’s damaged body, if Baekhyun can survive this injury.

“Sir, can I…can you please give me permission to help in the surgery?!” Yixing pleaded while clutching the hem of his uniform.

“Ha? This isn’t the time to be saying nonsense Yixing! We have a patient here!”

“PLEASE!”

“If you’re not of any use here, go out! You’re going to have to report to the Head after this!”

Yixing had stopped listening and was already running out of the emergency room.

“Tsk. Useless nurse. Hey! We need more bandages here!”

Yixing could see the door. Please, was what’s running in his mind right now, please don’t let him die. Not like this.

 He arrived in front of the door, panting. He was grabbing the knob when the door suddenly opened from the other side. He almost gasped at the sight of the surgeon. “Um, I came to help—“ What is this feeling? More importantly, where is the surgeon going…in the middle of the operation? Don’t tell me—

“Actually,” The surgeon said. “I was going to look for you as well.”

No… “What? Why? Did something happen?”

“Yixing, there’s something important I need to talk to you about.”

It was a conversation from that night. The first night Chanyeol spent in Baekhyun’s room.

“Chanyeol, can I ask you something?”

“Then we’ll do 20 questions!”

“I don’t want to.” Baekhyun deadpanned.

“Ah.” Chanyeol slumped in defeat. It was such a good opportunity to ask Baekhyun some questions to feed his curiosity too. But there was no way he’d say no to this person. He sat up straight and dropped his pen to focus on Baekhyun. “So, what did you want to ask?”

Baekhyun examined Chanyeol’s face. Indeed, he regretted ignoring him all this time. He has such a nice face. “Why did you go all the way chasing someone like me?”

A part of Chanyeol expected Baekhyun to ask this question Baekhyun while a part of him wished Baekhyun never would. Because Baekhyun didn’t need to wonder, he didn’t need to have these kinds of questions in his head. Chanyeol smiled at him. “Why do you go all the way rejecting someone like me? I’m obviously the ideal man!”

“I asked first.” Baekhyun retorted. “Also, for girls, maybe.”

Chanyeol frowned in disappointment. “You mean you don’t find me attractive at all?”

“Don’t change the subject.”

Chanyeol sighed in defeat. “Fine fine.” He looked up and pursed his lips while thinking deeply. There wasn’t really any particular reason. The first time he saw Baekhyun in that restaurant, he knew he’d be interested in him. But definitely not this interested. He also didn’t know why after the first rejected he convinced himself that Baekhyun would definitely say yes to the next and it dragged on until his 98^th rejection. He smirked at the thought. Baekhyun said yes (well, implied) on his 100^th attempt to ask him out. “Well, it’s just because I like you.”

Baekhyun was obviously not happy with that answer. “Is it superficial?”

“Superficial? What? No, no! Sure you have a pretty face and pretty eyes but I’m not someone who would chase someone for months just because I find their face pretty or their body nice.” Chanyeol explained while chuckling. Baekhyun wasn’t getting any bit of it. Chanyeol found his clueless face interesting too. Really, this guy. Chanyeol stared at him deeply. “Baekhyun, I honestly don’t know why whatever you do, I’m easily drawn to you. Whenever I see you, I just can’t stop admiring you. My head is always full of thoughts about you. I thought it’d go away myself but until now, I get the same feeling whenever you’re around. Especially right now, my heart can’t keep calm. My face may look the same but really, I feel like I’m going to explode.”

Baekhyun couldn’t hide his blush. “What…what a blatant lie.”

“Ouch, Baekhyun, you just stabbed my feelings. I’m in pain!”

“What are you saying?!”

Chanyeol snickered at him. He’s blushing. Ahhh, his blushing face is so adorable! “Well, it’s fine if you don’t want to believe it now. Next time you’ll ask, I’ll give you the same answer.”

But Baekhyun never doubted his feelings, even before then. He didn’t know what his objective was for asking such question, maybe he just wanted to hear it straight from the boy, to give him a piece of mind but no matter what, that definitely made him happy. He couldn’t express his feelings easily like Chanyeol can so he’s happy that Chanyeol could stand someone like him.

