It was the month of December when she walked through the sidewalk as snowflakes were slightly falling from the sky, making the green grass turn into a white snow ground. Her calm music matched with the snow scene making her think very deeply at that moment.

“What if you don’t meet him? And if you do, you’re just going to be a random fan to him.” Tears were starting to form in her eyes as she repeated those sentences in her head. Every step she took, she got weaker and weaker. What they didn’t know was Kim Junmyeon was her childhood friend. She was supposed to be happy that she had a connection with Junmyeon, but she wasn’t.

What if he doesn’t remember me anymore? What if all those promises we made was already forgotten? It’s been years since she last saw Kim Junmyeon. Before he became an idol. She can only see him through the television, posters and concerts. He didn’t know that she went to his concerts to support him. To cheer for him. She was always there for him like she had been ever since they were toddlers.

As time pass by, she has not given up. She worked hard every day; she studies every night until she understands every bit of her math. Little did she know that on the other side of the park is Kim Junmyeon.

 

 

 

Did I abandon her? That’s the only thing Kim Junmyeon can think about. He always asked his own self that question every single day. He walked through the park every single day to be alone and to get away from s so he can think thoroughly and deeply every single day. It’s the only time he can be alone and be somewhere quiet.

That her was Kim Junmyeon’s childhood friend. Ever since he left for trainee, he didn’t get enough time to talk to her, to comfort her and to smile with her like old good times. He missed her. Kim Junmyeon could not take it anymore. He had to find her.

“I promise you that if we ever get separated, I will always find a way to find you.”

 

“Oh hyung! Where have you been?” the curious Kyungsoo asked.

“I just went for a walk...” Junmyeon forced a smile.

“Oh... We were just planning to go to the coffee shop and grab some pastries and coffee. Do you want to join with us?” Jongin asked.

“Sure.” Junmyeon responded.

Maybe hanging out with the members will slightly make me happy and get things off my mind, Junmyeon thought.

 

 

               She ran to her work as quickly as possible. Not caring if she gets sick by the cold icy wind that brushed through her face very harshly. She was late for her work and her boss is very strict when it comes to being late. If she gets fired, she will have a hard time finding a job and she won’t be able to manage to pay for her rent and food.

               She had finally arrived at her workplace just in time.

               “Kwon Hee Yeon! Are you okay?” her friend worker asked.

               “Yes I am fine!” she panted.

               She went to the change room to change her school uniform into her work uniform. Kwon Hee Yeon worked at least 6 hours per day at the coffee shop. Luckily, she only had to work for an hour today because she has to study for her exam.

               Yeon was always described as a girl that never left a smile on her face. But every single day, before she goes to work, that smile always fade away.

               Today was very different; she keeps serving the wrong orders, she could not concentrate on anything. Why? Because all she could ever think about is Kim Junmyeon. He had never left her mind and heart. Kwon Hee Yeon loved Kim Junmyeon. Of course he didn’t know about it. She did not have the courage to confess to him. And when she decided to, it was too late. He already left.

 

 

 

               It was very difficult for EXO-K to stroll around the city without any securities. There is always a fan that will either get too close to them or that will always grab a hold of them and tried to take them away.

               “AHH BAEKHYUNNIE!” Chanyeol shouted as he saved little Baekhyun from the crowd full of chaotic fans.

               “Should we go back to our dorms?” Junmyeon asked with a concerned tone.

               “It’s too late now. It’s way too far to go back to our dorm. We’re almost there!” Jongin yelled out through the noise of the loud fans.

               “Okay! I know what to do! Come here! All of you.” Junmyeon asked the members to gather around even though it was very difficult.

               “We’re going to be in pairs and hold each other’s hand. We are going to run through the coffee shop and save our lives!”

               Chanyeol quickly grabbed Baekhyun’s hand, Jongin grabbed Kyungsoo’s hand and Sehun grabbed Junmyeon’s hand.

               “Okay. Ready.”

               “Set.”

               “GO!”

