4 years later

 

She feels the bed dip to accommodate the lithe body.  The plush toy to her left as she lay on her stomach is tossed aside as he lay in its place.  Soon she is pulled closer as legs tangle and her head meets his sweater covered chest. 

She could feel his knowing gaze as he looked on at her weak form.  She was in another depressed stage and all she needed was to not feel alone.

Strong arms wrap around her and she breathes in his scent.  He smelled of vanilla and honey as usual.

She felt a soft pair of lips placed gently on her crown.  The sensation made her feel more alive than she had in the past week.

Everything felt grey and forced.  Her own thoughts started to sound like a narrative.  Life and color were always missing when she was like this, but he always managed to put the color back in her life with little sparks like these.

She tried desperately to come off as happy as she usually is at work and in class, but it’s hard.  She finds herself constantly looking at her reflection to make sure she is smiling wide enough, real enough.   Besides him she feels there is no one she can call to merely say “it’s here again,” and they would understand before dropping everything to stay the night with her.  Simply reassuring her by only his presence.

But slowly he was losing his warmth.  She stared in his eyes, desperately looking for an answer as to what was going on.

 He gave her a smile and ruffled her hair, but she couldn’t feel it.  Her hands which are grasping his shirt loosen and she starts to panic.  She tries to question him, but her voice won’t come and he just gazes at her with that knowing, but thoughtful gaze.  Desperation flares inside her as she scrambles to grasp the boy, but to no avail as her hands only swipe through his lucid form. 

His features were starting to blur and she just couldn’t comprehend what was happening.  All too soon Luhan was gone and Ae Ri awoke with a start.  She stared at the stuffed tiger in her fist’s grasp.  It was the one that Luhan had won for her at Lotte World and it had not been thrown to the other side of the bed.  She then realized her lover had not come to take its place in comforting the depressed girl. She was still grasping at whatever was left of him. She was still hanging on to anything that could give her the comfort he once did.

She felt close up as she heaved for air, only to end up coughing at a failing attempt.  Tears pricked her eyes and she felt her entire body trembling at the realization.  He was not coming back.

A horrid sob shook her entire body.  Her fists clenched the bed spread in an attempt to feel something solid, to not be engulfed by the pitch black loneliness.  Fear lodged itself in her heart, scared she won’t be able to return to her normal self this time, scared that all she’ll know from now on is the dark.

Her hand raised and the small table lamp.  Right after, she felt herself fall face into a tear soaked pillow.

 

 

Only an hour later does her alarm go off and she groans, another restless night. They didn’t happen as often, but they were no help to her sleeping pattern whatsoever. She grimaced at the clock which blared 6:02 in bright red numbers. Slowly she pushed herself off the mattress and rubbed her eyes in an attempt to wipe away some of the drowsiness that lingered.

She checked her phone for any messages from her manager before putting it to the side. Hastily she pulled on some skinny jeans and a loose T-shirt. She ran into her bathroom to brush her teeth, put on basic foundation, and brushes her hair. Once she deemed herself as presentable as she was going to get at the moment she picked up her bag and headed out the doorway.

She stood in the lobby of her dorm, waiting impatiently for her manager. No messages and no sign of him. Just as she was about to pull her phone out again a familiar white van pulled up. She pulled on her sunglasses and jogged to the van, getting in quickly.

“We’re headed to the stylist now, uhm... we should be there for an hour I think. I mean, unless it takes you longer. Get a quick breakfast, that’s important for nutrients. You can’t go on stage sweating and have no food in you. Oh your interview is around… 3ish... It’s your comeback today so I hope you practiced well...”

Ae Ri giggled. He was always a bit of a ditz. He means well, but sometimes he just didn’t have it all put together.

“Of course, do you have a water bottle? I need to keep my throat hydrated.” Her manager passed back a bottle of water from the passenger seat.

To say the least she was more than nervous for today, which is probably why she had one of those dreams. It was her comeback after six months today and she had made sure she was more than prepared. She practiced until she couldn’t feel her legs each night. She also made sure to take precious care of to make sure it wouldn’t give out during the harsh training and exercise. Vitamins, tea, water and salads were her basis for the past few months.

Ae Ri played around with her phone, just trying to pass the time to the stylist. She always wished she was in a group for time like these. More people to enjoy the lime light with as well as more people to lean on. She liked being a soloist, but it was lonely at times. She was glad for all her sunbaes in the industry though. She was even going to have some hoobaes debuting next month. She couldn’t wait to get more acquainted with them.

Just as they reached the salon her text ringtone went off.

 

From: Sehun

I’ll be at your comeback stage tonight.

Good luck! You’ll do great!

 

Ae Ri smiled before following her manager into the salon.

 

After hours of primping her hair was styled to perfection, make up was lathered so her complexion was flawless, and she had on a stage outfit made to accentuate her every curve. She was then rushed over to the interview she would be having about her comeback.

Many common questions came up about the song, the choreography, ideal type and so forth. It was nothing unexpected until they decided to go a little off course with their questions once finding they had extra time.

