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Nicknames...charismatic leader, Designer Kim? Designer? Since when is she a designer? Thought she's just an idol...like us? Birthday, December 24...oh...so, she's a Christmas baby, huh? Would it be weird to um...dress like Santa Claus when I meet her? Would she find it weird and embarassing? Thinking back on how she look and how she carried herself with such ease even to those she had just met for the first time,...it seemed that she's...someone who's very experienced? This kind of people must have dated at least a dozen guys of all sorts in a year at least.

Wait. Is that possible? Like...date one person a month? Well...that sounds rather unlikely...but she probably won't have a problem achieving such accomplishment. Right?

Aish...what do I care? This is just a one time thing...to get that opportunity for Shimshimtapa guesting. That's right. Then, they can't say I'm getting big headed and forgetting about the group, not doing anything to pull us like Kwanghee always does naturally. Not that there's much I could do anyway. It's not like I'm a big shot. Just because a small appearance in my first drama got favourable response from the public, well the drama is already popular on its own without me anyway, but yeah, just because after that drama I've been getting more attention and offers for variety show, some more small drama roles and a few advertisements, doesn't mean it changed much of my status in the industry, improvement in earning and feeling of self significance and a bit more popularity, yeah, maybe. But am I that big, popular now? They said I am, but I still feel small, trying to fit in. Back then, I tried to fit in  to stand out amongst my own group members, but now, I spend a lot of time without my group members, and I find myself trying to stand out amongst bigger names, and it was so frightening, I don't feel like I want to stand out anymore. Suddenly, being in the background, doesn't feel that bad anymore. Strange how something you dreaded all your life could turn into the thing you yearned for the most overnight. It's not easy to stand out.

But not her. Rainbow. To be honest, I don't think their situation is any better than ours. Although in her group, she's probably the one who had carried them throughout the dark period until today(I don't even know the other members' names, well, though I think Heecheol is friends with one of them, not sure about the others), but she doesn't seem awkward or struggling at all to keep her head high. No...that's not even the term, she blend in so well that there's not any need to even try to held up her head high. She reminds me of...Kwanghee. But even with Kwanghee, that idiot had so much struggles to act natural in front of people of higher social status than us that he always end up lashing out or being moody when not in front of camera. In fact, her ease seem so effortless, that she either own such amazingly high self esteem, rightly so, or...she's just that great of an actress. Either way, one thing for sure is, she's intimidating, in such a comfortable way, if that's not too ironic sounding. She would treat you like you've known each other comfortably as good friends for ten years, when she had just met and talk to you for the first time. And it was so convincing that you're the one who felt guilty for being so awkward towards an old friend you've never met. Can you imagine that feeling? 

On a second thought, don't even try to imagine how it felt, unless you've met this frighteningly perfect woman. If your mental state isn't strong enough, she might make you feel like you're shrinking and stand smaller than her, though for me, it might be because literally, she does seem taller, plus her confident postures that helped her looked taller than she probably is. Ugh, how could Shindong hyung do this to me? Can't I be sent for a date with a woman who at least won't make me feel so short? I've had enough torture of having beaten pride among Nine Muses girls who always treat me like a cute little kid just because of their sky high heights. And speaking of the ladies at our company, this one reminds me of Seo In Young noona so much. It's still unbelievable to see her profile, saying she's actually younger than me by...like twenty three days? The way she carries herself, the way she looks and present herself made me almost would decide to call her noona, if not for the fact that we're not close at all to call her that. But just imagine if I had done that...the horror. Not to say she looks old, but rather, she looks very age appropriate, which makes me feel like a little lost kid out of place, to be same age with her, yet it's like talking to a very well blossomed noona who has seen life way more than you, sometimes, it even feels like talking to the sunbae who I could imagine to act as my mother in drama. That's how awkward things are. And I'm supposed to go on a date with a woman with this much charisma? I can already imagin