               The members ran like a speed of light, trying to get through the crowd full of noisy fans. They charged through the door of the coffee shop, but what they didn’t realize that in order for the door to open, they had to pull it, not push it. A thud echoed through the area as 6 men slammed their bodies through the glass door.

“OUCH!” The members yelled out in pain together.

 

               Finally I am done work. An hour had gone by and Yeon had finally finished work. As she was changing back to her school uniform, she heard a lot of clamorous people at the shop. A loud thud startled her, making her phone drop on the ground.

               “OMO! YAH! WHAT’S GOING ON THERE?!” Yeon can hear her boss’ voice on the other side of the door.

               “Aish.” Yeon muttered.

               She walked to the door and opened it slightly. She quickly grabbed her friend and asked her what’s going on.

               “Ah. It’s nothing! Don’t worry about it! Just go home safely and study for your exam!” she answered.

               “Araseo! Well I hope everything goes well.” Yeon closed the door and exited through the back door.

 

 

As EXO-K slammed their body through the door, they heard the manager of the shop yelled at them.

               “OMO. YAH! WHAT’S GOING ON THERE?!” The manager yelled out.

               Sehun had finally managed to pull the door opened and locked it so the chaotic fans won’t be able to get in the shop and disturb them.

               “We sincerely apologize for slamming our bodies into your door. We didn’t know that we had to pull it.” The members bowed at the workers asking for forgiveness.

               Finally the chaotic fans had finally calmed down and continued on with their daily lives.

               Junmyeon stared at the floor, carefully thinking of how he’s going to find her.

               I wonder how is she doing? Does she miss me? Does she love someone else? Does she still remember me? That’s all Junmyeon can think about. He carried fear on his shoulder every single day because of her. He feared that she might love someone else. That someone else is making her smile. That she forgot about him and their promises to each other. Junmyeon might be smiling brightly on the stage and interviews, but at the end of the day, he always wore a frown on his face.

               “Hyung! Hyung?” The deep voice interrupted his thoughts.

               “Hmm?” Junmyeon looked up, finding all the members staring at him.

               “Are you okay? We’ve been calling you for about two minutes and you did not respond.” Baekhyun sulked.

               “Oh uh yeah... Uhm. I’m sorry, but I’m not feeling good right now. Do you mind if I head off first?” Junmyeon just wanted to be alone and think.

 

               Yeon headed off to the nearest store and bought herself an instant ramen to eat for dinner. She was in desperate need to head home in order to study for her final exams the next day.

               She wanted to become a dentist, and it's very difficult to major in dentistry especially when her science mark is not good at all. But no matter what happens, she won't give up and she is going to fulfill that dream of hers.    

The night was getting darker as she walked home from work. She shivered as the cold breeze seeped through her knitted sweater. Only a couple more steps until she arrives at her house. She fiddled through her bag as she looked for her house keys with her numb cold hands.

She rushed herself into the house, collapsing into her warm cozy bed. She wanted to stay on her bed and cuddle with the soft pillows underneath her warm duvet throughout the entire night, but she couldn’t because she had to stay up all night to study for her exam. Yeon’s house wasn’t big; it was very small. She didn’t mind the tiny space at all since she’s the only one living in the house. She walked off to her small kitchen and began to cook her ramen.
            She opened her boiling pot of ramen while the hot steam brushed against her face. Her stomach growled in hunger as the aroma of the ramen filled the whole tiny house. She carefully walked to her miniature table, holding the hot bowl of ramen on her hands.
            After she gently placed her ramen on to the table, she strolled herself into her mini speaker, plugged her phone in to listen to music while she is eating and studying. Instead of studying while humming to the songs, she always ends up dancing to the songs that are playing.

Maybe I shouldn’t play music while I’m studying. She stood up in gloom from the floor, shuffling herself to the speaker and turned the music off. The only sounds that could be heard in the house are chopsticks that are clicking against the bowl and textbook pages that were being flipped over.

