Everybody thinks I'm cold, distant and sometimes it seems that I don’t care about anything, but in reality I’m not. My name is Lee Chaerin, better known as CL, leader of 2NE1 one of the most famous bands in kpop and our company is YG Entertainment.

Being leader isn’t easy. I have to make so many choices and decisions that sometimes I have to sacrifice my own happiness. The other members are Dara, Minzy and Park Bom. That last name makes my heart beat differently.

She has been my band mate for many years she is more than a friend for me, actually she is the owner of my heart. Her voice captivates me and I love her way of being rather odd. All men Korea die for her, especially by her beautiful legs. Her combination of cute and y makes her special and lovely. Yes I accept that I love her but she doesn’t know what I feel and she never will.

Although within the company has more men than women, I can't forget her. Jiyong, Seungri , Youngbae and even the kids from the new boy group asked me out but I can’t get her  out of my head or rather from my heart.

We are preparing a new album that will be accompanied by a world tour. This excites me because it means I'll be more time with her. Teddy and Jiyong are helping us with the composition of music and other lyrics.

Hey Chae, I really like the lyrics of Good to you, but we could add some of rap, what do you think? Jiyong said with his flirtatious smile. I just smiled and nodded.

I was focused composing the music with Teddy that I hadn’t noticed that Bom entered the studio accompanied by Dara and Minzy .

Chaerinie! I heard her voice very happy when I turn to see her she has a big smile. I couldn’t help but smile too. Hey why are you so excited?  I said and Bom pouted, she looked so cute.

What?? You don’t like to see me happy? She said making faces, of course I like seeing her, even when she cries, anyway looks pretty.

I say Hello to the other girls and they sat down to start recording the new songs. I looked at Bom and she was texting with someone, I couldn’t help feeling sad. Dara told me that she was dating a famous guy, a drama guy. Dara Obviously don’t now that I'm in love with Bom , so when she tells me I have to pretend that I'm glad and even make jokes about it but the reality is that my heart is shattered .

I was jealous when I see her face brightening while she was reading the message. Bom! Focus! We have to finish this soon if we want to finish the album I said in a leader tone trying to hide my anger.

She immediately closed her cell phone and starts to read the lyrics. We continue recording. Dara and Minzy were in the recording room while Bom and I were outside with Teddy. Jiyong was already gone. The song we were recording called “If I Were You”.

Hey Chae, this song you wrote it right? Bom asked disconcerting. The lyrics seem very emotional, I can’t believe you wrote it, is like an impossible love, do you dedicate to someone? She said looking at me. I couldn’t help feeling sad if she knows that I wrote for her, I wish I could love you I wish you would love me I wish we could be together just for a day.

To be honest yes, I dedicate it to someone but it doesn’t matters I said. She widened her eyes and her face filled with curiosity. She will continue questioning about it but Dara and Minzy go outside the room and bell saved me.

Is our turn I said, as I get up. We entered in the recording room, put on headphones and began to sing. I couldn’t help but sing this song with all my heart. A tear escaped from my eyes and I try to dry it but I couldn’t. Bom was watching me worried and confused, so I closed my eyes to concentrate and avoid her. We finished our part and before leaving the room she takes my hand, Chaerin I don’t force you to share your feelings with me but if you love someone tell to that person because I can’t see you suffer that makes me sad she said with teary eyes. Her words struck me but I couldn’t answer.

We leave the studio after a hard work. I went to my room, close the door and started to cry. I can’t believe I have you so close and so far at the same time Bom.  Why I fall for you? Why!!! I said frustrated. I was crying all night that I fell asleep.

We leave the studio after a hard work. I went to my room, close the door and started to cry. I can’t believe I have you so close and so far at the same time Bom.  Why I fall for you? Why!!! I said frustrated. I was crying all night that I fell asleep.

Weeks passed so fast and now we are in our concert. We had an amazing night with all our fans, I was so excited. After the concert we had a party. I drank so much. I danced, drank and had fun with all the guys. I was staring at Bom who was also drunk started to dance with me and of course I take advantage of that. I ran my hands for her body, touching her, damn I really need to feel her. She didn’t say anything. We leave and went to our home.

Dara and Minzy help us walk. They leave me in my room and I was laid on my bed thinking about Bom as always. Maybe I have to tell her the reason of the song right? I thought to myself.  I get up and headed to her room. I didn’t knock her door I just go in. She had her eyes closed so I thought she was asleep already. I lay by her side and her hair. Do you want to know who the person to whom I dedicated the song is?

Is you Bom. I like this my whole day was spent for you; I wore the clothes that you liked the best, I should look beautiful in the mirror But I just look miserable. The tactless night sky is so beautiful, I wish you could be me, I wish I could be you; I wish you could feel it for just a day. Your heart my heart I wish I could love you I wish you would love me I wish we could be together just for a day so I can let you go without regrets. I want to throw away everything in front of me I want to scream out loud but the only one to listen would be me. I love you Bom, I said crying.

I can’t help it. The tears started to fall down on my cheeks, she is the only one.  For my surprise she doesn’t asleep and when I see her face in front of mine I can’t say anything. She is crying too. Why you didn’t tell me Chaerin? Why do you hide your feelings from me?

You have someone already Bom and I know you are straight. I didn’t say anything to you because I know I never will be corresponded. I can’t look at her I started to cry hard and put my hands in my face. Bom hugged me so tight and rub my back. Please Chae don’t cry she said crying too.  Bom I love you so much that I don't know what to do, I’m so in love with you for many years and I can’t hide these feelings anymore. Let me love you Bom, let me make you happy. I know I’m a woman but I can make you happy too please. 

Bom broke the hug and take me for the shoulders. Chae I love you too. I can’t believe what I heard, she loves me too. I didn’t say anything to you because I thought you are dating someone. Let me make you happy, let me love you too, she said and kiss my lips. If this is a dream please don’t wake me up,  I thought. I kissed her back and put my hands around her neck. The kiss was so sweet. We split and I put my forehead on hers. Bom thank you I promise that I never let you go! She smiles at my statement. She hugged me again and kissed my hair. We fall asleep hugging each other.

Today's lesson: If you love someone tell her/him if you can't say with words do it with a song!.