It pained him knowing that Chanyeol thought it’s one-sided. It wasn’t, because his mind was also full of thoughts about Chanyeol.

Everything about Chanyeol.

Baekhyun stirred awake at the sound of birds chirping and the smell of flowers. He heard a loud thud and Luhan’s face was immediately on his vision. “Baekhyun? Oh my God, you’re awake.”

What happened?

“How do you feel? Do you need anything?”

I can’t talk. My throat feels dry…

“Oh! Oh, water! Of course!” Luhan left to grab a glass of water while muttering, “Yixing told me to give you water once you wake up.” Yixing. When Luhan came back, Baekhyun was slowly trying to sit up. However, his sudden dizziness prevented him from doing so. “Don’t force yourself.” Luhan said while tapping Baekhyun’s shoulders then he offered the water.

Baekhyun immediately felt replenished after the intake of fluid. “Where am I?”

Luhan took a seat on the bed. “You’re at the hospital.”

Baekhyun looked around. Nothing felt familiar. His gaze landed outside the window. The sky looked different from the last time he remembered. “How long was I asleep?”

“Nearly a month. It’s almost the third week. I’m glad you’re awake now.”

“What happened?”

“You don’t remember?”

“Well, I’m trying to but my head kinda hurts.”

Luhan sighed. This was the worst. “Okay. Um,” He started to feel rather anxious. “We were on vacation, remember? Sehun’s cottage.” Sehun. Baekhyun nodded in response when he remembered the face of the younger boy. “We only stayed there for three days since we originally planned to celebrate Christmas in the city. However, on the way home, we got into an accident. A van coming from the bazaar helped us.”

Baekhyun couldn’t remember that part at all.

“You were asleep,” Luhan told him, “when it happened.”

“I see,” Baekhyun simply replied. Asleep. He must’ve been really tired or rather comfortable to stay asleep. Why was that? Baekhyun shivers. Was someone…holding me?

Someone…warm…

An image of Chanyeol’s face flashes in his mind and his eyes widen. Luhan noticed and immediately stood up.

“Where’s—“

“I have to go to class, I’m sorry!” Luhan said apologetically. “I really want to talk to you more now that you’ve woken up but I don’t want to be late. We’re doing this project!” Baekhyun only stared at him. “I’ll visit you again after school!” Luhan added while grabbing his coat and bag. “Bye! See you later!”

Baekhyun watched him leave and disappear behind the door.

“…Chanyeol?”

Outside, Luhan was leaning weakly against the door, head lowered and hands clenched.

The rest of the days that came were rather busy for him who’s still clinging on weakly to the bed. His classmates would come, in groups or pairs, every after school to keep him busy. Baekhyun didn’t like the attention but it was rather calming hearing the noise he was used to in a classroom. Luhan would sometimes stay until nightfall but was rather conscious, Baekhyun could see it. Being stuck on the bed made him polish his observational skills. Eventually, he started feeling like everyone was avoiding something they knew he’s going to ask. It made him more anxious. Every time he started off with the question, voices would immediately overlap. The noise grows. By the time it quiets down, with his guests leaving one by one, he’d feel rather exhausted and would want nothing but drift off to sleep, completely pushing his question aside.

This day was no different from those days. It’s 2pm and his classmates had all gone home.

There was a song he couldn’t stop humming.

And in between those hums, he could hear Chanyeol’s voice singing right from his chest. He closed his eyes as scenes played in his mind. He could remember the sound of the guitar from his bones. He could remember his clothes. He could remember the look Chanyeol gave to him while singing, the look Chanyeol would only give to him. He could remember the feeling like the back of his palm. But with every word he remembered Chanyeol singing, there’s a throbbing pain in his chest. It felt like it's all just a memory now, something he could never experience again.

Why is that?

“That’s a nice song.”

Baekhyun snapped his eyes open back to reality. He turned around and saw Sehun walking in, carrying flowers, with Luhan following closely behind him, carrying a box. Sehun walked straight to his bed while Luhan dropped the box on the table.

“Here,” Sehun said, offering him the bouquet. “It’s from Luhan’s class.”