           

 
            “SUHO!”
            “SARANGHAEYO!”
            “AHHH! SUHO OVER HERE!”
            Fans were clinging and screaming for Junmyeon as he tried to walk back to the dorm. It was a very rough moment for him since he was alone and none of s can help him out to get through the noisy fans. 
            Maybe going home by my own self was not a good idea at all, he thought. As time passed by, the crowd was slowly decreasing. He puts on his ear bud and listened to EXO's new song called Miracle in December as he wandered off the park. 

            “Siganeul meomchwo, nege doraga. Chueogui chaegeun, neoui peijireul yeoreo. Nan geu ane isseo. Oh~ Neowa hamkke inneun geol”

 

He sat down at the nearest bench and tears were slowly running down his cheek. He definitely wanted to go back in time and be with her. Spend every moment with her. Love her in a rightful way. 

It hurts Junmyeon that he couldn't even find her to apologize. To tell her he won't ever leave her side again. 

                Never.

            The only remaining memory of her is the park he is staring at. He'd spent his free days at the park with her. Play games, lie down on the grass and talk about each other’s day. After spending the day at the park, they always go to a food store outside and eat ddeokbokki or odeng together.

He missed those days very dearly. He missed those round almond shape eyes staring at him. Those high rosy cheeks that beamed up at him. The smile that lightened up his dark days. He misses her.

Junmyeon needs her.
            He looked at his watch and decided that he should probably walk back to the dorm. He knew he will be flooded with questions by s since he will be arriving home late tonight. 
            "Ah Hyung! There you are!" Sehun surprisingly hugged Junmyeon as he opened the door at the dorm.
            "HYUNG! Where have you have been?! We thought you got kidnapped by the fans!" Kyungsoo yelled in concern. 
            "No need to call Kris hyung, Yeollie! He's here!" Baekhyun entered the living room. 
            "I'm really sorry! I went to the park for a little while and enjoyed the fresh air." Junmyeon apologized.
            "Is something wrong hyung?"
            "Are you okay hyung?"
            "Are you hurt anywhere hyung?"

            Yes there is something wrong. No I am not okay. Yes. My heart.

            "I'm fine..." Junmyeon lied. 
             He didn't want s to worry about his problem. It's not because he doesn't trust them—he does trust them— but he doesn't want them to get stressed because of his own problem. 
             He lied down on his bed and slowly drifted to sleep as he thought of her. Hoping he will see her in his dreams.

 

              Pain shot through Yeon’s temple as she woke up to the sound of her alarm clock. She stomped out of her bedroom and prepared herself for school. Unlike other teenagers, Yeon actually eats breakfast every single morning before she goes to school. She believes eating breakfast gives her energy and more knowledge in the morning. She gathered all of the textbooks and placed them in her school bag.

             Just as she walked out of the front door, she looked up to meet the bright sun that shone across her face. The blue sky was very clear as there were no clouds to be found. The white snow covered every inch of the ground, making the scenery brighter than ever.

             Yeon didn’t have a car neither a bicycle that she can use to travel to school and back. She had no choice but to walk to school and to work every day. She didn’t mind walking at all; in fact she loved walking to school because it is good for the body and health.

              She munched on an apple as she walked her way to school. Her red knitted scarf perfectly blocked the cold wind that was blowing against her. Her smile suddenly faded as she remembered where the red scarf had come from.

 

               “SURPRISE!” the boy held out a box that was perfectly wrapped in a blue wrapping along with a red ribbon.

               “What is this?” the girl asked as she took the box from him.

               “Open it!” the boy smiled.

               “Oh oppa! Is this a blanket?” Yeon asked in a confused tone.

               “Haha what? No! It’s a scarf! I specially knitted that for you...” the boy blushed.

               “You knit?! Wow. Kim Junmyeon knits... I’ve known you for 8 years and I did not know you can knit!” the girl chuckled.

               “But... KOMAWO!” the girl immediately hugged the boy.

“Haha you are welcome!” the boy giggled.

 

               Kim Junmyeon. I miss you.

 

               The loud clattering sound caused Junmyeon to wake up from his sleep. He slowly got off the bed and put on some clothes before he walked out of his room. Junmyeon shuffled his own self to the kitchenwhere the clattering sound came from and found all of the members strolling around the kitchen. Also, he noticed there was breakfast that was set on the dining table.

