Regrets

 

(A Hunhan Fanfic)

 

[version 1]

 

 

It was December 18. Fresh breeze hugged Sehun's face while walking inside a coffee shop with Jongdae, Baekhyun and Kris.

 

 

 

 

 

The boys were being again to Sehun, pushing him around while laughing. Sehun accidentally hit someone's table after being pushed by Kris and knocked the guy's coffee out of his hand.

 

 

 

 

 

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry." Sehun told him, watching him as the guy looked at his spilled coffee on the floor sadly.

 

 

 

 

 

"Oh no it's okay. It's just that..." The guy looked down at the spilled coffee again and sighed. "I guess I have to buy another one." He continued and began to turn around when Sehun grabbed his wrist, locking eyes with him, while shocks of electricity running freely through Sehun's body.

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun realized how beautiful this guy is, even though he's a man, he looks like a girl.

 

 

 

 

 

"No please, I'll buy you another one. It's the least I can do after all, it was my fault." Sehun said with a huge smile on his face. The beautiful guy eyed him suspiciously before letting a small smile creep his face, deciding that Sehun's okay.

 

 

 

 

 

After getting another coffee for the guy, Sehun sat in front of him and handed him his newly bought coffee. The guy muttered thanks to him while Sehun just nodded, indicating that it was fine.

 

 

 

 

 

"You know, sorry about a while ago. My friends keep on pushing me, and I didn't intentionally hit your hand, which caused your coffee to be spilled." Sehun said with an apologizing tone.

 

 

 

 

 

The guy looked at him and smiled, "It's fine now.

 

"Oh and by the way, those are my friends, Jongdae, Baekhyun and Kris." Sehun told the guy while glaring at his friends, while they began to wiggle their eyebrows, and I rolled my eyes at them.

 

 

 

 

 

"Hello." The guy said and waved his hand towards Sehun's friends. The boys said hello and told Sehun and the guy that they'll be leaving. Before going out, Baekhyun managed to whisper into Sehun's ear and said, "You like him don't you? Oh well, here's your chance. Go grab him." And winked before finally getting out and walked straight to the park, following the boys.

 

 

 

 

 

"Um, I realized I forgot to ask your name." Sehun said. He can't stop the butterflies in his stomach while staring at the guy while biting his lips. He looks so adorable, which made Sehun giggle.

 

 

 

 

 

When the guyheard Sehun's laughter, it was his turn to burst into a fit of giggles. "Your laugh is so cute!" He says in between his giggles.

 

 

 

 

 

"Yours is too!" Sehun said and laughed. They probably looked like weirdos laughing so hard at absolutely nothing but they don't care.

 

 

 

 

 

"My name is Sehun by the way, what's yours?" By the time Sehun asked for his name, they had already finished laughing and he had finally managed to calm down. "Um, my name's Luhan." He smiles shyly, ruffling his hair.

 

 

 

 

 

And that was probably the start of everything, and ever since then, the two have been together. They are like Bonnie and Clyde. It was them against the world.

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun had always known that he felt something for him since that day, and still feels the same way for her now. More that a year later, we have been bestfriends, and Sehun fell in love with him along the way.

 

 

 

 

 

It has been a year, but Sehun haven't told him how he feels for him.

 

 

 

 

 

It was a sunny afternoon and Sehun decided to take Luhan to a date. A friendly date, well, for Luhan. And that is the day that Sehun will confess his feelings towards Luhan.

 

 

 

 

 

He decided to pick up Luhan in his house. When he reached his house, he saw Luhan lying on the couch, sleeping.

 

 

 

 

 

"Hey Lulu, get up! You lazy bastard. We have a date remember?" Sehun said while trying to wake the sleeping beauty. Withiut any luck, he chose to tickle Luhan.

 

 

 

 

 

Luhan instantly opened his eyes and laughed so hard.

 

 

 

 

 

"Fine, fine. I'll stand okay?" Luhan said while suppressing a smile. Sehun giggled and lifted Luhan. Luhan started shouting and laughing while Sehun is carrying him. Unfortunately, Sehun lost his balance and fell, with Luhan on his top. He could feel Luhan's sweet breath and his flawless face just an inch above him. Sehun's heart thumps so loud that he's afraid that Luhan might hear it.

 

 

 

 

 

Both of the lads stared into each other's faces for a while, but Luhan broke the silence and stood up, giving a hand to Sehun to help him get up. Sehun ruffled Luhan's hair, but he swatted his hand away and said, "Stop." while smiling.