“So Ae Ri, you were accepted into HN through a showcase at your former university EVO correct?”

“Yes that’s correct, I was brought into the company my first semester of sophomore year and debuted only a year later.”

“I’m sure you had a lot of friends back at the university. Have any of them debuted yet or gone into training?”

Ae Ri had to hold back a grimace. Most of her friends decided half way that this wasn’t the path for them and moved on. Some are still auditioning to this day and a few are trainees. There are only two successful friends that really come to mind.

“Well I have a friend named Kai, who I’m sure you all know. He and I were good friends even in high school.” There were some knowing nods from the diligent fans outside and some gasps from those who were unaware. The MCs looked especially entertained with this piece of information. “The other is my friend Sehun who is working as a choreographer now.”

“They’re both guys? Any love interests?”

Ae Ri laughed, “Of course not! If anything Kai is closer to my rival. We have about the same amount of popularity so we like to cheer each other on and hope for the best when we have comebacks at the same time.”

“Speaking of, he’s coming back next week is that right?”

“It is, I really can’t predict the odds this time around. I’m really confident in my new song though. I’m also able to showcase more of my dancing ability in this song.”

“Since the two of you are from two different companies does it strain your all’s relationship?”

“No, not at all. We know that being competitive is good, but not to let anything get over our heads. That’s just bad sportsmanship.”

The MCs seemed eager to burst out more questions, but time was against them. The producer was waving at them to start the closing.

“Alright well that’s all for today, thank you so much for the interview Ae Ri.”

“No, it was my pleasure. It was a lot of fun today!” Ae Ri did a 90 degree bow to each of the hosts before being ushered out into a corridor that lead to her waiting room. Once she walked through the door her manager greeted her with a thumbs up.

“You did great!”

“Thanks Yixing.”

“Ae Ri you’ll be called to get ready in about an hour, so make sure your prepped okay?”

“You got it.”

“Alright, well I got to go make sure everything is set for your stage.” He goes to ruffle her hair, but she grabs his wrist.

“Gotta look good for the cameras.” She smirks at him and he blushes.

“O-oops, I almost forgot.”

Ae Ri laughs as he hurries off to the stage crew.

Ae Ri sat down in front of the vanity and stared at her reflection. Admittedly she loved this, the rushed atmosphere and the wild styling. She knew it would be like this the moment she decided on pursuing being an artist. It was definitely not a field for everyone though. The amount of sleepless nights she’s had is innumerable and her diet was not the best. She has to take intense care of her skin for it to not break out into hundreds of pimples.

She poked at her cheek just as the door to her waiting room opened. She turned to ask her manager how the stage set up was going, but as she did so she was faced with Sehun instead.

“S-sehun!” Ae Ri uttered, surprised.

“Hey.” He gave her a small smile before coming over to hug her. “How are you holding up?”

She grinned, ecstatic he was here. She eagerly hugged him back. “Same as usual, I’m really excited for this song.”

“Well I hear you have choreography for this one. Not some sorry side stepping like the last time.”

“Hey!” she shouted, insulted. “It was not just side stepping! There was a whole dance with a chair!”

He just grins; glad to know he got under her skin. “You know I’m just teasing. I buy all your albums. I’m your biggest fan!”

“You better be.” she mumbled. “I figured you’d just be in the crowd. I didn’t think I’d actually get to see you today.”

“I work here; it’s really not that hard to get back stage.”

“I’m glad you came.” she said sincerely. “I’m actually really nervous. I’m not a bad dancer, but compared to you… sheesh I don’t want to think about it.”

She felt a flick to her head and winced in pain. She grumbled about the red mark that was sure to show.

“Don’t put yourself down. I’ve seen you dance, in fact I helped teach you in college, you have to be a fabulous dancer with my teaching.” Sehun pulled a bouquet of roses off the vanity counter and handed them to her. “You didn’t even realize I brought you flowers.” He gently put them in her arms. “Since Oh Sehun just got you flowers, you have no choice but to give the best stage you’ve got.”

Ae Ri held back all the emotions she was feeling and grinned up at her best friend. She often wonders how she managed to have the most perfect best friend in the world. “I think I’m lucky to have you.”

He scoffed. “I know you’re lucky to have me!” he joked. But somewhere deep inside, he meant it.

Yixing then slammed the door open causing both you and Sehun to jump in shock. “Yah! Oppa are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

Yixing scratched his head in embarrassment. “Sorry, I was in a rush and I didn’t mean to open it that roughly.” Yixing then snapped his head to Ae Ri, already dismissing the previous situation. “You’re on in 10! You need to get to your position for when Vision gets off.”

Ae Ri nodded and laid the roses back on the vanity. She hugged Sehun one last time before taking her spot by the stairs. She was on in 10 and she’d make sure to make it count. She prepped her mind, thinking of all the encouragement she’s been given as well as all the hard work she’s put into practice the past 6 months and more. She smiled; she was ready to live her dream on stage once more.