               “Oh good you’re awake!” Baekhyun smiled.

               “Now sit down and eat!” Kyungsoo demanded Junmyeon.

               Junmyeon immediately followed Kyungsoo’s order and sat down at the chair that was in front of him.

               “Now eat.” Sehun pointed at the chopsticks.

               Junmyeon picked up the chopsticks and ate the food that was lying around the table. He looked up to s and Junmyeon realized that he was being watched as he was eating.

               “Aren’t you all—“

               “So hyung.” Kai cut off Junmyeon’s word.

               “Is there something that you won’t tell us?” Chanyeol continued.

               “What do you—“

               “Don’t act like we don’t know hyung! You’ve been upset lately and it’s making us worry.” Baekhyun frowned.

               “It’s just... It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it!” Junmyeon unwillingly smiled.

               “Fine. But if you ever need a hand or a help, you know we are always here!”

               The members surrounded around Junmyeon and hugged him until he couldn’t breathe properly anymore. Once the members pulled away, they all gathered around the table, eating along with Junmyeon.

               “I’m guessing Kyungsoo cooked all of this?” Junmyeon guessed.

               “Well... Yeah... As usual.” Kai rubbed the back of his neck.

               “And ME!” Chanyeol cooed and waved at Junmyeon.

               Junmyeon’s morning was full of contentment as the members ate breakfast together. They didn’t usually eat breakfast in the morning because they were always busy due to their schedules. Day after day, they either have a performance to do or they have an interview. Luckily, they had a day off today and EXO-M will be coming over to their dorm.

               The members hurriedly cleaned the mess in the dorm; the papers that were scattered everywhere, clothes that were lying around the bed and chairs. 

               While the others are busy in the living room, Junmyeon decided to clean his room up instead. Lately his book shelves were a mess because he kept grabbing books to read whenever he flies to other country or whenever they had a road trip. As he fixed his books alphabetically, a paper slipped off from one of his books.

               It's probably just a receipt or a bookmark, he thought. However, as he picked up the paper, he realized that it wasn't a paper after all nor a receipt, but it was a picture. A polaroid. A photo of him and her. 

               He rummaged through the books that he was sorting before and had finally found the book he was looking for. The Little Prince. 

 

               “Where's my gift Yeonnie?!” Junmyeon poked the girl on the arm.

               “TADA!” Yeon handed him a rectangular box that was wrapped in red and green wrapper along with a red ribbon.

               Junmyeon opened the gift in excitement and stared at the gift that was given to him.

               “Oh! The Little Prince! I love it!” Junmyeon smiled in happiness as he held his best friend tightly.

 

               It was Christmas Day when the photo was taken. When he still had her by his side. Tears were starting to form in his eyes as he stared at the photo. She wore the red scarf that he had made for her. How he remembered that it fitted her perfectly. He couldn't handle the feelings anymore. The feelings that he has been holding. He slowly got weaker as he thought about every memory he had with her. The warmth and happiness he felt every time he's with her.

               Junmyeon slowly fell on to the ground, holding the photo and cried his heart out. He cried and cried until there was no more tears coming out of his eyes. Until his heart was content. He should've stayed by her side. He should've never left. 

               Regret.

               That's the word he has been feeling the past few years.

               Junmyeon held the photo closer to him and slowly fell asleep due to his swollen eyes. 

               On the other side of Junmyeon's door, s were listening to him. They had never heard Junmyeon cried that much before. All of the members including EXO-M, stood outside out of Junmyeon's room. No one dared to bust into Junmyeon's room because they knew that Junmyeon really needed to be alone at that moment. They understood him.

 

 

               Okay. Focus Yeon. Focus. Thinking about Kim Junmyeon did not help her concentrate on the exam at all. She shook her head as if she were trying to get Junmyeon off her mind. As time went by, she read every question thoroughly and answered it all in a very detailed way. After Yeon finished answering the very last question, she walked over to her teacher and handed in the exam papers.