 

 

 

 

 

"Aww. You know I love you," Sehun told Luhan and hugged him in his back. Luhan smiled.

 

 

 

 

 

After Luhan got dressed, both of them went inside Sehun's car. When Sehun took his seat, he noticed that Luhan can't untangle the seatbelt. So he decided to help him.

 

"I'll do it." Sehun said and reached for the seatbelt of Luhan. Their faces so close to each other, and Sehun tried to fight the urge of kissing Luhan. After he placed the seatbelt to Luhan, he said, "All settled." and smiled to Luhan.

 

 

 

 

 

Luhan looked at him intently, and Sehun can't help but blush on the way Luhan stare at him, so he instinctively send his hand in his face and ask, "Why are you looking at me like that?" His eyes widen slightly and his lips curled into a gorgeous smile.

 

 

 

 

 

"No, nothing! I was just admiring you." he hums.

 

 

 

 

 

He was admiring me? Does that mean something? I hope he do love me the way I love him. Sehun told himself.

 

 

 

 

 

"Um, thanks?" That was all Sehun managed to say, sounding a bit unsure of his answer.

 

 

 

 

 

"Sorry if you think it's a little weird," Luhan looks down at his feet and Sehun shook his head.

 

 

 

 

 

"N-no, it's cute!" Sehun said and he looks back up with a huge smile. "Aww, thanks Sese." Luhan said.

 

 

 

 

 

"U-um Lulu, the truth is, I have something to tell you." Sehun began and he just nodded, his beautiful eyes looking up at Sehun expectantly. Sehun began to feel cold sweat tricking off his face.

 

 

 

 

 

"I guess, you have to wait until we reach our destination before I tell you." Sehun said and started driving. At least, he's got 20 minutes to gather all his courage to tell Luhan how he feels for him.

 

 

 

After minutes of driving, they finally reached their destination.

 

 

 

 

 

The park. The same park where Sehun accidentally knocked Luhan's coffee out of his hand. The same park where they met. And the same park where Sehun started to feel something for the beautiful deer beside him.

 

 

 

 

 

"Remember this place Lulu? This is the place where we first met." Sehun said, breaking the eerie silence that is covering them. Luhan laughed, reminiscing what had happen about a year ago.

 

 

 

 

 

"Of course! I remember everything. When you spilled my favorite drink. I was really sad when that happened." Luhan said while still giggling.

 

 

 

 

 

"And that was the day that I know that I love you." Sehun suddenly blurted out.

 

 

 

 

 

Shocked. That how you describe Luhan's face at that moment.

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun faced Luhan, while he's gently rubbing the palms of his deer.

 

 

 

 

 

"You know what Lulu, I never expected that I will love you." Sehun said, then caressed Luhan's cheeks.

 

 

 

 

 

"I don't know when did it started. I don't know how. But when I woke up one day, I realized that I love you. So much. And I don't want us to settle into just bestfriends. I want us to be more than that. I want to protect you with my embraces. I want to love you everyday for eternity." Sehun continued. He knelt in front of Luhan.

 

 

 

"Luhan, will you be my boy?" Sehun said, feeling nervous for what Luhan might say about his confession. Luhan paused for a moment.

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun didn't expect a kiss from Luhan. It was a passionate one. Full of love and warmth. After a minute, Luhan broke the kiss.

 

 

 

 

 

"Is that a yes?" Sehun asked expectantly.

 

 

 

 

 

"Well if that's what you think, then why not." Luhan said while smiling. Sehun grinned from ear to ear, and suddenly bear hugged his Lulu.

 

 

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

 

 

It has been six months since Sehun and Luhan decided to start a relationship. It was the happiest six months in the life of Sehun. Everyday, he never forget to tell Luhan his I love yous. He picks up Luhan everyday. They have dates every weekend. That was really the best days of his life.

 

 

 

 

 

Not until it reached his parents. When Sehun's parents heard about their relationship, they told Sehun to go back to their house immediately. And what did Sehun received? A very hard slap coming from his father.

 

 

 

 

 

"All my life, we loved you. We feed you. We educated you. But this is how you repay us?! By having a relationship with a.. a GAY?!" His father said with so much anger.

 

 

 

 

 

"But I love him! He's my life! He's -" Sehun snapped back but never gets to finish his sentence becuase his father punched him in the gut.

 

"Now, break up with him. Or I swear to God I'm gonna kill him. You know I can do that." His father said, eyebrows together.

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun froze. He knows that his father is capable of doing those things. He can’t let him kill Luhan. He can’t and he will never!

 

 

 

 

 

So he decided to pick the hardest choice in his life.