Baekhyun accepted the bouquet before turning to Luhan. Luhan smiled at him. “These are letters from your hoobaes, from Sehun’s class.” He said while tapping the box. “You are still quite popular. Impressive.” Luhan continued with a joke and Sehun responded with a laugh.

Baekhyun was rather skeptical. Popular…it’s not me. “Hey, there’s something I want to ask—“

“Oh crap!” Sehun exclaimed out of the blue. Baekhyun flinched. “I forgot my phone in the van! I’ll go get it!”

Luhan followed him. “I-I’ll go with you!”

Baekhyun clenched his fists. “STOP AVOIDING THE QUESTION!”

Both Luhan and Sehun paused in surprise.

“You think I didn’t notice how you were avoiding it?” Baekhyun looked at both of them. They could clearly see his frustration. “I’ve been awake for almost a week not, people have come and gone every day, even those who are strangers to me yet not even once, not even once did Chanyeol come to visit me!”

Luhan and Sehun looked away. They weren’t ready for this. They knew it’s unfair to Baekhyun’s part but none of them could do this. None of them could say those words while looking at Baekhyun straight in the eyes.

“Where’s Chanyeol?” Baekhyun asked while clenching the sheets. “Tell me please I don’t like feeling like this. Where’s Chanyeol?!”

The door suddenly opened, interrupting their little confrontation. There was a short relief from the two but after seeing Yixing walk in, still in his suit and tie, there was a new level of tense in the air. After all, both Luhan and Sehun promised Yixing to tell Baekhyun before his return yet they ended up dragging the days until it led to this.

Baekhyun stared at Yixing. It’s like he was confused as to why this man is in front of him.

“I overheard,” Yixing started. Baekhyun noticed the brown large envelope he was holding. Moreover, why was he wearing a suit? He’s a nurse, isn’t he? Aside from that, this would be the first time he’d seen him after he woke up. Where was he all this time? “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to visit sooner. I had to settle…some things.” Baekhyun noticed the stretch in those words.

Baekhyun knew Yixing knows something. And Yixing knew that with the way Baekhyun was looking at him, full of expectation. “Yixing…where’s Chanyeol?”

Yixing sighed. His hand was trembling too but he had to keep his composure. “B, I want you to calm down first.”

“No, why can’t you tell me now? Something happened, right? Is he okay? Where is he?”

“Baekhyun, please, calm down first.”

“I’m not going to calm down unless you tell me!”

Indeed, it was a useless effort to ask him so. But Yixing didn’t know how to deal with telling him himself. If he had to resort to this… “I’m sorry, Baekhyun.” He said while handing the envelope to Baekhyun.

Baekhyun, confused as he is, immediately took the envelope and tore it open. It was a medical file. The words weren’t new to him; he had seen many files of this type through the course of his therapy owing to how he used to rummage over Yixing’s papers. But this…wasn’t one of those strange papers he used to scan when he was bored.

This is…

“Heart…transplant.” Baekhyun read slowly, his voice shaking. “No…what is this? This doesn’t make sense! Yixing—“ Yixing gave him that look, that look of pity.

“On the day of the accident, you two were sent to the Operating room together, but you suffered more serious injuries. Chanyeol had a hundred percent chance of living but you…you were already dying, given your heart disease, it was already a dead-end to try to revive your heart.”

But he’s breathing and alive right now.

“Chanyeol…heard the doctor and…” Yixing gulped, trying to stop himself from breaking down in front of Baekhyun. “And he offered to give his heart to you.”

Baekhyun gasped in shock. His eyes are wide. His tears were starting to flow.

“I’m sorry Baekhyun, there was no choice—“

“No. No no no no…” Baekhyun mumbled while clawing his hair. The images of Chanyeol kept on coming to him. He wanted to see him. “I don’t want it!” He yelled while clenching his test. “I don’t want his heart! Please give him back to me! Give him back! Yixing please give him back…” He’s a mess. His face was wet with tears. His fringe, longer than any of them could remember, covered his face of desperation. He’s gasping for breath and with every gasp was Chanyeol’s name. “Give him back…give him back to me…” He wanted to see Chanyeol’s smile. He wanted to hear Chanyeol’s deep laugh. He wanted to feel his warm touch. He wanted to hear Chanyeol tell him how much he loves him again. But right now, Baekhyun felt nothing but want and longing.