               After she left school, she went straight off to the market to buy herself food that will last her for a week or two. She did not have any trouble strolling around the market at all. She was very familiar with the route and the store since her mother used to come to the market when she was very small.

               Also, this is the place where she had met Kim Junmyeon.

 

               “Umma! Can we pretty please go to that store for like one minute?” Yeon pouted at his mother.

               “Araseo Yeon!” her mother smiled at her.

 As soon as Yeon entered the store, it was paradise for her. Different kinds of toys and sweets were neatly placed on shelves. She stared in awe at the Avengers action figure. Yeon wasn't those typical girls that loved dolls and Barbies, she loved the superheroes that she reads about every single night. She's a huge fan of Batman the most. 

"Umma! Can we please buy that?" Yeon pointed at the Batman action figure. 

"Let me ask how much does it cost first okay?" Yeon's mom ruffled her daughter's hair. 

"Uhm excuse me! But how much does the Batman action figure cost?" the mother had asked the owner.

"25 000 won ma'am." the owner smiled.

"Okay. Then we'll take it!" the mother looked down at her precious daughter. 

"Umma! May I have that Batman action figure?" a little boy piped in. 

"Hold on honey." the boy's mother responded.

"How much is the Batman figure?" the mother asked.

"It's 25 000 won, but we're sold out already. I'm sorry." the owner apologized.

The boy's face had changed into a frown instead of a smiling face. Yeon looked at the little boy and felt bad for him. Yeon approached the little frowning boy and offered him the action figure.

"Here. Take it. I can just get a Superman one." Yeon smiled. 

"Oh... No it's fine. I was planning to get the Superman anyways." the little boy turned the offer down. 

"No. I'm serious. Take it!" Yeon hesitated.

As both kids argued about the action figures, both of their mothers stared at them in amusement.

"Haha your daughter is very nice." the boy's mother chuckled.

"She's always like that. Too caring." Yeon's mother responded.

After the two kids argued, Yeon decided to get the Superman instead and gave the Batman to the boy. Both of their mothers talked and got to know each other as they wandered off the market. The little boy's name was Kim Junmyeon and he had just moved to the neighborhood. As the two family departed away from each other, Junmyeon and Yeon decided to go to each other’s house and play with their superhero action figure together the very next day.

From then on, their friendship had begun. They went to the same school together and helped each other with homework if they ever have difficulty. Despite Junmyeon's popularity with girls due to his handsome features, he had never left Yeon's side. Every girl envied Yeon because Junmyeon was always glued to her. 

 

As Yeon thought about these memories, she felt tears rolling down her cheeks. She quickly wiped it because she was in public and did not want to cause any attention. After buying all of the things she needs, she went straight home.

She organized the items that she had purchased in the fridge and went straight to her bedroom after. Inside her bedroom, a photo of her and Junmyeon stood on her side table. She gently picked up the picture frame, and stared at it.

"After all these years, I still love you huh?" she chuckled at the photo.

As time went by, her sight was getting blurry due to the tears that were forming in her eyes. 

Why did you leave? Why didn't you stay? Was I not good enough?

"Junmyeon... Come back..." she whispered underneath her breath.

Yeon tried to hold her tears in, but she couldn't hold it in any longer. After years and years, she had been faking her smile and laughter in front of people; she acted like she was fine. But inside her heart is a deep wound that could never be healed. They said it takes time to heal things, but it's been years since she had waited. As years went by, the wound just gets deeper. The pain gets worse and worse.

Tears were suddenly coming out of her eyes as she held the photo close to her chest. 

"Junmyeon-ah! Come back!" she cried.

She regretted letting him leave in the first place. She regretted being a coward and not be able to fought for him. But if she told Junmyeon that she loves him, would it make a difference? Would Junmyeon love her back? If she told him, would everything remain the same?

She crawled to her bed and cried her eyes out until she fell asleep.

 

 

Junmyeon woke up with swollen red eyes from this morning. He headed off to the bathroom and splashed his face with cold water, removing the dried salty tears from his face. He must have slept for hours since it was night time already. The dorm was empty; no sign of the members and no note have been left.