 

 

 

 

 

He has to break up with Luhan. With the guy whom he fell in love with. With the guy who has been with him through his ups and downs. For the beautiful that had shown his affection towards to.

 

 

 

 

 

His knees became wobbly, and he could feel his heart rapidly beating inside his body. He wanted to cry. He can’t imagine life without his deer. He wants to break down in front of his parents. He wants to kneel in front of them and ask to leave Luhan alone.

 

 

 

 

 

But he knows he can’t and he shouldn’t. He has to be strong for both of them. He has to be strong for Luhan. He has to save Luhan.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

 

 

Rain is pouring hard. Sehun runs to Luhan’s house to invite him on a date. Maybe their last date together. Sehun reached Luhan’s gate. He stopped for a moment and stared at the clouds. The rain seems to feel what Sehun is currently feeling right now, which is PAIN.

 

 

 

 

 

Tears are streaming freely in his eyes. He can’t really do it. He doesn’t want to lose Luhan. But he has to.

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun called Luhan and told him that he is outside. He immediately heard Luhan’s footstep and saw him opening the gate.

 

 

 

 

 

“Oh God what happened?! Why are you letting yourself get wet by the rain? You might get sick!” Luhan shrieked, which made Sehun smile. He will never forget this attribute of Luhan.

 

 

 

 

 

“Don’t worry. Come on, let’s have a date.” Sehun said and pulled Luhan in his wrist and ran away.

 

 

 

 

 

Luhan and Sehun reached the park where they met and where Luhan said yes to Sehun. They sat down in the grass while the rain is still pouring hard. Both of them wet.

 

 

 

 

 

“Hey, you have dirt on your face.” Sehun said to Luhan. “Where?” Luhan replied. Sehun touched the mud near his place and wiped it on Luhan’s face. “Right there.” Sehun said then ran away. “You, SESE!” Luhan said then tried to catch Sehun. Both of them played in the rain, enjoying every minute.

 

 

 

 

 

“And, GOT YOU!” Luhan said and hugged Sehun in the back. Sehun faced Luhan and cupped his face. He went nearer and nearer until there is no space in between their lips.

 

 

 

 

 

First kiss in the rain, and maybe the last.

 

 

 

~~

 

 

 

 

 

The guys ran straight to a restaurant, drops of water dripping through their clothes. They don’t ing care what other people might think about them.

 

 

 

 

 

They ordered different kinds of food and started munching them.

 

 

 

 

 

“Hey Lulu, you have a rice on your face.” Sehun said. Luhan got a tissue and wiped his face. “No not there. Wait let me get it.” And Sehun removed the rice on Luhan’s face and leaves a peck on his lips.

 

 

 

 

 

“Haha! 1 point for Mr. Oh Sehun!” Sehun said. They continues teasing each other until they finished eating. While they are on their way to Luhan’s house, both lads hold each other’s hand while swaying it. Sehun began to feel sad. Because they only have small time left to be together.

 

 

 

 

 

When they reached Luhan’s house, the boy bid goodbye to Sehun. When Luhan turned his back and went inside his house, Sehun pulled him and hugged him tight, tighter than ever.

 

 

 

 

 

“I love you Luhan. So much that it will kill me if you’ll be gone. I love you and I can’t afford to lose you. I will never hurt you I promise.” Sehun said with tears falling from his eyes.

 

"Hey Sese, is there something wrong? Why are you crying? And, why do I feel like you're leaving me?" Luhan asked worriedly.

 

 

 

 

 

"No no, I'm not crying. It's just, the wind is strong and it hurts my eyes." Sehun said

 

 

 

 

 

"Well goodbye now. Go inside. I love you, Lulu." Sehun said and kissed Luhan's forehead.

 

 

 

 

 

"I love you too, Sese." Luhan said. Sehun turned his back to Luhan and walked away. It feels like his heart is being torn apart with every step that he makes.

 

 

 

 

 

This is their last day. Their last hug. Their last kiss. And last I love yous.

 

~

 

The next day, Sehun called Luhan to meet up at the park at exactly 3 in the afternoon. He will now break up with Luhan. It hurts him, so bad. But he has to do it, for the sake of Luhan.

 

 

 

 

 

Around 3:30 in the afternoon, he heard running footsteps on his back, and he knows it is his Luhan.

 

 

 

 

 

"You're late." Sehun said using his coldest voice.

 

 

 

 

 

"I'm sorry Sese, an emergency happened in the house and -"

 

 

 

 

 

"We're done." Sehun said, cutting Luhan's statement.

