Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything.

 

---About Three Years Ago. Date: 10^th April. Day: Friday. Time: 6:37pm---

We sat defeated, surrounded by the dull painted walls of the special case investigation department. It has been a week since then. The ache numbing. The hope dying.  There was no trace of them. As if they had just disappeared into thin air. Even with the only trail we had, human survivor of this whole ordeal, it was proving to be a lost case.

Speaking of the survivor, Hyung Jun; more often than not, I had found him seated right next to me and I wondered why.

He was the last one who had witnessed Kyu Jong before the latter was lost to the depths of the Black Forest. Having gone missing for longer than half the day, Jungmin had rushed to search for them himself refusing to wait for help to arrive, and that had been the last thing he’s done. His name still had my limbs shake in terror.

It was painful to look at Hyung Jun. Even more so after he had found out about his best friend. The idea of the turmoil that he must be going through on the inside, due to the current situation set the guilt and remorse into yet another spiral, eating away onto my being.

Just like everybody else, he had probably thought the same.

My eyes darted through the hall at the lot of the people seated there. Some were utterly lost and numb from grief, accepting. Others agonizingly enraged, the furious emotion enough to keep their hope and belief alive. And finally there were those with glaring accusations, silent loathing, unspoken rage and desperate attempts to cling onto anything but succumb to the sorrowful heartache of the loss. It was all there, I could feel it, practically radiating off of them.

I opened my mouth. Words leaving my lips in a barely audible whisper.

“You…think the same, don’t you?”

It felt as though ages have passed since I’ve last spoken to him alone.

Considering after the last time, before he was hurled up into an ambulance van, when he muttered some incoherent sentences, questions and apologies.

I haven’t said anything other than the necessary acknowledgements and things in regards to the investigation after that.

The brunette was seemingly taken by surprise, his posture straightening and stiffening at the sound of my voice. Quickly he replied, his voice almost as low as mine.

“Think what?”

My chest contracted at the thought, ribs almost squeezing the breath out of my lungs. Gripping the edge of the stool tighter, I felt the metal’s cold surface biting into the skin of my fingers. Eyes downcast, I focused a blurry sight on the white and blue tiles beneath my feet.

“That I-I…killed him…” My voice broke and I found myself almost believing that fact myself.

There was a sharp intake of breath, and no further response. Gathering the leftovers of my will power, I looked up at him. Tears threatening to spill any moment now.

“You do, don’t you?!” My voice has risen attracting a few people sitting close by, mostly the friend circle that had been there with us.

Dark widened orbs only stared at me before I realized a similar emotion of anguish placed in them. I could feel my body tremble as sobs threatened to wrack it violently for the umpteenth time.

He gripped my shoulders tightly, an unnerving expression settling on his face. “Then I have done the same.”

I gasped quietly.

“If you killed Jungmin, then I killed Kyu Jong.” His eyes shone with unshed tears.

I knew at that time, that Hyung Jun was the same.

My heart squeezed at the mention of Kyu. However, I wasn’t accusing Hyung Jun of the said crime, because I knew exactly how he felt, it wasn’t his fault.

 

---Present Time. Date: 3^th April. Day: Monday. Time: 7:54pm---

I fell back onto the soft and cozy blanket of my bed. The material under my tracing fingers smooth and velvety.

I stared up at the ceiling of my bedroom, a light orange glow illuminating the surrounding walls.

I guess I got ahead of myself, I never really knew what or how he felt then did I?

Exhaling heavily, I reached for my phone. The time ticked 7:54pm. A single unread message notification popped up. Gliding my fingers across the screen, I opened the tiny envelope notification icon.

From: Nora xD

Hold up there, it’s going to be alright. Lemme know if you wanna talk bout it… 

 

Smiling softly I quickly typed in a reply.

To: Nora xD

With you guys around, course it will :D .I’m alright, well, as alright as I can possibly be at this time. Will pull thru, always did anyway xD

 

Sighing yet again I dropped my phone shifting to lie on my side.

I remembered Hyung Jun once asking me once during yet another visit to the police investigation centre.

‘If I got them too…If they came to me too?’ The disturbance and misery with which those words had left his mouth had made me know right away.

I had given him a small dejected nod. He rubbed his hands over his face and dark hair ruffling it up, bowing his head down. A gesture I came to later recognize he used when distressed or embarrassed.