 “Baekhyun, I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…”

“No!” Baekhyun yelled while jumping out of the bed. “Stop apologizing! It can’t be true! He’s not dead!” Luhan and Sehun immediately ran to his sides, trying restrain him. “Let go! I’m going to see him! He’s gotta be somewhere right?!”

“Baekhyun, he’s dead! There’s nothing more you can do!”

Baekhyun pushed Luhan and Sehun away and immediately ran towards the table to grab the knife. But Luhan was able to snatch the knife from Baekhyun’s weak grip before the shorter could even attempt to do anything stupid. Baekhyun fell to the ground and Luhan clenched his wrist in anger. “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU TRYING TO DO?! You’re going to kill yourself because you can’t accept the fact that the man you love gave up his life for you?! Look at yourself! Didn’t you learn anything from the times you spent with him?! He loved you that much that he was willing to give up his own life for you without any hesitation! He wanted you to live because he saw how much you suffered! He did it because he knew it wouldn’t be put into waste! So don’t give me this bull Baekhyun!”

Sehun held Luhan’s arm. “Luhan, I think that’s enough—“

“You’re not the only one who wants him here…” Luhan continued almost in a whisper. “And he wasn’t the only one who wanted to see you live your life…”

Baekhyun looked at him then. Luhan was crying too.

Luhan’s grip loosened as he knelt down in front of Baekhyun. “So please… just…live.”

He felt like he’s drowning in his tears. He couldn’t breathe. Without Chanyeol, he didn’t know how to breathe. All this time, he’s been trying to live for him. Chanyeol was his air.

Baekhyun finally broke down. He’s screaming his frustration, his anger to the world for taking Chanyeol from him, for letting him end up with that option. He’s holding on to Luhan’s arms tightly and just screams and screams and screams. His cries were loud, loud enough for the people outside to hear, and with every cry, he called Chanyeol’s name over and over again. Until it finally dawned to him.

. @sehunthegreat We miss you, buddy.

                @badgalrierie @sehunthegreat Condolences :(

                @coolcatmeow14 @sehunthegreat you guys will get through it.

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                @sehunthegreat |

Baekhyun locked his phone. He looked up at the mirror in front of him. He’s wearing a black suit, something Luhan lent to him since he didn’t have the drive to even go out. Even to himself, it’s obvious how red his eyes were. He wondered why he hadn’t stopped crying since that day. He was trying to save Chanyeol from this kind of feeling before, that’s why he rejected him, but he never knew he’d end up in this state in his stead. This must be his retribution. But even if it’s like that, there’s no easier way for him to accept the fact that Chanyeol’s gone.

A loud knock came from the door before it slowly opened, with Luhan peeking. “Hey, you ready? They’re here.”

Baekhyun suddenly felt nervous. “Yeah.”

The funeral wasn’t fancy at all. If anything, everything around him reminded him of Chanyeol. He must be really close to his family to prepare something that completely defines him. Chanyeol’s family finally walked in. Baekhyun felt scared. This was Chanyeol’s family. Chanyeol…

This was the reason Yixing was busy at that time. This was what he had to settle. Chanyeol’s family filed a lawsuit against the hospital, the surgeons and all the nurses in attendee during the operation for going through the transplant without asking for their consent first. Baekhyun could imagine the horror of getting a phone call saying that their son’s dead because he gave up his heart for someone else’. Baekhyun wouldn’t be surprised if they blame him and ask him to leave the place at once.

Chanyeol’s mother stopped in front of him. For some reason, Baekhyun couldn’t look at her. He couldn’t do it.

Baekhyun heard a chuckle. And then a finger lifts his chin up, forcing him to face Chanyeol’s mother. “You’re wasting your beautiful face. Don’t frown too much.” Baekhyun let out a light gasp. She was smiling. Chanyeol’s mother was smiling at him. “You don’t have to be scared. Technically, we are mad at you and we blame you. But…that’s a mistake in our part. You did nothing wrong. Nothing that happened was wrong. You two were in love…that’s all.”

