Kibum shuffled back hurt.

“Jjong what’s wrong?” Jonghyun shut his eyes rubbing his temples.

“Not now Key. Go away.”

 Key not Kibum. The blonde immediately knew something was wrong. Jonghyun hadn’t referred to him as Key since they started dating. He could feel his eyes starting to water. He needed to get out of there now.

“Okay just come find me when you need to t-talk.” Kibum turned leaving the room cursing himself for letting his voice crack, but he doubted the other even noticed.

Closing the door behind him Kibum headed for the front door ignoring the other members. Forcing on his shoes and a thin hoodie he walked out into the quickly cooling November air. He knew why the man he loved was acting this way and he hated it. At first it didn’t bother him, it was just a set, but it wasn’t until he noticed the change in his boyfriend that he realized it wasn’t just a set anymore.

“Jongtae”, he whispered bitterly.  He hated that word, that stupid ugly name. He hated it. Ducking into an alley he slid down the wall drawing his hood completely over his head and screamed letting the tears cascade down his face. His sobs rocked his body and he curled into a ball. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. They use to be so happy and so in love. Kibum chuckled curling his fists so tight his nails cut through his palms.

“JONGHYUN... YOU IDIOT!” He screamed ignoring the slight stinging he felt in his hands. He thrashed in his sitting position pulling his hair and hitting the wall he was against. Another sob escaped his mouth, as new tears trickled down his face. He stopped moving and drew his legs to his chest placing his head on his knees hiccupping quietly.

He remembered when Taemin came to them, he was so excited. He’d looked at them and smiled bouncing up and down.

“Hyung let’s do a stage together!” He should’ve told them no.

He remembered Jonghyuns’ surprised face.

“Sure Tae what did you have in mind?” He should’ve stopped them.

“I want to do this one called internet war!” He should’ve intervened.

“Internet war?..” It wasn’t fair.

“It’s cool hyung I promise!” Why didn’t he ever notice?

“Okay I guess.” The worst part was when HIS puppy had looked to him for permission and he gave it.

How long he sat there thinking about that day, the concert, and his boyfriend was unknown. The sun was set and the cold was starting to penetrate his thin jacket. His tears had stopped, but his breathe was still haggard. He had to get back soon and make them dinner. He wondered if Jonghyun even realized he left the dorm. That brought on more fresh tears making his eyes burn. He probably didn’t.

“I found you.” Startled Kibum looked up their eyes locking. He could see the worry in those soft brown eyes.

“Onew… Why?” He asked his voice raw from his hours of weakness. The older man smiled, sitting next to him and grabbing his hand.

“You needed space, but it’s time to come back.” Key nodded standing up shakily. Onew grabbed his arm steadying him.

“SHINee needs their Umma.” Key again nodded.

“Did they notice I was gone?..” Onew paused.

“No.” The older said quietly pulling him into a hug.

“O-oh.” What did he expect really. He wrapped his arms around the older burring his head into his leaders toned shoulder. He stood there letting the other man cradle him. He was being held so gently. He almost forgot what it felt like to be held like that. He tried drawing even closer to the other man, pulling himself flush against him. He felt the others fingers brush through his hair gently.

“Jinki I’m so sorry.” He backed away slowly looking at the man who had loved him since he entered the company. Knowing what he meant Onew just smiled.

“Come on Key the kids are waiting for us.”

They walked back in silence, Kibum stealing glances at his hyung every once in a while.

He noticed some changes. Jinki had lost weight and put on more muscle.

“Hyung, how often do you eat?”

“Hm? I’ve been busy lately so not so much anymore.” Kibum grew worried. The elder man seriously never missed a meal. He made time to eat whether it was when getting his hair done or in the van. Food was very important to him.

“Kibum, I’m fine don’t worry.” Of course the other knew he was worried. Jinki always knew what he was feeling.

“Hyung.. Just make sure you eat.” The older chuckled and his patted his head.

“Kibum I’m fine. The more muscle you put on the less fat you have.” So he had been working out.

“When did you start working out?” It wasn’t a secret the leader was usually the busiest.

“Ah, I wake up around 4 and go work out then come home and wake up Minho so we can go jogging.” This surprised him. They usually didn’t finish their schedule until 1 or 2 in the morning... That only left him with 2 or 3 hours of sleep a night. He stopped his mouth dropping.

“Hyung! What the hell? That’s not healthy! How are you even standing here?” His mind was racing. How long has he been doing this? He hasn’t seemed any more tired than they all were.

“Just a few months. Kibum, it’s not a big deal. I’m fine-“He was quickly cut off by the temperamental younger.

“No it is a big deal! You get less sleep than all of us, and then go about schedule like your fine. You always find time to eat! You always take care of us and we just wright you off! How are you okay?” Jinki just smiled.

“It’s my job to take care of all of you. I’ve just been making a few image changes.” Kibum could feel his frustration rising.

“Hyung what if you get sick?” Jinki just laughed.

“Do you see me complaining? I do it for you guys.”

For us. He does all of this for us? They continued walking in silence.

-

Before they even made it up the steps to the dorm the door swung open.

“Hyung I’m hungry!” Key looked up to the boy.

“Sure, just give me a sec!” Key said. On the inside Kibum was trembling. It was that person who had ruined his relationship.

“Thank You Jinki hyung...” Jinki gave Kibum his smile reserved only for him and pulled him into a hug.

“I’ll always be there for you Kibum.” He said softly.

“It’s time to be Key now.” Key nodded.

“Yeah yeah. What should I make for dinner?” Onew chuckled.

“Chicken!” Key slapped his arm softly.

“No.” Onew grumbled trudging into the house dejectedly Key following. On the inside Kibum couldn’t help but think how life would be if he had chosen clumsy the man who always loved him instead of Jonghyun. Because Kibum always ends up regretting his choice.

---

Was it good?