There was no need for any words to be exchanged. Only a person experiencing a similar horror in the peaceful hours of the night would understand a question as vague as that and the feelings that came with it.

The dreams, the most unnerving ones where they made their appearances in the cruellest ways. Making the nights restless, and days haunting.

A threaded brown bracelet that adorned my left wrist now caught my gaze. It was supposed to be a gift yet who know knew that I’d be wearing it as a scorching reminder of what had happened instead. Akin to a permanent mark imprinted. Only a handful of people knew the true origins of it, those who were there that day.

Memories of the past days began to flood, almost against my will, drowning me whole.

 

---About Three Years Ago. Date: 28^h April. Day: Tuesday. Time: 8:17pm---

I stood motionlessly outside the investigatory Centre, when I noticed a familiar female approach me, dressed in full black, firm in her strides. Her features were distinctly similar to the one that had been relentlessly appearing in my dreams for the past weeks. She had her dark hair tied in a messy pony tail, strands now sticking out and about her face. Bloodshot eyes staring me down like a predator; a look of pure rage and hatred unveiling itself. My heart dropped. Jungmin’s sister.

I was quick to cast my eyes down, at the grey cemented ground. Looking in the eye of his family members proved to be one of the toughest feats I had yet to do. Her approaching form had sent my stomach into a knot tying frenzy. The breeze around me suddenly turning chillier.

I barely had the time to let out a yelp when she roughly latched onto me. Fingers gripped the collar of my coat in an almost crazed manner, before she shook my form back and forth violently.

Her tear stained face and rage-filled eyes had me rooted to spot. Ears registering only the spiteful phrases that left . All words further echoing off in the void inside my head. I stood defenceless to her verbal condemnation.

“You ruined his life! It’s all your fault! If it weren’t for you, he’d still be here, he’d still be with us, and he’d still be alive!! If it weren’t for you, Jungmin would still be Alive!!”

I bit my lip, my own eyes burning with tears as I stared at her.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” Rasping over and over almost inaudibly, my throat too hoarse and dry, constricted by guilt to speak louder. It were nothing in comparison to her hysteric yells. 

“Jungmin is dead! Do you understand that???! HE’S DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!!!”

Breath caught in my throat as I shook my head hastily. “N-no.” A broken whisper.

Shutting my eyes I tried to rid myself of the images that invaded my mind. His mere name caused electric shocks to pulsate throughout my body. “No…no! I...I d-didn’t, I tried – “ 

Brutally she yanked me forward forcing to look her straight in the eye. The look she wore had made my blood run cold.

Her face twisted in barely constrained anger, uneven breath fanned over me as she spoke lowly.

“You…You killed him. You killed my little brother. You killed Jungmin. Remember that always.”

I froze.

She was yanked back hurriedly but I barely registered it, or the urgent calls of her name. Staring blankly, I watched her older brother restraining her in an attempt to calm her down. Only her words continued to ring through my mind like a tribunal sentence.

“Jimin, Jimin! You need to stop!”

“NO!! SHE KILLED HIM!” She shrieked and writhed hysterically.

“JIMIN! CALM DOWN!”

Her screams continued to resonate through the wide area. The pain of loss and resentment evident in her wails that made skin’s crawl.

“JIMIN Please! What are you saying?!”

“NO! Let go of me! It’s all her Fault! And everybody here knows that!” She only struggled harder against the grip her older brother had on her.

I appeared to watch the scene unfold infront of me. Yet in reality all I could see was an obscuring blur. Flashes of her deceased brother had begun to reappear in my line of vision. Instead, all I saw was Jungmin.

“I HATE You! Do you hear me?! I hate you!” Her desperate yells were mere meters away from me yet the world around me had become so distinct that I could barely hear her.

Trembling, limbs slowly turned numb. Shifting my gaze I felt a burning sensation. My arm seared with cold fire.

And suddenly, I felt his grip on it all over again.

His wide fear filled eyes. The sound of his desperate and breaking voice calling out. His warm fingers slipping…

 

Gasping audibly, my lungs stung from air deprivation. I fought to breathe. My eyes burned with tears, streaming down my face in a hot wet trail, obstructing my vision all together. Shaking hard from the inside, I grasped my arm roughly, fighting to feel anything else but him on it.

Yet I saw him. I heard him. And I felt him.

I could smell the death in the air.

Those few minutes, that I’ve been burying over and over every night, resurfaced. From the deepest and darkest corners of my mind, replaying themselves in a frenzy. Terrifying. Scarring. Irrevocable.