“I’m…sorry…”

“Don’t apologize, young man. Chanyeol will be sad.” Chanyeol’s mother said before tapping his shoulder and walking away.

“That’s good, isn’t it Baekhyun?” Luhan said beside him, smiling. “She doesn’t seem to hate you.”

Then another woman came to Baekhyun’s sight. Baekhyun gasped loudly this time after all; he saw Chanyeol’s face. “Hey. Remember me?”

Yixing came up beside her. “I told her to put glasses on since he and Chanyeol really look alike in fear that you’d cry but Baekhyun…you look quite happy.”

“I’m not happy. I’m just not sad.”

Yixing blinked at him. “That’s true. Anyway, she helped me with the case.” Yixing added.

Baekhyun bit his lip. “About what happened, I’m sorry—“

“I know everything, Baekhyun,” Yura said. “Chanyeol tells me everything about you. Man, that boy made me his diary. He’d call me every night,” She let out a sigh. “He told me about your dates, about how you smart you are, about the things you did during this day, that day…I tell you, it was exhausting listening to him. But it was fun, nonetheless. My brother loved. That makes me happy,” She gave Baekhyun a refreshing smile. “So I knew about your disease too and how sad he was. So to say, when they said the doctors didn’t ask for a consent, that wasn’t true. At that time, he called me. I was the one who gave the verbal consent.” A smile.

Baekhyun felt like crying. Yura looked happy but in truth, she had gone through so much, especially receiving that kind of phone call from her brother. She was the last person Chanyeol talked to.

“Here, Baekhyun.” Yura suddenly handed him a CD.

“What’s this?”

“I was the last person he called but I wasn’t the last person he talked to. Listen to it whenever you want. It’s for you.”

Yixing took Baekhyun’s hand. “Come on now. We’re starting.”

It’s a perfect day. Chanyeol would’ve loved this weather.

“I’ve always hated Superhero movies,” Baekhyun started, speaking through the microphone, standing in front of Chanyeol’s close friends and relatives. “I thought they were ridiculous. But Chanyeol liked them so much. I never understood why. Superhero are great, I know, they have amazing powers, they can save humanity but…they always end up alone and I thought it was unfair. So I hated it. Then I realized it didn’t matter. Chanyeol was the only hero I ever liked. He saved me but I was the one who was left alone.” A sad chuckle. “So I’m sorry, Chanyeol. I’m sorry for taking you away from your friends. I’m sorry for taking you away from your family.” Baekhyun clenched the microphone. His shaking was apparent. “I thought I wasn’t worth it but…he always told me not to underestimate up to what extent his love can get. So I won’t. It’s unbelievable. He has such a big heart for someone like me.” The crowd finally sympathized with him. “Thank you, Chanyeol. I’ll take care of this life you gave me. I’ll make sure not to let everyone forget just how bright your smile is and how big your heart is.” Baekhyun clenched his chest and then smiled. “I love you.” And the crowd smiled with him.

You’re smiling down at us, right, Chanyeol?

“Hey, Sis, this phone call…is recorded right? [Silly, of course it is. It’s your last so…] Ahaha. You’re right. It really is my last. Sis, I hope this isn’t much of a trouble but…since this is my last chance, I want to say something to Baekhyun…can you give this to him after? [Just do it, idiot!] Ahaha. I can hear you crying from here. [Just get on with it already! You don’t have much time right?] That’s right………..Baekhyun? Are you listening right now? Ah, I hope you are. Well, if you are…I’m sorry you had to listen to something like this. But…I imagine you’d cry when you wake up and find me gone so I want to tell to stop crying. I can’t hug you or kiss you to make you stop so just like this…don’t cry in the future, okay Baekhyun? My body might be lifeless but I’ll always be behind you. I’ll always be watching you from afar, like what I have always done. We may have not been able to be together in this lifetime, don’t worry; in the next lifetime and in the next after that, I’ll continue to chase you. You can keep rejecting me but I won’t stop until you turn around and hold my hand. When that happens, I won’t ever let go and we can be together. No matter how long it takes, a hundred, a thousand years, you’ll find me still in love with you. Okay? I love you Baekhyun, don’t ever forget that. I love you…”

No Limit

An essay by Byun Baekhyun

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