 

 

 

 

 

"W-what? Sese are you joking. Cause this isn't a good joke." Luhan said while trying to choke up the tears that are growing in his eyes. Sehun looked sideways, avoiding Luhan's gaze.

 

 

 

 

 

"No I'm not joking. I never loved you. I hated everything about you. The way you get jealous that fast, the way you're too overprotective and everything!"

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun still didn't look into Luhan's eyes, because he knows that everything he said wasn't even true. He loves him. So bad. And he's afraid that if he'll look into Luhan's teary hazel eyes, he won't be able to protect him from his father, who never agreed on his relationship with him.

 

 

 

 

 

Don't you love me?" Luhan said while trying to wipe off the tears that are freely flowing from his eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

"No, I don't... I don't love you anymore." Sehun told Luhan while trying to blink off the tears from his eyes.

 

"Then look directly into my eyes and say it for God sake!" Luhan demanded. Sehun knows he couldn't. He doesn't want to see Luhan in deep pain.

 

 

 

 

 

"We were happy yesterday! You even told me that you love me and you will never leave me! But what do you think you're doing right now?! this Sehun! What've I done?!" Luhan said while crying and screaming. Damn, Sehun can't take it anymore. He has to end this conversation or he'll kiss Luhan and tell him it was just a joke.

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun looked directly into Luhan's eyes, using his coldest face.

 

 

 

 

 

"I don't love you anymore. So please just leave me alone and we're ing done!" Sehun said.

 

 

 

 

 

“But-“ Luhan said but Sehun interrupted him.

 

 

 

 

 

“Just go. Please.” Sehun said and turned his back to Luhan. He heard Him sob, but he didn't dare to look at him.

 

 

 

 

 

He hurt him, again. But it's for his sake. And he knows that this is the only way to save his one true love.

 

 

 

 

 

A tear fell from Sehun's eyes. It took everything in Sehun to contain himself, and to stop the tears that have been threatening to fall any moment. Sehun swallowed the lump on his throat and ran as fast as he can and reached his home.

 

 

 

Once he stepped inside his house, he fell into his knees and cried.

 

 

 

“I love you Luhan I really do.” Sehun kept on chanting for hours, until he slept on the floor.

 

~

 

 

 

Sehun woke up in the sound of his doorbell ringing. He instantly went to open the door, expecting it was Luhan. When he opened the door, he saw no one but a letter on his porch. He went nearer and reached for the letter.

 

 

To: Sese

 

 

 

From: Your Lulu

 

 

 

He went inside and decided to read the letter.

 

 

 

Annyeong my Sese. I know that once you receive this letter, I’m on my way to the airport. Yes, you read it right. I’m going back to China, maybe to start a new life and move on. Move on from the pain you’ve caused me. It still hurts you know. The way you told me that you never loved me? It ing hurts so badly.

 

 

 

But anyways, I want to tell you that even though you caused great ache in my heart, you will always be my baby. My Sese. My handsome true love. Keep smiling everyday okay? Because that same smile is the reason why I fell head over heels to you. I will never forget the memories we’d share for past six months. It was the best time for me. The way we shared our hugs and random kisses. The way you care for me, the way you say your I love yous to me. I know I will surely miss those. I want you to live a happy life, without me.

 

I guess I have to end this letter now. Stay say. I love you Sese.

 

 

 

XOXO

 

Luhan

 

 

 

Sehun saw marks of dried teardrops in the paper. Maybe it was Luhan’s tears.

 

 

Tears are flowing from Sehun’s eyes. He just lost Luhan. But he knows it’s his fault and it’s for Luhan himself.

 

 

“Oh ! Luhan’s in the airport?! I HAVE TO FOLLOW HIM!” Sehun just said and immediately ran outside and started his car.

 

 

He reached the airport after 30 minutes of driving. He ran inside, not caring about the security guards who are trying to catch him. He can’t lose Luhan. He will never lose Luhan.

 

 

“Um excuse me, did the flight for China already departed?” Sehun asked the lady from the counter. Then he heard an airplane just took off.

 

 

“Well, I think you heard it sir. It just departed.” The lady said with a smile.

 

 

“No, no! Luhan, NO!” Sehun said then ran to the big glass window in the airport. He saw Luhan’s plane, so small and so far from him. He fell to his knees, again, and cried.

 

 

“Damn Luhan! Why’d you have to leave?! , this is all your fault Sehun. DAMMIT!” Sehun cried, not caring about what other people might think.

 

 

“Goodbye Lulu, I love you. And I will never forget you.”