I was Jungmin’s last anchor. He latched onto me during his final moments, and I couldn’t pull him up, couldn’t save him.

He was gone. I found myself processing that information for the thousandth time in my mind.

He was really gone.

“N-no...” A wisp of air left my mouth as I cried silently, desperately trying to make the images fade away.

 

“Kira!…”

Was someone calling my name? I wasn’t sure.

The world around me began slipping away. Swirling and turning. I found it hard to breathe, each breath was scorching. I choked on my heavy sobs. Knuckles turned white as I dug nails into my skin, yet felt no pain. I stared off into nowhere in particular, the same line repeating over and over in my mind.

I killed Jungmin.

I felt cold. Alone. Lying on the edge of that steep cliff again. Hands clawing at the rocky edge of the ground. Fingers crushing the dirt under them. I lay trembling and staring off into the black abyss of nothingness below. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t whisper even.

 

Arms firmly grasped my shoulders, the feeling enough to jolt me out of my trance somewhat, enough to feel ground beneath my feet once again.

“Kira, look at me!”

That voice…

I blinked raising my shallow eyes up. “Hyung Jun…?”

“Don’t listen to her!” His voice held urgency and conviction.

I shook my head, knees buckling from underneath me. Hyung Jun reacted quickly catching me, and held me in place.

I gasped for breath, only managing to choke out barely coherent phrases, balling the thick fabric of his jacket. “I…I really did…Oh my god, Hyung Jun. I killed him, I really did…I – “

“Stop it! Kira, look at me, look here!”  

I felt cold fingers on my face, turning it, forcing my gaze to fixate on the panicked dark eyes.

“You did Not kill him. Do you hear me?! You did Not.”

I shut my eyes tightly obstructing all view. My entire body shivering and shaking by then. It almost felt like I had gone into a repeat shock mode.

“No, she’s r-right I - ”

“Look at me Kira!”

I gasped, opening my eyes at his commanding voice.  Never before having heard such ferocity and frustration sound in it. Nevertheless, it was enough to make me start listening to him again.

“You did not kill him, I promise, It’s not your fault, just breath…please” I could only nod in response to his firm yet soothing words. He pulled me into a tight hug, before I felt his lips at my ear, his own voice trembling.  “You tried to save him – “

“But I didn’t…” I limped, whispering brokenly. “I  didn’t…I s-should’ve…pulled harder…I - ”

“Bring him back to me! Bring Him Back!”

Jimin’s voice resounded in the background and I visibly flinched, whimpering unwillingly. Hyung Jun’s hold tightened and for the first time I finally felt sheltered.

Crying harder into his jacket, he just stood letting me, just holding me.

When I finally had the courage to look up at him, my puffed up eyes met his own running with tears.

He gave me a ghost of a smile, sniffing as a shaky breath left his lips. His own face had resembled that of a frightened child.

Softly though, he whispered. “It’ll be okay.”

 

---Present Time. Date: 3^th April. Day: Monday. Time: 7:59pm---

It’ll be okay…

His whispered promise still rung in my ears today. I held onto it.

That’s where the alleviation had come or so I had thought, in the form of my current dilemma.  More often than not, I had found myself in the company of Hyung Jun; my brotherly neighbour’s friend. How’d that start I wasn’t sure. Be it that he pitied me or saw a reflection of himself, he stuck with me. In the shadows at first, later on, out in the open. However, even that had come to an end.

Closing my eyes, I gritted my teeth.

You’re a liar, Hyung Jun…

 

End of Chapter 4.

 

A/N: Guys! I'm So Sorry for the delay >.< I hope this chapter makes up for it. PLease let me know what you think! As Always Your Reviews mean a lot!

Annnnnd 'Vibhanarasimha' & 'Daliance' Thanks a bunch for Subscribing! 

I'm sorry if any characters are OC. Im not very good at maintaining their true personas and this plot requires some twists on our beloved SS501 (& others) here and there. Again do not kill me plz. Suggestions are welcome! 

A freind had said that Kira was 'annoying' ... T.T  Is that so? 

Also Jungmin and Kyu Jong... Yes I know what I've done, please don't bash me just yet xD

Note: I'd like to say that updates will be much slower from now on. I'll try my best to type up quick but I can't promise much. I'll manage a chapter each month or every 3 weeks. Hoping you'll stick with me!