He was very curious if s had heard him cry because they would never leave the dorm unless they ask Junmyeon for permission. He looked out the wide window and watched the cars that were driving by the highway and roads. The city was filled with lights from the buildings to the headlight of the cars. Someday he wished to get away from the rowdy city and go somewhere peaceful where the beautiful stars will be visible to look at. And maybe this time, he wished to be with her.

Junmyeon knew how much she adored observing the curves of the mountains and listening to the sound of the crashing waves against the shore. As soon as Junmyeon finds her, he will take her to a place that will leave her breathless. 

His thoughts got interrupted by the sound of the door knob turning. Eleven members came in through the dorm and greeted Junmyeon genuinely. They all bowed in respect for him, but no one uttered a word to him.

"Hyung? Are you uhm okay?" Yixing had finally broken the silence in the dorm.

"Oh... I guess all of you heard me...?" Junmyeon looked at the members.

Everyone nodded in sync and gave him a worried look. Maybe I should tell them.

Thirty minutes had gone by and the members all gathered around Junmyeon as he told s about his childhood friend. Every time he mentioned her name, it felt like a needle just stabbed through his heart. 

Junmyeon was trying to hold his tears back as he told the members more stories. The members kept quiet the whole entire time Junmyeon was speaking. They all listened carefully, but as for Yixing, Luhan had to explain some phrases to him because Yixing did not understood Korean very well. 

After Junmyeon had finished talking, everyone was silent from a moment and started to shuffle their own selves to Junmyeon and gave him a warm reassuring hug. 

It's been years since he has been holding everything in and it felt great letting it out to the people that he loved.

“Hyung! I told you we are always here for you. Don't worry. We will find her okay?” Chen wrapped his arm around Junmyeon.

 

 

The sun rises early in the morning of Christmas Eve as the birds chirped outside Yeon's window pane. She slowly rose up from her bed still holding the picture in her hands. She felt a sting on her right arm and shockingly found blood seeping out through her unknown tiny cut. Not knowing the cut was from the corner of the picture frame, she ignored the pain that she was feeling. She went straight towards her bathroom and took a hot bath, hoping all her bitter feelings will go away or at least fade away bit by bit. But she knew it will never disappear. 

It's a painful scar that will always stay with her. She sat on her shower floor and hugged her knees together. The running hot water hitting against her back as she contemplated about everything; her past, present, future and of course Kim Junmyeon. She closed her eyes as the steam of the water surrounded her, she took out all the agonizing thoughts she had been thinking about in the past few days and relaxed for the next few minutes. 

After she got out of the shower, she looked herself in the mirror. Her eyes were definitely swollen due to the crying she had done last evening. Her skin had gone pale from the stress and also the lack of sleep she has been having the past few months. Her pink lips had turned chapped and dull. She was not satisfied with herself at all, but she also didn't care anymore.

Yeon doesn't normally celebrate Christmas anymore. Not after Junmyeon had left. For her, she treats Christmas as if it were a typical day. Since it was a normal day for her, she had decided to clean her house the whole entire day; she sorted out her books in alphabetical order, dusted off every dirt in her house and lastly clean her closet. As she was cleaning her closet, an object fell on top of her head while she tried to grab her bed sheet on the top of the shelf. 

It was a Batman action figure.

Yeon grabbed a clean cloth and slowly wiped every dust that was covering the toy. She gently placed the action figure on to her bed as if it were an infant. 

After seeing the toy, Yeon had no energy to continue on with her cleaning. Every time she sees an object that reminds her of Junmyeon, she became weaker.

“Here Yeonnie! Let's exchange superheroes.” Junmyeon handed Yeon his Batman action figure as he grabbed her Superman action figure.

“Why?” Yeon asked in curiosity.

“So if we are far away from each other, pretend I'm the superhero. The one that always protect you and loves you. That's every superheroes job, right? To protect your love ones, take good care of them and to never forget about them.”

Did you forget about me, Junmyeon? Did you really keep your words?