What am I doing?

I wasn’t supposed to let him do this. I wasn’t supposed to like this. I wasn’t supposed to like him. Why is it so hard to say ‘no’, to push him away, to leave?

He followed me. He decided to dance with me. He persisted, even though I tried to keep him away. And that’s why it’s so hard for me to stay away. Because he’s everything that I’ve ever wanted, everything that I’ve longed for. Because he’s the only thing that I need right now.

…And because he won’t stop kissing my neck. God… why does this feel so good?

I take a deep breath as he turns me around, forcing me to face him, leaving me with no other option than to look at him, giving me no other place to hide. He’s more than handsome, with the look he had in his newest song, “Smoky Girl”, that’s currently playing in the background.

He looks quizzically at me, and I can’t help but feel uncomfortable under his gaze that searches me, studies me, analyzes me. Disappointment flashes in his eyes when he fails to do so, and then: determination.

As the song’s tune dies and a new one emerges, he leans in, and I realize what he’s about to do: He wants to kiss me. And what scares me is that I actually want him to kiss me.

His face is now inches away from mine, and his eyes are semi-closed, giving me the chance to observe him closely. His lips move as he tries to tell me something that I don’t listen, because I’m way too fixated on those luscious lips of his.

…It suddenly becomes painful not to kiss him.

It’s when I make my decision that I recognize the new tune playing. It’s “Lips”, a song from the girl group Miss A. How ironic. There is no better way to describe my dancing partner than this song, no better way to describe my attraction to him, and no better way to describe what I’m going to do right now.

I gently pose my hands on his shoulder and neck, giving -for once- a clear signal of what I want. He stiffens briefly under my touch, before relaxing completely. The song refrain’s comes up, and I press my lips on his.

“Ooh ooh ooh baby, I like your lips, I love it really” The song builds up, increasing its volume and rhythm, and so does our kiss. The gentle, experiencing kiss slowly turns into a demanding one, full of passion. It’s an amazing kiss. It’s a terrific kiss. It’s one of the kisses that change your whole world.

And I don’t want this to happen.

My world is fragile enough as it is. I’m too unstable already. I know that having him in my life will only complicate things. He already managed to crush down all my defense walls, and I talked to him for what, half an hour? I can’t let this happen.

I have to be free. I have to be like smoke, impossible to lock up, impossible to hold onto, impossible to break down. I really need to be like “Smoky Girl”, if I want to survive.

But while my thoughts wander, my body is still entangled with his, and his tongue is still exploring my mouth, snatching involuntary noises from me. “I love the way you put your lips on me” the song continues to taunt me, and I melt into a kiss that I shouldn’t be enjoying.

Yet, his cologne is strong, more intoxicating than any drink that they might serve here, and his mouth is the kind of drug that you get hooked to in seconds.

…And I’m seriously addicted to it.

I’m not even sure if rehab is an option anymore…

“I love it really” There we go again. “What’s with that song, anyway?”  I think to myself, as Seungho’s lips leave mine and start kissing my neck. This has nothing to do with his previous kiss on that particular spot. That was more of a question, a simple connection of his lips and my skin. Now his kiss is an affirmation, a kiss that is rough, that involves biting, a kiss that will certainly leave a mark. A kiss that is able to drive me over the edge.

“Girls aren’t supposed to be like this” the song goes on, but I don’t pay any attention to the lyrics anymore, I just hope that the music is loud enough to cover the moan that escapes from my mouth, praying that Seungho won’t notice.

…I can feel him smile against my neck. He noticed.

He soon stops kissing me and looks into my eyes. Our foreheads are touching, and we’re both breathless. For different reasons. Almost unconsciously, we resume dancing, synchronizing our movements once more. It’s crazy, how quickly I got accustomed to his body, how easily we managed to dance like this, how naturally things played out. It’s crazy, and it’s terrifying as well.

The lights that flicker around us blur his features, confusing me, leaving me no other choice but to feel him, instead of seeing him.

I can tell his voice apart from others now, and I know how his body moves when dancing. I recognize his scent; I know his body shape, the feeling of his lips on me.

This has to stop. Before it’s too late. Before this gets even more out of control. Before I make a choice that I will regret later.

“I think I’m going crazy…” It’s the song that wakes me up from this dream, and, for the first time since I reached the dance floor, I stop dancing.

Seungho stops as well, looking at me questioningly. “Are you okay?” he asks breathlessly, in a way that is insanely y. Is he doing it on purpose?

“No.” I answer bluntly, pushing away his hands that are still on either side of my waist. I can’t. I just can’t do this. “I’m sorry, but I have to go. It’s getting late.” I tell him, and there’s a hint of regret in my voice. I turn on my heels to leave.

He grabs my wrist, turning me towards him and keeping me close. “Wait.” He says, and there’s a powerful vibe in his voice, one that admits that he doesn’t want me to leave. “It’s not even 3AM. It’s not too late.”

I sigh, as I free my wrist from his hand. He’s addictive, and addicted, I can’t get. I’m looking for some sort of salvation from him, and that’s not fair. That’s not what he signed up for. I can’t drag him into this.

I’m persuaded that this -me- is a lost cause. And that’s why I say, as I look at his face for one last time, taking in each feature, so that I can remember…

“It’s already too late.” 

~~~

A/N: Hello! As you can see, second part of the story is up! Now, things don't seem to go that well for our protagonists, do they? But... who knows, they might still have a chance to make things right. The only hint I can give you is that the next tune playing is "Now" by Troublemaker. Now, whether this is a good thing or not, you'll find out soon...

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