Crøøkeð (Discontinued until further notice)
Description
"I don't believe in second chances... There's no such thing as fate. I make things happen, I'm in control.."
"You can't possibly believe that. Don't you believe in God?" I felt uncertain myself, but still asked the question.
"I believe there's something up there.. it doesn't change anything. I'm still G-Dragon, and you're still Tang Jaerin. Believe what you want, just don't believe in me.." He drew in a deep breath of the cigarette he was holding and let the vapor carry on the breeze.
"Why?"
"Because I don't believe in myself.."
"I won't give up on you, G-Dragon. I know Jiyong is still in there somewhere. I still love him and I still love you."
"But I'm broken, I'm ed up. Jiyong is gone, okay? Just leave me alone."
He sighed, running his chafed fingers through his hair. I couldn't bear to watch him suffer alone.
"No! Don't give up like this, please.."
"What's there left to hold on to, huh Jaerin?! What the am I supposed to believe in then?!"
"Me, Jiyong! Believe in me!" I begged with my hands on his chest, feeling his heartbeat through the tender of my fingers. He had a heart, he just didn't know how to use it.
He was crooked, stained by his loneliness. How could someone live without something to strive for?
All the women, all the money, all the fame and he still wasn't happy.
"Please..."
I stifled a sob, even with tears welling at my eyes, blurring the world in front of me.
I felt Jiyong's hands gather mine to pull away from himself. He took a step back, collecting his head between his hands, disregarding the cigarette falling to the gravel. The flame flickered over before dying and then I felt my own heart give out. Jiyong just shook his head between his hands, scratching endlessly at his scalp.
"I'm scared," he finally mumbled. "I'm ing scared."
He lowered his hands and lifted his head to hold my quivering hands again.
"Save me."
"F-from what?"
"From myself.."
Foreword
Dear Jiyong,
Remember me, Tang Jaerin, your best friend? Long time, no see Ji oppa. I'm coming home and wanted to catch up. How are you? What's it like being the infamous G-Dragon? I expect lots of secrets when I arrive. I've missed you...
-Jae
I wanted to cry as I read the letter I sent to Jiyong two months ago. But even with tears threatening to fall I couldn't cry enough to ease the pain. Ever since that dreaded morning, the only thing on my mind was Jiyong. How much he'd changed over the years, how much more mature he'd grown. His worldwide fame, the crazy late-night parties, the drugs, the women. Those things aren't who Kwon Jiyong is. G-Dragon was the man who sang for other people, Jiyong was the man who sang for himself. G-Dragon ed every woman in sight, Jiyong made love to me. Though he told me many times who he was, I still believed Jiyong was the real man inside his heart.
I only wanted him to see himself like I do. I never thought about how much it would hurt him in the process.
I rested my head at the edge of his empty hospital bed, soaking the spread with useless tears. What good could my tears possibly serve him now?
"Jaerin, he will see you now," a nurse called from the door and I quickly gathered my composure to accompany her to the ICU.
"Ah, Mrs. Kwon, Jiyong would like a word."
I cautiously stepped around the new bed, my eyes traveling the length of his lanky stature.
"O-oppa.." My voice was barely above a whisper, but nonetheless a smile formed across his bruised lips. I fixated my eyes on the dark gashes patterning his forearm.
"Jae, don't cry. I'm alright, see?" He motioned weakly to his laid-out body.
"Y-you remember me?" My heart quickened when he nodded.
"Of course, you're my best friend."
"Just your best friend?" I hoped with fingers crossed he remembered everything. Our vows, our lovemaking, anything would make me happy.
"What else would you be?"
The words cut through me and tore at the small string of hope I had left.
Kwon Jiyong is dead, G-Dragon survived.
Ummmm.. I'm sorry for starting another story, but I couldn't help it.. I blame Jiyong oppa..
Anyways I'm trying to expand my writing skills past and fluff.. But I am warning you now, if you don't like depressing stuff, skip over this story.. I hope you will read though, it's not all depressing.. there's a bit of and romance so if you like that mix, this is the story to subscribe to.. ^.^
Co-author and reviewer: YourChingu-ah
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